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  • Missed miscarriage-venting

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    Old 03-17-2009, 07:58 AM   #1
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    newenglander2 HB User
    Missed miscarriage-venting

    I just needed to vent. I haven't posted in a long time even though I have been lurking here and there.

    On my 3rd IVF, I finally had a BFP and the numbers seemed to be doubling normally. At my 7 week first ultrasound, which was this past friday, the ultrasound tech didn't see much going on and basically told me that it measures at 5 weeks and 3 days (incidentally that was the day when I worked almost to exhaustion for a party). I get taken to the back room at the IVF center (conveniently located near the exit), and a nurse quickly tells me that it's all gone and I should do a D&E and she wants it scheduled in a few days. She tells me that she sees this every day at least 3 times a day! I was so disheartened and confused. The doctors at my center are so hard to reach-I have to leave a voice message with the nurse and then we play phone tag. God forbid the doctor calls and I just miss picking the phone-that's it. So I called my regular OBGYN on Monday who took 5 minutes out of her very busy life and answered my questions and will see me today for a follow up ultrasound to make sure.

    I just felt very confused-am I absolutely sure it's a failure? Should I do a D&E or should I wait for a miscarriage? Is a miscarriage painful? I just wasn't ready to have a D&E without at least talking to a doctor and having a follow up ultrasound.

    Did anybody have a D&E? Did anybody have a miscarriage at say 8 weeks? How was that? Was it very painful?

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    Old 03-18-2009, 05:24 PM   #2
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    Re: Missed miscarriage-venting

    I'm so sorry to hear that. Definitely see your regular OB to confirm before you do anything drastic. That's not a very nice treatment. Did they say if there was any heartbeat? Ultrasounds are not always supper accurate and maybe they got their measurements off.

    There are other options than D&C. Waiting for natural m/c and medical intervention like Misoprostol to speed up the natural process. Get a second opinion from your OB. A D&C will be over quickly, which is the main advantage, but it is also a serious surgical procedure that has risks.

    I think it is different for everyone. I just finished miscarrying that started naturally at 8 weeks. I bled for over 1 1/2 weeks and it wasn't overly painful. I got headaches then a bit of cramping for 3 days where it lasted just a short while each day. But I didn't have a big cramping/bleeding stage like a lot of women do. I did get 800 mg Motrin and took that more for the headaches than the cramping. So if you do it naturally, just have some pain meds on hand.

    Did you see your OB yet?

    As you can probably tell, I've been posting here a lot! It's helped me to share, because it's easy to feel so alone with this. Few people you know IRL know what it's like.

    Last edited by Karen128; 06-20-2009 at 05:18 PM.

    Old 03-19-2009, 11:32 AM   #3
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    Re: Missed miscarriage-venting

    I had a miscarriage at 11 weeks, it was missed. The baby died at 8 weeks. I had a D and C (I was in Japan and wasnt given any other options). I didnt like it at all. It was like a surgery and they didnt give me pain meds and my anesthesia didnt even work (although I was paralyzed)...although it may be different in America. It was painful on the day that it happened, the worst was all the IVs and the WORST was the dilation thing that they stuck into my cervix..but they may deaden the area in America. I was so upset and confused and shocked at the time that I dont think I could have waited for it to happen naturally. But I would have liked to take some medicine so that it could have happened naturally (without surgery). I think they have that here.
    But first you need to get a complete story of what happened to you. It sounds to me that your docs are not the best. It really sucks to have a bad doctor, they see miscarriage so much that they dont give a lick about us or our feelings. It was SO hard, and the doctor was like "oh, looks like its dead" (in japanese, my husband told me he said that). I was SOOO upset. It helped a lot though to talk to others that have had the same experience.
    Just one word of advice for your next pregnany...this worked good for me. The second time I got pregnant, I didnt even CALL a doctor until I was about 10 weeks and then I made an appt for when I was 11 weeks. My idea was that if I was going to miscarry I wanted to do it naturally, and I didnt want doctors who dont care to have to tell me that my precious baby was gone..I wanted God to just take him/her naturally. I will do that again, on my next babies.
    It would be diff. with you because you used IVF, but you may be able to just get the injection (assuming you dont need shots and stuff) and dont go back until its necessary..

    It does get easier...just hold out. :hugs:
    Me: 24 (25 in Jan.)
    My husband: 25
    Peanut: decided to go to Heaven in August
    New baby: Due 08 08 09!

    Old 03-20-2009, 12:14 PM   #4
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    marshrose HB User
    Re: Missed miscarriage-venting

    I had a misscarriage at 9 weeks, I went for my ultrasound and there was no heartbeat, and only a stem within a small bubble in there, and then my levels were going down in my blood, they did another ultrasound a few days later to see even that stem had been beginning to disappear.

    I bled on and off at the beginning, with very bad cramps, the my cervix would not dialate, and it was my body trying to push it out but unable to do so with unbearable pains and gushing horrid waves of practical hemmorages in waves until they did an emergency D&C on me, my hormones were a MESS I was crying one minute screaming at people the next. I did lose during the waves of bad cramps a large blood clot that I had to bring to my dr the next day, at which, it was not anything but a clot, and the nightmare wasn't over.

    It was very hard going through it that way, as I was scheduled for a D&C that friday, I was on bedrest, but it took over early and thats how it ended up. After going through that I had a healthy baby boy, (who is now 11) during that labor my water broke, but I had no contrations and had to be induced, but all went well that 2nd time around.

    It's in each persons wishes, but personally after what I went through and the extent of craps I would rather the D&C, you don't see anything, not traumatized more than you need to be, and your grieving will be the same going through and after it all.

    I wish you well in whatever you decide and am so sorry to hear about your loss. It happens very often, and once you let others know what is/did happen, you will be suprised to see or hear of many stories similar I am sure. Stay well, and please do think about how you want to go about letting this little one go, of course get a 2nd opinon to be sure.

    Last edited by marshrose; 03-20-2009 at 12:16 PM.

    Old 04-03-2009, 09:00 AM   #5
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    Re: Missed miscarriage-venting

    Thank you for your replies. I'm sorry I haven't replied sooner but I was swallowed by the events happening for the past two weeks. I did get a D&C 4 days ago and it went very well. Of course, I got general anesthesia and that is very easy. The little cramping and little bleeding after were very manageable and they gave me something for pain when I came out (it works instantly). Honestly, it hurt less after then when I had my egg retrieval during IVF! I am glad I waited a week to do it because it gave me time to come to terms with what is happening.
    I suppose my hormones are all over the place now. Since yesterday, my boobs have been hurting enormously (I feel like I had surgery on my boobs, really), I have a headache, and emotionally I am very off. It's like a big PMS on steroids.
    Somebody told me yesterday that a miscarriage happens when the soul of the baby just hasn't learned how to latch on to life. Sounds much nicer than a "miscarriage" or a "blighted ovum", doesn't it?

    Last edited by newenglander2; 04-03-2009 at 09:06 AM. Reason: more info.

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