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  • My 11 month old refuses to sleep

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    Old 10-10-2003, 05:58 PM   #31
    Gabbi
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    Just wondering how it's been going?? Hope your getting some sleep!!
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    Old 10-13-2003, 05:41 PM   #32
    chrislove
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    If she is fine and everything has been checked out...let her cry it out. Do not go in there. Do not stand outside the door. Go to your bathroom with a book and take a bath or turn the water on and read to get your mind off of it. If she is healthy, dry, fed, loved, the bedtime routine of dinner, bath, teeth brushing, book, more loving and rocking is done.....it is bedtime. She will learn it and expect to keep to this routine even if you're away from home and she will do fine. My wife did this when her dd was 6 months old and after 3 nights, she put herself to sleep. Since your dd is 11 months..give it a week. Commit to it and watch it work. You could also give her one of your nighties or t-shirts that you've worn that has your scent on it and that will make her feel secure too. Good luck. this is about getting her to sleep on her own and by herself, this isn't about abuse from letting her cry. She is in transition from being so dependent to becoming more independent. You could even have her checked out by her doc and discuss it with him/her. good luck, you're not alone. We have a new baby of 3 months now too but won't be trying this approach until he is much older. So we are getting up at least once a night and we've both been sick lately...Arrgh ! But he is also the light of our eyes, so we don't mind. Take care Chris

    [This message has been edited by chrislove (edited 10-13-2003).]
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    Old 10-13-2003, 09:22 PM   #33
    Meg28
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    I second Chris's post!!! That's exactly what we did and it worked like a charm.

    Good luck!

     
    Old 10-14-2003, 10:02 AM   #34
    gillian30
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    As I've already stated on here, I'm one of those who is totally against allowing babies to "cry it out" (exactly WHAT are they crying "out" anyway? The need for love and closeness? never understood that term.)As far as people who say it makes the baby "independant", all I do is grin a little at that, sorry! No offense, but babies are, by definition, DEpendant creatures! These are people who rely on us for their bathroom needs, their cleanliness, their food intake, their source of comfort, everything! They are using the only method nature gave them to communicate--a crying sound. We want our children to know they are safe and secure, especially at night. Why is that so hard for parents these days to give in to?
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    Old 10-14-2003, 12:41 PM   #35
    Gabbi
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    I really don't understand your desire to knock anyone who believes in the cry it out method. It doesn't make you a better mother because you jump at your childs every need, and don't allow them any independence WHATSOEVER!! He'll prob. sleep with you until college and live at home well into his 40's!!!!

    For some the CIO has worked, for me it took 2 nights, I repeat 2 nights and she goes to sleep EVERY night without a peep. So, I do agree with it. I don't disagree with people who can't do CIO, or tell them they are wrong for not trying it, I just state what I have tried and what has worked for me. But for some reason you are on such a high horse about this, and I just don't understand why. If you don't agree with it, like you have already posted, why must you stick your 2 cents in about it again & condemn anyone who believes in it. Just because it's not right for you, doesn't mean it's wrong for everyone else!! To each his own!! Give it a rest!!!!

     
    Old 10-14-2003, 02:19 PM   #36
    gillian30
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    Seems to me you're the poster who can't give it a rest...you strike me as the type who HATES being disagreed with. You have a real problem with that, don't you? I've stated my opinions in an articulate and mature fashion...too bad you can't post here in an adult manner and be respectful to all who share their opinions. Instead, you insult those who express themselves. By the way, you've posted your opinion on this particular topic plenty of times, too...please don't pretend I'm the only one here on a "high horse". And as for people's kids sleeping with them until they are 40...gimme a break, lady!
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    Old 10-14-2003, 02:21 PM   #37
    gillian30
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    PS) You don't have to use three explanation points to make yourself heard. Calm down! (See, used only one)
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    Old 10-14-2003, 03:47 PM   #38
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    There are various methods of raising children, but, I chose the method of giving oodles of love, attention, cuddling, etc. I always loved rocking my babies to sleep. Also kept babies in the room (in their bed, next to our bed) with us at night until they were ready for a big bed. After being in a big bed, if they had problems staying in there I would lie on bed with them until they drifted off. This gave me time for much needed rest and pleasure snuggling.

