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  • trust issues are killing my relationship - need advice, esp. from computer savvy folk

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    Old 09-09-2003, 01:15 PM   #46
    littlebernier
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    An anti-depressant might or might not be the answer. There is another thing that might be helpful. It is a form of therapy called cognitive behavioral therapy which is very helpful to assist in battling this type of recurring behavior. This is a form of psychotherapy that emphasizes the important role of thinking in how we feel and what we do. Cognitive-behavioral therapist teach that when our brains are healthy, it is our thinking that causes us to feel and act the way we do. Therefore, if we are experiencing unwanted feelings and behaviors, it is important to identify the thinking that is causing the feelings / behaviors and to learn how to replace this thinking with thoughts that lead to more desirable reactions.

    Good luck.

    LB

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    Old 09-09-2003, 01:33 PM   #47
    sadgirl03
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    Wow Trooper. You really have been through a lot with your boyfriend. I'm sure it is such a relief for you now to not fight with him. Way to go for making improvements on your relationship! Are you two still planning on getting married? Do you ever fall back into any old habits and a little tiff starts? I also have a problem with my bf and me accusing him of looking at other women, even though he may not. How did your bf handle this when you used to ask him that? My bf is usually pretty calm about it.

    I do want to know, though, how you manage to just stop the questioning? Is there something that you say to yourself to just accept his answer and move on, rather than having doubt and re-asking again later? It is definitely my own doing if I am grumpy - only I can change that about myself. And believe me, I plan on doing that!

    I have not considered taking anti-depressants. I don't really feel I am clinically depressed, although I do get sad and cry about our situation when we argue. I have an appetite and can sleep fine and do my job, so at this point, I think I'm okay without having to take medication. Thanks for your suggestion, though.

    Today, the only communication I have had with him is through e-mail. I apologized for again asking him questions last night. I also told him that I see a future for us together and ended my e-mail by asking him, 'Do you?' He replied by saying that he does see a future only if there is an end to the misery (that being my doubts of him, and my questioning) that he deals with practically on a daily basis. I see his point. I know that I can improve but sometimes I'm set back - it could be something that happens at work, or a conversation that I have with someone - anything can start my doubts again. What can I do to quash these little doubts in me before they erupt into full-fledged grilling? What would you do in my situation? Thanks for your help. I really am so grateful.


     
    Old 09-09-2003, 02:07 PM   #48
    MJK98
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    HI Trooper

    just so you know im a pretty stable women im smart strong minded and a good person, but i had a pretty bad relationship previous to this one and he turned out to be the biggest pathological liar it was like a "Catch me if yuo can" situation , i lived with him and i really let my guards down and it even though i am pretty damn good at perceiving a situation i kept telling myself give him a chance ( sometimes im too on it) so i kept thinking ok maybe my feelings about certain situations are just that ..well p.s. i was on it the hole time and i should have gone with my gut
    well here i am 2 years later in another situation and i go back and forth trusting him and not trusting him
    and i do the same things with the questions and disecting everything he says and does and that can drive a person crazy which is what i am doing to him but more so to myself........I decided that therapy wasnt going to help me because i know what i am doing and when its too much but its stopping me from doing it ... Thats why i called my doctor and said i need some kind of relief my brain is in over drive..When a person can dictate my moods everyday thats not good
    and i dont care how strong and smarti think i am i can not live like this anymore.so i started last friday on a small dose of zoloft and im praying that it relieves these anxiety , so i can get back to normal
    i mean if he is happy and acting nice i am happy if he is in a bad mood i am in a bad mood, if he doesnt pay enough attention to me one day, im depressed , i had it with that i want to be me again and i dont wsnt anyone to have that power over me...I do not plan to stay on this for long just long enough to get my thinking process back and i already see a slight change
    so if this is what it will take im doing it.......My point to Sadgirl is that her thinking is off balance right now and even though she wrote her boyfriend that email today this will no doubt happen again next week
    my point is if he says yes i went to the escort place
    ok well what will that do for you relieve you for a few days and than every time he is late or acts a certain way its going to eat her up inside ..Personally i think there relationship would be better for now if he does leave and sad girl works on her issues so that they can get back to a real life
    thats just my opinion
    good luck to everyone

