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    Old 05-16-2009, 10:29 AM   #31
    Redneon82
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    Re: Why do men handle break-ups better?

    I know, it doesn't make any sense...sigh...my ex and I split about 4 weeks ago, and literally less than a week before he cheated on me he was waking me up in the middle of the night just to say "I love you baby". And calling to say he missed me when I wasn't with him. What was that about?

    But I have no idea how he's doing since I don't see or talk to him at all. And he has no idea how I'm doing, which is fine. I do have my pride and he will never know how any of this affects me.

     
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    Old 05-19-2009, 01:17 AM   #32
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    Re: Why do men handle break-ups better?

    As I read in a book, the key is for women to ignore everything he says and look at everything he DOES, to see how much he really loves you.

    I know we all want to find the one who is so excited to marry us and make babies as soon as possible and will love us forever and be honest and faithful and responsible and devoted and truly in love for the rest of our lives... but most men just aren't THAT romantic

    They may end up wanting marriage and a family when they are ready, but the DEPTH of their commitment may never be as "to the ends of the earth" as ours.

    Notice in the movies when someone like Tristan is so in love he is willing to die for the love of his Isolde... she is a gorgeous perfect-looking perfect-acting multi-talented... fantasy.

    We want a "knight in shining armor" who would never desire any other... but life is just not a fairy tale.

    I am completely devoted to my boyfriend and don't believe I could ever cheat. I have no desire to be with any other man. And I feel I KNOW that even if some other amazing guy came along trying to sweep me off my feet at a time my boyfriend and I weren't totally happy, I would say, "No thanks. I'm going home to my man."

    But do I KNOW that my boyfriend would not give in to the right temptation? No, I just have faith in him and trust that he wouldn't.

    But I believe you never know.

    What do you guys think?

    PS: I agree men often only SEEM to be getting over a break-up faster. My ex could jump right into bed with other women, while I couldn't bear the thought of anyone touching me for a very long time. But I think emotionally, it took him as long to "get over" the break-up as it took me. Which was years. He just didn't want to seem weak by showing it for very long...

    Last edited by plasva; 05-19-2009 at 01:19 AM.

     
    Old 05-19-2009, 05:01 AM   #33
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    Re: Why do men handle break-ups better?

    This thread reminds me of that movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall.

     
    Old 05-19-2009, 06:13 AM   #34
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    Re: Why do men handle break-ups better?

    i was with my ex for 10 months i have 2 girls n he has a little boy, we were happy for the 1st 8 months then things got nasty, we have been apart for 9 days now but after just the 4th day he had another girl with him?! WHY?! now i have 2 very confused kids n i would say he has a very confused little boy 2. bugger men im stayin single 4 a while!

    Last edited by mizz jj maree; 05-19-2009 at 06:14 AM.

     
    Old 05-19-2009, 06:40 AM   #35
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    Re: Why do men handle break-ups better?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by mizz jj maree View Post
    i was with my ex for 10 months i have 2 girls n he has a little boy, we were happy for the 1st 8 months then things got nasty, we have been apart for 9 days now but after just the 4th day he had another girl with him?! WHY?! now i have 2 very confused kids n i would say he has a very confused little boy 2. bugger men im stayin single 4 a while!
    Sounds like to me that your EX already had another GF before you guys broke up. I doubt highly he found a new girl in 4 days.
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    Old 05-19-2009, 12:55 PM   #36
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    Re: Why do men handle break-ups better?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Larrylou'smom View Post
    This is the key. IF he truly loved her. If he didn't, then he moves on quickly because he just didn't care. And I think men have sex with women, date women, have relationships with women, they don't love, more often than women do the same with men they don't love, so it makes it look like men get over it much faster than women do generally speaking.


    But I think the safest bet, when someone has left you and broken your heart, is to leave all the questions as to why on the side of the road, and just accept that it's over, and it doesn't really matter why, and move on as best you can.
    Many men do truly love their SO's. I believe that it is actually worse for men if the women that left him was one he really loved deeply. I feel this way because as I said we have less support, have to be healthy to attract women and replacing her is that much harder because men don't just give our love to someone easily. Attracting women is not as easy as it is for a women to attract a men.

