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    Old 10-16-2008, 11:03 AM   #31
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    Re: Co-worker sent husband naked pic

    Trystme,
    She just may be embarrassed, or shocked. She may not write back but your main focus should now be on your husband. Now is the time to decide if starting over again is worth it. He was prowling before on online dating sites so the real question is, do you think that you could honestly trust him again? I believe that you should get the facts and I think it should come from him.

    What I have found to be helpful is to have a CALM conversation with him (without your daughter around) about whatís really going on and whatís going to happen from there. When my SO didnít feel like I was attacking him, he opened up more and actually told me things that he other wise would have kept from me. I admitted entertaining the thought of being with someone else and have had guilty thoughts but never acted upon them in hopes that we would work. (Just as an example: admitting my own fault) I know that itís hard but try to remain optimistic and almost upbeat as if you could take him or leave him. At that time, it should sink in that he really messed up and possibly ruined your marriage. If you reframe from yelling or getting emotional, it should signal a message to him that you are no longer putting up with his bull and arenít allowing yourself to be vulnerable and walked on. (Actions speak louder than words) I believe that most men can relate to this quote, ĎYou never know what youíve got until itís goneí. He needs to learn to appreciate you for who you are, what you have done for and have gone through with him, and prove to you that he is serious about the marriage.

    I also would like to add my own comment if I could, I donít believe that this womenís actions are a result of her age. I also am 23 years old and would never allow myself to be in this position. I honestly do not believe that she has problems due to the fact that she is a single mother, as I am as well, but more of an insecurity problem due to the fact that she needs attention from several men and reassurances of her sexuality. I believe that he sees her as easy (as she has portrayed herself to be) and he may or may not have took advantage of that but only he can supply you with that information.

    Sorry, babblingÖ.
    Jul
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    Old 10-16-2008, 11:35 AM   #32
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    Re: Co-worker sent husband naked pic

    I just messaged him and asked him if she knew that I had seen the pictures. He said that she did due to my e-mail so I know that she got it. Then I asked if he had told her BEFORE I sent her the email and he said yes.

    Yesterdeay I asked him to give me any and all of he email addresses and passwords because I really needed him to be transparent and prove that he had nothing to hide, therefore, I have his work email and I can get in there. This is the e-mail that she just sent him:

    "Is she on unamed website???

    She sent me a friendís request on unamed websiteÖ.. I didnít accept it because I didnít know who it wasÖ.. I thought you said everything was fine now"

    Ugh. This is making me sick. I just want the truth.

     
    Old 10-16-2008, 12:18 PM   #33
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    Re: Co-worker sent husband naked pic

    I've got to ask this question just based on the screen name you've chosen for yourself:

    Has infidelity been a problem for either of you in the past in your relationship? I'm just amazed at how blase hubby's responses to you have been. And how he's giving her the head's up to expect an email from you!!! Ugh!!!

    Please keep us posted, and I sure hope you can work this one out.

     
    Old 10-16-2008, 01:27 PM   #34
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    Re: Co-worker sent husband naked pic

    She sent me a friendís request on unamed websiteÖ.. I didnít accept it because I didnít know who it wasÖ.. I thought you said everything was fine now"

    This sounds like they definitely have something going on "I thought you said everything was fine now" indicates to me that she is going to persist with the relationship and ignore you.

    I don't think you should send any friend requests...it may imply that you want continued communication with her. I think someone wrote in another post that your focus should be your husband now and I agree. Her problems are her problems and unfortunately you cant do much about that, but you can influence your husband.

    I wouldn't email her again now, you have made your point, that you know and that it is inappropriate. But if you feel that you must email her I would definitely keep using work email. There is nothing more confronting than having a sordid private life interfering in the workplace. If the email is monitored by managers etc then it might just give your husband a little more incentive to grow up. However I also suspect that they will move to another email address. Just because you requested all his email addresses atc, doesn't mean he gave them to you or stop him creating a new one without your knowledge.

    I cant imagine what you must be feeling, you poor darling. It is so confronting and I am thinking of you and sending you best wishes. I think you have managed the situation really well so far. Stay strong, give it a little time (dont expect a quick fix) but be firm.
    Take care
    J

     
    Old 10-16-2008, 02:10 PM   #35
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    Re: Co-worker sent husband naked pic

    Last May I posted a thread called "Anyone ever call the other woman". You should search for it. EVERYONE advised not contacting her. Focus on your husband. She will most likely ignore you. Even though you want to give her a piece of your mind, try to drop it with her. You did enough already with her. You don't want your husband to lose his job but historically one of them will leave the company and it will probably be her.

    Even if this is just an over the line flirtation you have to evaluate the whole picture.