    Needless to say all 5 children grew up healthy, happy, independent and smart. They are adults now and raising their own families. Have one daughter who chose the method of children sleeping with parents until older, lots of cuddling. A son has chosen to raise his child the strict method, no cuddling, go to bed at by the clock, get up by the clock, eat by clock, play by clock, etc. He is always checking his watch and sticking to the routine to the second. Good thing the baby is a good/happy little fella. Does break grandma's heart to see him sleepy but not allowed to go to sleep because the clock says it is not time.

    I too am a firm believer that babies cry for a reason. It is up to the parent to find the reason.

    Perhaps if you keep a log as to what time the baby wakes up in the morning, when they take their naps during the day and what time you put them to bed at night may give you some insight to what the problem might be. If they take a late day nap, they will not be ready to go to bed at the usual time.

    I would be curious to know what the doctor says about your baby not going to sleep.

     
    Old 10-14-2003, 05:34 PM   #39
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    Hi, I was just wondering how things are going for you? You might want to try useing a heating pad to warm the bed before you put your little one down. Put the heating pad on the lowest setting and warm the bed while rocking her to sleep. This along with soothing music and something with your scent on it should help a lot. My daughter, now 22 1/2 months old was the same way, and this helped me with in like 4-5 days.

    As for the effects of crying on babies... there is research that shows crying releases hormones in the brain that have a calming effect over our babies. As long as the baby is not screaming like they are in pain, and you know nothing is wrong, then crying does not hurt our babies.
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    Old 10-14-2003, 10:16 PM   #40
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    There is the issue of age as well. I posted that I used the CIO method with my son and that it had worked. I should clarify that I did not do this until he was over a year old. In fact he slept with my husband and I quite often which made nursing so much easier. But once he was weaned and over a year old it was time for him to adjust to his own room, own bed. It was time for my husband and I to have the much needed intimacy that was hard to share with a baby in the bed.
    Young babies need to be soothed, even rocked and rocked and rocked to sleep. I nursed till he fell asleep and CAREFULLY laid him down with fingers crossed. But once they reach a certain age (in our case, a year) they cry because they know that we will answer. As another poster stated, if they are fed, dry, cuddled and loved and not sick or in pain, then it is time for sleep at bedtime. We don't give children enough credit. They are very very smart and know how to get out of sleeping....cry and Mommy or Daddy will come running. If they don't, cry even louder....It took us two nights of crying it out until my son got the idea that he was not coming out of his crib. That's not to say that we neglected him...we waited till he was asleep and checked on him a few times before we went to bed ourselves. We always told him that we would be back to check on him. He never felt deserted. In fact we STILL check on him over and over again and he's a month away from being three.
    Everybody has different methods that work. No one should be judged on their particular method. One method over another does not signify better parenting or if one loves their children more than the other.

    Your baby needs sleep...no arguement there but WE need sleep too. And if we're up all night with a child that won't settle down, we will become stressed and perhaps resentful....completely natural. To be an optimum parent we need to be rested....and in my own opinion,if that means 2 nights of CIO then that is the method I stick with.

    I should add that CIO was a last resort for us. I agree with trying everything possible..white noise, music on tape etc. etc

    [This message has been edited by Meg28 (edited 10-15-2003).]

     
    Old 10-15-2003, 06:04 AM   #41
    Gabbi
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    It's not every post that I disagree with, just yours!!! It is not that I have a prob with your stance on NOT CIO. It just irritates me that you feel the need to say things to put parents down who believe in or want to try it. Like "oh it's hard to go the extra mile for you child by cuddling instead of letting them cry", etc etc. Also, to clarify I did not start this until a year, we are not talking about newborns here.

