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  • What does he want?!... and what do I do?

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    Old 09-24-2009, 07:18 PM   #1
    knursing
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    What does he want?!... and what do I do?

    Alright, I posted about a week and a half ago about my ex boyfriend wanting space. We broke up a week and a half ago, because he wanted "space". He ended it really well, and told me that I was amazing but he just needed his time. We were arguing... but we have been together for a year and a half and have had a wonderful relationship otherwise. I am his first SERIOUS relationship, and we do have our problems. The first three days, I did not hear from him. This is not at all what I wanted to do, but I am doing this for him. I have not been initiating contact at all. After the first three days, I heard from him for 6 days straight. He has been saying that he still needs time and space but he does want to work on things with me and try to work it out. He has said that he loves me and he misses me. After the 6 days of contact, he went 2 more days without texting or calling, and I just heard from him again last night. He said that he had been crying because of the memories (he is NOT a cryer)... and that he loves me. He sent me a text message today with a song (martina mcbride: i just call you mine). I am very confused. He says he wants space and he wants time. This is KILLING me, I absolutely hate it, I just want us to get back together... that is why I am giving him his space and not calling him or anything. I hope I am doing the right thing. I am not sure how to handle this, he says he wants space, but it seems like he still wants to work things out after.... Should I have hope and just stay and be here, I really do love him. I feel like he wouldnt say all of this if he did not mean it, he would just be moving on. But then, he will go days without any contact. Maybe he just DOES need space- which I am giving him- but then he texts me and calls me and tells me he loves me and misses me, but he still isnt ready to get back together and I dont want to pressure him, even though I want him back so bad. What should I do? I really dont know how to think about his actions and what his motives are. He is a good guy, but this is really tearing me apart.

     
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    Old 09-24-2009, 08:24 PM   #2
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    Re: What does he want?!... and what do I do?

    I'm not sure what else you can do but just give him space. Continue not calling or texting. Let him initiate all of the contact. HE was the one who asked for space, so give it to him.

    I know it's hard because you don't know what will happen after all this "space" is done, but of course it depends on how long the "space" goes on. If it goes on for too long, then I'd cut the chord. But if it's only for a little while then just let him be.

    I'm not sure what else you can do. You can't change this, you have to just let it play out how it will.

     
    Old 09-24-2009, 08:29 PM   #3
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    Re: What does he want?!... and what do I do?

    It sounds like you are doing the right thing by giving him his space for now. Just don't let it go on too long because that's just not fair to you to leave you hanging like that for a long time. I hope he is able to realize how much he misses you and wants you back (and acts on it) soon. I know it an awful feeling, I've been there, believe me. There isn't much you can do at this point other than be as understanding as possible for the mean time.

     
    Old 09-24-2009, 11:19 PM   #4
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    Re: What does he want?!... and what do I do?

    I hate to sound cynical or get your mind going in bad directions, but worst case scenario, he's not sure what he wants and when he feels like you haven't contacted him in awhile, he gets scared and calls to make sure you're still around should he decide to stay with you. Or you can call a spade a spade and he really does just need space from the relationship to breathe. Either way, I don't think he's intentionally hurting you or being cruel, but he does need to make up his mind eventually, he can't keep pulling and pushing you forever. I've never understood how long these "breaks" are supposed to last, maybe another poster can help us out with that one, but it wouldn't be fair to do for too long.

     
    Old 09-25-2009, 06:27 AM   #5
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    Re: What does he want?!... and what do I do?

    Geez..I know exactly how you feel. A similar thing happened to me at the end of July. My boyfriend and I had been together for 2 years. He was in search of buying a condo and the plan was that I would move in with him. We both had never lived with a boyfriend/girlfriend so it was new to both of us. He struggles with depression and extreme anxiety also, and has trouble making decisions. On my birthday, July 26th we went and looked at this great condo that we were both super excited about. We went and had dinner with my family and couldn't stop talking about it. My parent's were really excited for us. So I went home that night really happy..

    The next day he called me and said that somebody was making an offer on that condo and he was all stressed out. I told him it would be fine, and not to stress out. I didn't hear from him all day..then after work he called. He didn't sound like himself. He said "There's something I need to tell you and I think I should tell you now rather than later." I was shocked wondering what he was going to tell me. He said "I don't think that we should move in together right now. I don't know if its the stress of me buying a condo, or living with my girlfriend or both but I have been extremely stressed out. I think I just need a break for a week to clear my head." I was obviously very hurt and mad. I said "Well a break is a breakup in my eyes." He said "Well that's not what I want." I said "Well, that's what it is to me, so goodluck." I let him go.

    Since then he has made desparate attempts to contact me. Emailing, texting, calling, IM'ing, anything. I have decided that I don't think I should give this person my heart anymore. If he didn't know if he wanted to be with me, that was enough for me to say "see yah." It has been extremely hard, especially with him trying to contact me. I don't respond back most of the time anymore, what's the point.. I don't know, if I were you I would not let this break go on too long. It's not fair for you to have to wait around while he makes up his mind. It's hard to say if these people are capable of these decisions since they are so unclear about themselves.

     
    Old 09-25-2009, 06:55 AM   #6
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    Re: What does he want?!... and what do I do?

    when someone wants space, they are usually trying to pursue other options, while keeping you as their safety net.......be very careful

     
    Old 09-25-2009, 10:05 AM   #7
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    Re: What does he want?!... and what do I do?

    I agree. Be very careful hun. In my case I jumped the gun and said forget it. Don't make yourself too available, you are liable to get hurt.

     
    Old 09-26-2009, 11:40 AM   #8
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    Re: What does he want?!... and what do I do?

    thank you for all the posts... I will def. need to sit down and think about how long I can handle this for. You are right in the fact that it is not fair to me to sit here and wait for too long, so I need to really figure things out on my end, too. I am trying to be careful and consider the worst case scenario... but I love him and the hope I have for us wont let me move on, not yet at least. I just really hope that he realizes what he wants soon, because this is very painful. I will continue to let him initiate contact, and just wait for now... I just dont know how long I should wait for!

     
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