     
    Old 10-16-2008, 02:29 PM   #36
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    Re: Co-worker sent husband naked pic

    Have you ever thought about stopping by at work unannounced and surprising him with lunch or something? I would love to see their reactions to you coming in there! Wouldn't it be interesting to be a fly on the wall?

    I don't like how dismissive he is being about it all. Yeah, he could give you all his email accounts and passworlds, but that doesn't mean he can't make another one, you know? He gave her a warning. And she said "I thought you said everything was fine now". What exactly does that mean? The whole thing just seems really fishy!

     
    Old 10-16-2008, 03:06 PM   #37
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    Re: Co-worker sent husband naked pic

    I bet his comment "everything is fine now" means he thinks you accept his "explanation" and the topic is closed. They are just going to get sneakier. Maybe a new different email account. Put a tracker on his computer. Ever see his cell phone records? any picture texts from her?

     
    Old 10-16-2008, 05:15 PM   #38
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    Re: Co-worker sent husband naked pic

    I think you did the right thing by sending her a polite email. In my opinion, it shows you have class and dignity in the way you handled her. I wouldn't expect a response from her at this point, but that's ok because you have now made your position very clear with her. As for contacting the boyfriend, I wouldn't bother - I'd focus solely on your husband at this point. He flirted with a younger woman, ok well he liked the attention and you could let that slide. He asked to see her breasts??? Dead wrong. His response about what planet are they living on was "obviously not the same one as you"??? Dead wrong. What the heck is wrong with him and where is his respect for you?? As far as him giving her the heads up that you knew - I'm not surprised because he may have wanted to put the warning out there so she didn't send more pics - but WHY is she still emailing him about anything other than work, and especially about you?? Your marriage is not her business and it's your husband's place to end this now. I just can't help but think that this is more than harmless flirting. When I was younger, I use to flirt back and forth with an occassion older co-worker because it was good clearn harmless fun on both sides (in most cases I knew their spouses or girlfriends very well through the working relationship so it was not a disrespectful situation)-- to get to the point where you ask to see someone naked and then that person reciprocates - that's far from harmless flirting or curiousity -- that's disrespectful to you and your marriage.

     
    Old 10-16-2008, 05:17 PM   #39
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    Re: Co-worker sent husband naked pic

    I would definately copy the pics and post them in the area of the job (not on the property) and write on the bottom that now everything is fine. But again that's just me.

     
    Old 10-16-2008, 08:29 PM   #40
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    Re: Co-worker sent husband naked pic

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by 4bars View Post
    I bet his comment "everything is fine now" means he thinks you accept his "explanation" and the topic is closed. They are just going to get sneakier. Maybe a new different email account. Put a tracker on his computer. Ever see his cell phone records? any picture texts from her?
    I have to agree. This is basically what I said in my previous post when I said one of two things would happen moving forward....Either he'd terminate things, or they would sneak around.

    I hate to say it, but there is definitely more than meets the eye here....Or, as they say "where there's smoke, there's fire." I would drill your husband up and down and demand the truth. I don't like the comment at all where she said "I thought everything was fine now"....Very telling.

    Just be careful with the work e-mail. You don't want to cut your nose off despite your face and get your husband fired.

    Take care, and best of luck to you.

    Regards,

    Ex

    Last edited by Executor; 10-16-2008 at 08:31 PM.

     
    Old 10-17-2008, 05:33 AM   #41
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    Re: Co-worker sent husband naked pic

    He wrote her back to that last e-mail and said "She is ok, just still hurt. I'm so sorry about all this crap." Then she wrote him back and said "it's ok. Crap happens, specially since you're married LOL. I just don't want her costing me my job. Ya know? Plus I think that we have a good work relationship and I don't want to mess that up." Then he wrote back "Donít worry about your job. And we are OK. I just need to get through this. I just donít want you to freak out." Then she wrote back "How would I freak out?? Iím ok. As long as youíre ok, weíre ok, and my job is ok, Iím ok lol"

    ME costing HER her job. I didn't do anything other than send that one email, she is the one that sent her naked self to my husband. It is like she doesn't even understand the inappropriateness of that action.

    Last night he told me about the couple of conversations that they had yesterday. He said that in the morning he went to her office and told her that I had found the pictures in his email but that everything was fine now and not to worry about it. He told her that they had to stop talking to one another like they had been. He said that she was really worried about her job. Then he said that he went back to her office later that day to pick up something work related and that is when she showed him my email message.

    He said that she was a single mother that had been in an abusive marriage where her husband beat her.

    To the poster who asked about my screen name, you are exactly right. When we met he was married and I had a boyfriend. I wasn't happy in my relationship but didn't want to break up with him so I set out to find someone in a similar situation. We fell in love and the rest is history. I know now how immature and wrong I was. He knows that is part of the reason that I am extra vigilant when it comes to infidelity and assures me that he would never have an affair. I know that many people think that once a cheater always a cheater and that I would deserve it.