    I completely agree, everyone has a right to their opinion that's the point. As soon as anyone suggests the CIO method, you blast them with your children need lots of love. What do you think I/other mother's don't agree with that? The fact that you would say that suggests that if you let your child cry you don't cuddle them and take the time to love them. That is what annoys me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

     
    Old 10-15-2003, 06:10 AM   #42
    Gabbi
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    Meg28,

    I agree we didn't resort to CIO until a year too. I actually dreaded it, but like you said after 2 nights it was fine. My daughter goes to sleep every night, & she is loved plenty throughout the day. I guess I just believe in good sleep habits. Once they start getting used to sleeping with you, falling asleep with you, it carries over. I don't want to have a first grader that can't sleep without me next to her every night.

    Also, I agree that you need to make time for you and your husband. That's not being selfish, but in order to make a marriage work and be happy you do need some time for eachother. That 1hr together in bed at night before we fall asleep (sometimes 20mins LOL), but it's imp to have that time. Take care.
    Gabbi

     
    Old 10-21-2003, 04:54 PM   #43
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    Gabbi,
    I've been reading your posts, and I have to say, I agree with you 100%. I've been there, done that with 2 babies. My ped said that CIO was very effective (but didn't recommend it until after 6 months), and sure enough after 2-3 nights, I have babies, who prior to this would scream bloody murder, sound asleep in their cribs. My youngest (now 13 months) had a cold last week, so naturally I went in to sooth her and rock her during the night, but now the cold is gone and she has decided night time is for playing once again. She hollers, I go in, she starts to laugh and jump around in her crib, I make sure she is OK, and leave. She screams again. She did this for 3 nights and is now back to the routine of sleeping through the night. Both my girls are happy and healthy, and I give them plenty of cuddles and hugs and kisses. I am a stay at home mom. I really don't think that they need cuddling 24 hours a day. It's unnatural and unrealistic. Everyone needs their time and space. It really bothers me when people who are against letting your baby cry get so uppity. It seems like they are very closed minded and their way is the only way. I think children are a lot smarter than we give them credit for. If they think they can get you to come in and interact with them during the night, they will most certainly do this. They learn, around 6 months of age, cause and effect. I scream, and mummy comes running. If mummy doesn't come, they don't suddenly think that the world is a cruel and unloving place, they learn that it's not play time, it's time to sleep.
    That's my 2 cents.
    Lynne

     
    Old 10-21-2003, 06:35 PM   #44
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    I had two kids that didn't sleep well until age 2! I'm pretty sure it was a digestive issue. Both girls were extremely burpy so I had to get all the burps up before they went to bed. I also had to limit food and drink before bed. One of my kids ended up having acid reflux when she was old enough to tell me what was going on.

    One thing that helped me get the girls to sleep well was to tire them out and limit the napping. Being very tired myself it was really hard to give up that nap time!!! I would put them down exhausted for several nights in a row and basically get them out of the habit of getting up in the middle of the night.

    Make sure you talk to the pediatrician if you haven't already. Besides ruling out physical problems they sometimes have good parenting advice (and sometimes not!) By the way, the doctor never did anything about the acid reflux until she was older and it surfaced again as a side-effect of Ibuprofen and other medicines that she uses for Rheumatoid arthritis. Incidently, check the joints for swelling and warmth. We started with arthritis at age 2+ and it is more common than you would think.

     
    Old 10-22-2003, 09:34 AM   #45
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    i'm not a fan of CIO either. in fact, when i night weaned my son at 2.5 years old, his father gave him cuddles that helped him get through the night. and my son will not be sleeping with us when he is 40. lol! he actually chose to sleep in his own room right before he turned four years old.

    i find it amusing when people say things like, "oh, your child will be sleeping with you when he's in college!" or (this one i heard a lot in real life) "if you don't wean him now, he'll never wean!" as if they've known middle aged people who were still at their mothers' breasts and sleeping in their parents' beds. lol my son chose to wean after his third birthday. and slept through the night around age 3.

    i think every child reaches those milestones at different times. just as i did not try to force my child to walk before he was ready, i did not try to force him to sleep on his own before he was ready.


     
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