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    Old 04-27-2010, 07:34 PM   #16
    justmel30
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    Re: Is my boyfriend sleeping with an older women?

    What my point is that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Sometimes, a bigger woman who in your opinion is less attractive, actually comes off as a much better catch if she carries herself correctly. It's not all about looks which you will probably learn at some point in time. It's a level of confidence, fun, compatibility, and chemistry that sometimes goes way beyond a persons size or physical physique. You do have a right to be confident but right now your not comming off as confident. Your comming off as very very young and threatened. She may very well be after him, but then again, maybe she just thinks of you two as friends. I certainly wouldn't be inviting the girlfriend of the guy I was after to sleep in my house. As far as a more "mature" woman knowing better then to chase after someone soooooooooooooooooooo young......well I'm sorry. When did 24 become old?!!!!! Sheesh! I just turned 30 and I think I just turned wrinkled and grey while responding to this! She's only3 years older then him......this is not that big of an age gap and she is no that old. Again, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Having said all that, like I told you before, just go talk to him and stop with the comparing and criticism and insecure statements. It will not help you any while your attempting to have a mature talk with your boyfriend about what may or may not be going on. Good luck.
    Melissa

     
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    Old 04-27-2010, 08:37 PM   #17
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    Re: Is my boyfriend sleeping with an older women?

    Yeah, you actually don't sound confident, but scared and insecure. You view this woman as a threat, despite your comments about how much "hotter" you are than her. You are frightened your BF might sleep with this woman and it shows.

    I think you can approach it in a mature way. Don't say "why would you ever want to sleep with her, I'm so much hotter than her!" You can just say you are concerned because of her reputation of liking to sleep with younger guys and you'd like it if he didn't spend time alone with her because it makes you uncomfortable. Nothing wrong with saying that.
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    Old 04-27-2010, 11:10 PM   #18
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    Re: Is my boyfriend sleeping with an older women?

    Yeah, don't mention the "I'm so much hotter" thing to your boyfriend, unless you want it to have the exact opposite effect you're going for.

     
    Old 04-28-2010, 06:29 AM   #19
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    Re: Is my boyfriend sleeping with an older women?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by justmel30 View Post
    What my point is that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Sometimes, a bigger woman who in your opinion is less attractive, actually comes off as a much better catch if she carries herself correctly. It's not all about looks which you will probably learn at some point in time. It's a level of confidence, fun, compatibility, and chemistry that sometimes goes way beyond a persons size or physical physique. You do have a right to be confident but right now your not comming off as confident. Your comming off as very very young and threatened. She may very well be after him, but then again, maybe she just thinks of you two as friends. I certainly wouldn't be inviting the girlfriend of the guy I was after to sleep in my house. As far as a more "mature" woman knowing better then to chase after someone soooooooooooooooooooo young......well I'm sorry. When did 24 become old?!!!!! Sheesh! I just turned 30 and I think I just turned wrinkled and grey while responding to this! She's only3 years older then him......this is not that big of an age gap and she is no that old. Again, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Having said all that, like I told you before, just go talk to him and stop with the comparing and criticism and insecure statements. It will not help you any while your attempting to have a mature talk with your boyfriend about what may or may not be going on. Good luck.
    Melissa

    There's a misunderstanding going on here. I KNOW for a FACT my boyfriend would never date this lady. She is about 30 herself, way older than him and not hot. Hot does have something to do with it to guys who have ONLY dated girls who are mostly on the "hot" side.

    Yes, I am worried he could sleep with her, but not out of any type of jealously. I'm totally and completely so NOT jealous of this women. Most girls know guys will sleep with "anything" and that's the problem here.

    I could dump him and go out with any number guys trying to go out with me. I don't me to sound conceited. Obviously I would rather it work out with my current guy since I like him and have some feelings for him. My problem is that I don't want to be in a relationship with a guy who is pretending to be friends with a lady, and having his cake and eating it too. So I'm worried about making the correct decision where he is concerned. Of course I'm NOT going to tell him I'm "hotter" . I'm only using those terms to explain the situation and no other reason. I want a guy to like me for me also.

