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  • How to get boyfriend to have conversations with me

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    Old 04-30-2009, 01:51 PM   #46
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    Re: How to get boyfriend to have conversations with me

    He's a loving guy in person, but he's just not that great at communicating over long distances, I guess. I still wish he'd try to talk to me a little more when I really need him to, though.

    Maybe me not talking to him for a few days will allow him time to find things to discuss.

     
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    Old 04-30-2009, 02:14 PM   #47
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    Re: How to get boyfriend to have conversations with me

    I'm not trying to bust your chops, really I'm not, but is he "loving" enough for you to overlook the no job, sleeping until 2 pm, then playing games all afternoon & evening, and not being supportive of you?

    Of course he's sweet, he has plenty of time to be sweet when he gets to sleep in till all hours and doesn't have to get up and go to work. I bet I'd be an angel if I had no responsibilities and could just play all day.

    I really don't think not chatting to him online for a few days is going to wake him up. He has the easiest life ever, why would he want to change?

     
    Old 04-30-2009, 02:23 PM   #48
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    Re: How to get boyfriend to have conversations with me

    he doesn't sound like your boyfriend, he just sounds like your chat buddy.....
    I've had more meaningful conversations with people I've never met.....
    he's not gonna change, if you stay away for a few days he'll just think he's got more time to play video games. you're just backround noise to him.....static.....

     
    Old 04-30-2009, 02:25 PM   #49
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    Re: How to get boyfriend to have conversations with me

    sweet? haha.....I've had more sweet loser boyfriends than I can count.....

    the problem is, sweet doesn't pay the bills!!!

     
    Old 04-30-2009, 04:35 PM   #50
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    Re: How to get boyfriend to have conversations with me

    Does this guy ever leave the house and go out w/ friends and just hang out?

    Not to be to personal here but, when was the last time you TWO discussed you relationship and the future, and I mean both of you , not you talking and him listening....

     
    Old 04-30-2009, 06:25 PM   #51
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    Re: How to get boyfriend to have conversations with me

    I can overlook the not working and the sleeping in...I do the same thing (except when I have morning classes). The job thing will be changing later in the year when he has to get a job in order to keep the house from being taken, which is good.

    The game thing grates on my nerves at times when he ignores me, but I know he has to find something to do with his time; I don't mind when he tells me he has to place his attention on the game for whatever for a half hour or so, but I don't like being perpetually ignored. When I see him in person, he pays lots of attention to me and just doesn't want to stop holding me, so he isn't consistently neglectful.

    Ignoring me when I need his attention is very annoying, but I have not yelled at him for it yet, so that may change. And he has one friend down the street who he goes to see maybe once or twice a week. And one of our mutual friends sometimes will bring a few dozen cans of pop and stay a few days with DBF and hang out. So, yes, he does get out a little bit; moreso than I do, probably.

    And we had a relationship/future discussion a couple months ago, which I was glad to say did not involve arguing; usually such conversations do end with an argument. Our big issues remain unresolved, but that's okay for now since neither of us has talked truly seriously about marriage beyond that he wants to marry me someday.

    And believe me, me ignoring him for a few days will make a difference; he will worry something happened to me. I recall once not talking to him for a week...not out of spite, but because I just plain forgot to log on. Since he knows I'm feeling down, maybe me disappearing will scare him into talking to me when I do choose to return. If not...well...I'm going to take my friend up on that date he offered to take me out on.

     
    Old 05-01-2009, 06:02 AM   #52
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    Re: How to get boyfriend to have conversations with me

    Actually when I think about it, not a lot of men are big on conversation on the phone or online......I'm one not big to be on a phone myself..and I am female(go figure)...LOL...So on a personal level he may not be big conversationalist when it comes to the phone as you describe it is totally different in person.....

    Has he ever said why he don't go and look for work?

     
    Old 05-01-2009, 07:53 AM   #53
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    Re: How to get boyfriend to have conversations with me

    Why can't he get a job now and start saving money, instead of waiting until he absolutely HAS to get a job? In this economy, he can't count on a job being available when he's ready and willing to go find one. I DO have a job and I'm still stressing...

     
    Old 05-01-2009, 10:55 AM   #54
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    Re: How to get boyfriend to have conversations with me

    He won't find work because there's no immediate need for it. As in, no danger of eviction or losing his living space. And he doesn't seem to mind having no money either. He needs that sort of fire to be lit under him in order to make him do something because if he knows he has time to find a job, he will wait until the last minute or until his parents verbally abuse him enough to spend a couple hours one day to fill out applications, and then it's back to more sitting and gaming and hoping someone calls him for an interview.

