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    Old 09-21-2009, 05:04 AM   #1
    ellencat's Avatar
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    Miscarriage at 17 weeks

    I miscarried at 17 weeks the week before last & I really need to talk to people who might have had the same experience or just want to talk. I really thought I was coping but having a bad day today. So here goes, at 16 weeks I went to the maternity hospital emergency room because I had a bit of spotting and was feeling pressure in my abdomen. I wasn't too worried initially because I have O neg blood so all I was thinking about was having to get Anti-D shot. But after an internal examination where the membrane could be seen I was told I was miscarrying & admitted to the hospital. At 12.30 that night my waters broke. After a long week where we thought that our baby might be ok, we lost our little boy. We had prepared ourselves for a losing the baby but when it actually happens it's hard to say the least. His heartbeat was there at 4.30 that afternoon but at 10.30 that night we lost him, almost exactly a week after my waters broke. I feel that there was nothing wrong with him, he fought for a whole week, but why did my waters break? At least we got to hold our little boy. It's just so hard to come to terms with something like this. A consolation is at least I don't feel afraid to try again, at least I don't now anyway, hopefully that wont change when we actually do start trying.
    Thankfully I have great support from my husband, family, friends & work mates but I just need anonymous help today.

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    Old 09-21-2009, 05:16 PM   #2
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    Re: Miscarriage at 17 weeks

    I have miscarried twice in the past year and a half, so I understand the pain you're going through. Both of my miscarriages were earlier in the pregnancy (8 weeks & 5 weeks), but I was still devasted. These were my 1st 2 pregnancies, I dont have any other kids. I'm sure it must be even harder at 17 weeks, especially since you heard the heartbeat & were in your second trimester. I don't know if this was your 1st miscarriage or not, if you've had more than 1 then your doctor may be able to do some tests to see if there is a reason for it. I know that I had a very hard time dealing with both miscarriages, especially when my sister got pregnant shortly after my 1st, then a friend, and then a cousin. None of them had any complications (of course I'm happy for them) but it made it harder for me when I lost 2 in a row. No one undertands what it feels like unless they've experienced it too. I did get pregnant again shortly after my 2nd miscarriage, and the doctor put me on progesterone supplements. I am now 38 weeks pregnant & doing well. Getting pregnant again helped me get over the other losses, but it was still difficult for me. Family support always helps & you should talk to your doctor to see if they will do any tests. Agian I'm really sorry for your loss, and I hope you're feeling better soon.

    Old 09-22-2009, 03:03 AM   #3
    ellencat's Avatar
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    Re: Miscarriage at 17 weeks

    Hi RachP02,
    Sadly this was my first pregnancy, I don't have any children. No matter how far it goes it is always a huge loss when you do want children and to miscarry, be it 8 wks & 5 wks like you or 17 like myself. i'm so sorry that you had to go through that twice but I'm glad for you that you are 38 weeks now. It must be such an enormous relief to have gotten that far, I really wish you the best of luck. My sister in law is also pregnant, she's due in January & I was due in February & my husbands cousin is due in the next few weeks & I work with them both so I imagine that it's not going to be easy for me. Even though I do feel very excited for them both I'm just trying to prepare myself for all the different emotions that are bound to be going around my head when it comes to it.

    Old 09-22-2009, 01:07 PM   #4
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    Re: Miscarriage at 17 weeks

    Dear Elencat,
    I am so sorry and heart broken to hear about your devastating loss. I know I don't know you but I wish I could put my arms around you and comfort you. There are no words to describe what you have been through and what you are going through. There is nothing in life that prepares you for it. I never write on these forums, probably because I'm too shy. But I also lost a little boy at 17 weeks on the 6th March 2009. Like you, I started spotting about 10 days before. I carried on as normal, even accompanying my husband on long walks at the weekend because my obstetrician wasn't worried. Then I woke up one morning and I thought my period was comming all at once. They hospitalised me, but by then it was too late. I was told that I had an normally banal infection that had entered the uterus. The next day my waters broke and I had to call my husband who was at home, tired after a long day at the hospital and tell him that I had lost our baby. They had to sedate me that night. They explained to me that I would have to give birth to the baby and just wait for it to happen. As I am sure you know, it was the worst and most shattering experience of my life. 6 Months on and I am able to smile, laugh and feel happy. My little boy will always be part of me, and my love for him will never go away.

    You are not alone. I am thinking of you and wishing you love and comefort from those around you. My doctor suggested that I see a therapist to help me through. I saw one for 4 months, once a week, and it helped me to come to terms with my loss. My pregnancy was obtained through IVF. We are going to try again soon, and I know that what ever happens, it is a new story that is writing itself. I wish you much happieness in you life and want to let you know that who ever you are, I am thinking of you.

