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    Old 02-15-2012, 12:26 AM   #1
    Bluerose26
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    Question Help me figure this guy out ASAP

    Ok so a few months back i met this guy at my job. Physically he's everything any girl can dream of and more personality wise i find him to be extremely hilarious there's not a day this guy wont make me laugh when we work together. Me and him randomly started talking more because he knew some information i needed at the time and he was helping me figure some things out we didnt talk much outside of work only through a social network but no phonecalls or texting, one day he messaged me and starts a casual conversation when all of a sudden he tells me to text him because hes going to work and so thats how we started texting a lot...a few weeks later i found out he had a girlfirend i never asked him because even though i was attracted to him i didnt want to be obvious about it and so well i find out he has a girlfriend that he has been dating for about a year or so but we still kept texting on daily basis pretty much from sunrise to sunset. Then he wanted to hang out outside of work but not as a date of just me and him but with other people WELL we finally hung out with some of MY friends only and things never changed we kept talking from morning to nigt almost everyday EXCEPT when he was hanging Out with his girlfriend he would usually stop texting me a few hours before he hung out with her all of a sudden one day he tells me his girlfriend is jealous of me because we talk constantly even though our converstaions were nothing but friendly up untill now. I stopped talkin to him for a month or two because i was kind of seeing someone and i found it disrespectful for me to still flirt with "Brad" thats what ill call him. Well when i broke things off with that Other guy i started texting and talking to brad more and more again. Im gonna go staright to the point now that you kinda know the situation between me and brad. I obviously like this guy he is so much like me he makes me laugh wich is a huge plus and if im feeling down he will try his beat to cheer me up. BUT he has a girlfriend! Heres there thing though he constantyly complains about this girl and not only to me but to the rest of my coworkers he has said to me before she is not the girl he wants to marry but my question is why is he still with her if he feels that way? He constantly flirts with me he gives me presents he also gave me sexy lingerie which kinda confused me on his intentions with me i've clearly told him im not the type of girl that has sex with someone just to do it and he knows and understands that which throws me off on why he would give me such a present, my friends kept tellling me it was because he wanted to see me in it but as he knows IT WONT HAPPEN. He tLks to me about a lot of things we have all types of conversations and he is always asking me questions about myself sometimes he even jokes around and tells me that me and him will be together in the future he has even told me im the type of girl that guys go for just because of the way i act he loves my attitude which is weird because i can be too blunt about things which cause people to get offended but he loves that. I am completely confused on what this guy wants he tells me he has never cheated on his girlfriend and he looks like the type of guy who means it just because of the way he acts SO i dont know why he keepa giving me these mixed signals he knows i dont have casual sex and he says he wont ever cheat on his girlfriend but he still talks and flirts with me all the time im so confused i really like this guy and I can definitely see myself with him but i dont wanna fall for someone who has a girlfriend. i dont kjow what to do someone please give me their point of view! btw hes 22 and i am 21 HELP

     
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    Old 02-16-2012, 12:50 AM   #2
    Linnia
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    Re: Help me figure this guy out ASAP

    It's the underwear that cinches it.

    He's interested in you, and probably wants to break up with his girlfriend, but he doesn't want to be alone or have no sex doll for him to use, and you've made it clear to him that you're not about to jump into bed with him right away, so he's stalling, because his girlfriend is probably comfortable enough and easy enough for him to manage that he doesn't quite have a "good" reason yet to dump her.

    Initially it sounds like a compliment, but then you get to the part where he complains endlessly about his girlfriend, ignores you when he's with her, flirts endlessly with someone who's not the girlfriend AND gives underwear to her, despite her not being the girlfriend - I would SERIOUSLY question his integrity and whether this behaviour would stop should he dump his girlfriend and go out with you (I really don't think it would). He'd just complain about you instead.

    So yeah, admire him from afar, and keep a casual friendship with him, if you want to, as he sounds entertaining, but I would strongly advise not dating him. He doesn't sound like good boyfriend material.

     
    Old 02-16-2012, 05:31 AM   #3
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    Re: Help me figure this guy out ASAP

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Linnia View Post
    It's the underwear that cinches it.

    He's interested in you, and probably wants to break up with his girlfriend, but he doesn't want to be alone or have no sex doll for him to use, and you've made it clear to him that you're not about to jump into bed with him right away, so he's stalling, because his girlfriend is probably comfortable enough and easy enough for him to manage that he doesn't quite have a "good" reason yet to dump her.

    Initially it sounds like a compliment, but then you get to the part where he complains endlessly about his girlfriend, ignores you when he's with her, flirts endlessly with someone who's not the girlfriend AND gives underwear to her, despite her not being the girlfriend - I would SERIOUSLY question his integrity and whether this behaviour would stop should he dump his girlfriend and go out with you (I really don't think it would). He'd just complain about you instead.

    So yeah, admire him from afar, and keep a casual friendship with him, if you want to, as he sounds entertaining, but I would strongly advise not dating him. He doesn't sound like good boyfriend material.
    Haha, I agree completely with the poster above.

    Stay away. Honestly, even a casual friendhsip wouldn't probably work in this case, that is what I think, unless a casual friendship means just greeting and saying hello.