     
    Old 05-01-2009, 11:04 AM   #55
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    Re: How to get boyfriend to have conversations with me

    Wow...that's a big glimpse into the future. So if you're married to him and you have a job, and there's no "immediate need" for him to find a job since you have one...I don't know, that would make me extremely nervous.

    How about having a job for self worth? I mean, have the two of you ever gone to a party or family gathering together? A common question when meeting someone (especially a man) is "so what do you do?". What does he say, "I don't work because I don't have to since I don't need or want money right now because my parents support me. I sit home and play games"?

    Plus, him having a job would give the two of you something to talk about. My guy and I would have lots of conversations about how our day at work went, since we are in two different industries that have some common characteristics. Plus you meet interesting people at work. Your guy has nothing to talk about because he doesn't do anything!

     
    Old 05-01-2009, 12:08 PM   #56
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    Re: How to get boyfriend to have conversations with me

    hopefully when you get out of college you'll see this from a different perspective and be done with him......that is unless you've already married him and gotten pregnant......
    this guy can do you absolutely no good at all, what's it gonna take for you to realize that????

     
    Old 05-01-2009, 04:33 PM   #57
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    Re: How to get boyfriend to have conversations with me

    When was the last time you directed a question at him about employment? Is he even aware of what you are feeling that you have expressed here?

    No matter how many reasons or faults anyone finds here w/ what he really should be doing especially towards a future, the bottom line is you need to ask yourself what your going to accept and what your not....If you agree w/ him not participating towards you two building a future and you will be the one that wears the pants in the family (so to speak).....But, eventually even w/ you accepting all that he will feel controlled some where down the line and actually walk away.......Really think about what you really want, and as a person what you will allow in your life.......

     
    Old 05-01-2009, 08:06 PM   #58
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    Re: How to get boyfriend to have conversations with me

    I worry about introducing him to people too...but I don't really have anyone to introduce him to who doesn't already know he's unemployed, so it kind of works out.

    The problem I am noticing with DBF is his gaming is not treated as a hobby - it's more like a lifestyle. I also love video games, but at the core, I am a "It's just a game" kind of person. But I do see why he likes his game so much...he gets to interact with lots of people and talk to them, and the game is always there and is ready when he is. I know before when he was working, he would still play his game after work, which is fine. But according to him, the reason he doesn't talk to me is because he can't think of anything to talk about and it's too hard for him to have a conversation with me and conversations with the 20 other people he plays online with.

    Honestly, if we'd only been dating a month or two, I'd probably suggest us seeing other people. But I don't want to just up and leave a guy I've been with for four years. He used to talk to me a lot, until he got that game...if he can change one way, he can change back. I still hold out hope that he will pay greater attention to me if we ever live together (during which time he will have to pay the bills because I can't afford to pay for us both. Even if he goes on welfare, just something to bring home a check).

    And trust me, pregnancy, should it ever occur, would not be a binding factor or a problem. Do remember I am adamantly pro-choice and childfree.

    I'll still give him a chance to redeem himself. I don't mind if he plays his game sometimes, but I also want him to spend time with me. He isn't nearly as neglectful in person as he is online, so he'll probably pay more attention when I can see him more often. I love the guy - I really do. It just annoys me when he ignores me. So it's sort of a love-hate relationship, which is what most relationships are anyway, aren't they? You love your partner, but most do something you hate. If he proves to me that I will remain second fiddle to the game, then I will tell him it's over. I can't compete with a video game.

    The guy is a hard worker and is smart, but he won't utilize his skills for some reason. I just need to wait for his parents to die and then maybe he'll learn to take care of himself.

     
    Old 05-01-2009, 08:27 PM   #59
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    Re: How to get boyfriend to have conversations with me

    give me a break!
    you're willing to let him go on welfare just so he bring home some money while still playing that darn video game?

    so he can't talk to you and talk to the 20 other people on the game at the same time, well who's more important? I think that gives you your answer.

    even when his parents die, why work then? I'm sure he will just live off whatever they leave him and continue to play his stupid game.

    wake up and stop wasting your life.

    leave him let him have his game.....I bet he won't even notice you're gone.

     
    Old 05-02-2009, 04:53 AM   #60
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    Re: How to get boyfriend to have conversations with me

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by dolejaly View Post
    I have noticed a lot of women say the same thing, ME included...LOL...."That are men are really doing things that hurt or irritate us on a regular basis, but we all say "but I do love him"..What is it that we love about them?....I love my partner, but dang he is seeming more and more selfish as time goes by, w/ a few other complaints but yet I say I love him....hmmmmmmm..So why do us women do that?....LOL....
    LOL I think because if women didn't say that to ourselves, no one would ever get or stay married or have kids. Real, healthy, solid, good, mutually beneficial love is not anywhere near as commonplace as we want to believe it is.

     
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