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  • I cheated on my boyfriend and done this to myself

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    Old 08-18-2011, 01:53 AM   #1
    Mummy25
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    I cheated on my boyfriend and done this to myself

    Hi all,

    A few weeks ago I went slept with this guy and went home told my boyfriend it's over. I knew I crossed the line and thought that would be it. I suppose I just wanted out of our relationship it's been a long time coming.

    My boyfriend and I got together 6 years ago after we both going through stuff. Then things were a bit rocky but in the end we did get serious and we now have a 4 year old son. I always thought I was not good enough as he had female friends and would spend a lot of time chatting to them on the phone and me left at night in bed a lone. I know he was not cheating just talking.
    Recently things got to the point I had enough joined this site and started getting a lot of male attention. I made a lot of male friends but then some guy came a long and we both started talking before I knew it we are meeting each other and I end up doing that. I was full of guilt at the time and this guy gone back to his country.
    Anyway my boyfriend knows what I done I confessed all but it's hurt him badly and at first he wanted us to try again and we been trying to but every little argument comes he chucks it in my face and I know it's my fault. I told my boyfriend several times I need space but felt trapped into staying as he said if I go that will be it for us.
    When my boyfriend and I first agreed we would try again I emailed this guy to tell him both my boyfriend and I are getting back together. Then only last week after not hearing from this guy for a long time he contacted and this email he sent got to me. So I began emailing him back and I feel I've got feelings for him.
    My boyfriend and I have been getting a long fine but he can't trust me which is understandable and plus he don't know I'm emailing this guy. But from yesterday he has been really funny with me and won't talk to me at all.
    Apart of me just wants to go be on my own as this is what I orignally wanted to start with. But felt forced to stay to work things out. Now this guy seems interested and he probably did just use me but I like him more than I should.
    I have not told my friends even though they know what I done can't tell them the latest feel such a fool right now and I don't expect anyone to reply probably deserve everything. But yet I look back and think if this guy never came a long my boyfriend and I would of split anyway.
    I really don't know what to do anymore so lost.

    Last edited by Mummy25; 08-18-2011 at 01:54 AM.

     
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    Old 08-18-2011, 05:28 AM   #2
    SingleHunter
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    Re: I cheated on my boyfriend and done this to myself

    I think you jumped the gun by cheating on your boyfriend, and completely neglecting to even simply communicate with him about the situation at hand. I think what you did was very disrespectful and worse, than just your boyfriend having phone conversations with other girls. Going by with what you said so far, you felt jealous of him talking to other girls, you refused to talk to him about it, therefore you resorted to cheating on him as a means of getting back at him and ending the relationship. Even though you could of just simply ended the relationship just by talking to him.

    My advice to you is you should definitely end the relationship, be on your own as you wish, and let your boyfriend find someone that will not cheat on him just out of pure jealousy and lack of communication.
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    Old 08-18-2011, 06:22 AM   #3
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    Re: I cheated on my boyfriend and done this to myself

    Hi I didn't fully explain my whole situation and wish to god I had not cheated as I know our relationship was not good anyway. It was not just he had female friends he spoke to but I kind of got use to that. But what the problem is that I felt my boyfriend was emotionally controlling me. I had wanted to do something and follow a religion and he did approve on this. Told me if I went ahead we would finish. One time we had a big argument and he really upset me just said some very nasty things.
    I just felt we were like house mates we never didn't do much at weekends. His idea of family thing would sit at home watching movies. I felt bored and I felt he would never change. I didn't feel I was good enough for him.
    Only until I slept with this guy I realised how much he loved as he was nearly in tears. He walked out on me one night and I was heartbroken realised I do love him but not sure if I am in love with him. The spark has gone and even though we been trying to sort things out he won't trust.

    Yest I know it's all my fault but apart of me wishes I ended it before I went ahead got with this guy. It just happened though this person would give me something that my boyfriend but infact I was full of guilt.

    I am still confused over this guy and feel that I need to get my independence back and start working and then call it with my boyfriend for good. As I can't cope with it all.

     
    Old 08-18-2011, 07:37 AM   #4
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    Re: I cheated on my boyfriend and done this to myself

    It doesn't sound like this relationship was all that good, strong or satisfying anyway. He may have been "just talking" to his female buddies, but he was neglecting you, and basically making you feel second, third or fourth in line for him time, attention and affections. You don't want to go back to that, do you?

    I say let it go, and get out of this relationship. Not FOR the other guy, it sounds like that will not turn into anything. But because your boyfriend's not satisfying your needs, isn't all that into you, and mostly, won't forgive you for the affair. You can't have a healthy, mutually respectful, adult relationship with someone who keeps insisting on punishing you for past indiscretions. If he can't let it go and start fresh with you, the two of you have no hope.