    I know that I may be naive but I don't think that he is having sex with this girl. I think that it may have led to that which is why they need to put a halt to this nonsense. I have read all about all the signs of cheating and none of them are there. No weight loss, he is always home except during the work hours, he is always available by phone at any time, etc. Nothing has changed within our relationship. Except for the little while when I was depressed and he was on vicodin, he has always been a very attentive, loving husband and father.

    I will be more vigilant than ever but I have to let this go. I really can't give up this great marriage for something that may or may not be happening. I may be totally wrong but I will cross that bridge when and if I get to it.

     
    Old 10-17-2008, 06:59 AM   #42
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    Re: Co-worker sent husband naked pic

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by trystme View Post

    ME costing HER her job. I didn't do anything other than send that one email, she is the one that sent her naked self to my husband. It is like she doesn't even understand the inappropriateness of that action.
    You're right, that is ironic. I would however counsel your husband to stop "chatting" with her over company e-mail....That will get them fired, if they're not careful. I would have him delete all those messages. In fact, I would have him send her a message saying something like "please stop contacting me via e-mail unless it's official company business." If anything, it would somewhat cover him if HR people start looking.

    Does she work directly for him? By some of the language, it sounds as if she might. If so, he has really put himself in a precarious spot, being her supervisor. Hopefully, this is not the case.

    Also, is this a big, medium, or small company? Are they permitted to use company e-mail like this, or are they just hoping they get by?

    Quote:
    To the poster who asked about my screen name, you are exactly right. When we met he was married and I had a boyfriend. I wasn't happy in my relationship but didn't want to break up with him so I set out to find someone in a similar situation. We fell in love and the rest is history. I know now how immature and wrong I was. He knows that is part of the reason that I am extra vigilant when it comes to infidelity and assures me that he would never have an affair. I know that many people think that once a cheater always a cheater and that I would deserve it.
    Confession is good for the soul. The past is the past, and the two don't have anything to do with another.

    Quote:
    I know that I may be naive but I don't think that he is having sex with this girl. I think that it may have led to that which is why they need to put a halt to this nonsense.
    I tend to agree. However, you have to stay on top of it though. Something is there between them....Some type of spark or something. I would maybe forgive, but I wouldn't forget, that's for sure.

    Take care,

    Ex

     
    Old 10-17-2008, 11:18 AM   #43
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    Re: Co-worker sent husband naked pic

    I don't like how he was so apologetic to HER and so dismissive to you. Why the heck is he saying sorry to her? Because you found out about them? I'd be FURIOUS!! Aren't you his wife? Don't let him get away with this!!!!

    -EDIT-

    I don't understand why he wasn't on his hands and knees begging for forgiveness from you? But instead totally apologetic to her. It seems he knows that you're just going to accept it and move on.

    Last edited by Ms_ENV27; 10-17-2008 at 11:19 AM.

     
    Old 10-17-2008, 11:56 AM   #44
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    Re: Co-worker sent husband naked pic

    He did apologize to me several times. I don't think that I have let him get away with it. What else am I supposed to do to punish him?

    I can't be sure, but my sense of why he apologized to her is because he feels like he has put her in this position by asking for the pictures to begin with. Then when I found it, she felt like her job was in jeapordy, I'm not sure why she thought that. It should be him that is worried about his job, he is supposed to be higher up than she is and held to a higher standard. Plus, he is much older and to me has taken advantage of a young girl who must not be that stable.

     
    Old 10-17-2008, 12:01 PM   #45
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    Re: Co-worker sent husband naked pic

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by trystme View Post
    He did apologize to me several times. I don't think that I have let him get away with it. What else am I supposed to do to punish him?

    I can't be sure, but my sense of why he apologized to her is because he feels like he has put her in this position by asking for the pictures to begin with. Then when I found it, she felt like her job was in jeapordy, I'm not sure why she thought that. It should be him that is worried about his job, he is supposed to be higher up than she is and held to a higher standard. Plus, he is much older and to me has taken advantage of a young girl who must not be that stable.
    Since he did ask for the pictures to begin with he should appologize to her. He helped pave the way for the inappropriateness.

    Maybe she felt her job was in jeopardy because she thought you were mad enough to say something to someone about it? Hopefully this is a lesson learned for her and your husband. She should be careful whom she sends naked pictures to and he should know where the line is when it comes to office "relationships", especially his subordinates.

    All you can do at this point is keep an eye on things. You can't keep punishing him for something that is done now, right? You either move on or move out. I would like to think he won't be that stupid again, but you never know.

     
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