     
    Old 09-09-2003, 02:11 PM   #49
    MJK98
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    HI Trooper

    just so you know im a pretty stable women im smart strong minded and a good person, but i had a pretty bad relationship previous to this one and he turned out to be the biggest pathological liar it was like a "Catch me if you can" situation , i lived with him and i really let my guards down and even though i am pretty damn good at perceiving a situation i kept telling myself give him a chance ( sometimes im too on it) so i kept thinking ok maybe my feelings about certain situations are just that ..well p.s. i was on it the whole time and i should have gone with my gut
    well here i am 2 years later in another situation and i go back and forth trusting him and not trusting him
    and i do the same things with the questions and disecting everything he says and does and that can drive a person crazy which is what i am doing to him but more so to myself........I decided that therapy wasnt going to help me because i know what i am doing and when its too much but its stopping me from doing it ... Thats why i called my doctor and said i need some kind of relief my brain is in over drive..When a person can dictate my moods everyday thats not good
    and i dont care how strong and smart i think i am i can not live like this anymore.so i started last friday on a small dose of zoloft and im praying that it relieves these anxiety , so i can get back to normal
    i mean if he is happy and acting nice i am happy if he is in a bad mood i am in a bad mood, if he doesnt pay enough attention to me one day, im depressed , i had it with that i want to be me again and i dont wsnt anyone to have that power over me...I do not plan to stay on this for long just long enough to get my thinking process back and i already see a slight change
    so if this is what it will take im doing it.......My point to Sadgirl is that her thinking is off balance right now and even though she wrote her boyfriend that email today this will no doubt happen again next week
    my point is if he says yes i went to the escort place
    ok well than what? what will that do for you relieve you for a few days and than every time he is late or acts a certain way its going to eat her up inside ..Personally i think there relationship would be better for now if he does leave and sad girl works on her issues so that they can get back to a real life
    thats just my opinion
    good luck to everyone

     
    Old 09-09-2003, 03:37 PM   #50
    Trooper
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    Hi MJK98,

    I hope you didnít think that I was saying anything against going on an antidepressant. Kudos to you for reaching out for help. You know you need it and are willing to make a necessary change in your life to make YOURSELF happy. I have thought about anti-depressants for a while now. Well, actually 3 years since being diagnosed with a chronic illness. Itís been a long battle but Iíve managed to go from barely walking to playing soccer 2 nights a week and working out the others. Itís still hard. Sometimes I get too emotional. Especially around that time of the month. So, I was thinking of talking to my doctor to get her opinion. Maybe I need something, maybe I donít. My boyfriend and I have discussed it and we are going to seek professional help. I donít feel clinically depressed, but Iím not a doctor. I had one doctor 3 years ago tell me I needed to go on Paxil to help with my diagnosis Ė which after 12 years of being undiagnosed and in miserable shape, of course I was depressed! I fired her. But her I am today, thinking it might not be such a bad thing. Who knows.

    Iím sorry for what you have been through and are going through. Just from reading your post I got a vibe and some words popped into my head. Co-dependency. Have you done research on that? I don't want to form any judgements at all and that's not what I am intending to do, so please don't take it the wrong way.

    I'm interested to know if you have done therapy before?

    I agreed with what you said to Sadgirl by the way. You got across a point I was trying to make better than I could.

    (((HUGS)))
    Trooper

     
    Old 09-09-2003, 03:41 PM   #51
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    Hi Sadgirl,

    I do want to respond to you, but I have to get off the computer for now. I'll get back to you in the morning.

    Hope you have a quiet night with your boyfriend. No questions or snooping! Deal?

    (((Lots of Hugs)))

    Hang in there,
    Trooper

     
    Old 09-09-2003, 05:45 PM   #52
    MJK98
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    HI Trooper
    Thanks for the post, Through the year si have been in therapy on and off but to tell you the truth for me i find that i have a few really close friends that i can truley tell how i feel too and i am very sharp when it comes to myself i know my deal its controlling it, to enlighten you on why i decided to go on zoloft this time is because i have a history that seems to be a cycle for me...I meet someone i usually am not interested right away until they relentless pursue me , im truely not playing hard to get i just don't hop into things, what happens is the men i seem to meet find me as a challenge because i am stand offish and they all seem to have the same goal break the walls down break my protection shields...once they succeed which thinking back to my past i've tired them out so much that by the time i am finally feeling something strong i've sabotaged the relationship by then, except for the past one that i lived with , he was just a pathlogical liar that it didnt matter who he was with he just played the role in any event the way i get past things is to than go on a self destruction by eating and gaining weight so that i dont feel good about myself and i will stay away from them i wont let anyone see me heavy .....so this time around since i am an avid gym goer i watch my weight and i feel good about the way i look i need to get out of this present relationship and rather than go down the same route i have taken all my life i want to just walk away and move on.....Its not that he is a bad guy its just that we arent for eachother he is just newly divorced i met when he was separated and its been a rollercoaster ride with him, i think sometimes he plays with my emotions , i have alot of pride and i cant stand if anyone thinks they can get over on me
    he relaly just isnt for me but i fell in love and i need to move on......there are to many negatives and not enough positives for me
    i found myself crying alot and stressing with him over every thing he does and says because i dont trust him
    and like i said in my previous post i am pretty good when it comes to knowing a person including myself
    so a few friends of mine who are on zoloft which i didnt even know about told me to call my doctor and atleast try it so i can start to think more clearly again and stop stressing out i also get very bad pms
    which i think will help, by the way you mentioned that and i know that they prescribe it for the 2 weeks of the month if you feel that you need it around pms time
    i do not plan to stay on this for long and like i said today is day 5 and i cant tell you really if its working but i do feel more relaxed maybe because i feel like im doing something to help myself
    and thats my story ill keep you posted if i see that i am making a positive change either way i plan on breaking it up with him i just need some help this time around
    have a great night

