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    Old 05-03-2009, 03:26 AM   #16
    Frustratedlady
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    Re: Emotional affair

    I totally disagree with Dark Stranger. Even though it may not be a physical affair "yet", almost guaranteed it will. I had mentioned in a earlier posting that my "now" ex-husband and I were very close to another couple. The woman was a very close friend of mine and we worked together (unfortunately still do) My ex started treating me very bad, very critical of me and etc and once when we all went out dancing together I told him that he spent too much time dancing with her and was too cozy and stated to him that
    "after all I was his wife." He told me to lighten up and learn to flirt a little. The story goes on. This did start out being an emotional affair in the beginning between my ex and Bev...Now they have been married for 5 yrs. I hear thru the grapevine that things are not so rosey.

     
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    Old 05-03-2009, 04:59 AM   #17
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    Re: Emotional affair

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Frustratedlady View Post
    I totally disagree with Dark Stranger. Even though it may not be a physical affair "yet", almost guaranteed it will. I had mentioned in a earlier posting that my "now" ex-husband and I were very close to another couple. The woman was a very close friend of mine and we worked together (unfortunately still do) My ex started treating me very bad, very critical of me and etc and once when we all went out dancing together I told him that he spent too much time dancing with her and was too cozy and stated to him that
    "after all I was his wife." He told me to lighten up and learn to flirt a little. The story goes on. This did start out being an emotional affair in the beginning between my ex and Bev...Now they have been married for 5 yrs. I hear thru the grapevine that things are not so rosey.
    I can see everyone's point. I guess what it boils down to is this...it's my decision to leave when I've had enough.

     
    Old 05-03-2009, 11:56 AM   #18
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    Re: Emotional affair

    An "emotional affair" is not a crush or a fantasy. A crush or fantasy is one person finding another attractive with the other person not knowing or participating. An emotional affair is both parties feeling the attraction and doing just about everything short of having actual physical contact. These are dangerous because both parties admittedly would like to have the physical contact but have stopped short for whatever reason.

    Any kind of affair, whether physical or emotional, is damaging to a relationship. The person having the affair needs to make a choice...the marriage or the affair. No third choice that I know about.

     
    Old 05-03-2009, 01:43 PM   #19
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    Re: Emotional affair

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Redneon82 View Post
    An "emotional affair" is not a crush or a fantasy. A crush or fantasy is one person finding another attractive with the other person not knowing or participating. An emotional affair is both parties feeling the attraction and doing just about everything short of having actual physical contact. These are dangerous because both parties admittedly would like to have the physical contact but have stopped short for whatever reason.

    Any kind of affair, whether physical or emotional, is damaging to a relationship. The person having the affair needs to make a choice...the marriage or the affair. No third choice that I know about.
    Thanks...I appreciate your input.

     
    Old 05-03-2009, 01:48 PM   #20
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    Re: Emotional affair

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Redneon82 View Post
    An "emotional affair" is not a crush or a fantasy. A crush or fantasy is one person finding another attractive with the other person not knowing or participating. An emotional affair is both parties feeling the attraction and doing just about everything short of having actual physical contact. These are dangerous because both parties admittedly would like to have the physical contact but have stopped short for whatever reason.

    Any kind of affair, whether physical or emotional, is damaging to a relationship. The person having the affair needs to make a choice...the marriage or the affair. No third choice that I know about.
    Yeah I was reading one reply and the person seemed to think an "emotional affair" meant you were fantasizing about having sex with that person. I was going to post the same thing you did! IMHO, an emotional affair is when two people are pretty much in love with each other but just go short of having sex because they think that's keeping the wedding vows or whatever.
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    Last edited by BeaTrade; 05-03-2009 at 01:49 PM.

