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  • Boyfriend is kind of "anti-social"

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    Old 03-23-2009, 04:00 PM   #16
    ewing 3
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    Re: Boyfriend is kind of "anti-social"

    I'm not a regular on this board, but I had to register and reply coz really...
    Mary, who are you in a relationship with ? Your friends or your boyfriend ? If you want to be with your b/f then you need to sort out your priorities. For instance if you're planning a getaway together it's probably not a good idea to bring your girlfriends into the equation. A lot of people are in relationships without really being in one. Think about it when do you really spend quality time together ? In the evening when you get home from work, knackered , when you do the house chores ? On Saturdays when you spend the day shopping with your girlfriends? on sundays when you're at your mum's talking to her all day ? And when you're are together how much time do you spend on the phone talking to mum/sisters/friends ?
    Back to your particular issue, it seems everytime youse two speak about going away you always have to bring in your mates into the conversation, think about how you would feel ? Of course he don't like it. Now that don't mean you should never see your mates, but you have to compromise, make sure you make time for you and him (turn off your mobile if you have to, don't mention your friends every 5 seconds....) so that you can do things together, and then set aside some times when you can do your thing with your mates but within reason.

    One more thing it's understandable him not wanting to meet your
    friends, I mean you do know how it is when girls get together, no man would feel comfortable in that situation, he knows he would be left behind while you guys talk (loudly) on and on about things and people he knows nothing about, plus what do you expect ? He and your girlfriends to become best mates or something ? not gonna happen,
    and if it did well I don't think you'd be best pleased would you ?

    So one more time, think about who you really wanna be with, coz if
    you don't put him first, he'll not stop with you for very long. You're not 15 anymore a couple is couple not just some fun after class.
    I know all the girls on here will tell you that you're in the right and he's wrong but that's what girls say in every situation when another girl asks for relationship advice, unfortunately it don't mean it's good advice, it's merely biased advice that will bring you much heartache.
    Hope this helps.

     
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    Old 03-24-2009, 09:11 AM   #17
    Mary83
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    Re: Boyfriend is kind of "anti-social"

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by ewing 3 View Post
    I'm not a regular on this board, but I had to register and reply coz really...
    Mary, who are you in a relationship with ? Your friends or your boyfriend ? If you want to be with your b/f then you need to sort out your priorities. For instance if you're planning a getaway together it's probably not a good idea to bring your girlfriends into the equation. A lot of people are in relationships without really being in one. Think about it when do you really spend quality time together ? In the evening when you get home from work, knackered , when you do the house chores ? On Saturdays when you spend the day shopping with your girlfriends? on sundays when you're at your mum's talking to her all day ? And when you're are together how much time do you spend on the phone talking to mum/sisters/friends ?
    Back to your particular issue, it seems everytime youse two speak about going away you always have to bring in your mates into the conversation, think about how you would feel ? Of course he don't like it. Now that don't mean you should never see your mates, but you have to compromise, make sure you make time for you and him (turn off your mobile if you have to, don't mention your friends every 5 seconds....) so that you can do things together, and then set aside some times when you can do your thing with your mates but within reason.

    One more thing it's understandable him not wanting to meet your
    friends, I mean you do know how it is when girls get together, no man would feel comfortable in that situation, he knows he would be left behind while you guys talk (loudly) on and on about things and people he knows nothing about, plus what do you expect ? He and your girlfriends to become best mates or something ? not gonna happen,
    and if it did well I don't think you'd be best pleased would you ?

    So one more time, think about who you really wanna be with, coz if
    you don't put him first, he'll not stop with you for very long. You're not 15 anymore a couple is couple not just some fun after class.
    I know all the girls on here will tell you that you're in the right and he's wrong but that's what girls say in every situation when another girl asks for relationship advice, unfortunately it don't mean it's good advice, it's merely biased advice that will bring you much heartache.
    Hope this helps.

    Thanks for your reply, but I feel the need to correct a few points because it looks like you misunderstood completely. I spend pretty much ALL of my time with my boyfriend. I have a few friends, but most of my friends don't even live here. I spend one day a week or so with my mom, and my boyfriend enjoys that time because he gets to have "me" time by himself where he can play on his computer or play video games or whatever "guy stuff" he wants to do. Other than that, I almost never see my friends. My boyfriend and I spend all the time together we want, and we are each other's number one priorities. So although I am a very social person, I prefer to spend most of my time with my boyfriend. I volunteer and yes, I do have an outside life, but I probably go out with my friends once every month or two, usually less.
    So it's not an issue of me being immature and wanting to spend all my time with my friends. Quite the opposite. Both my boyfriend and I are homebodies and prefer to spend quiet evenings at home with each other.
    The issue with going on vacation with my friends is that was the REASON for going on vacation. I lived in Florida before, and so when my friends who live across the world in Australia informed me they were going to be in FL, I wanted to plan a trip out there specifically to see them. I have no other reason to go to FL.
    The Vegas idea wasn't as big of a deal. He and I have decided to go alone. I just thought Vegas is such a party place that it would be fun to go with a group. And our group of friends were 2 other couples, so it wouldn't be all girls. It would have been 3 girls and 3 guys, so he by no means would have been left out and forced to deal with "girl talk" all weekend. But, if we were going anywhere else other than Vegas, I wouldn't want to go with friends, I would want to go with my boyfriend alone. The only issue is that I have a friend who lives in Vegas that I haven't seen in like 10 years, so yes, I do want to see her while I'm out there. I don't think that's being unreasonable at all.
    The other issue is that my boyfriend NEVER wants to go out. Like, NEVER. But, that seems to be changing... we are friends with another married couple and they asked us to go out last weekend. We were busy, but agreed to go out with them this weekend, and my boyfriend agreed as well. So we're going out with them to dinner, bowling, something like that. So, he is putting forth some effort to get out once in a while. I'm happy he'll go out and have fun this weekend, and that's all I'm hoping for and asking of him.

