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  • Too old to shower together

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    Old 10-01-2003, 08:58 PM   #61
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    Interesting thread here.

    I wanted to add my two cents because I remember a few things from my childhood.

    I remember that nudity was truely a non-issue in my household. We had a hot tub and frequently soaked nude in it together. Not a big deal to any of us. We occationally showered together when we were in a hurry and it was most convenient to do so. And then puberty happened...

    The last time my father and I showered together was when I was 9. It was one of those occations in which we were pressed for time, so my father said something like, "Come on, let's get ready to go," and we hopped into the shower together. Well, unknown to my father, I had recently crossed that developmental boundry where it was no longer comfortable for me to bathe with my father - I'd just gotten old enough that I was no longer cool with showering together. Had he known that, he wouldn't have asked me to shower with him. And that's the problem; he thought I was still OK with it, and I wasn't. And I was too shy or non-confrontational at the time to tell him that I was no longer wanting to do that. That being said, I certainly was not scarred by showering with him that last time - I just avoided it after that.

    Parents need to remember that kids might not always be able to signal when they're too grown up for this sort of thing. It's good to remember that it's one thing to let your kid shower with you when they ask to, and another thing entirely for the parent to initiate showering together. A kid who wants to shower with mom/pop will ask to join in. A kid who doensn't want to may not be able to say no, so after a certain age, they should no longer be asked to. I don't have a formula for what that age should be. I just wanted to remind parents that they should remember that their kids aren't always able to articulate their discomfort.

    My father really wanted me to be comfortable with my body, so he always treated nudity as a non-issue. That may be the ideal, but the fact it that in this society, nudity IS an issue. It was perhaps naive of him to not realise earlier that I would start to feel like I needed som physical privacy as I grew up.

    It's a fine line for parents to balance between treating the body and nudity as a natural thing, and teaching how self-respect and privacy are related. I'm not sure how I'll approach it when I'm a parent.

    ~ Lena

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    Old 10-11-2003, 04:39 PM   #62
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    I suppose us as human beings all have different ideas on right and wrong and some who think right is right are wrong and vica verca Just a point tho. I remember a case where a school teacher reported a small child I think about 5 drawing a penis and saying Daddy has one I see in the shower. I remember it took a very long time for this child to be brought back into the family after being taken away. I know it is very difficult to be open and honest with kids but where does the line have to be drawn? I personally would not let either sex child into the bath or shower after the age of 3 with my husband or I but I am not saying this is right or wrong just how we feel.

    Old 10-13-2003, 11:11 AM   #63
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    I think the important point is that YOU have an issue with it.
    That means it is time to STOP!

    Trust your gut instinct and you can never go wrong!
    Married 1990
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