     
    Old 09-09-2003, 09:18 PM   #53
    I AM ALWASY CONFUSED
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    hey i just read your issue. and first and formost i like to give you props for not being nieve nd havin awareness. like you i was vey insecure with my boyfriend bcuz he had a repuation of being you know the thugged out heart breaker who don't give a damn about anything or anybody but money, being so so cruel to his gifriends. there was even a reputation of him beating on girls and havin kids and neglecting them. but i let my feelings get to the best of me and went out wih him anyways. through out our relationship there has been many who use to come tell me all different stuff about him like he was cheating on me and havinging othe kids and etc. some of this junk was coming from my use to be closest friends. and being that i'm very unhappy with my body's apperance i get insecure with when he look at other women too.but i looked at it this way he may be looking but every night he comes home to me and stay through the days with me vowing and appreciating what we had from each other.
    when i confronted him about all the rumors and stories. he denied it. and witt every denial he made it his business to prove to me that he's nothing like what others say. so becuz i loved him so much i had no other choice but to trust him with the facts that i know he is very popular and have female friends. and guess what? by feb, 14,2004 we will be exchanging our wedding vows and start to live the rest of our blessed lives together as husband and wife.
    this maybe hard for you to believe but this is the story of my current life. if you love him you got to sacrifice a lot. relationships are hard. within my relationship i learned a lot about how other people can have so much animosity for you when you're happy and inlove. computers they're just man made stuff. nevertheless he also has to contribute if he really loves you then he would make it his priority the gain your trust, you have to learn to work together in order to have faith in one another and be together happily. i wish you the best of luck.



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    Old 09-10-2003, 06:30 AM   #54
    Trooper
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    Hi Sadgirl,

    Yes, I have been through a lot with my boyfriend. Among the previously mentioned, two break ups. One lasting almost two months and the other just a month. The second one, I did go out on a limb and let him go. I left it up to faith. Thatís all I could do at that point. Yes, I gave him an ultimatum, but I couldnít be with him if he moved into another coupleís home. I told my best friend that as much as it hurt me, and as much as I loved him, I had to let it go. I knew he was my soul mate and Iíll believe that until the day I die. I even told him so. That if we couldnít be together and we went on to live our lives separately, I would still deep down in my heart of hearts, know that he was the one. Luckily for me, he couldnít live without me either. We have a very unique bond, one that I was destroying with my insecurities. When we are together, we are so on. We have the same interests and goals in life. We do everything together, hobby wise. We race cars, I have my own motorcycle (I wish heíd get one), we enjoy going to races, road trips, etc. I will forever be happy with him.

    Despite everything that has happened, he truly was never up to anything. He never once cheated on me, wronged me, etc. I know, I snooped and proved myself wrong. Most of the stuff he Ďhideí was because he was terrified to tell me. Now who wants to be in a relationship like that? There is not a day now where I donít trust him. And if I feel like Iím letting my insecurities get the best of me, I tell him right away. I approach it like, ďyou know I totally trust you, but right now Iím feeling a bit down and ÖĒ then I go on to explain why. I open up the lines of communication first, instead of jumping the gun and accusing. We talk and then everything is fine.

