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  • I am 27 and I am pretty much in sexless relationship

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    Old 07-13-2015, 01:59 AM   #1
    ippn1
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    I am 27 and I am pretty much in sexless relationship

    Im with my girlfriend just over a year. We are both 27 years old from Europe. Our sex life has never been crazy, especially at the start of relationship (Im reading my diary: we had sex 4 times in first 5 months, 7 in 6 months) and now after a year (we had sex like max 20 times). We do not live together and we live 15 minutes apart (driving).

    Im pretty unexperienced and not ‘that’ sexually agressive – we had sex 6 weeks after we met.

    When we have sex she comes to my parents house when i m alone on Fridays or Saturday (im usually alone for weekends – almost every weekend and that is when i invite her to come) for a movie night/me making dinner,having sex… She sleeps over and go home the next day after breakfast – usually till noon she is gone. She is rarely initiator (cca 3 times since we are together). We have never had sex twice in the same day and never had morning sex not even on vacations.

    It started slow – after 1st sex she had many excuses and do almost everything to avoid any situation that can result into having sex again (she rejected, had excuses when i was inviting her to come to sleep over). An example – after just 3 months since we met she invited me to her mothers 50s birthday which was in 1.5 month (like she is very serous about us), but when i invited her to sleep over the next day she had bs excuse even thoug i invited her one day before so she could make plans. Things like this happened few times…

    So after that i gave up/stopped inviting her but we were sill together, and few weeks went by, I was already looking for other girls but then things improved. She was more eager to have sex, when she realized Im not inviting her anymore and dont give a ****** anymore. She was inviting herself to my place… she also bought a new bigger bed for her room (she lives with her parents in the house) so i could sleep over too. At the beginning i refused to sleep over there because i felt uncomfortable since her mothers bedroom is next to hers. And also if im honest – because i was still so angry/hurt at all her rejections in the past. That effected me and my confidence badly – i remember I stopped inviting her back then because I rather didnt ask and not get rejected/heard BS excuse. I have always had bad feeling in my stomach when i invited her over so this was me getting little back at her… stupid i know… So after cca 1 year mark sex went down to like once every 4,5,6 weeks – just like in the beginning She just wasnt bothered. She still always touches me, initiates contact, kissing me, is very affectionate , wants to see me, but with sex she just isnt bothered. I talked to her about it but nothing change in the long term – we had sex soon after the conversation/argument about it and then the cycle continue. When i bring it up again she responds – thats life , things comes up in life, what can I do etc.. again lots of excuses because she in not bothered by the lack of sex but she wont admit it. She said it bothers her too, but when there is a chance to do it she always find something more appealing/important. She always had the same defense – we are both to blame and how many times did you sleep over in my room? I said not as many times as id like… BTW she has never denied my advances once we are in the bed, but to get her there is an art…

    Few weeks back we had our 1st year anniversary. We also havent had sex for like 6 weeks at that time. I bought her a gift, she had nothing for me (which surprised me since she alwas brings me small gifts when she is abroad, on vacation with family, etc… she said she wanted to create something for me but didnt like it, and that she didnt want to buy me just something). I made her a painting and bought a coupon for 40 euros in her favourite hobby-art shop. The next day we went for a dinner – she payed for it. After the dinner i suggested – invited her to come to my place for a weekend and she said she will not come because her best girl friend is coming back from vacation (she was gone for 14 days). She said they will have a drink in her (my gfs) house. So I suggested to come to sleep over at hers. She said ‘fine’ but wasnt enthusiastic about it by the sound of her voice. The next day i called her to make it sure and she said – id put you in my bed but my sister brought her dog to watch it over and dog can only sleep in my room otherwise it barks around the house. So I said ‘did you just rejceted me for the dog??’ She said ‘no, come on…’

    I do not like the dog because it s not civilized – it barks and jumps when people come and i just hate it. She knows it. She threats that dog like a person – like a human being.. its so stupid like the dog is a baby. I was so angry at her that i was punching the door afte phone call ended. She rejected me twice after 6 weeks without sex and for what? To have a drink with a friend and for the dog. To feel like an even bigger fool, she ended conversation with the question if im gonna drop by to se her anyway. I said i ll see. After couple of hours i texted her – im going to have a beer with my friends, when you realize that you rather have a bf in your bed then a dog let me know…

    How would you react??? Dont know how to proceed.. I feel disrespected and unvalued. I mean its pretty much a sexless relationship at 27 and we are together for little more then a year.

