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  • Can anxiety make you question your relationship?



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    Old 10-22-2009, 10:41 AM   #1
    pam29
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    Can anxiety make you question your relationship?

    I've been feeling so lost and confused for quite sometime. I haven't been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder yet but I am going to be going to the doctors. I'm just wondering, can anxiety make you question yourself,

     
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    Old 10-22-2009, 03:16 PM   #2
    williamsaz
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    Re: Can anxiety make you question your relationship?

    Yes. Because most times when your anxious about something, your worrying about the outcome of some decision.

     
    Old 10-23-2009, 09:07 AM   #3
    pam29
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    Re: Can anxiety make you question your relationship?

    Thank you for your response. I went to the doctor about anxiety and I'm not sure if he's fully aware of what anxiety can be. He was trying to compare my thoughts to movies and other people which wasn't really helping. I had read another post on here and this girl was going through exactly how I feel. One minute I'm daydreaming about getting engaged, married, and buying a house and then out of no where I "freak out inside" and have no idea why. I try to think of why I wouldn't want to be with him but have no answer. Once I started reading up on anxiety I thought I had given myself an answer because it all fit into how I think. Any ways, thank you very much for your response.

    Does any one else have some more insight for me?

    Last edited by pam29; 10-23-2009 at 12:47 PM.

     
    Old 10-24-2009, 06:07 AM   #4
    williamsaz
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    Re: Can anxiety make you question your relationship?

    Hi, Since your daydreaming about getting married, I am assuming here you are in your late teens, early 20's. (forgive me if I am wrong)when you daydream about getting married, is it just a daydream? Or is it about a particular man, that your in a relationship right now, that you think may pop the question? Because if that is the case, I think what your experiencing is normal. I felt that way, when I was young and dating my future husband. I feared making that big decision. "what if??????" I feared having my first child "what if?????" I bet if you were to go to your bookstore or library you may find a book, that suits your question. You may see it, better then being able to explain to it to a doctor. (I hope that makes sense to ya!:>) )

     
    Old 10-24-2009, 08:02 AM   #5
    pam29
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    Re: Can anxiety make you question your relationship?

    Thanks for writing back. Yes, I'm in my late 20's and I can picture myself with this guy I've been with for over 4 years, however once I picture all of it, it's like I get scared and question myself, do I really want to be with him. I look at him and can not find any reason why I wouldn't so why do I feel this way???? Sometimes I feel like I'm going crazy. I still live at home, my best friend is my sister and I've never been away from any of them. I don't know if that's my problem and then my mind twist my true thoughts because if I wasn't with this guy, I wouldn't be afraid of leaving home. Any ways, those are my thoughts write now.

     
    Old 11-28-2009, 11:25 AM   #6
    inlovebutscared
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    Re: Can anxiety make you question your relationship?

    I struggle so much with this very thing. I have been with my boyfriend for 3 and a half years, and I am sooo soooo in love with him. He makes my life sane! He knows how to make me laugh, he's my best friend in the whole world, and he's sweet, caring, adventurous, and has all the same values as me. But since the moment I met him I've had major anxiety. It took me 3-4 months just to say yes to the first date! When we finally did start dating, I was having such severe anxiety that I broke up with him in less than a month. I took a month to pray and go to counselling, and realized that I was in love with him and wanted to be with him. We got back together, and have been together ever since. Yet every month or so I have an "episode." I start questioning everything and freaking out that "he's not the one." One moment I'll be so sure that he's everything I want, and that I'm so happy, and the next I'm incredibly scared that someday that will change. My parents divorced when I was 7, and my Dad moved far away and I rarely saw him again. So I know that has a lot to do with it. When my Dad left, my Mom frequently had very painful panic attacks where she would lay in bed and scream or cry for hours, and would refuse to be touched. I don't have episodes to that degree, but whenever I start freaking out I have trouble breathing (my chest constricts), I cry a lot, and my muscles feel "white-hot" or drained of sensation. Since I'm also in grad school at the moment (and moved away from my boyfriend), I'm feeling a lot of extra stress.

    I guess my question is...how do I know if I have an anxiety disorder, or just plain doubts? I don't seem to freak out about anything else - just my relationship. I've been going to counselling for about a year, up until 3 months ago. Counselling helped a lot, and I know I should go back. But I haven't had a counsellor ever say, "You have an anxiety disorder." I know it's normal to have doubts sometimes, but something is wrong with the frequency and violence of my "episodes." Do I need medication? Or just counselling?

    My boyfriend and I are thinking of getting engaged in about a year or so, which makes me so ecstatically happy! I really can't wait to be his wife - I know that he's my "heart-mate" (or "soul-mate")! But I really really REALLY want to get my anxiety in check before I make a committment to him. Sometimes my anxiety hurts him as much as me (he is incredibly patient and understanding, but is sometimes frustrated or unsure of what to do with me). I want to get a handle on this so that I can live the life I want to live.

     
    Old 11-29-2009, 03:11 PM   #7
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    Re: Can anxiety make you question your relationship?