    For some reason people treat girls like they're immature and insecure when a guy does something like this. Can't we explain the situation, can't we ask what's going on here? It doesn't mean that we cannot get someone else in an instant and leave the relationship. I'm not clingy, or needy or insecure or any of those things just because I want the right situation for me and I don't know the situation.

    If I had to guess, I would say my boyfriend is completely using this lady for a way to see me, and it has nothing to do with her. Do I want a guy who lets an older lady do him favors because her sights are on him? I let guy friends give me rides so how can I say anything? The problem is...... I'm a girl and would not sleep with any guy, but he's a guy so it looks very suspicious if he's letting an older lady give him rides while his car is broke down, because guys will sleep with almost anything.

    If this were a competition, I'm winning by land slides. SHE picked ME up for him and let us stay there together. What I'm asking is NOT "Am I winning the competition?". I KNOW I am. What I'm asking is, "Is this a situation that I want?" What's going on here? Is he having his cake and eating it too and acting innocent about it? Would a women pick up someone's girlfriend for them, if there was anything going on? What's her motivation for doing this?

    Last edited by restles2010; 04-28-2010 at 06:57 AM.

     
    Old 04-28-2010, 07:32 AM   #20
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    Re: Is my boyfriend sleeping with an older women?

    Lol, I'm still having a lot of trouble understanding why her picking you up and allowing you guys to stay at her house is such a huge problem? You're seriously hilarious, you just don't make any sense! Why would a person extending that kind of hospitality be a bad thing? I think when you get older and more mature, you'll learn to appreciate when people invite you over to hang out, it's what grown-ups do when they get tired of the bar scene. They bring a bottle of wine over to their friends' house and spend the evening hanging out and chatting or having a nice meal or playing board games or something like that. It's actually really relaxing and it's a nice way to spend an evening rather than having to deal with crowds at a bar and spending a ton of money on drinks.

    Anyways, even after all of the stuff you've posted, I'm still waiting for you to give me your reasons for why you think he is cheating. You haven't provided any evidence. I really don't care what she has done in the past, but what's your bf done to make you so untrusting of him and so willing to dump him all of the sudden just because a friend of his is giving him rides when his car is broken down? Is it so difficult for you to comprehend the possibility that maybe she just wants to be friends and is therefore being helpful? Don't you ever help your friends when they need some help with something? Why does she automatically have to have an alterior motive when it's entirely possible and likely that she's just genuinely trying to be helpful? Why are you so willing to assume the worst about her - when you don't even know her - and your bf - who I suspect may have done something in the past to make you not trust him or something otherwise none of this makes any sense.

    You really need to chill on the "I know I'm hot" thing, too. That kind of bragging seriously comes off as insecure. That's why people keep saying that. Women who are secure and confident and mature don't have to go around saying they're hot because they just know they are and they carry themselves in a confident way. It doesn't need to be said because it's already obvious by how the woman is perceived by people who meet her. I realize that you are still a teenager and a lot of this is lost on you, but you'll find when you get older that a lot more of this will make sense. I didn't get it either when I was your age. But sometime in my late 20s was when I finally understood what people meant when they said that stuff. It's something that will come with life experience.

    In the meantime, I think you need to just chill and not make a mountain out of a molehill. I think this entire situation is seriously ridiculous and for you to get this upset over such a trivial matter is completely unnecessary. There's nothing going on here that I can see and unless your bf has cheated on you in the past and that's why you're so mistrusting of him, then there is absolutely no reason to believe he has cheated or is considering cheating on you.

    If you want to handle this in a mature way, get to know this woman and be friends with her. You never know, she might be able to teach you a thing or two about life and you will get a new friend out of it. I'm sure if you got to know her, you'd find out she's probably just a nice person and her friendship is genuine. I have major doubts that she is after your bf and it's highly possible that the rumors about her may not even be true. I'd feel pretty stupid if I was making wild assumptions about someone based on rumors that ended up being false. I'd feel bad for jumping to conclusions about someone if that were the case.

     
    Old 04-28-2010, 08:19 AM   #21
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    Re: Is my boyfriend sleeping with an older women?

