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    Old 04-22-2014, 08:16 AM   #16
    Jas
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    Re: 35 y/o scared to death I have colon cancer

    Well, my appt. went good, but pretty much heard the same thing from last time. The doctor actually gave me a 99% chance that it is NOT Colon Cancer. He mentioned the colonoscopy, but wanted me to take a couple of weeks to discuss it with my husband and family, then make my decision. He prescribed me another week's worth of Ativan, to see if his reassurance would eventually be good enough. I lost 12 pounds in 6 weeks, since my last appt. with him...and he didn't seem too concerned. I know it's because of my anxiety and inability to eat. You know how you get that fluttering feeling in your stomach? It's like that, and I have no desire to eat, whatsoever. And I'm a VERY good eater LOL. The doctor told me yesterday a clean CT Scan is a pretty decent diagnostic tool, but mostly for finding large masses, or cancer that has spread to other parts of the body. I know you are afraid to get the colonoscopy, as am I...more so of the results, not the test itself. I think part of what is so scary, is that it is a 100% answer. It will either 100% ease your fears, or 100% confirm them. And that is SO SCARY!!!! I can't speak for you, but can for myself, and I will be honest that it's the only reason holding me back. I would love to hear the results of your CT, if you'd be willing to share? I pray that everything turns up just fine!!! But please, reconsider going through with the colonoscopy...you will feel so much better! I've decided not to take those 2 weeks to think it over, and am calling the office this morning to schedule it...because I know, that no other test/s are going to give me the reassurance that I need...and I want this over with, and I want to start living again! Please keep me posted! HUGS your way

     
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    Old 04-22-2014, 10:55 AM   #17
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    Re: 35 y/o scared to death I have colon cancer

    Hello there...Although I'm fiercely fighting my own health battles and have taken a few days away from the board to "reboot", I simply must say something. Jas, I think it was 7 days ago when I originally posted to you. I read today that you allowed your doctor to delay the colonoscopy until you and your husband can "discuss". WHAT is there to discuss? Your anxiety is fueling itself with every passing day. I was sorry to hear about your trip to the ER, but though "hey, she'll get the colonoscopy within 24 hours". I am bewildered to see that it's still not scheduled. At this point, the purpose of the test is more for your peace of mind than anything, as it is a follow-up to tests already performed. I can say little more than I've already said to ease your fears. Anything I could say right now would probably cause more anxiety for you.

    Forgive me if I lack total recall, but do you have endometriosis? I'm going to go back to re-read your post. Would you PLEASE do the same for BOTH of mine to you? I'll be right back.

    Last edited by WhistleDixie; 04-22-2014 at 11:03 AM.

     
    Old 04-22-2014, 11:05 AM   #18
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    Re: 35 y/o scared to death I have colon cancer

    The doctor didn't delay, I did...I am apprehensive of the test as is. He thought that perhaps with his extra reassurance, I would feel at ease. He's obviously beginning to see that it probably won't. He told me that he is neither recommending the colonoscopy nor denying me the opportunity. The ball is entirely in my court...He said he would do it ONLY for my peace of mind, because he can see what my anxiety is doing to my entire well-being. Regarding the Endometriosis, I have never been diagnosed. I guess I really haven't been to any doctor for some years, aside from OB/GYN's for prenatal care and child birth. My last born was done by cesarean section, and nothing was mentioned about Endometriosis...of course I have no idea if they could spot something like that during that particular procedure...I suppose that was almost 7 years ago, and a lot can transpire within our bodies, yes? I was told by the ER doctor to follow up with my GI then to find a Gyno, which will be my next step. I have tried to call my GI's office several times today, and always get put on hold forever with scheduling. I have 4 kids at home right now because of Spring Break, and I can only do what I have the current time for. Why do you think if you said more, you'd cause me more anxiety???

    In my own self absorbed world, I didn't even bother to acknowledge the health struggles that you are fighting...so wrapped up in my own fear...I completely over looked that...I truly apologize for that. I won't ask what you're going through, for it's not my business unless you need someone to talk to...I'm here, either way.

    Last edited by Jas; 04-22-2014 at 11:08 AM. Reason: Needed to add something

     
    Old 04-22-2014, 11:44 AM   #19
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    Re: 35 y/o scared to death I have colon cancer

    I'm back. Just some thoughts on your situation(s) regarding your bowel issues...I NEVER want to project my condition onto any other woman. With that being said I cannot in good conscious keep quiet about the potential for endometriosis. It is a horrifically "sneaky" disease that although common, goes undiagnosed. NO DOCTOR can just tell you you're silly and you don't have this. Few, if any, are educated or qualified to recognize or diagnose. Those that are capable of diagnosis are then challenged by the various methods of treatment. There is no cure. I can only speak from my experience and cannot advise as I am no expert. I am basically self-taught after the fact (20 years post hysterectomy w/ovaries, tubes removed) at age 33. The details of my struggle are deep and dark, but well documented through months of posting.