    Hi inlovebutscared,

    Thanks for your reply. My parents are still together so I can't say I know exactly what you're going through but I do believe that would cause a lot of anxiety. You're afraid that since your parents didn't last, which I'm sure you thought they were madly in love, that you and your boyfriend wouldn't last.

    It's hard to know if you have an anxiety disorder or just plain doubts. Everyone I talk to say it's completely normal to have doubts when it comes to such big commitments/ decisions in your life. I actually went to talk to a psychiatrist and I was diagnosed with separation anxiety. He said, being so afraid of leaving home and family can actually cause me to question my feelings and relationship for no reason : / It's easier for me to pull away and be alone because if I was, I wouldn't be any closer to leaving home. I'm not sure if a counselor is able to help you really sort out your feelings like a psychiatrist??? As for medication, I started taking vitamins like vitamin B and Flaxseed Oil pills along with Evening Primrose Oil pills. I'm not saying you need to take these but they are all mood enhancers which, for me, I have found helpful. I researched them all before taking them plus I talked to a pharmacist. I found talking with friends and family really helped and my boyfriend to is very understanding. I believe being so afraid of something can make you question everything and pull away. It's easier to pull away then work through it. Even after being "diagnosed" with Separation anxiety, I still kind of freak out. I know when the time of the month comes along, I have a really hard time controlling the freak outs within. I don't think my freak-outs will go away until I actually move out of my parents house and in with my boyfriend but then once that happens, I'm sure something new will come along for me to freak out about. Life can be very stressful and some people can just handle better then others and for me I need constant reassurance from everyone.

    I hope this has made sense to you.

     
    Old 11-30-2009, 08:29 AM   #8
    inlovebutscared
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    Re: Can anxiety make you question your relationship?

    Thanks so much for your response!

    Yes, your reply definitely makes sense. It does seem to be normal to doubt things, especially when making big decisions. I think I will try to go back to a counsellor for some help. I'm not sure about mood enhancers, but I'll research them too. I find that I'm pretty stable overall, apart from the "episodes" that occur every month or so. (I wonder, is that connected to the circulation of hormones in the body? I guess I'll research that too).

    I know that my parents' divorce has a lot to do with my anxiety. But for a while I wondered whether the problem was:
    a) I was doubting my relationship for real reasons, but was afraid of loss (breaking up with him).
    or
    b) I wasn't doubting the relationship for serious reasons, but was just anxious about the decision to spend my life with him.

    I think I know now that b) is the problem. Especially since my boyfriend and I have a very healthy, happy relationship. My boyfriend isn't perfect, but then again neither am I! But we're definitely a team and we love each other very much.

     
    Old 11-30-2009, 09:14 AM   #9
    JollyRoger
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    Re: Can anxiety make you question your relationship?

    Quote:
    Re: Can anxiety make you question your relationship?
    Absolutely! High anxiety can do many things, and most of them are not so good. The good news is, there are medications for anxiety that tend to work quite well, once that issue is clearly established.

    As for questioning one's relationship, this could be a generational difference, but I don't think that part of life has changed very much. I personally believe that if we find a lot of reason to question such things, or if the anticipation of it freaks us out, there is probably a reason, hidden from us or not.

    While this isn't the most romantic answer, such a relationship very well may not be a situation that is good for us. If it were me, the anxiety factor alone would be cause for some level of concern. Sometimes the subconscious mind develops reservations we don't necessarily see with our eyes.

    -JR

     
    Old 02-04-2010, 12:16 PM   #10
    pam29
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    Re: Can anxiety make you question your relationship?

    Hi inlovebutscared,

    Not sure if your even on here any more but I was just wondering how everything is going. I'm still dealing with separation anxiety disorder and have been doing a lot of research on it just to help myself understand what it's all about.

    I just wanted to share that my boyfriend and I got engaged in December and as happy as I am, I'm still freaking out. He is so understanding with everything. Looking for a house and planning a wedding is so fun but extremely scary at the same time. I never realized that making the biggest commitment in your life could be so hard.

    Any ways, hope you're doing well.

     
    Old 02-04-2010, 10:36 PM   #11
    inlovebutscared
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    Re: Can anxiety make you question your relationship?

    Pam,

    Congrats!!! That's so awesome. It sounds like you're working toward building a life with your fiance - that's really fantastic. I'm still with my boyfriend, and things have been going well. I've started going back to counselling, and that has helped. I think I just need to manage my anxiety in a healthy way, with the appropriate tools. My counsellor is helping me with this.

    Let's work towards staying healthy and strong. There is much joy in life, if we don't let the anxiety drag us down.

    Keep well, and again, congratulations!!

     
    Old 02-05-2010, 05:10 AM   #12
    pam29
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    Re: Can anxiety make you question your relationship?

    inlovebutscared,

    Thanks, I am for sure working towards a new life. Very exciting but extremely scary at the same time. I know things will get better, just need to keep pushing myself. Glad to hear you're working on yourself as well and still with your boyfriend.

    Agreed, work towards staying healthy and strong. Trying not to let anxiety drag you down is very hard but we need to keep on trying and always look at the positive. Thinks with our hearts, not our minds.

    Same to you, keep well.

     
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