    Anyway, sorry for the long response. I just see that you had the completely wrong idea, so I wanted to clarify the situation.

     
    Old 03-29-2009, 04:11 AM   #18
    duluthdonna
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    Re: Boyfriend is kind of "anti-social"

    Hm...
    Well to be honest I just don't see how you will be able to stay together with this guy. You will either break up over it eventually, or he will drag you along into becoming quite anti social yourself.

     
    Old 03-29-2009, 10:23 AM   #19
    Mary83
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    Re: Boyfriend is kind of "anti-social"

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by duluthdonna View Post
    Hm...
    Well to be honest I just don't see how you will be able to stay together with this guy. You will either break up over it eventually, or he will drag you along into becoming quite anti social yourself.

    Actually, just last night, we went out with friends (another couple). We went to dinner, then to a game place and went to their house after to have a few drinks and hang out/play games, etc. We had a great time and he enjoyed himself. As we left, he was talking about getting together with them again. He said he likes doing stuff like that (casual stuff), he just doesn't like to do the whole bar/club scene. He's already talking about having them over to our house sometime.

    I think we're finding a compromise on the whole thing. I just want him to be social once in a while, and he seems to be willing and actually wanting to do that. His big thing is not going to bars or clubs, which is hard because we are in our mid twenties, so that's what people our age do. But, I'm not into that scene anymore either, so if I do want to go out to a bar once in a while, I'll go with my girl friends. But hopefully we can keep doing casual things with some friends so my boyfriend will enjoy it.

     
    Old 03-29-2009, 12:20 PM   #20
    duluthdonna
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    Re: Boyfriend is kind of "anti-social"

    That's great! It's good that he is willing to compromise. Men by default are quite selfish, hence they don't like to compromise often, so the fact he is compromising is a good thing.

     
    Old 01-16-2011, 11:30 AM   #21
    psywumper
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    Re: Boyfriend is kind of "anti-social"

    I've read all of the posts in this thread. It seems that you and your boyfriend are a good match. I understand your frustration with him not wanting to go to Vegas with you. My boyfriend refuses to go camping or even sleep in sleeping bags in a tent in the backyard. While going to Vegas to see a friend or sleeping outside are fun, just because he doesn't want to do it doesn't mean all bets are off on staying together. My boyfriend has things he likes to do, with or without other people, that I don't find particularly fun or interesting, or I may even find them to be gross. That doesn't mean I hate him and can't stand staying with him. Sometimes I rant about some of the things he does or refuses to do, but we still have a very happy and healthy, successful relationship. I think you and your boyfriend are just fine. There is no 100% perfect match for anyone out there. Even if there was, a Cinderella happily-ever-after relationship in which there are no disagreements or frustration would be pretty boring. I don't particularly like when what my boyfriend and I want don't line up, but if it isn't some major life decision then it's pretty easy to get over it because there are plenty of other of things like to do together. As long as you can resolve conflicts in a healthy manner and learn to accept things that you can't (and probably shouldn't try) to change about your partner, you'll do just fine in the long run.

    I actually joined just to reply to this thread, sorry if it sounds a little incoherent, I'm still tired haha.

     
    Old 01-16-2011, 11:53 AM   #22
    Mary83
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    Re: Boyfriend is kind of "anti-social"

    HAHA,Thanks for the reply psywumper but this is a very old thread. Turns out my now EX-boyfriend (who the post was about) were NOT a good match at all. We broke up quite a long time ago.

     
    Old 01-16-2011, 12:03 PM   #23
    psywumper
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    Re: Boyfriend is kind of "anti-social"

    Oh. Haha. Oops. Did you break up because of the anti-socialness, or was it something else? Just curious, no need for details if you don't want.

     
    Old 01-16-2011, 12:41 PM   #24
    Mary83
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    Re: Boyfriend is kind of "anti-social"

    A lot of reasons, but ultimately because he wasn't honest and I didn't trust him. That's the short version.

     
    Old 01-16-2011, 06:20 PM   #25
    waywardson
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    Re: Boyfriend is kind of "anti-social"

    I dont know if anyone else said this but maybe he is only comfortable with certain people. I know for moveing to a new area I find that I just dont click with a lot of ppl like I did back where I am from. I dont really desire to hang out with people I dont feel it with. I pretty much only talk to my co-workers and all my best friends back home. Best of luck to you~

     
    Old 01-17-2011, 07:32 AM   #26
    Lady1121
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    Re: Boyfriend is kind of "anti-social"

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by duluthdonna View Post
    That's great! It's good that he is willing to compromise. Men by default are quite selfish, hence they don't like to compromise often, so the fact he is compromising is a good thing.
    Wow, that's really mean and untrue.

     
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