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  • Has anyone had a marriage survive an affair?

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    Old 10-31-2008, 09:20 PM   #16
    glamour girl
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    Re: Has anyone had a marriage survive an affair?

    My heart goes out to you. You got big decisions to make. I'm glad your not alone. good to see your going to counselling on a pro level. It may or may not help your marriage. but I'm sure you get benefit from it.
    My hubby cheated on me .. Yes i did forgive him. I must say that if it wasn't for counselling. I would not have stuck around.
    You on the other hand. your husband has now a child from this affair. I sure hope you have been to the doctors and got tested for disease's .. this shows he did have unprotected sex. i worry for your health too.
    What his done is cruel to both you and your kids.
    I hope your getting through the days OK.. glad we're here for you. you are not alone.

     
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    Old 11-01-2008, 08:11 AM   #17
    resolution09
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    Re: Has anyone had a marriage survive an affair?

    I second what Glamour Girl says....

    My first thought was "how selfish. not only did he cheat but he didn't even bother to use protection".

    Get yourself tested. Just to be safe. If you have decided to save the marriage you need to make that decision with a full picture of what you are accepting. I'd especially ask for a Herpes test. They don't normally test for it as a part of the screening but it's one of those things you might not otherwise know about for years. And if you mend this marriage, you don't want to have a first "outbreak" in 3 years and then spend the rest of your life wondering if your husband had cheated again.

     
    Old 11-01-2008, 01:01 PM   #18
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    Re: Has anyone had a marriage survive an affair?

    I have my husband 2 chances. He cheated once - I forgave him. He cheated again - I forgave him because one of my children was very ill at the time - and then the thrid time I divorced him without hesitation. Some men are serial cheaters who will cheat simply because an opportunity arose. If the man I was with now cheated once - he'd be gone no questions asked. Regardless of how heartbroken I might be. I won't stay with a man ever again that has betrayed me no matter what.

    I know of marriages that go on after cheating and some that only when things die down, the person cheats again. I also have to wonder, as another poster here said that he'd still be seeing her if he wasn't outted. And my god, he didn't even use protection?? The fact that he didn't even take into account to protect you from disease and for that matter himself would infuriate me (you need to get tested). And now shes pregnant.

    Of course this is your decision and I know from first hand experience how hard it is to have your head tell you that this man should be tossed out yet you can't seem to stop feeling love for him. It's hard to simply stop feeling love overnight, but sometimes you simply can't forgive and the love will slowly disapear.

    He has been the ultimate fool and betrayer in so many ways.

    Last edited by cathy1; 11-03-2008 at 04:42 PM.

     
    Old 11-03-2008, 05:36 AM   #19
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    Re: Has anyone had a marriage survive an affair?

    Thanks for all your concerns and advice. You are helping me through this, we are still waiting for our next appointment at relate and if it hadn't been for you guys I think I would have gone mad!

    I am finding it easier to discuss the situation without getting all emotional and ending up in tears as time is going on. I am worried about bumping into her and feel sick everytime I think of that. I have 'logical' conversations in my head about what I will say (I want to appear sophisticated & mature!) but fear I will be an angry, emotional wreck.

    The relationship lasted about 8 weeks and ended over 18 months ago but I have only just found out about it. Working dates out the baby would have been born last Nov/Dec and will be coming up to his 1st birthday. Hubby carried his secret with him without discussing it with anyone which was causing him problems (somethings that was going on with his health make sense now) He has said it was a relief that it has all come out and we can deal with it together. I just wish he could have been upfront with me at the time.

    I have an appointment at the docs, I will ask for full std test, inc herpes, although he said he had test as soon as he had stopped sleeping with her and everything was clear.

    It is difficult time, I try not to think about it all the time but it won't go out of my head at the moment. He knows this is the one and only chance he will get. I won't be taken for a fool again

    He does seem to genuinly regret of being unfaithful and hurting me so much. He has said that having an affair didn't make him feel good in any long term way and didn't make the reasons he went there in the first place to go away. We have talked about the reasons and I do realise that I have to take some responsibilty as well and work through them.

    We was making plans for next years holiday (all booked and nearly paid for!) and what we was going to do to the house before all this came to light so I do feel that we have a future together. Time will tell.

    Again, thanks for listening and giving me the benefit of your experiences. Will let you know how it goes at the next relate session and if anything happens.

    Take care

    xx

    Last edited by 57kaz; 11-03-2008 at 05:38 AM.

     
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