    Although I understand the angst and fear that both of you are consumed by, I don't think either of you has cancer. It's more likely Irritable or Inflammatory Bowel, which can cause both diarrhea and constipation. It could also be Diverticulitis, and you are experiencing "flares" when your symptoms intensify. I'm not clear on both of your ages, just Jas. I think you are certainly a candidate for endometriosis, and I believe you already mentioned that you have fibroids. The excruciating pain in the left side is certainly something I relate to, even now as I type. My digestive system is a proverbial "grab bag" of anatomical changes per 4 major surgeries. I have a "crimp" in my colon (left side) that hinders passage of stool. It's called a splenic flecture (sic). It was diagnosed years ago, but surgeons would never do a resection. IMO they are afraid to open that can of worms (snakes) in my case. I believe that if they went back into my belly, they would find that residual endometriosis and/or scar tissue had consumed and "strangled" my vital organs (AGAIN). It's quite possible they would have to remove large sections of bowel, possibly leaving me with a colostomy bag. That's the good news. The bad news is that even that would not eradicate my pain and suffering. The disease went undiagnosed for most of my life even though looking back, I had all of the hallmark symptoms/markers/indicators. I saw SO MANY so called GYN/GASTRO specialists that "dismissed" my complaints (including horrifically heavy bleeding/passing huge clots/fetal position pain) causing missed days of school, college, and then work. My earliest memories were what we always called back then "a nervous tummy". I had raging anxiety from a young age that perpetuated chronic diarrhea and cramping, even before I started menses. Oh my mercy the AGONY when I did start my periods at 11. I would have to see our FP regularly who could only recommend hot soaking baths (which I threw up) and muscle relaxers. For 8 days minimum of every month my life was a living HELL. I have no uterus or ovaries, yet believe it or not, I still have 8 days to 2 weeks of that same pain less the period EVERY MONTH. I get the distention and bloating in my belly/pelvic region, but visual in that left side as though being "filled" with an air compressor. I go for up to 11 days without my bowels moving, no matter how many softeners or stimulants I take. Until my last surgery in 1994, I had to take Lomotil to slow the raging diarrhea and prevent me from literally soiling myself.

    I started pain management 3 months ago because I can no longer live with this pain. So far it's not been a success, with pain meds causing constipation with potential for deadly obstruction. I'm sorry I've gone on a rant. My intention remains the same for you. If you feel that the colonoscopy will ease your mind, run don't walk to get your prep and get-r-done. The prep is funky, but doable. You will be sedated for the test...won't know it happened except for the prep. Be sure to have some Gas-X meltaways for post op gas. It's my miracle drug. I have to add that a clear colonoscopy does not mean you don't have endometriosis. If your symptoms do not ease, and you see a correlation between the bowels and your period, please ask for a referral to a GYN specializing in endocrinology with endo experience.

    I'm worried about you children because as I said before "They are sponges...soaking in EVERYTHING they hear". This will cause them to develop their own lifelong issues with anxiety. Please consider some counseling to teach you better coping skills. Please beware of the Ativan. It's a blessing if used properly...a curse if not. I don't think I'd have gone to that extent right now, though I do agree that you need anti-anxiety meds. You would benefit further (lifelong) by seeking therapy to learn to recognize your obsessive tendencies and fears. If you won't do it for you, DO IT for your kids. I'm not judging you. I just ABSOLUTELY know that one can worry themselves sick and into the grave. Please don't let that be you=) HUGS

     
    Old 04-22-2014, 11:54 AM   #20
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    Re: 35 y/o scared to death I have colon cancer

    I am so terribly sorry for EVERYTHING that you are going through. How you suffer and still manage to be somewhat of a guiding light to so many others. After hearing your story, although not your intention, I do feel slightly silly for all the worrying I'm doing, before I've even been told to worry...when here you are actually GOING THROUGH a severe illness. Anything I know about Endometriosis, relates to my Mother who was diagnosed with it...I do notice that with my widespread pain, there is more local cramping - burning to best describe it in my pelvic region, on the left, where my ovary might be, if that makes sense? I have also given thought to possible adhesions from my C-section 7 years ago...Is that a possibility as well? Are they one in the same? You sound like you've always suffered with constipation, unless I read you incorrectly? My stools are almost always loose, I can't remember the last time I had a nice big, round, solid poop (forgive the graphics)...I long for those days. Tell you what...I'm waiting for the GI scheduling to call me back so I can schedule the Colonoscopy...so long as that comes back clean, I will then follow up with a Gynecologist for the possibility of Endometriosis. Especially if my symptoms to not subside. Thank you so much for your honesty, and for sharing your story. You sound like a very strong person, and I admire that!