    Quote:
    For some reason people treat girls like they're immature and insecure when a guy does something like this.
    That's not true at all. You are coming across as immature and insecure from what you are saying in your posts.
    First of all this other woman is 26, now she's 30? It's like you're trying to convince yourself that the older you make her out to be the less likely it is that your bf would sleep with her.
    Then you go on and on about how "hot" you are and how hot she's not, and believe me men and women might have a "type" but plenty end up with people who are so totally different from what they thought they wanted, theres just no guarantee at all.
    All this is making you seem immature and insecure.

    The other woman is the only one who can tell you what her motives are, and your boyfriend is the only one who can tell you what his intentions are where this woman is concerned.

    Either you trust him or you don't. And if you're really that worried then talk to him. Trust and communication are foundations of a good relationship, and if you don't have those then you have more problems than what could just be a lonely woman going through a divorce who needs some friends right now.

     
    Old 04-28-2010, 08:38 AM   #22
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    Re: Is my boyfriend sleeping with an older women?

    Me thinks thou doth protest too much about me saying I'm "hot". There's nothing wrong with me conveying a situation in writing on a forum. I'm the one with the mature attitude by saying that I'm not jealous, I just want the right situation for me.

    And no, I don't have to have a "cheating" boyfriend to feel this way at all. I probably have more experience seeing things that go on because I know so many people, and so many guys as friends. It's all of their behavior and all of my friends' boyfriends behavior which gives me an understanding of the way 20 -year -old guys act. I'm trying to be mature and practical and asking a question.

    Why you cannot just offer me the opinions I'm looking and asking for, is immature of all of you. I'm asking for help, and instead you're picking me apart. It's guys who tell my friends they think I'm hot, and I get stupid jealous comments from them which are hurtful.

    I have to live my life in a fishbowl. Most of the guys who have slept with older women who are married, have told me the older married women has come on to them so strong, even after they tried to say no so they just gave in!

    I have the more mature attitude in this situation. To think that you all want to pick me apart and say my boyfriend cheats, and that's my problem and something is "wrong" with me for saying I'm hot. All of you are immature for attacking me instead of offering helpful information I'm asking for. Look at "grown up" behavior I've just described. It's not very mature now is it?

    The truth is, sometimes older married women chase young guys, because they are older and know they can get the guy to give in if they keep it up.



    Or is there anyone who would like to take a look at the situation and give me an honest opinion about it instead of picking me apart?

    Last edited by restles2010; 04-28-2010 at 09:02 AM.

     
    Old 04-28-2010, 08:39 AM   #23
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    Re: Is my boyfriend sleeping with an older women?

    I really don't know if your BF is sleeping with the older woman. As a prior poster mentioned, only your BF and the other woman know this.

    Do you come across in real life as accusatory and distrusting as you do here? If so, maybe work on that a bit and just have a talk with your BF if you're that concerned.

    As for any sort of competition -- to use your words from a prior post -- and not being able to take the heat in the kitchen, if the older woman does have her sights set on your gorgeous BF, you might want to adjust your strategy here a bit.

    Let me give you little advice here ... coming from a woman who's 38 and a size 14.

    Gorgeous young 21-year-old blossoming men like "older" women because we can please them sexually much, much better than their little girlfriends can. We have a lot more experience than young girls. Also, our drives are on the same level with younger men. I'm sure you've heard about Mother Nature's nasty little trick she's played on mankind: Men are in their sexual prime from ages 16 to 30, while women don't even begin their sexual primes until at least age 30.

    So if you're truly concerned here and want to compete, forget about "hot" and "size 4." Your definition of "hot" is obviously that of a teenager who's read too many teenie-bopper magazines. Your focus should be on your man and seduction, because if this other woman is after him, those are the cards she will play. And she will win.

    TTFN

     
    Old 04-28-2010, 08:47 AM   #24
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    Re: Is my boyfriend sleeping with an older women?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by StenoLady1 View Post
    I really don't know if your BF is sleeping with the older woman. As a prior poster mentioned, only your BF and the other woman know this.

    Do you come across in real life as accusatory and distrusting as you do here? If so, maybe work on that a bit and just have a talk with your BF if you're that concerned.

    As for any sort of competition -- to use your words from a prior post -- and not being able to take the heat in the kitchen, if the older woman does have her sights set on your gorgeous BF, you might want to adjust your strategy here a bit.