    Your right that men can date, have sex, and relationships with women that we don't love. That does not mean we don't care for her or have some type of love for her. As you said though it works both ways with that.

    I also agree when someone leaves you your best bet is no contact and just mourn it like a death. Work on yourself and don't do the what if's just let it go.

     
    Old 05-19-2009, 01:14 PM   #37
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    Re: Why do men handle break-ups better?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Tivo123 View Post
    I was talking to a guy friend of mine about this yesterday and he said the same thing! He said that guys frequently get into relationships with girls they only like or maybe find attractive, but not with the intent that she will be "the one", just that she will be Miss Right Now. Because guys are not hung up on marriage and family like women are. He said that it's easier for guys to move on after a breakup because they are so frequently getting into relationships with women they like but are not madly in love with, while most women go into every relationship with her whole heart every time.
    Men won't admit to wanting a marriage and a family but many including myself do. I think that men will date a larger range of women than women do men. Men will date a women with the mentality "let's see who she really is and where it could go". IMO women are more set on certain triats ect.. that they look for and have a much more narrow interest.

    Marriage is a tough thing for men these days. We have witnessed SO many failures it leaves us gun shy. The worst thing for many men IMO is she can take our kids from us and poisen them against us, it's a large concern. We have more to lose IMO.

    Actions show love not words IMO the women FME usually has an inkling that he's not at the same place she is but IMO she tries to change that instead of deal with it.

    I don't agree many men including me have very deep feelings because they are not shown is for many reasons. We just don't give them to every women or show them to every person. IMO Women show emotion more but lose love very quickly for reasons many men don't understand.

    I heard this quote somewhere and I think it's accurate "Women fall in love faster, Men fall in love deeper".

     
    Old 05-19-2009, 01:34 PM   #38
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    Re: Why do men handle break-ups better?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Redneon82 View Post
    It would be nice, then, if they didn't tell us they love us, and all that stuff. So when they say it, is it just a ploy to keep us sleeping with them until they tire of us and want new, different, better sex?

    Nice thought, isn't it??!!
    IMO men should not tell women they love them unless they do. The question is do you feel loved? If so then he probably does love you. It's not just about the sex, although women in relationships seem to lose the understanding of the importance of this to men as things progress.

    Sex is relatively easy to get. It's not all about that. The hookup culture has made it so a single guy can get sex. So no ploys needed for many. Love is something totally different.

     
    Old 05-19-2009, 01:47 PM   #39
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    Re: Why do men handle break-ups better?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by plasmodiumovale View Post
    As I read in a book, the key is for women to ignore everything he says and look at everything he DOES, to see how much he really loves you.

    I know we all want to find the one who is so excited to marry us and make babies as soon as possible and will love us forever and be honest and faithful and responsible and devoted and truly in love for the rest of our lives... but most men just aren't THAT romantic

    They may end up wanting marriage and a family when they are ready, but the DEPTH of their commitment may never be as "to the ends of the earth" as ours.

    Notice in the movies when someone like Tristan is so in love he is willing to die for the love of his Isolde... she is a gorgeous perfect-looking perfect-acting multi-talented... fantasy.


    I am completely devoted to my boyfriend and don't believe I could ever cheat. I have no desire to be with any other man. And I feel I KNOW that even if some other amazing guy came along trying to sweep me off my feet at a time my boyfriend and I weren't totally happy, I would say, "No thanks. I'm going home to my man."


    PS: I agree men often only SEEM to be getting over a break-up faster. My ex could jump right into bed with other women, while I couldn't bear the thought of anyone touching me for a very long time. But I think emotionally, it took him as long to "get over" the break-up as it took me. Which was years. He just didn't want to seem weak by showing it for very long...

    Actions are always the best indicator IMO I totally agree with that. We want to find the same things but SOO many women say they want that, like the idea but the reality is we seen to many uncles, brothers, cousins, fathers give that and get screwed! We don't have a faitytale mentality because like you said it's not! We are logical when it comes to something that could affect us like that IMO.