    We have a saying here, more or less along these lines:

    "Someone who badmouths someone else to you, will badmouth you to someone else." It is just a question of time.

    Be wise and careful. Don't go for him just because of his good looks and good sense of humor. These are deceiving.

    Last edited by pendulum; 02-16-2012 at 05:32 AM.

     
    Old 02-16-2012, 07:18 AM   #4
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    Re: Help me figure this guy out ASAP

    He already has cheated on his girlfriend with you by showering you with so much attention and all of the gifts. He sounds totally shady and if I were you, I would not want to date him at all. It's just a matter of time before he starts complaining about you after you start dating and starts flirting with some other girl all the time and then you will be in te same position as his girlfriend is now! You don't think he would do that to you but that's exactly what will happen if you pursue this.

    Personally, it doesn't say much for a guy's integrity who pulls all these shenanigans while already dating someone else. If he were single it wouldn't be and issue but since he is not, that makes him the worst kind of person for going behind his girlfriends back like this. Ad you, as the other woman, should feel badly about how his behavior is hurting her instead of encouraging him to leave her.

     
    Old 02-16-2012, 07:49 AM   #5
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    Re: Help me figure this guy out ASAP

    He's training you to be his next girlfriend. Later, when he tires of you, he will train another. Just like he's doing to his current girlfriend now. Is that the life you want for yourself over the next year or two? There's no future with this guy. You know that, right?

     
    Old 02-16-2012, 01:46 PM   #6
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    Re: Help me figure this guy out ASAP

    As Kszan stated, he's already cheated on his girlfriend with you. You do realize that cheating isn't just physical. There's emotional cheating which he's clearly doing. If you were his girlfriend and he was doing what he's doing with you with another girl, do you really think that isn't cheating? How would you feel? Is he really trustworthy? What about his respect for his girlfriend?

    In my opinion, he's really just looking to have sex with you even though you said you're not that type of girl. It's the thrill of the hunt and he's hoping that his persistence will pay off by having sex with you. I've seen it happen and have had experience (in my not so good younger days) in meeting girls like yourself who aren't those type of girls but eventually come around and have sex. He's trying to make it seem like he's a good guy and that he really cares about you but in reality it's really only about one thing. Just think about it. What kind of guy gives a friend lingerie???

    Also, beware of having relationships with people at work. I'm sure you've heard this before, but having relationships at work can be VERY dangerous if things don't work out.

    As with the others who posted here, I'd stay away from him. It's okay to be professional to him at work, but I wouldn't do anything outside of the work environment.

    Good Luck!
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    Old 02-17-2012, 03:39 PM   #7
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    Re: Help me figure this guy out ASAP

    This post seems familiar.

    It's very hard when you have feelings for another human being to just shut off. Especially when the feelings are strong.

    It's also very clear when you are on the outside looking in, but I'm in a similar situation and I can see you shouldn't have anything to do with this guy, but I can't ell you not to, I'm in no position to

     
    Old 02-17-2012, 04:58 PM   #8
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    Re: Help me figure this guy out ASAP

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Escape10 View Post
    This post seems familiar.

    It's very hard when you have feelings for another human being to just shut off. Especially when the feelings are strong.

    It's also very clear when you are on the outside looking in, but I'm in a similar situation and I can see you shouldn't have anything to do with this guy, but I can't ell you not to, I'm in no position to
    I completely agree with you that what a person should do and what they do because of their feelings is two different things. I don't think anyone can say, without lying, that they never let their emotions get the better of their judgment in regards to relationships.

    The point though, is to get that outside non-bias (since we don't know the person) perspective. No one knows a persons relationship the best than the two people involved so any advice is just that.

    One can only hope that the person asking for advice gets some perspective in their situation and apply it.
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    Old 02-23-2012, 09:13 PM   #9
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    Re: Help me figure this guy out ASAP

    Think of it this way - would you really be able to trust a guy who is known to have a history of flirting endlessly with some girl and given her lingerie - all behind his "girlfriend's" back? Seriously? That's not cheating? And he's bitching about her? What kind of a person does that make him?

    He's not worth it if he's doing that to his poor girlfriend.

     
    Old 02-23-2012, 10:01 PM   #10
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    Re: Help me figure this guy out ASAP

    I think there's really only one way to interpret it when a guy gives you lingerie. He's saying "I'm hoping to have sex with you, and I'm thinking you probably want to have sex with me, too." I think you need to stop playing around with this guy. The next time he says "I see us together in the future, we'll date in the future" or whatever, just tell him the truth. Smile and say "someday if you're ever single, we can talk about it." That way you're letting him know up front you won't be his plaything and you expect him to be a decent, stand up guy. Then it's up to him whether he wants to be a stand up guy or not.

    Last edited by Larrylou'smom; 02-23-2012 at 10:03 PM.

     
    Old 02-24-2012, 09:25 AM   #11
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    Re: Help me figure this guy out ASAP

    He is hoping to eat his cake and have it too. He is trying to wear you down.

     
    Old 02-26-2012, 10:23 AM   #12
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    Re: Help me figure this guy out ASAP

    A gift of flowers says "I like you and I hope to date you". A gift of lingerie (especially a first gift!) says "I'm hoping to get into your pants".

     
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