     
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    Old 04-22-2014, 12:37 PM   #21
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    Re: 35 y/o scared to death I have colon cancer

    No worries about me, but thank you for your kind words. If your mother had (has) endometriosis, there's a stronger possibility that you do, too. Please don't jet off to "google" any of it. My story is one of failure to diagnose. Therefore, the untreated disease ravaged my body, as did the chemical therapies and surgeries to try to contain it. No, endometriosis and scar tissue are not the same thing. I'll give you my edited version, as I have no desire to fan the flames of your anxiety. The lining of the uterus backs up or "escapes" into your abdominal cavity. Each month when you ovulate and have your period, the estrogen produced "feeds" the mutant cells of endo. Those cells scatter and attach to organs and arteries as "lesions" or implants that "bleed" in your belly each month. Your body's natural response is to kick into action to heal what it perceives as a wound (by forming scar tissue) This repeated process if left undiagnosed and untreated can severely impair surrounding organs, arteries, and intestinal tract by "binding" them in a web of lesions and scar tissue. The only diagnostic procedure is a laparoscopy, IF this disease is suspect. The treatment ranges from BC, Depo, Lupron to "shut down" ovaries to surgical removal of disease and female organs...which I DO NOT recommend.

    We're getting the cart before the horse here. That was not my intention. Please follow through with your gastric testing and go from there. You're gonna be ok=)

    PLEASE HEAR ME when I say this: Early diagnosis is KEY. Women have to advocate on behalf of their own bodies. I KNOW that now as I approach 53. I was na´ve and trusting of the medical profession as a young woman. I believed "them" when they told me I was normal, as was my experience and "to just deal with it".

     
    Old 04-22-2014, 12:48 PM   #22
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    Re: 35 y/o scared to death I have colon cancer

    I will definitely, respectfully take your advice. I have been ordered by the doctor to stay away from Google, especially as it pertains to self-diagnosis lol.

     
    Old 04-22-2014, 03:19 PM   #23
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    Re: 35 y/o scared to death I have colon cancer

    OK, so I finally did it...I put in the request for the Colonoscopy. Once the doctor orders it, I should hear from scheduling. I'm actually in tears right now; I am so terrified to face this head on. I'm so worked up, I'm trembling. Please keep me in your thoughts.

     
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    Old 04-22-2014, 04:50 PM   #24
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    Re: 35 y/o scared to death I have colon cancer

    Sweetie, PLEASE try to pull yourself together. I WISH I COULD personally hold you in my arms and comfort you, convince you that everything will be okay. Obviously "distraction" isn't going to work. So...I would recommend this...your decision...After you've fed the kids and hubby, get them situated with homework or a movie until you can calm down. Take your Ativan (how many mg?) It's a very strong sedative, but a miracle if taken correctly. Leave hubby in charge and go take a hot bubble bath...cry out your anxiety (separate and out of hearing range of kids). Just letting it out from time to time helps me tremendously. Rent some cute, funny movies and pop some popcorn for y'all. Snuggle together in binkies, losing yourself in the movie.

    I will make a concerted effort to check back later if you're here. Bless your heart, your "green light" is off so you've logged out for now. Good girl=) Note: My light is always on, because I'm too lazy to log off/on. It doesn't mean I'm here (sorry). I will, however make the absolute effort if you need me, so don't hesitate to "whistle" if you need me...I'll come running (if I could run).

    I'm guessing you'll log back on, so think about this: When I feel helpless in my own anxiety and pain, I try to pay forward the kindness and support I receive on this forum. There's always someone who needs to hear they're not alone. Giving back is good=)

    Last edited by Administrator; 04-23-2014 at 07:05 AM.