    Yes, we are planning on getting married. We are just waiting for his house to sell to the equity in the home back. Last week in therapy, he did a lot of talking, which was really unlike him (Iím a talker). He told the therapist how he sees our future and that what he does now is time consuming (becoming a pilot), but heís doing it for Ďusí and for me, to provide for me. And that heís ready to have a family. It was such a joy to hear that I wanted to jump his bones right then and there!!! Lol

    When I accused my boyfriend of looking at other women, he would always say, ďI have no idea what you are talking aboutí. I see him with my own eyes, and I know that he does, even if it is just a glance. But you know what, it doesnít really matter to me. He lives with me and comes home to me. Heís going to see attractive women all the time. I will see attractive me all the time. Men are men, and are visual people. He isnít so bad though. Heís a people watcher, I know that about him. He looks at men and women. One time I just said, you know what, I find that to be extremely disrespectful to look at other women when Iím right here next to you. He agreed. End of discussion.

    How do I manage to stop the questioning? EasyÖ I know what it feels like to be without him. Maybe that is what it is going to take for you, I donít know. I just feel that it is trivial stuff. I know he isnít doing anything. I trust him. And Iím not going to go back to my old patterns again. Also, he has opened up the lines of communication by sharing more of what he does. So, once he tells me whatís going on, I donít need to ask anymore questions. I believe him. So yes, there is something I tell myselfÖ I remind myself of the agony I went through on our breakups. I never want to feel like that again.

    Just because you have an appetite and can do your job doesnít mean that your brain isnít on over load. Maybe an antidepressant can help with that. I donít know, Iím not a doctor. But I think that was the point MJK98 was trying to get across. It just might give you the head start you need on stopping the questioning. Or as another poster stated, there could be alternative ways. Again, Iím no doctor. You just have to do what you feel is right for you.

    I donít know what to tell you to do anymore, than what I have already suggested. I donít have the magic answer for you. I donít know how to get you to stop the grilling sessions. You have to solve that yourself. For me it took me losing my boyfriend. Unfortunately, I think that might happen to you if you donít put a stop to it now.

    Have you asked your therapist on how to stop your reactions to things, and how to stop the questioning you give your boyfriend? She should have some exercises for you to work on. If I were you, Iíd use the resources you have to find out why you are so insecure and have trust issues.

    How was you night last night? Anything happen?

    (((HUGS)))
    Trooper

     
    Old 09-10-2003, 06:42 AM   #55
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    Hi MJK98,

    I know what you mean about friends. I have one very close girlfriend and I tell her everything. The thing I like best is that she is a no BS person. If she thinks my thinking is a little off, sheíll tell me. Sometimes I like talking to her better than my counselor.

    Iím an avid gym goer too. Well, I play indoor and outdoor soccer twice a week. And then the other days I go to workout. I like it, it makes me feel good about myself. And the added bonus is that you can let go of daily stresses!

    I do plan on having a talk with my doctor about an antidepressant. My boyfriend and I are going to talk to my counselor first and she what she says, then weíll all talk to my doctor. I do really only have it rough around my period. I donít know why that is, other than hormones? Thanks for mentioning that. I know that women can be effected by their periods a lot. I think that might be the case with me. Two weeks and Iím fine and happy, then the other two weeks is pretty much a gamble on my moods. I tend to cry easily and get very down around that time. Especially the week before. Iíve been noticing that pattern for about 5 months now. And now thinking back, my boyfriend and I would have arguments once a monthÖ and wouldnít you know it, it was around the time of my period. Maybe an antidepressant will help me thru that time.

    I have to say that I am very happy that you are taking control of your life. You noticed your pattern from past behavior and your putting a stop to it. I think you are on the right track to getting your life back and being happy. It does take a lot to admit your problems to yourself.

    What is the situation with your boyfriend now? Do you live together? How long have you been dating? And did you say that you needed help this time around Ė meaning help from the Zoloft?

    Hope you are well today,
    (((HUGS)))
    Trooper

     
    Old 09-10-2003, 08:18 AM   #56
    MJK98
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    Hi Trooper

