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    Old 05-12-2009, 02:57 PM   #16
    Redneon82
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    Re: Why do men handle break-ups better?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Hollaatchaboy View Post
    No I am saying a man can date, sleep with and be in a boyfriend /girlfriend relationship and not love them. I think women can also. Many women claim to love men and later on he finds out it was BS. These men don't pretend to love them, that's different, they just are with them.

    Women are the ones that pretend to love a man for years and then when someone richer or better looking comes along the men are out with the bathwater. Thats why many men today don't get too attached. They have seen this done to their fathers, brothers, uncles, friends ect..

    It's not about what "a women" did to him but his realization on what relationships,monogomy, BBD's and "love" really is.
    This is a generalization. You can't really say with any validity that "women", as an entire group, will toss a guy as soon as a guy who's "richer or better looking" comes along, every single time. Just like it's a generalization to say that no man truly loves a woman because he knows she's just using him until a better deal comes along.

    Some people do this and some don't.

    I truly loved (still do) my ex, but he can't see me feeling sad or wistful or nostalgic because I have not called him or gone by his place or e-mailed him telling him how I'm feeling. So as far as he knows, I'm dealing with it just fine. My feelings about the breakup are private and not for him to see. So maybe that's why some people seem to be dealing with breakups just fine...because, like me, they'll be darned if they'll let their ex see them cry.

     
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    Old 05-12-2009, 03:18 PM   #17
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    Re: Why do men handle break-ups better?

    [QUOTE=Redneon82;3982543]
    And not all women want to "trade up". I don't need a man to support me financially, so if I'm in a relationship with a guy, it's because I care about him and want to be with him.[QUOTE]


    It's not about trading up usually the guy women leave the current men for is not as attractive, successful or good person. In her eyes he is though. Women leave men far more than vice versa for really no reason. I have seen it time and time again from cousins to women friends to aunt's ect...

    Financial can be a reason women leave good men, but the myriad of "reasons" is to long to list. Boredom, excitement, newness, ect...

    I think if women take more responsibility in their choices in men maybe they would have better outcomes. Womens attraction is a strange thing, for whatever reason IMO they are attracted to men not on what women say they want(kind, generous, faithful, loving)but on what attracts them(looks,finances,excitement,non sensitivity). You ladies choose your men, men don't choose women.

     
    Old 05-12-2009, 03:21 PM   #18
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    Re: Why do men handle break-ups better?

    [QUOTE=Hollaatchaboy;3982585][QUOTE=Redneon82;3982543]
    And not all women want to "trade up". I don't need a man to support me financially, so if I'm in a relationship with a guy, it's because I care about him and want to be with him.
    Quote:


    It's not about trading up usually the guy women leave the current men for is not as attractive, successful or good person. In her eyes he is though. Women leave men far more than vice versa for really no reason. I have seen it time and time again from cousins to women friends to aunt's ect...

    Financial can be a reason women leave good men, but the myriad of "reasons" is to long to list. Boredom, excitement, newness, ect...

    I think if women take more responsibility in their choices in men maybe they would have better outcomes. Womens attraction is a strange thing, for whatever reason IMO they are attracted to men not on what women say they want(kind, generous, faithful, loving)but on what attracts them(looks,finances,excitement,non sensitivity). You ladies choose your men, men don't choose women.

    Another generalization...I think my point was missed.

    Many of my girlfriends were "left" by their boyfriends, so your theory doesn't hold water in my world. But apparently it does in yours. So be it.

     
    Old 05-12-2009, 03:55 PM   #19
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    Re: Why do men handle break-ups better?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Redneon82 View Post
    This is a generalization. You can't really say with any validity that "women", as an entire group, will toss a guy as soon as a guy who's "richer or better looking" comes along, every single time. Just like it's a generalization to say that no man truly loves a woman because he knows she's just using him until a better deal comes along.

    Some people do this and some don't.

    I truly loved (still do) my ex, but he can't see me feeling sad or wistful or nostalgic because I have not called him or gone by his place or e-mailed him telling him how I'm feeling. So as far as he knows, I'm dealing with it just fine. My feelings about the breakup are private and not for him to see. So maybe that's why some people seem to be dealing with breakups just fine...because, like me, they'll be darned if they'll let their ex see them cry.
    The banks are led by greedy criminals is a generalization but generally it's true. Same principle applies. Not all but most.

