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  • 22 years old. so scared (in need of some serious help)

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    Old 04-11-2012, 04:46 PM   #1
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    22 years old. so scared (in need of some serious help)

    i have tried to blend together my thread from the ms section on the site.

    hello i am 22 years old male, 5'7 120lbs

    when i was 19 i got on the internet and started searching and came about some diseases online which scared me, even before i had any physical symptoms. just stress from school and not having a gf sometimes i would just feel tired from feeling like a loser and my body would ache. the first thing i found about was ms. i constantly thought about twitching and muscle fatigue and was so scared. i thought about ti so much i literally did not sleep for a week, i would lay down and have panic attacks thinking about ms. i then developed some of the twitching. i also had very loose stools soft greenish yellow and diarrhea alot. then it went on to something else i thought i had cancer from a small exhaust leak into my car at least i thought it was in the car for a few months. i don't smoke or drink so i thought i had lung cancer. then i thought i had a heart condition and i was so stressed i started having palpitations. i went to a therapist for a few sessions and it didn't help much. i didn't take any meds either, this was around 19. i did have Lyme disease in 8th grade junior high. i had an infection in my left knee and couldn't walk for a couple weeks because my knee was huge. i ended up meeting a girl who i was friends with would hangout with and fell in love with. we were not sexually active but i did want to be and would have erections all the time. we just wouldn't do anything. then we started fooling around and i would be fine. then it seems like my drive just dropped off and when it was time to do it and up to this day i sometimes have trouble maintaining a full erection, sometimes its semi soft and i never think about having sex and im constantly worrying about if i can do it. it did put a strain on our relationship because i was so nervous to do it it actually took months. so sometimes we have good and bad. (could be from porn and masturbation which still do). beside that i was feeling back to myself beside my stools being small hard rounded balls alot of the time which makes me feel constipated alot of the time. now i ended up having some dental work done over the past couple years. i had 3 root canals, one ended up getting pulled, one just got a crown, waiting another crown and an implant for the tooth that got pulled. now the one with the permanent crown is giving me problems and i started googling things and now im convinced my teeth are rotting and falling out. all i can think about is dentures. then i got back on here and an anxiety forum i use and started looking into ms again and getting scared. and i posted about the weird feeling in my leg i am still having through the class im in as im typing this. i have been constantly thinking about that and twitching and all the other symptoms of ms i read. weird feeling in my left arm as well. so now i feel like im falling back into the loop because of the symptoms i have. i had the full blood work done and a physical for school in january and got treated for lyme and it was positive on all 3 signs or whatever my mom said so i got treated the medication. i remember in jr high they were huge pills i took for over a month. this time it was small ones for about a month. well anyway based on these symptoms
    -the erection problems, the constipation and the weird feeling in my leg i am convinced i do have ms

    ms on top of the dental worries im having about dentures. im only 22 and it makes me think my body is deteriorating. and at times it does make me think maybe if i die it will be easier for me and everyone around me. as bad as it sounds i feel like the 2 people i care about most are going through so much stress because of me. my mom cries at night from what i tell her. what makes me think my body is ok and is going to be ok for all these years to come?

    i dont have much money, im scared to go to the doctor and even get an mri. if i found out i had ms i would cry. 22 year old male like a little baby. There is one thing that keeps me afloat and its my girlfriend. i have been dating her for 2 years and she is just perfect and if im having problems now i dont want to put her through hell because of me. if i was to have ms, who knows if i actually do?, i know it is not a death sentence or a wheel chair sentence, but if i ended up in a wheel chair, and was not able to go places, do things, make love to her because of that and erection problems, i would not want to be alive to make her life a struggle because of mine. i would want her to be able to live her life. i know she loves me so much and i love her but i feel like she deserves a good life more then i do. im not suicidal but if my 25 teeth, 2 with root canals remaining of the 32 i had fall out (i get pains all around my mouth because im constantly worrying about them always on my mind), and i do find out i have ms i probably would be. i just feel like im stuck in this never ending struggle. im scared as well. i just want all these issues im having to be because my brain is making me feel all this because i am constantly thinking about it.