    I am completely devoted to my boyfriend and don't believe I could ever cheat. I have no desire to be with any other man. And I feel I KNOW that even if some other amazing guy came along trying to sweep me off my feet at a time my boyfriend and I weren't totally happy, I would say, "No thanks. I'm going home to my man."


    You say this but my experience and millions of other good men this means nothing. You can't predict the future and FME womens feelings change like seasons! Seen to many good men with women that he thought his women felt like you say you do, then next thing you know she is with the BBD.

    If your man showed his weakness to you in the beginning or even now your attraction to him would plummet IMO. Mens actions are done to what you women respond to.

     
    Old 05-20-2009, 01:55 AM   #40
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    Re: Why do men handle break-ups better?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Hollaatchaboy View Post
    IMO Women show emotion more but lose love very quickly for reasons many men don't understand.

    I heard this quote somewhere and I think it's accurate "Women fall in love faster, Men fall in love deeper".
    I can't agree with you more. I've heard that statistically married men can have many affairs but they are more willing to stay married and keep the family safe, women who fall in love with a lover are more willing to get a divorce, and start a new life. Maybe there are economic reasons to this, or not, but FME this is what happens.

     
    Old 05-20-2009, 02:12 PM   #41
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    Re: Why do men handle break-ups better?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by emoprairiedog View Post
    I can't agree with you more. I've heard that statistically married men can have many affairs but they are more willing to stay married and keep the family safe, women who fall in love with a lover are more willing to get a divorce, and start a new life. Maybe there are economic reasons to this, or not, but FME this is what happens.
    IMO it's nature. Men were designed to be with many and take care of the current or few. Women IMO want to be with one but can change that one easily. Affairs just show lack of character IMO.

    I could of cheated SO many times but you know what? It NEVER crossed my mind. If I am with a women what sense does it make not to give her the respect and effort towards her? None IMO. Even if the women is not a long term prospect why would I disrespect her? Can't even imagine that. Plus for me personally if I am dating,seeing, or whatever a women I am really only interested in her. That may be just me though. Many men are not the same.

     
    Old 05-20-2009, 02:36 PM   #42
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    Re: Why do men handle break-ups better?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by emoprairiedog View Post
    I've heard that statistically married men can have many affairs but they are more willing to stay married and keep the family safe,
    How exactly is breaking your marriage vows, turning away from your marriage and breaking your wife's trust and heart "keeping the family safe?" I can't even understand how a man can say he truly loves one woman and still sleep with another. I can't even wrap my mind around that.

    This just proves the point that's been made, that the whole "it's just sex" thing is easier for men than women. The notion that women fall in love faster but men love deeper is a sweeping generalization that doesn't really address the question at hand. Why do men say they love you one day, and then turn around and leave you the next day, and the day after that they are in love with someone else? Perhaps when men DO fall in love, they love deeply, but the thing is, men date, have relationships with, and have sex with women they don't love. Women don't. They tend to see potential and hope in every relationship. And women leave the marriage and start over when the marriage has become unhealthy for her and harmful to her and her kids.

    Personally I don't believe men fall in love more deeply than women. I just think men's egos get bruised by rejection more. For women it's a broken heart thing, for men it's more of an ego thing, a possessiveness thing. Like how a despondent woman may take her own life, but a despondent man will kill his wife and kids and then himself, because it's an ego thing. "I can't provide for my family and no one else is going to own them, so they have to go with me" kind of thing. It has much more to do with ego than with love and deep feelings of love, respect, admiration of the other person, but I think perhaps men have a hard time distinguishing between the two. Like you said, "keeping the family safe," like the family can only be safe with him, and no one can look after the family and provide for the family like him, and another man moving in and being step father or whatever would totally destroy the family. This has much more to do with the male ego than reality. I've known many men who have made fantastic step fathers, and have even been better father figures than the birth father.

    And when it comes to the notion of trading up, let's not forget, the most well known trader upper of them all is a man.

     
    Old 05-20-2009, 03:04 PM   #43
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    Re: Why do men handle break-ups better?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Larrylou'smom View Post

    And when it comes to the notion of trading up, let's not forget, the most well known trader upper of them all is a man.
    Yep, it's not the women who are divorcing the wives who worked to help put them through medical or law school only to be dumped for the young nurse, legal assistant or "actress/model".