    I said many (not all) women do this and I base if first on what I have seen with women in my life, Aunts, cousins ect... Second on the divorce stats that show women file for and want divorce more. And FME these women (not all) that I speak of already has the next chump lined up!

    Richer and better looking are subjective, just because she thinks that does not make is so, but in her eyes yes. I know you have had girlfriends that thought their man was "all that" and you think "I don't get it" same principle. She could bail for excitement, drama whatever the reason. Usually the guy is worse on all fronts.

    Many men do date women and know she feels like she can do better. Men put up with alot as do women just different things to scar both genders.

    Hiding feelings may be it but IMO and FME the people just don't care! If they did why the breakup? If what caused it was bad enough to cause it then why the remaining good feelings or love?

     
    Old 05-12-2009, 04:02 PM   #20
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    Re: Why do men handle break-ups better?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Hollaatchaboy View Post
    I think that men can and do take breakups hard especially when they actually love the women. It took me a year and a half to get over the loss of a women that I truely loved with my soul I still miss her sometimes to this day. .
    In your own words, here is an example of a relationship that ended, but you took a year and a half to get over the loss. Something bad happened to make the relationship end, yet you still took that long to get over it.

    It kind of proves our point...that if you loved someone, truly loved them, you will feel sad and hurt when the relationship ends. It doesn't matter if "something bad" happened that ended the relationship...love doesn't just disappear like a puff of smoke because your partner was mean to you, or left you, or cheated on you, or whatever.

    My point was that my ex may think I'm doing fine, and I may think he's doing fine, but neither one of us really knows because we haven't told each other. I'm going on with my life without him and he's going on without me. That's all we know for sure.

     
    Old 05-12-2009, 04:19 PM   #21
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    Re: Why do men handle break-ups better?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Redneon82 View Post
    In your own words, here is an example of a relationship that ended, but you took a year and a half to get over the loss. Something bad happened to make the relationship end, yet you still took that long to get over it.

    It kind of proves our point...that if you loved someone, truly loved them, you will feel sad and hurt when the relationship ends. It doesn't matter if "something bad" happened that ended the relationship...love doesn't just disappear like a puff of smoke because your partner was mean to you, or left you, or cheated on you, or whatever.

    My point was that my ex may think I'm doing fine, and I may think he's doing fine, but neither one of us really knows because we haven't told each other. I'm going on with my life without him and he's going on without me. That's all we know for sure.

    Not really IMO. She could of cared less! I didn't find out what really happened for that long. When I did the love was instantly killed. Your situation is different than mine and IMO is unusual. From my experience, women that leave men do so because he mistreated or abused her or she got bored! FME men that leave do so because he never really loved her an got bored or he wanted more ,different, better,new sex.

    Trust me as a man a women can do you bad and you still have reminants of love but If your the leaver and not the leavee(sp) 9/10 they don't care. IMO

    Last edited by Mo-S4; 05-13-2009 at 01:53 PM. Reason: Please do not use uncommon internet lingo/short forms, or try to disguise vulgar language. Thanks.

     
    Old 05-15-2009, 08:42 AM   #22
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    Re: Why do men handle break-ups better?

    Men seem to compartmentalize much better then we do. They ignore their feelings and move on. I do know men that have been devastated by the loss of a love and have become depressed for long periods of time - and I know men that feel the need to have companionship is more important than mourning the loss.... Men are more action oriented which might explain them moving on quicker where we women are more cerebral - we want to figure it out before we move on and they simply want to forget it because they can't or don't know how to process it. I have noticed that the more sensitive and in touch with their feelings and women's feelings a man is - the more they mourn the loss.

    Men tend to remarry more quickly then women do after they lose their wives to a death. Maybe they can't stand to be alone for long for a variety of reasons. I know a friend of mine passed and her husband starting dating and was married within 6 months. He was clueless on how to be alone.

    I've also known men that are hurt by a loss but still start dating again and settle for someone that they aren't in love with but "fills their time".

    Who knows... they say we are a mystery - they aren't a walk in the park to figure out either.

    Last edited by cathy1; 05-15-2009 at 08:51 AM.