    Let me give you little advice here ... coming from a woman who's 38 and a size 14.

    Gorgeous young 21-year-old blossoming men like "older" women because we can please them sexually much, much better than their little girlfriends can. We have a lot more experience than young girls. Also, our drives are on the same level with younger men. I'm sure you've heard about Mother Nature's nasty little trick she's played on mankind: Men are in their sexual prime from ages 16 to 30, while women don't even begin their sexual primes until at least age 30.

    So if you're truly concerned here and want to compete, forget about "hot" and "size 4." Your definition of "hot" is obviously that of a teenager who's read too many teenie-bopper magazines. Your focus should be on your man and seduction, because if this other woman is after him, those are the cards she will play. And she will win.

    TTFN
    I'm so tired of this. I'm "mature" for my age. I'm very mature. Mother nature didn't play a cruel trick on me, I can assure you of that. I can see it in my boyfriends eyes that he thinks I'm a gold mine and he's so excited and attracted to me. I have problems finding a guy who can handle me. The "little girlfriend" comment just isn't true here, and it almost makes me laugh when I see this older lady getting ignored, and used to pick me up, since she probably mistakenly thinks the same thing. I'm way out of her league in every way.

    Last edited by Mo-S4; 04-28-2010 at 09:16 AM. Reason: Using vulgar language is not allowed. Using asterisks to disguise words is not allowed either.

     
    Old 04-28-2010, 09:05 AM   #25
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    Re: Is my boyfriend sleeping with an older women?

    OMG, did you even read my most recent post? I'm asking you for proof. Where is it? What is the proof?

    You've gone on and on about what you assume the "older woman" has done and what these friends of yours have done and what other women have done, but I haven't seen you post anything about anything that your bf has done that would lead you to the conclusion that he is cheating.

    Like I said, I don't think there's anything going on behind your back. I believe that she is going through a divorce and looking for friends and that's why she is being nice to you and your bf because she wants some new friends while she is going through a divorce. You've never had to go through a divorce, you have zero idea how much it means to have friends around to lift your spirits when you feel like crap. It means a lot.

    So until you post some kind of evidence of something specifically that your bf has done to make you think he is cheating, I think all of this is random drama that you're perpetuating for absolutely no reason at all.

    And by the way, through the years I've always had more guy friends than female friends. One thing I've learned from my guy friends is that the guys who have integrity don't sleep around on their gf's or wives. They value their relationship enough and love their SO enough that they would never do that to them, no matter who the "other woman" is. It's called integrity and if you truly believe your bf has no integrity and that he would be capable of cheating on you, then you're probably right that you should break it off. But from what you keep posting about him, it sounds like he is really into you and the relationship so I have absolutely no idea where all of this fear is coming from that you assume he is going to cheat on you all of the sudden out of the blue for no reason. That seriously makes no sense at all and I wish you could see how ridiculous you're being.

     
    Old 04-28-2010, 09:07 AM   #26
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    Re: Is my boyfriend sleeping with an older women?

    An honest opinion? I think you asked for that.
    If you were not afraid of what could be happening between them, you would not be here asking. That means you are somewhat concerned that this woman
    has some power over your guy regardless of your own hotness.

    The truth is that you can put the focus on all the cougars out there, even the younger women, any woman who is percieved threat...you can keep focusing on them, they will always be there. But the key, and the answer, lies within your boyfriend and his morals.

    Like someone else said...you trust him or you don't. The cougar would not even be a factor or even an afterthought of you trusted your boyfriend.

    Also, I disagree with the statement that most guys will sleep with anything. Those are just the dogs. And if you lie with dogs...well, you know the rest of that old saying.

    Last edited by River rocks; 04-28-2010 at 09:07 AM.

     
    Old 04-28-2010, 09:11 AM   #27
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    Re: Is my boyfriend sleeping with an older women?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Kszan View Post
    OMG, did you even read my most recent post? I'm asking you for proof. Where is it? What is the proof?

    You've gone on and on about what you assume the "older woman" has done and what these friends of yours have done and what other women have done, but I haven't seen you post anything about anything that your bf has done that would lead you to the conclusion that he is cheating.