     
    Old 08-18-2011, 10:01 AM   #5
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    Re: I cheated on my boyfriend and done this to myself

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Larrylou'smom View Post
    It doesn't sound like this relationship was all that good, strong or satisfying anyway. He may have been "just talking" to his female buddies, but he was neglecting you, and basically making you feel second, third or fourth in line for him time, attention and affections. You don't want to go back to that, do you?

    I say let it go, and get out of this relationship. Not FOR the other guy, it sounds like that will not turn into anything. But because your boyfriend's not satisfying your needs, isn't all that into you, and mostly, won't forgive you for the affair. You can't have a healthy, mutually respectful, adult relationship with someone who keeps insisting on punishing you for past indiscretions. If he can't let it go and start fresh with you, the two of you have no hope.
    I know but saying that I should not have cheated on him. I kept telling him if you can't forgive me etc I should. I left him and he kept begging me back but now he is in the mood where he don't care. So I feel that it's over for good. He keeps saying these comments etc.



    I think both me and this other guy used each other as we both felt lonely etc. But for some reason this guy wants to remain friends and this is what messing my head up can't deal with it.

     
    Old 05-15-2012, 05:31 AM   #6
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    Re: I cheated on my boyfriend and done this to myself

    Update

    From last year after I cheated my boyfriend and I went through a lot. He was having me up through the night telling me he was going to leave and he would leave and then come back. This happened a lot as what I had done really broke his heart. He then got very angry with me and kept chucking this guy in my face all time.
    I found it very hard to let go of this guy and was still in contact with him by email. Also we spoke on chat and he asked me to move to his country. I said no and then beginning of the year I finally let go. Cut all contact with this.
    So my boyfriend and I were alright but we did have other issues to deal and we been going out a lot. I would say my boyfriend has changed as he was starting to help with our son and helping doing housework. As he was self-employed but he was not getting enough jobs and stopped to looking for something that would give him regular income instead of casual work.
    It had been alright between us.
    Then a few weeks ago he got a new job and now it seems like to square one again. I mean he was starting to help me a bit and was being a bit more supportive. I know he got to work but he kind of been telling everyone he done this for himself. Just seems very selfish and said to me I must get a job. But our whole situation is complicated to go into but I can't work right now due to the fact our benefits maybe cut. Although I would like to go back to work but it's just difficult.
    My mum got ill so had to go look after and he started being a bit horrible because he was waiting for start date for this job. He was telling me you got to come etc. In the end it turned out he had training just near my mums the only thing was we had to take our son out of school nor 4 days. Then my mum was getting back to herself and he was finishing training and we went home.
    I just now feel he has just left me with everything. He is like not interested in the bills. They are in his name but we have a lot of advice from telling us to go CAB. But ever since he started working he just come home relaxed and now he has been sleeping all day. I suppose with me feeling down within myself I am feeling a bit jealous.
    But he just has come across selfish as he is talking about buy a new mobile phone and other stuff and I am like we need to sort bills out.
    Then during the time my mother was ill I was contacted by this guy inviting to be his friend on a business site. I was thinking this has come at a worse time as I just kept ignoring the invitation. Last week I was confused about this guy felt I wanted to talk to him but as I was feeling low and on the medication put it down to that aswell.
    Then I sometimes feel I am better off alone and I stupidly been chatting to this guys online as I have felt lonely but they all are aware I am in a relationship it's just nice talking to new people. But I am tempted to contact this guy and I just don't know why I still have the what if I did get in a relationship maybe my life would be better. All this weird thoughts going round and round in my head. I have managed not to give in and contact him directly but I sometimes have to look at his picture on his site. I know he is not good but really don't know why I can't get him out my head.
    Then last night I had a horrible dream about my boyfriend and it really upset me. He had this friend he was helping but I caught them kissing and it really hurt. Now last time I dreamt something like this about my boyfriend I was the one who cheated. I do fear he will now because he often says he wants to get me back. As he is working a lot this is playing on my mind.
    I been told he a good man and I won't get anyone better than him. But inside myself I feel no I can get a better guy than him. But the in reality as I have a son with my boyfriend another guy would not help this situation. Sometimes I want to escape my current situation and I latch onto another guy to do so. But instead it make matters worse.Due to being very down I booked in to see a talking therapist as I need to find out why I do latch on to guys save me. Deep down I know I got to get myself out of the mess and I know at the beginning of meeting a guy it may seem good but when you have kids it does change everything. I've got to much going round my head.
    I am talking to these other guys and as I said they all know I am in relationship but worried as I don't want to do this to myself again. Latch on to a guy and make this mistake. I know everyone goes through is the grass greener on other side but this gut feeling always telling me I can do better.
    Advices please so confused.

    Last edited by Mummy25; 05-15-2012 at 05:35 AM.

     
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