     
    Old 05-15-2009, 09:07 AM   #23
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    Re: Why do men handle break-ups better?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by TRP29 View Post
    Why is it that men seem to be able to handle break-ups better than women? How is it that they are able to move on faster and start new relationships? My boyfriend of 5 years started casually dating after being broken up for 3 weeks, while I didn't even want to get out of bed & I was the one who broke up with him... Did he not really care about me/our relationship??
    In general, men don't handle breakups better, they just hide it better. Just because he started casually dating doesn't mean he's over it. Men don't typically sit around and mope like women do... they are too proud. They get out there and try to get their minds off things. Also, after a breakup, a man's ego might be bruised, so he might go out and date very quickly to prove to himself that he can. Other times men date so quickly just to get their minds off of their ex, which in turn doesn't work because they usually end up comparing the new girl to their ex.
    Overall, men just hide their feelings better. They act like everything is okay when they're hurting inside.
    The only exception I see to that is if he is genuinely not in love anymore, and has been over the relationship for a while, even before it officially ended. In that case, it would be easier to move on because he started moving on before you even broke up.

     
    Old 05-15-2009, 09:45 AM   #24
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    Re: Why do men handle break-ups better?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Mary83 View Post
    Other times men date so quickly just to get their minds off of their ex, which in turn doesn't work because they usually end up comparing the new girl to their ex.
    I agree with this because it happened with my ex. I was "unavailable" to him for a while (hospitalized, then couldn't leave home for several weeks) and he dated a woman during that time (what a prince, huh?). I spoke to the other woman afterward, and she told me that he talked about me constantly, until it really began to make her upset. And HE was the one who left me! He just couldn't deal with being alone, even for a few weeks.

    I don't believe all men are like that, but I've seen it a lot. They just want someone to fill that space, so they don't look like they're pining away over some woman.

     
    Old 05-15-2009, 12:37 PM   #25
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    Re: Why do men handle break-ups better?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Mary83 View Post
    In general, men don't handle breakups better, they just hide it better. Just because he started casually dating doesn't mean he's over it. Men don't typically sit around and mope like women do... they are too proud. They get out there and try to get their minds off things. Also, after a breakup, a man's ego might be bruised, so he might go out and date very quickly to prove to himself that he can. Other times men date so quickly just to get their minds off of their ex, which in turn doesn't work because they usually end up comparing the new girl to their ex.
    Overall, men just hide their feelings better. They act like everything is okay when they're hurting inside.
    The only exception I see to that is if he is genuinely not in love anymore, and has been over the relationship for a while, even before it officially ended. In that case, it would be easier to move on because he started moving on before you even broke up.

    I agree with you that men don't handle them better if the guy truely loved the women. We do start dating quickly to show us that we are desired and do have the ability to attract women. Moping to men does not accomplish anything because we are not allowed to show weakness or have the social group support that women do. We have to pick ourselves up.

    I would agree that some men compare the ex to the new interest but many realize that the ex (and her imaginary pedistal) were not as great as our minds had us believe. Plus to men new sex always clears the mind

     
    Old 05-15-2009, 07:03 PM   #26
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    Re: Why do men handle break-ups better?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Hollaatchaboy View Post
    I agree with you that men don't handle them better if the guy truely loved the women.
    This is the key. IF he truly loved her. If he didn't, then he moves on quickly because he just didn't care. And I think men have sex with women, date women, have relationships with women, they don't love, more often than women do the same with men they don't love, so it makes it look like men get over it much faster than women do generally speaking.


    But I think the safest bet, when someone has left you and broken your heart, is to leave all the questions as to why on the side of the road, and just accept that it's over, and it doesn't really matter why, and move on as best you can.

     
    Old 05-16-2009, 06:39 AM   #27
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    Re: Why do men handle break-ups better?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Hollaatchaboy View Post
    I agree with you that men don't handle them better if the guy truely loved the women. We do start dating quickly to show us that we are desired and do have the ability to attract women.
    I was talking to a guy friend of mine about this yesterday and he said the same thing! He said that guys frequently get into relationships with girls they only like or maybe find attractive, but not with the intent that she will be "the one", just that she will be Miss Right Now. Because guys are not hung up on marriage and family like women are. He said that it's easier for guys to move on after a breakup because they are so frequently getting into relationships with women they like but are not madly in love with, while most women go into every relationship with her whole heart every time.