    Like I said, I don't think there's anything going on behind your back. I believe that she is going through a divorce and looking for friends and that's why she is being nice to you and your bf because she wants some new friends while she is going through a divorce. You've never had to go through a divorce, you have zero idea how much it means to have friends around to lift your spirits when you feel like crap. It means a lot.

    So until you post some kind of evidence of something specifically that your bf has done to make you think he is cheating, I think all of this is random drama that you're perpetuating for absolutely no reason at all.

    And by the way, through the years I've always had more guy friends than female friends. One thing I've learned from my guy friends is that the guys who have integrity don't sleep around on their gf's or wives. They value their relationship enough and love their SO enough that they would never do that to them, no matter who the "other woman" is. It's called integrity and if you truly believe your bf has no integrity and that he would be capable of cheating on you, then you're probably right that you should break it off. But from what you keep posting about him, it sounds like he is really into you and the relationship so I have absolutely no idea where all of this fear is coming from that you assume he is going to cheat on you all of the sudden out of the blue for no reason. That seriously makes no sense at all and I wish you could see how ridiculous you're being.
    I hope you're right that she just wants friends, and thanks for talking to me like a person and giving me your opinion.

     
    Old 04-28-2010, 09:24 AM   #28
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    Re: Is my boyfriend sleeping with an older women?

    Hey, you came here and posted on a public message board, remember? You ask questions, you're going to get answers. And I think everyone's given you very sound advice.

    Like others, I would also be curious as to the woman's real age. Is it 26 or 30? I think that answer would give valuable insight into your original question about is your BF sleeping with an older women [sic]. If she's 30, I would lean towards her being after him purely for sex, as mentally they would be on completely different levels. A 26-year-old woman and a 21-year-old man would definitely have a lot more in common intellectually.

    As for your other questions in your last post -- you keep editing your posts, so I'm not going to try to quote from the most recent -- we can't give "how-to's" on these boards, but generally-speaking, lose the following words from your vocabulary when wanting to make your man happy: I, me, mine. Yeah, we get you think you're hot and a gold mine and skinny and cute. Really, we do. This is a rhetorical question and meant for you to consider: What do you do for your man? How do you make him feel? Does he feel like a gold mine because of what you can do for him?

    This woman could view the two of you as potential tenants and she's testing the waters. She could be dripping like a Creamsicle on a summer day and wanting to get in both of your pants. Who knows?

    You came here and slammed a lot of women. You called 26 "old" and a size 12 "chubby." Yeah, yeah, I know you've done a lot of backpedd -- er, I mean, editing, but I don't think anyone has been nearly as harsh with their words as you have been. But that's okay. We've all been 19, naive and stuck our feet in our mouth.

    I gave you the advice I did because you seemed to want to make this a competition between the other woman and you: Learn what her weapon will be and use it to your advantage. You could also choose a more trusting lifestyle. You could also refrain from dating young gorgeous boys who will sleep with "anything."

     
    Old 04-28-2010, 10:05 AM   #29
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    Re: Is my boyfriend sleeping with an older women?

    We did give you advice. TALK to your boyfriend. Tell him you are uncomfortable with him hanging around this woman.

    And despite your protests, you ARE threatened by her and you ARE afraid your boyfriend will sleep with her. So...tell him you're uncomfortable with him spending time around her and maybe the problem of this particular woman will go away.
    __________________
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    Old 04-28-2010, 12:10 PM   #30
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    Re: Is my boyfriend sleeping with an older women?

    bawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwhahahahaha! Stenolady....that creamsickle thing was the funniest stuff I've read all week! Loved it! Anywho, nobody said that your boyfriend cheats and that it's your fault. Nobody here has said anything other then what life is going to teach you yourself at some point in time. EVERYBODY over 25 will probably agree here that you can never underestimate a mans attraction level to the ugly chubo in the corner! All of us, at one point in time or another, have been slighted by somebody for somebodyelse who was less "desireable" then ourselves. However, normally if we look deep down, there was a quality of that person that far surpassed our own. For instance, a guy will normally go with the less stuck on her self, slightly older, size 12 who is not so high maintenance, then the skinny whiney mean girl who is catty and challenging on a good day. Good luck to you.
    Melissa

    Last edited by justmel30; 04-28-2010 at 12:11 PM.

     
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