     
    Old 05-03-2009, 05:32 PM   #21
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    Re: Emotional affair

    Maybe he started confiding in her about your depression because they were already on speaking terms for working together. Some men really do not know how women think, so he may have asked her for help, since he said he did not feel comfortable talking to you about you. This did go past information between a co-workers. I have had good friends before, that were just friends for months, then one day something clicks. One time it was just me, but i never told her how I felt. With a different friend we both become emotional. I guess we both needed more than a friend at the same time. We needed that closeness of minds. We did the telephone and the emails. After a while we both realized it was exciting, but it was a fantasy of our minds. She never stopped loving her husband and I never stopped loving my wife. We are always tempted and have to make decisions sometimes on a daily basis. If you have to worry every day when he walks out of the house, you are going to make yourself miserable. If he has been a good husband and father, then forgive the mistake and move forward. If he keeps making the same mistake, take action.

     
    Old 05-04-2009, 04:18 AM   #22
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    Re: Emotional affair

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by reg12 View Post
    Maybe he started confiding in her about your depression because they were already on speaking terms for working together. Some men really do not know how women think, so he may have asked her for help, since he said he did not feel comfortable talking to you about you. This did go past information between a co-workers. I have had good friends before, that were just friends for months, then one day something clicks. One time it was just me, but i never told her how I felt. With a different friend we both become emotional. I guess we both needed more than a friend at the same time. We needed that closeness of minds. We did the telephone and the emails. After a while we both realized it was exciting, but it was a fantasy of our minds. She never stopped loving her husband and I never stopped loving my wife. We are always tempted and have to make decisions sometimes on a daily basis. If you have to worry every day when he walks out of the house, you are going to make yourself miserable. If he has been a good husband and father, then forgive the mistake and move forward. If he keeps making the same mistake, take action.
    Thanks reg.....best advice yet

     
    Old 05-04-2009, 02:21 PM   #23
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    Re: Emotional affair

    If not right away eventually yes. The brain is the biggest sexual organ both genders have. Once the person's mind has betrayed you the body if not already is close to follow.

     
    Old 05-05-2009, 07:16 AM   #24
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    Re: Emotional affair

    I totally agree with reg. Let it go but keep your eyes wide open. Talk to him a lot and make sure that things between the two of you are good.

     
    Old 05-16-2009, 08:22 AM   #25
    tcp307
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    Re: Emotional affair

    So here it is a few weeks later...I could feel his distance this week. A woman knows when something isn't right. So I get on and look at the cell phone log (pathetic huh?)...sure enough, there's calls when he was off work to HER and some that are now unlisted calling him. She must have found a way to block her number knowing I look. Ok, so I'm psycho...we already know that much. Now what? He said he wouldn't be talking on the phone with her anymore...thing is, they work together. So calls on his day off are just unacceptable for me. What do I do? Please some advice here. I have so much crap of my own going on with my mind and I can't take this on top of it all. I'm ready to throw in the towel!!!!!!!!

     
    Old 05-17-2009, 10:04 PM   #26
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    Lightbulb Re: Emotional affair

    I found out my husband was confiding in a friend from work, he had also stopped telling me when he gave her a lift to work or going to grab lunch together. He wasn't happy that I wanted him to stop this friendship so I kicked him out. Since then he went to conselling and he confessed he had an affair with a co-worker 15 yrs ago. She too was supposedly just a friend (whats wrong with having a female friend he would ask). He does have other female friends, this I don't mind. It is when they start keeping what they do or say secret that it is of concern. I wouldn't trust anyone who keeps secrets about friendships

     
    Old 05-18-2009, 04:37 AM   #27
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    Re: Emotional affair

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by wisp View Post
    I found out my husband was confiding in a friend from work, he had also stopped telling me when he gave her a lift to work or going to grab lunch together. He wasn't happy that I wanted him to stop this friendship so I kicked him out. Since then he went to conselling and he confessed he had an affair with a co-worker 15 yrs ago. She too was supposedly just a friend (whats wrong with having a female friend he would ask). He does have other female friends, this I don't mind. It is when they start keeping what they do or say secret that it is of concern. I wouldn't trust anyone who keeps secrets about friendships
    This is exactly right...you absolutely hit the nail on the head! Although I really don't see me being OK with my husband having ANY female friends...the lying and sneaking is a humongous red flag! Why lie and sneak if the GF(WIFE) is OK with him having female friends? Why, because they aren't a friend, that's why they'd lie and sneak! PERIOD! END OF STORY!
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