    Sounds like a big problem that causes a lot of misunderstandings for women to assume a man feels just as much love for her and she does for him, only to come to find out later that he really just liked her a lot but didn't love her so it didn't matter as much when it ended. That's why it appears that guys get over it faster, because his feelings weren't as deep as hers to begin with.

    My male friend also told me that guys don't have deep feelings about much of anything. He said that guys are more simplistic and superficial than women. Whereas women have deep thoughts and a lot of emotional involvement in everything, men just see things from a very shallow point of view. I figured that was true but it was nice to have it confirmed by a guy for once.

     
    Old 05-16-2009, 07:04 AM   #28
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    Re: Why do men handle break-ups better?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Tivo123 View Post
    I was talking to a guy friend of mine about this yesterday and he said the same thing! He said that guys frequently get into relationships with girls they only like or maybe find attractive, but not with the intent that she will be "the one", just that she will be Miss Right Now. Because guys are not hung up on marriage and family like women are. He said that it's easier for guys to move on after a breakup because they are so frequently getting into relationships with women they like but are not madly in love with, while most women go into every relationship with her whole heart every time.

    Sounds like a big problem that causes a lot of misunderstandings for women to assume a man feels just as much love for her and she does for him, only to come to find out later that he really just liked her a lot but didn't love her so it didn't matter as much when it ended. That's why it appears that guys get over it faster, because his feelings weren't as deep as hers to begin with.

    My male friend also told me that guys don't have deep feelings about much of anything. He said that guys are more simplistic and superficial than women. Whereas women have deep thoughts and a lot of emotional involvement in everything, men just see things from a very shallow point of view. I figured that was true but it was nice to have it confirmed by a guy for once.

    Yes, I've said this over and over before. Unfortunately, when it comes from a woman, it's just chalked up to bitter rants and ramblings. Yes, it is nice to have a man cop to the truth. It's very important for women to know. We go through so much junk when someone we love breaks up with us, it is a huge help to know that it's most likely because he just didn't love us, was only using us, even went into it knowing it would never be much to him, and that's why he moved on so fast and so well.

     
    Old 05-16-2009, 09:30 AM   #29
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    Re: Why do men handle break-ups better?

    It would be nice, then, if they didn't tell us they love us, and all that stuff. So when they say it, is it just a ploy to keep us sleeping with them until they tire of us and want new, different, better sex?

    Nice thought, isn't it??!!

     
    Old 05-16-2009, 09:35 AM   #30
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    Re: Why do men handle break-ups better?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Redneon82 View Post
    It would be nice, then, if they didn't tell us they love us, and all that stuff. So when they say it, is it just a ploy to keep us sleeping with them until they tire of us and want new, different, better sex?

    Nice thought, isn't it??!!
    LOL Yeah, it would be nice. Or the whole "I'm confused" ploy, like my ex. When he dumped me I did the whiny "but you said you loved me!!" bit and he said "well, I thought I did but I was wrong." No "confusion," no ploys, no dishonesty, would be nice. In a perfect world, eh? But it's just what men do. Like that song Third Rate Romance, where he says "I'll even tell you that I love you if you want me to." That's why we have to be smarter than that, and pay attention to a man's actions and what our gut tells us, not just his words. People tell us every day in a million different little ways who they really are and what they really think of us. We just have to learn how to listen right. There wer red flags all over the place wth my ex, I could have decorated my whole house with them, but I chose to ignore them and believe his words because that's what I wanted to be the truth. And I went through all the same stuff when he left and moved on and moved in with someone else so easily, "how could he, does he miss me at all, didn't I matter to him, is she just a rebound for him, why did he say this if he really felt that?" blah blah blah. The short simple answer, he didn't care about me nearly as much as I cared about him. And anything he said to make me think he did was most likely a lie. But even if they weren't all lies, he still chose to move on and be with someone else and leave me behind, and it ultimately doesn't matter why. No answer makes you any less alone than another. You still have to pick up the pieces and move on.

    Last edited by Larrylou'smom; 05-16-2009 at 09:52 AM.

     
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