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  • Her mother is dying in the hospital and I have to tell her her cat died yesterday.

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    Old 06-14-2015, 05:31 PM   #1
    Sangha990
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    Unhappy Her mother is dying in the hospital and I have to tell her her cat died yesterday.

    My partner/fiancÚ of 9+ years has been out of town briefly to visit her ailing mom, who has become essentially untreatable. Her time is limited and very uncertain. Yesterday, it was discovered that my partner's cat was hit by a car and killed. This cat was strongly bonded with many of us in my partners friends and family.
    How the hell do I tell her this when she gets back tomorrow? She it already a wreck and I think she'll barely manage the trip back home as it is. It's tearing me up, too. It's just too messed up! Has anyone ever been faced with giving horrible heart-breaking news to someone whose heart is already breaking?? This is insane to me. I don't want her to go over the deep end or something. I'm sad and scared for her. She is everything to me.

     
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    Old 06-15-2015, 03:19 AM   #2
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    Re: Her mother is dying in the hospital and I have to tell her her cat died yesterday

    @SanghaSamsara: I'm so sorry to hear about the difficult situation you're facing with, friend. I can understand how tough a spot you're in right now as you prepare to share the news about the cat's death with your partner. I wish I had some wisdom to offer, but I pray that you'll find the right moment to share this news with her, and that she'll have the strength to receive it. You, and your partner's family are in my prayers. "Hope For The Best"

    Last edited by Administrator; 07-22-2015 at 05:44 PM.

     
    Old 06-15-2015, 04:22 AM   #3
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    Re: Her mother is dying in the hospital and I have to tell her her cat died yesterday

    Hi. Whatever you do, do not tell your partner until she is home. You dont want her driving upset...
    Its a horrible thing that happened. I know how upset I would be if it happened to me. Im very attached to my cat...but it was an accident and it couldnt have been prevented. Your partner is going to need to cry it out- and will probably feel really bad for awhile- but she has more important things on her mind at this point. Try to take her mind off it by redirecting her to something pleasant for the next week....let her talk and let her cry- but when she is finished, dont say anything except " I love you". Thats all anyone can do for something this sad..
    Best of luck.
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    Old 06-15-2015, 10:36 AM   #4
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    Re: Her mother is dying in the hospital and I have to tell her her cat died yesterday

    She got home last night and we told her. There was no perfect time to do it, so when there was a pause in the action, our housemate started off with, "I think you should sit down, so we can talk about something." Then I just told her.
    My partner has a very big heart and her emotions go deep. She wanted to see her cat, so we took her to the back yard, where we had put Seamus in a box in the tiny shed under the porch. Seeing Seamus made the death real for her and allowed her to say goodbye. At that point there were too many people in the back yard with her. She didn't want to be touched or comforted by anyone. Everybody left to go back in the house. I stayed and sat quietly on the porch in case she needed anything. I also needed to witness her sadness in some way. Empathy is very strong between us. She cried out there for what seemed like an hour, just letting it all out, wailing and murmuring for her kitty. It makes me tear up right now just to talk about it.
    She got up this morning to go to a new job, art camp for kids, thank goodness. Hopefully, this will be something positive for her to focus on.
    My only mistake was having too many people around. I invited one of her best friends over, who was only too happy to give her support. But hell, this wasn't a wake or anything like that. There were already too many in the house with my dad visiting.
    I'd sum it up by saying give them enough space and just be available. The only person she needed there last night was me, her significant other. I guess I felt like I needed a couple people as backup in case I couldn't say the words or just some sense of community.
    The loss of close pets is both similar and different from the loss of family or friends. The emotional impact can be just as big. Pets are like our children. The feelings they connect to inside us, how they help us through difficult times. But we expect to outlive children. But how many pets do we have to outlive in our lives? And it never seems to get easier. And it doesn't matter how they go, but the more sudden, the bigger the "hit" all at once. Just like when a relative or human friend dies.
    I hope and pray this is the extent of our bad news for a while. I hope her mother hangs in there for a few more good months of life at least. Her health and healthcare has been such a struggle.
    My own mother passed away in 2006. By the time we knew it was the end, we had about month of hospice to spend time with her and make our personal goodbyes. I hope we can give similar comfort to my partner's mother.
    In my experience multiple losses can start to feel impossible. You don't even know what it is you are mourning most of the time. You find you're endlessly just mourning for yourself and it seems like it can't come to an end. That's about the time I went to a support group for grief. I can't recommend it enough.
    Okay, I'm clearly rambling. We are all in a community of grieving. We all know someone who has lost someone or something recently. If we are given the honor, then we share in that grief and our love and bonds grow with it.
    My belief is that Suffering is a gift. It shows us the depths of ourselves, it deepens our ability to feel. When we deal with it, instead of running away, we gain a greater capacity to love and to help others.
    Amen
    Namaste
    Peace be with you
    God bless

    Last edited by Administrator; 12-08-2015 at 01:20 PM.

     
    Old 06-15-2015, 10:58 AM   #5
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    Re: Her mother is dying in the hospital and I have to tell her her cat died yesterday

    Hi,

    First of all I would like to say what a kind caring person you sound like and that is all your fiancÚ needs at the moment.
    I lost both my parents some years ago and nothing on earth can prepare you for it whatever their age or health.
    Regarding the dear cat, I am an avid cat lover (4) at present but others that have died through ill health or accident.
    My son picked one of ours of the road killed by a car and it broke my heart. One I have at present I am nursing after surgery and nearly lost it so I know what you and your G.F. are going through.
    I wept for weeks, she will too but the sun will break through in the end it always does and we cope and remember the good things.
    Just be there for her as I'm sure you will and both of you have a good cry whenever and take one day at a time.
    I will pray for you because I believe in prayer and it will help you through this time both with her mother and the loss of the cat,
    Kind Wishes to you both,

    Solofelix.

     
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    Sangha990 (06-16-2015)
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