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  • Is my girlfriend lying about her past sexual partners?

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    Old 05-23-2010, 04:43 PM   #16
    debell83
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    Re: Is my girlfriend lying about her past sexual partners?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Redneon82 View Post
    She's giving you a chance. Be sure to not blow it with more jealous, obsessive behavior. This is a golden opportunity for you to learn an important lesson. When you get the urge to start in on her again (and you will, this won't disappear overnight), STOP! Remind yourself of the pain you are feeling right now, and of the pain you inflicted on this girl you love so much, and STOP! You CAN help it, all you have to do is close your mouth and refuse to let the jealousy out.
    I feel very lucky to be given this last chance. I am determined to get past this stupid obsession of mine. It's not worth risking the relationship over it, she's just too damn important to me.

    Thank you for your input.

     
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    Old 06-01-2010, 01:01 PM   #17
    WishfulGirl
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    Re: Is my girlfriend lying about her past sexual partners?

    My question is this.....why would you want to know how many sexual partners she's had in the first place? They were before you came into her life and it's really none of your business. If she wants to tell you, great - but situations like this happen all too often and it winds up becoming a problem.
    If a guy really wants to know my "number", I have no problem disclosing that information. It's not like I have slept around, by any means, but if my "number" offends someone - well, oh well! I don't feel bad about it. I chose to sleep with those people and it was before - so who cares. That's how I look at it anyway.
    Jealously is tainting my relationship right now.....my jealously and I hate it but it has nothing to do with the women my BF slept with before me. I don't care. Hell, I look at it as experience because he's the best lover I've ever had - so props to all those women who put their 2 cents in on my man (before I came into his life, of course) and helped him become the amazing lover he is!
    My jealously comes from women that won't leave him alone. He's indifferent to all of it but he is a flirt and often says things without thinking about how I would feel about it - whether I found out about it or not. Morals are a big part of a relationship...just as trust is and if one can't stop themselves from flirting with another person, even knowing their BF or GF won't find out about it - it's wrong. You should be loyal to your lover....in front of them or when they are no where around.
    As far as her wanting space. Give it to her. It's not to say she wants to be with other people....but she may be feeling like you don't accept her for who she is. Think about it this way.....everything she has done prior to you coming into her life are all the things that made her who she is today and who she is now is who you are in love with....so what does it matter how she got to where and who she is - she's a woman you love and don't want to be without and that should be all that matters.

    Good luck to you and hopefully you and I can both get a handle on our jealously and just love our partners for who they are and what they mean to us!

     
    Old 06-02-2010, 08:08 PM   #18
    debell83
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    Re: Is my girlfriend lying about her past sexual partners?

    WishfulGirl: thank you for the reply. This is really tough. So many things go through my mind but I'm determined to get past this. I know it's in the past and I know it's none of my business, but she actually asked me the first time and that's how the conversation came up. Now that we've already talked about it, it's stayed on my mind.

    Again, I don't feel like she has a "high number" per say. She is a very respectable person and I don't look at her any differently. I guess it's just simply something I need to get over if I want our relationship to work.

    She's been a bit distant from me but not too bad. I am giving her the space that she needs and I'm there for her when she needs me. I hope we make it through this.

    Good luck to you as well and thank you for your response.

    Last edited by debell83; 06-02-2010 at 08:12 PM.

     
    Old 09-08-2010, 05:57 PM   #19
    kaimik
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    Re: Is my girlfriend lying about her past sexual partners?

    I went through this with my fiancee... i did catch her out a few times lying about things like that... but if you love her, does her past really matter? my girl had webcam friends (lets just say) and i told her if she loves me that much then it will stop... and it has... just talk to her one night and tell her how you feel... she has had 5 and shes 17... but she was my first... i felt odd about it... dont listen to all the hear say stuff, most people come across jealous and that is probably the main factor of her friend... as for your girlfriend denying that it was her that went with the druggie... it maybe a touchy subject and a bad experience... you must have had bad experiences that you dont want to talk about... if you love her then you will let it go... i dont mean that in a bad way mate... if you want the relationship to work then put it all behind you like your girlfriend has put it behind her.

     
    Old 09-09-2010, 12:28 PM   #20
    caberg
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    Re: Is my girlfriend lying about her past sexual partners?

    My wife and I (together for eight years, married for three) had a couple of these "past partner" conversations early on. I think it's natural to be curious. If I remember correctly, she's been with 4-5 other people before me, I remember giving her a vague number but the accurate impression that it's considerably higher than her number. We never pried for details, and to this day we don't talk about past partners, unless it's a causal mention relating to some other topic of conversation. I certainly don't want to know and think about my wife with other guys, and I think the feeling is mutual.

    That said, I totally get your desire for honesty. I'd let this topic go, and see if honesty is an issue in other areas of the relationship. If she really has a problem with honesty, it will show soon enough. But the issue of past partners, in my view, is not one to dwell on.

    Good luck!

     
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