    i guess the stool problem could be from a bad diet? i miss breakfast alot, i eat alot of pasta being italian and not beef alot. mostly chicken etc but its been going on for a while.

    the erection problems? just stress?

    the weird feelings in leg and arm from my worry and anxiety?

    like i said my parents go to a therapist for their anxiety. i dont take any meds for anxiety or any meds at all. i just feel so lost

    I do have health insurance no life insurance. Still at state university. I was told by thetherapist i have somatization disorder back when i was 19. I never have had an mri or spinal tap in my life though. The full blood work in end of january was all good they told me. Back when i wento to the er when i was 19 the doc said i didnt have ms. Now im just nervous thats all because its been almost 24 hours with the weird feeling in my leg and now my arm. Not numbness or tinglig just a weird physical feeling. So these just make me nervous becaus i cant take my mind off of it for the day to even see if it goes away. Im trying to stay off google but all this idle time at home makes me just focus on these thoughts. My therapist is on vacation right now and i keep self diagnosing myself especially cus its on the left side not both legs and arms. I hate living like this. Im living in fear that i am going to be leaving this place in the nex couple years.

    and to some of the previous posts from you guys. there is one thing im scared of i think i mentioned. im scared of losing my girlfriend. i have nevr cared for someone so much and with this train of thought i am constantly thinking i am going to develop a terminal illness over the next year or so i was googling some easy ways to cope with anxiety and then a forum came up about grieving with close ones who have a terminal illness. for some reason i just feel like im prone to something bad happening. and i cant picture myself leaving my girlfriend behind and my mother. my girlfriend is my soulmate. i love her so much, i just cant change my train of thought because of the issues i have been having, reading stories, now my anxiety being back with my teeth issues and now thinking i have ms again. im trying to "unconvince" myself im getting cancer, or gonna be in a wheel chair, and just dying in general.

    my thereapist i have seen twice is gone for vacation so i dont have many places to express what im feeling. its going to be a long recovery and i hope that anxiety is brewing up some sort of cancer inside my body as well

    Last edited by tryingtofindpeace; 04-11-2012 at 04:49 PM.

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    Old 04-11-2012, 07:15 PM   #2
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    Re: 22 years old. so scared (in need of some serious help)

    it is a long post but im in a serious low right now and any input would be appreciated. afraid i have ms again. today and yesterday weird pain/feeling in my left leg and weird feeling in my arm. not sure if it came on after i started constantly thinking about ms a couple days ago or if it was a day or so before that. scared to death

    Old 04-12-2012, 09:31 AM   #3
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    Re: 22 years old. so scared (in need of some serious help)


    Sounds like you have got a lot on your plate. Most, if not all of these symptoms do sound like anxiety. Judging by the number of people who post on this particular part of the site (anxiety), you are definitely not alone.
    Since your blood work seems fine, I am pretty sure you have nothing to worry about in regards to serious medical issues. I would definitely recommend going to see the doctor and explain everything to him/her. They can do the necessary tests and confirm if what you are feeling is anxiety or not.
    I went thorugh this similarly when my anxiety first came on over 10 years ago. You need to ask yourself: do you want to live in fear of what may happen? Or do you want to live for the moment!? Life is now, not yesterday and not what MAY happen tomorrow. Don't worry about what other might think or what MIGHT happen in the future.
    So what you have a problem getting an erection? Did you ever notice commerials for Cialis or Viagra? This is not uncommon! You won't die from not having an erection.
    So what if you find out you have MS (very likely you don't). I have a friend with MS and he has had it for 7 years. Diagnosed at 30 years old. He has kids, great wife and a good job. He lives life as normally as I do. None of what you THINK you have is life threatening or anything to get worked up about.
    Try to start doing things you truly enjoy (force yourself if you have to). This will fill your mind with good thoughts. The more you stay positive the better you will feel.

    Get to the doctor and tell him/her everything and don't hold back. You deserve to (and will) feel better!!

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