    I have been with him the last 9 months, believe it or not i met him at a coffee stand , the first 4 months of our relationship he came on very very strong and i was leary because i thought your only separated 6 months and we shouldnt jump into it but we did , we don't live together , he has 2 kids and a very witchy stbxw although knowing him like i do i can certainly see some of the things that might have bothered her
    he is stubborn and all he likes to do is work...he is turning 34 and i am 37 so we have an age difference but not big....he has been through a pretty bad year with her , she wanted out and they got married very young 13 years of marriage after only knowing eachother 4 months anyway for the first 4 months he concentrated on trying to " Break the walls down" and he does know me very well but he goes back and forth wantng teh relationship, than not wanting it and he drives me crazy...I question him alot because he has a problem with events and times, like he tells the truth but the time frames arent always right which leads me to question him, he tries to make out to me that he is this hard working noble guy who would never cheat but he definetly has the tendancy to cheat ...i cant help the way i think about it, We also work across the street from eachother and have spent alot of time together ..so even though its only 9 months i feel like its been forever.......When we argue he gets very annoyed he says he is tired of always having to prove himself to everyone and he isnt going to do it anymore
    and when i get mad and say stuff he said he is letting it go in one ear and out another because he can't stand it anymore he says when your normal he goes i can't get enough of you he said when you act like that he goes i hate you , im like thats nice lol but you know he plays with me sometimes i have noticed that when i am calm and not giving him attention he will say something to me to ignite me how do i know this , because i have tested him and he fails everytime, my problem with him is i too sometimes adore me so much and enjoy him and other times when he acts moody and distant i want to get as far away from him as possible
    i do not want to end up with him as much as i love him but i am having ahrd time breaking away and again my thinking process is off the charts right now along with the bad pms get so im hoping zoloft with calm me down and help me get back to me
    i do not plan on staying on it very long just long enough to get going
    I mean i don't want to be an advocate of Zoloft but it was just a suggestion i mean this is day 6 so i dont know what changes it will bring but ill let you know
    have a great day

     
    Old 09-10-2003, 08:35 AM   #57
    MJK98
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    Hi ALways confused
    i think you were posting to me but im not sure in any event im glad to see your going to have a happy ending and a new beginning... Its very hard to deal with being unsure all the time but like i said in my post i can recognize when i get alittle over the top, i think the thing resented in my previous relationship was that he use to say i was crazy and it turned out i was right about everything i said so thats a blow to ones selfworth when a person is trying to make out like your nuts for thinking all these thoughts and it turns out that that person is right and thats what happened to me so in this relationship the minute he says crazy to me it flips me out because i say to myself am i dealing with a similiar character am i going to find out that he is a untrustworthy guy too , the difference is i tell him how i am feeing about stuff
    so he knows and if he isnt on the up and up i guess i will find out...anyway i wish you a world of happiness and i hope everything works for you both

     
    Old 09-10-2003, 10:17 AM   #58
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    Hi everyone. Thanks for all your support ~ it means a lot to me! At this point, I think that the fate of the relationship is up to my boyfriend, whether or not he wants to move out. Even then, I am not sure whether we will continue seeing each other. He had a night class yesterday so he got home late and we really didn't talk too much about 'us.' I didn't question him about my insecurities (about the web site thing) nor did I snoop, so I guess that's good.

    I am torn between wanting to continue the relationship with him, in terms of making the effort to start trusting him and getting rid of my insecurities. I honestly don't know if I would be like this if I dated someone else, because my current boyfriend and I have been together for a while and I don't know what it's like to date anymore. I really do love him a lot. At the same time, I know that I will be going through a lot of life changes in the next few months and I don't know if being in a relationship would be a benefit or a hindrance.

    I plan on quitting my job and going to law school this January. I don't know yet where I've been accepted, but my bf has said in the past, when things were good between us, that he would move with me. Now I don't know if that is going to happen. I also don't know whether I would even want him to move with me, if he chose to do that. I know going back to school is going to be a very tough thing - I don't know if being with him will interfere with my ability to concentrate on my schoolwork. At the same time, I still want to be with him - he is so supportive of what I want to do, he understands me completely and knows me so well. Likewise, I feel the same about him. We mesh and complement each other in so many ways. That is what I love about him and we have such a good time together, minus the insecurities.

    If I move away, and he stays here, then that would mean an eventual break-up. But at the same time, he might choose to move with me, and we might carry on with our problems, and that could result also in a break-up. I just don't know what to do. I'm past the point of snooping and I'm almost past the point of the questioning. Now, I just don't know if I can manage being in a relationship when I'm going to be starting a new chapter in my life. I want to share it with him but at the same time, I'm afraid it could end up hurting us more.

     
    Old 09-10-2003, 12:35 PM   #59
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    You're not married Thank the Lord!

    Dump him and find better. Once a liar always a liar.

    Go to the history file and found out where he has really been.

     
    Old 09-10-2003, 01:14 PM   #60
    MJK98
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    Sadgirl

    you are correct in saying that you wont be able to concentrate on your studies if this is whats going on
    law school takes a lot of dicipline and being stressed won't help so you sound like you may be making a wise decision doing this alone for now or atleast not living together if the stress continues..What does your BF do for a living?? Anyway what ever you decide good luck to you

     
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