    Old 09-23-2009, 03:02 AM   #5
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    Re: Miscarriage at 17 weeks

    Hi Bagatelle,
    I just wanted to thank you so much for taking the time to reply to my post, your words really helped so much because sometimes all it takes are some kind words to make you feel better. I know there are definately good and bad times ahead for me but hopefully it will be mostly good. It really is devastating to lose a baby and I really wish you the very best when you are trying again. At the moment I definately feel that I want to try again as soon as possible. And hopefully both our dreams will come true before too long. All we can do is look to the future and hope for the best. Even though we know that we will never forget the children we already have, because I feel that I already have a son and nothing can ever take away from him, he will always be a part of my family.
    I wish you every joy & happiness for the future.

    Old 01-13-2010, 01:18 PM   #6
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    Re: Miscarriage at 17 weeks

    I am home from the hospital after a miscarriage at 17 weeks yesterday. January 12th 2010 was supposed to be our first visit to our new doctor. We were looking forward to finding out the sex of our baby and seeing our ultrasound for the first time. I was really excited about it. I had been suffering through pregnancy since the beginning with very severe nausea, spitting, and a few other symptoms that made my pregnancy difficult. But I knew when I saw my baby on the ultrasound, I would have the strength to get through and I would get re-motivated about my pregnancy. Well this morning January 12, 2010, I woke up and lost my mucus plug along with a lot of fluid. We went to the doctor's office where they performed an ultrasound and there he was, our perfect little boy moving about with a strong heartbeat. But the doctor told us there was not enough fluid around the baby and he couldn't survive. They wanted to induce labor. Dylan Michael was born at 10:05 pm last night and he was so precious. He looked just like his dad and although he was bruised and discolored, we could only see his beauty. He was a gift from God and taught us so much about love. I am sorry for the loss of any other women on this forum. I know its harder when late term miscarriages happen because you have had more time to bond with the baby and you feel his little kicks. But God knows whats best and he has my little boy and your little on in his loving arms. I pray that all of you find peace in this tough time and understand that it doesn't mean the end.

    Old 01-14-2010, 04:15 AM   #7
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    Re: Miscarriage at 17 weeks

    Hi dylansmom2010, all I can say is how truly sorry I am for your loss. It is the worst nightmare that I ever had to endure & I know you probably wont want to hear this but I am still not over it. One piece of advice for you though is if you haven't done so already take pictures of your little angel. It was one thing I was so glad we did. If you ever need someone to chat to I will be here. I put in a poem that I came across after my miscarriage, oddly it gave me great peace. Sending all my prayers & best wishes to you, your partner & especially your little Dylan.

    After making his new angel
    God looked down from above
    He happened to notice you
    And all he saw was love

    He said to the angel
    "I need to send you there,
    There is where you'll be loved
    Where you will feel the most care"

    So God sent you this angel
    To nurture, love and grow
    But not an angel you could keep
    For it would soon be time to go

    You taught this angel wonderful things
    That only a mother could do
    Your angel learnt compassion and warmth
    Whilst living inside of you

    This angel was one that would have to leave
    One you'd never hold
    One you'd mourn for the rest of your life
    If the truth be told

    God realised you'd miss this angel
    And so he gave you tears
    A way to express your love
    Over the coming years

    Then God called this angel home
    And asked what the angel had learned
    The angel said a love so strong
    In a mothers heart had burned

    "I learnt that love can exist
    Even when I've gone
    For love never dies you see
    I've learnt it carries on"

    God looked at the angel
    Smiled and gave a sigh
    "You have learnt a valuable lesson
    That often passes people by"

    The angel looked at God and asked
    "Why is my mummy so sad?"
    God answered "when I called you home
    It made her miss what she had;

    But soon she will realize
    I sent her a special gift
    I sent her you my child
    Although I took you swift

    Her love for you will never wane
    You will remain ever in her heart
    You will be in her thoughts and feelings
    Like you've never been apart"

    The angel asked God what this mummy did
    To deserve such a wonderful thing
    "Your mummy is so pure of heart
    she makes the angels want to sing"

    The angel thanked God
    For giving him such a lovely mum
    So you see in loving your angel
    Your work is truly done

    God didn't wish to punish you
    He only showed you love
    He gave you a special angel
    A gift from heaven above

    He knows only a special person
    Can be an angel mum
    He made us in his image
    He lost his only son

    He knows just how your heart aches
    And wished that wasn't so
    But your angel is so happy
    In God's heavenly home

    So when you think of your angel
    Please just smile, don't weep
    Be proud that God chose you
    To love an angel so sweet

    When your heart feels empty
    Your life so full of despair
    Remember God picked you!
    Because no-one else compares