    And the flip side of that is the young women who married the older successful attorneys or doctors so they can have a husband who can afford to buy them the jewelry, shoes, handbags and fancy vacations they want. Then pop out a kid and divorce the guy for a younger, better looking man after being assured of a large amount of spousal and child support.

    It's on both sides...really a sad state of marriage. I do still believe in love though...I refuse to become completely cynical.

     
    Old 05-20-2009, 03:16 PM   #44
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    Re: Why do men handle break-ups better?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Larrylou'smom View Post
    How exactly is breaking your marriage vows, turning away from your marriage and breaking your wife's trust and heart "keeping the family safe?" I can't even understand how a man can say he truly loves one woman and still sleep with another. I can't even wrap my mind around that.

    And when it comes to the notion of trading up, let's not forget, the most well known trader upper of them all is a man.

    I can't understand loving a women and cheating either! If I am with a women and love her all I want is her. I will agree that the "it's just sex" is easier for men but that's not a bad thing just like the opposite is not bad either. Although if I love a women or are even just dating I still really have no desire for someone else.

    Women do the BBD, love you one minute hate you next just as much IMO. Men are not atomotons with no feelings we love just as deep or deeper IMO we are just more selective who gets that love. Women don't have sex with men they don't love? Are you serious? They do more and more as time goes by. How do you think hookups, bootycalls, beergoggles, FWB's ect. exist? They do without a doubt!

    MANY women leave marriages for BBD's or because they were bored, he's not rich enough, he chews funny, many, many reasons! Women are not saints many are quite the opposite infact. When men leave IMO its because either she's not physically affectionate anymore(happens frequently) or she treats him like a wallet. IMO many women leave for reasons or excuses that are just BS. "Chews funny" is a real life excuse a women left a buddy of mine for. He is better off now on all fronts with the new GF her looks, sex, loyalty, loving attitude are much better IHO but "chews funny".

    IMO it's not only an ego thing IMO it's also that when men love IMO we love deeper to the core. Some women can love a man and then bail very shortly I don't believe the adverse is true!

    Stepfathers can NEVER take the place of a complete biological family. The connection between the kids and SF are never what a loving family would have with the BIO father. IMO alot of societies and therefore peoples relationship issues are because they had no fathers, male love, discipline, and respect IMO. Regarding trading up check the divorce stats on who files for what reasons and your answer will refute the trade up scenario

     
    Old 05-20-2009, 05:34 PM   #45
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    Re: Why do men handle break-ups better?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Redneon82 View Post
    Yep, it's not the women who are divorcing the wives who worked to help put them through medical or law school only to be dumped for the young nurse, legal assistant or "actress/model".

    And the flip side of that is the young women who married the older successful attorneys or doctors so they can have a husband who can afford to buy them the jewelry, shoes, handbags and fancy vacations they want. Then pop out a kid and divorce the guy for a younger, better looking man after being assured of a large amount of spousal and child support.

    It's on both sides...really a sad state of marriage. I do still believe in love though...I refuse to become completely cynical.
    No, of course you don't want to become cynical. We shouldn't be cynical, just smarter about dating.

    T29, I highly recommend a book called "He's Just Not That Into You." I'm sure you've heard of it. It's a quick, funny read, but really chock full of amazingly great advice, and the best thing is, it's written by a man who has no agenda. He's a self proclaimed former bad boy who is now happily married and he just lets women inside men's heads. I tell you, I wish I had read this book 11 years ago. I would have saved myself so much pain and hurt. It tells you exactly why a guy is telling you he loves you one day and then disappears the next, why the first date is great, he swears he''ll call you, then falls off the face of the earth, why he cheats on you, why he says he needs you but refuses to sleep with you, all the questions you have as to why. It truly is a great eye opener on how men love and conduct relationships and why, and most importantly, it lets you know when you're wasting your time. There's another book, it's #1 on the New York best seller's list, by Steve Harvey, called Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man, it's kind of the same thing. I haven't read it, but I've heard some good things about it. But read He's Just first. If I could work my will, it would be required reading for every teenage girl in the country.

     
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