     
    Old 04-22-2014, 08:39 PM   #25
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    Re: 35 y/o scared to death I have colon cancer

    Hi Jas and Suzq26...I am a newbie to the forum but I need to tell you both, that you are more than likely magnesium deficient, hence all the stress and anxiety you've been experiencing, I am also wondering what your diet is like? From the description of your bowel movements it sounds like whatever food you eat is going through your body too quickly so you aren't absorbing any nutrients! Your doctor gave you prevacid for gerd or acid reflux, which is the worst thing to take for it, the actual problem is low stomach acid, which makes your food pass through too fast and come out pencil shaped! For the magnesium deficiency the easy and fast fix is to get some Epsom salts and pour in 2 cups into very warm bath water and soak for at least 30 minutes! You will definitely calm down and sleep like a baby! Magnesium oil and magnesium glycinate will also help to maintain your mag levels! You need to change your diet if you are like most people who eat the Standard American Diet, it is what is contributing to your gut issues!

     
    Old 04-22-2014, 08:52 PM   #26
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    Re: 35 y/o scared to death I have colon cancer

    Just checking back in with you before I go to bed tonight. I'm encouraged by the fact that you've spent time off-line tonight. I do hope your anxiety will decrease when you get the appointment for your colonoscopy. HUGS

     
    Old 04-23-2014, 06:38 AM   #27
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    Re: 35 y/o scared to death I have colon cancer

    Thank you very much for your insight. Would this be something that could happen with long term use of PPI's? I've had blood work done twice in the past 2 months - and I'm curious if low magnesium would have showed? I do notice that I have a very fast rate of motility, I could eat a salad for lunch, and be passing noticeable undigested lettuce (forgive the graphic description) by that evening. My stools are mostly loose, just shy of diarrhea, and sometimes just soft, and they are all only the diameter of my finger! I have never had that before in my life, only just starting a few months ago! So you can see that this was alarming. I was on Prilosec for about 3 years, quit, had my system go haywire, then got put on Prevacid....This is very interesting, and definitely something I'm going to bring up to my doctor. Thank you so much!

    Last edited by Jas; 04-23-2014 at 06:38 AM.

     
    Old 04-23-2014, 06:48 AM   #28
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    Re: 35 y/o scared to death I have colon cancer

    You are such a blessing to me on this forum. Your kindness really touches me. I seem to do a little better in the evenings. Been taking my Ativan 1 mg in the morning as that is when my anxiety seems to peak. And I need to take it just so I can eat. I felt calm last night, and didn't even take my 2nd pill. Oddly enough, knowing that the colonoscopy is in the works brings me a sense of comfort, that at least I will eventually KNOW.

    I have been through several deaths, all within a fairly short period of time. And to be honest, I have not dealt with that...My 4 babies are my priority and I often put myself on the back burner. The only family member I have is my Dad, and he's a very stoic, unemotional person? He's a good man, just not emotionally available if you know what I mean...So, I feel pretty alone in my fear...that's kind of why I'm here! I have my husband, but he is becoming increasingly frustrated with my obsessions, and does not fully comprehend what it feels like to be in this state of mind. Sorry for the sob story LOL...but possibly some contributing factor. I've become hyper focused on Colon Cancer, because that seems to be the only viable possibility based on my symptoms...and it just kind of stuck with me, and I can't get unstuck. Do you know what I mean? My anxiety is through the roof this morning, because I finally had a somewhat solid bowel movement, but it was still very thin. Thinner than I'm comfortable with...it felt like it was going to be good, but it was small...and of course my adrenaline starts going...constant reminders every day, makes it impossible to forget. Oh my gosh, I have rambled and rambled!! Are you having a better day today? Ever wish you could take on someone else's pain, even just for an hour, if that would help? HUGS

    Last edited by Administrator; 04-23-2014 at 06:55 AM.

     
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    Old 04-23-2014, 07:45 AM   #29
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    Re: 35 y/o scared to death I have colon cancer

    Hey Suz -

    It's been a couple days since you told me about a CT scan you were going to have. I've been thinking about you ever since, waiting to hear of the results. I hope that everything is fine, and maybe you are just taking a break from the boards. Please let me know, if you're up to it, how things went? You're in my thoughts. HUGS

     
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    Old 04-23-2014, 02:40 PM   #30
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    Re: 35 y/o scared to death I have colon cancer

    Ok, my colonoscopy has been scheduled for May 9th. I can't believe I'm actually going through with it! I'm scared to death. All the thoughts that are racing through my mind, it's spinning. They are only giving me moderate sedation (Twilight)? I hope that's enough. I don't want to hear anything they are saying, I don't want to be aware of any of it. I'm so scared of hearing them say they found something...Unfortunately this is the only thing that is going to provide me with 100% certainty; given the fact that everything comes back OK. I'm scared.

     
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