    Old 01-14-2010, 07:02 AM   #8
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    Re: Miscarriage at 17 weeks

    Hi Dylansmom, just to let you know that I am thinking of you with all my heart. I thought the poem that Ellencat put in was absoloutley beautiful and true. You have my support during this terrible time and please feel free to write to me whenever you want and I will answer. I lost my little one at 17 weeks on 6th March 2009. I held him in my arms and said goodbye to him. My husband and i were so grateful that we had been given the experience of feeling such happieness, even though if was for a short time. Like all mothers who loose a child in this way, it is devastating and some how feels unfinished. But if you didn't know already, your little boy will always be with you, basking in your love for him that will never go away. He was a gift from God and his presence in your life is ment to enrich it.
    I know that you will have moments of terrible sadness, but if I may, it is important to allow yourself to feel happy, laugh, and love your husband. That is what your baby would want.

    I apologise for sounding bossy and presumptious, but having lived the same thing, I automatically feel close to you, even though we have never met.
    I had the same, strong pregnancy symptoms as you until 14 weeks when I stopped my meds (I did IVF) and all was well, until I started spotting. I spoke to the doctor about it but he wasn't concerned. Then one morning about a week later, I woke up to heavy bleeding. I went to hospital and they kept me there. Ultrasound showed a strong heart beat, but one of the many doctors I saw said he wasn't happy with the amount of fluid around the baby. They tested, and no, my waters were still intact, and so when the beelding lessened, they sent me home. I knew something was still wrong because my skin was crawling, and one hour later I had strong pains, comming and going (contractions). So, back to hospital and more tests. They told me a had a severe infection from bacteria that had made their way up into the uterus. They started intravenous antibiotics, but by then it was too late. I cannot describe the heart-stopping moment when I felt my waters break. I was all alone. My husband had gone back to work, and I had to call him and tell him that I had lost our baby. It was the worst moment of my life. Naturally as we know, I had to wait for the birth, and what I cannot ever get over is that I had to wait for my little boy to die. The delivery room was so quiet, and when he came out, you could hear a pin drop. I was so affected/shocked by it that they could not get the placenta out, so I ended up in surgery, as soon as I was asleep, it came out. The hospital encouraged me to hold my baby a few hours later, and even though he was gone, I marveled at my beautiful little angel.

    I have told you my experience in the hope that it helps you to realise that you are not alone and to try to discribe the depths of my feelings and understanding for the loss of your little boy. I would be lying if I said that I am over it. I don't think I ever will. But I can tell you that it gets easier, day by day, week, by week, and month by month. You must embrace your sadness even though it is much easier to bury it, and if you like hugs, get as many as possible.

    I am thinking of you and sending you lots of love,


    Old 06-08-2010, 07:07 PM   #9
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    Re: Miscarriage at 17 weeks

    JennyRose: I'm sorry to each of you, but thank you for sharing your stories. I too lose a baby at seventeen weeks along in May 2010. It was my fifth child. After having four great pregnancies I didn't expect anything different than with the previous this time. I went for my monthly check up on the day I was seventeen weeks. I had no cramping or spotting at all. My doctor was unable to find her heartbeat so she sent me to set up my next appointment so that I wouldn't have to return after my ultrasound across the street at the hospital. My doctor figured she was laying towards my back making her heartbeat hard to find. The tech did the ultrasound and told me to sit tight while she called my doctor. I new already what that flat line meant, still I ask what the babys gender was. She soon returned, and told me the babys heartbeat was absent and my doctor would like me to return to the office. I kinda remember the doctor talking about delivery and funeral and I couldn't take it so I left. It was a Friday so my boyfriend scheduled me another appointment for Monday. That was the longest weekend of my life. I thought I could feel her move sometimes. I didn't understand and still don't know why my body had no symptoms. Monday they did another ultrasound to assure me that it wasn't a mistake, and I went into induce labor on Tuesday. I don't know if I will ever feel normal again. My kids asks when the baby will be home all the time even though it's all been explained to them a hundred times. I just cry when they ask. I went in to have an ultrasound today because the bleeding never stopped. They say I need a d and c. I feel like the trauma will never tame from this. We have talked about another baby, but that seems forever away. Pregnant bellies make me feel sick now. I work with a pregnant girl and I try to avoid her at all costs.

    Old 08-30-2010, 11:55 PM   #10
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    Re: Miscarriage at 17 weeks

    Dear Rach P02,
    At what point did yr Doc check progesterone levels in order to establish if you needed supplements? I have just suffered 2nd miscarriage this year and my Ob said we may need to check progesterone. Hope yr enjoying motherhood I am for 3rd time lucky too.

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