     
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    Old 07-13-2015, 06:38 AM   #2
    pendulum
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    Re: I am 27 and I am pretty much in sexless relationship

    I don't think you should feel rejected for the dog. These days it's very usual for people to treat dogs as if they were humans. In a way, it's always been like that, right? Dogs are special. You should never try to compete with them, but also there's no reason for you to feel lesser than them. To each his own.

    Now, as for your relationship with this girl, I see it's all about sex for you, or almost so. You could be measuring everything in your life by sex, and of course it doesn't work out - not with a girl, of course. You say you feel disrespected and unvalued, but try to put yourself in her shoes. Perhaps she also feels disrespected and unvalued by your insistence on sex.

    Now, if you feel she and you are incompatible, then let her go. Otherwise, try to make this a love relationship rather than a sex relationship. You might be surprised if you do.

     
    Old 07-13-2015, 08:49 AM   #3
    ippn1
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    Re: I am 27 and I am pretty much in sexless relationship

    Tnx for reply but did you read the part when i said we do not have sex for 7 weeks in a row and she just isnt bothered... we are 27 for gods sake!

    im not pressuring her - hell i even left her alone (didnt mention sex or anything related) for 4 weeks in a row and at the same time i was there for her and her needs, taking her to dates, dinner, etc... guess what happened after 4 weeks? nothing. She just isnt bothered...

    and not feeling rejected for the dog after 6 weeks of no sex and a day after anniversary??? are you for real?

    saying its all about sex for me? having sex less the 15 times in one year and staying with her makes me all about sex?! Strong logic! If that was the case i wouldnt even post here. Id just get rid of her....

    Last edited by ippn1; 07-13-2015 at 09:10 AM.

     
    Old 07-14-2015, 03:49 AM   #4
    52ken
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    Re: I am 27 and I am pretty much in sexless relationship

    I do feel your pain!!! Here is the deal, even though she doesn't say it, I don't believe she likes sex. There are a lot of women who don't like sex and it is a chore for them. Many men don't find this out until after they are married a while. Another problem is neither one of you have your own place and having sex at a parent's home is not very romantic. I would ask her to tell you the truth about her personal feelings on sex and ask her would she be more willing if you had your own place? If she says yes, get your own place even if it is very small or rent a small place. Then if things don't change and you feel unloved then you may need to make a change.

     
    Old 07-14-2015, 08:25 PM   #5
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    Re: I am 27 and I am pretty much in sexless relationship

    It sounds to me like maybe it's time to end the relationship. You two are not compatible on enough points that it doesn't like like there's much of a relationship worth saving.

    You were already complaining about the situation long before the dog came along, so now it's almost like she's rubbing your face in it.

    It's time to move on

     
    Old 08-07-2015, 12:29 PM   #6
    Taiyu
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    Re: I am 27 and I am pretty much in sexless relationship

    Sometimes if you mention it enough it could be that she believes that sex is all your relation is becoming. Or maybe she doesn't realize that it is a huge concern for you.

    Try to get her into a conversation without her excuses to express your concern. From there you can see if you're compatible. Some people are just not high on sex interest and there's nothing wrong with either side.

     
    Old 08-07-2015, 12:32 PM   #7
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    Re: I am 27 and I am pretty much in sexless relationship

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by 52ken View Post
    Here is the deal, even though she doesn't say it, I don't believe she likes sex. There are a lot of women who don't like sex and it is a chore for them.
    Yes this is a good point that I was thinking as well.

     
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