It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Relationship Health Message Board

  • Obsessing over a woman

  • Post New Thread   Closed Thread
    Thread Tools Search this Thread
    Old 02-20-2016, 11:39 AM   #16
    pendulum
    Senior Veteran
    (male)
     
    Join Date: Apr 2007
    Location: Florianópolis, Brazil
    Posts: 3,933
    pendulum HB Userpendulum HB Userpendulum HB Userpendulum HB Userpendulum HB Userpendulum HB Userpendulum HB Userpendulum HB Userpendulum HB Userpendulum HB Userpendulum HB User
    Re: Obsessing over a woman

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by GroceryStoreGuy View Post
    I look no worse than the guys you see walking around with women
    I believe you do.

    But like others have said, it would help you if you changed your negative way of thinking. If you keep thinking that nobody cares, then nobody will really care. What you think or fear becomes reality.

    Maybe it's something about the way you approach women. Maybe you do come across as uneasy. Women can be very sensitive to these things. Or maybe you are still just too young to find the right woman. Who knows?

    Have you ever considered taking up dancing lessons? It might help you...

     
    Sponsors Lightbulb
       
    Old 02-22-2016, 07:10 PM   #17
    GroceryStoreGuy
    Junior Member
    (male)
     
    Join Date: Jul 2015
    Posts: 39
    GroceryStoreGuy HB User
    Re: Obsessing over a woman

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by pendulum View Post
    I believe you do.

    But like others have said, it would help you if you changed your negative way of thinking. If you keep thinking that nobody cares, then nobody will really care. What you think or fear becomes reality.

    Maybe it's something about the way you approach women. Maybe you do come across as uneasy. Women can be very sensitive to these things. Or maybe you are still just too young to find the right woman. Who knows?

    Have you ever considered taking up dancing lessons? It might help you...
    Blech. Everybody on here is apparently an expert on who I am.
    Look, enough with the "change your thinking/attitude" stuff, okay? It's not helping.

    Maybe there just isn't a reason, alright? Or maybe that IS the reason, that I'm just like any other guy and that isn't good enough. And these days, average means "boring"

    Maybe it's because there is competition for any given girl, and chances are usually good she's taken or interested in someone else. Or maybe it's because it's NOT a "numbers game" after all, and there's more to it like chance, and any b.s. reason you could think of that a girl wouldn't be into you.

    But, no, it's my attitude.

    /sarcasm

    Last edited by GroceryStoreGuy; 02-22-2016 at 07:18 PM.

     
    Old 02-22-2016, 10:06 PM   #18
    Mg2121
    Veteran
    (female)
     
    Join Date: Aug 2015
    Posts: 300
    Mg2121 HB UserMg2121 HB UserMg2121 HB UserMg2121 HB UserMg2121 HB UserMg2121 HB User
    Re: Obsessing over a woman

    Read the law of attraction. Its all about changing your thoughts, feelings, actions into positive and in return receiving positive. Good luck

     
    Old 02-22-2016, 11:11 PM   #19
    GroceryStoreGuy
    Junior Member
    (male)
     
    Join Date: Jul 2015
    Posts: 39
    GroceryStoreGuy HB User
    Re: Obsessing over a woman

    I've already explained that I've done that - for a while - and it hasn't gotten me anywhere or anything.

    I've also explained what the problem is. Whether it comes to day-to-day life, online dating, speed dating, etc. there's always competition and there's always been competition so women are selective - and whatever absurd things she finds attractive, there's always another guy who is more of it than you.

    Last edited by GroceryStoreGuy; 02-22-2016 at 11:21 PM.

     
    Old 02-23-2016, 07:39 PM   #20
    Larry88
    Senior Member
    (male)
     
    Join Date: Oct 2003
    Location: PA. U.S.A.
    Posts: 227
    Larry88 HB UserLarry88 HB UserLarry88 HB UserLarry88 HB UserLarry88 HB UserLarry88 HB UserLarry88 HB UserLarry88 HB UserLarry88 HB UserLarry88 HB UserLarry88 HB User
    Re: Obsessing over a woman

    wow! somebody has a raw nerve? I'd put some antiseptic on that and a bandaid. if you're doing what you've always done? you're going to get what you always got!

    nobody here is an expert on who you are. nobody knows you other than what you type on this support forum? you came here for help, people are trying to help you. ideas, is all anyone can offer you. if they help take them, if they don't? ignore them! but, you can't jump on others for giving you what you ask for. yes there is competition, the whole world is in competition! everyone wants a nicer home, nicer car, a greener lawn, the most talented/athletic children. maybe, it is your attitude/negativity toward yourself? there is someone out there for you, but if you put across to others that even you don't like yourself? who is going to be drawn to that? it's up to you to even the playing field in competition. learn to love yourself first, be content with who and what you are. and be the best you there can be! at least like yourself. you need to up your self confidence and put that out there for people to see, when you walk into a room full of people, demand attention because you are confident and you will see changes, you can't walk in and hug the wall, like you're the last person in the room anyone should talk to. you have to mingle with people, be interesting. not come off as uninterested. if you are as your name implies, a grocery store boy? be the best dang grocery store boy there is. everyone will notice. whatever you are? be the best. but when working, never ever be so good that you can't be replaced? if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted! have you ever noticed, that some of what I'd think is the ugliest looking guy? has the best looking girls? maybe at times, it's money, cars, homes, anything material? but you can bet your sweet booty they have confidence! it doesn't all come at once, it takes time to build. so go out, put on you best smile, and your "I'm the best thing you're ever going to find" attitude and see what happens. I don't think it's your looks? it's the way you carry yourself and the way you portray yourself

    if you're giving off the vibe I'm here, but you can do better, why would anyone bother?

    only you can fix you. nobodies words on this board or any others can change you but you!

    sorry I'm no help. but good luck to you and god bless

    Larry88
    __________________
    happiness is a way of life, not a goal in life, success comes in cans not can'ts

     
    The Following User Says Thank You to Larry88 For This Useful Post:
    pendulum (02-24-2016)
    Old 02-23-2016, 07:59 PM   #21
    Mg2121
    Veteran
    (female)
     
    Join Date: Aug 2015
    Posts: 300
    Mg2121 HB UserMg2121 HB UserMg2121 HB UserMg2121 HB UserMg2121 HB UserMg2121 HB User
    Re: Obsessing over a woman

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by GroceryStoreGuy View Post
    I've already explained that I've done that - for a while - and it hasn't gotten me anywhere or anything.

    I've also explained what the problem is. Whether it comes to day-to-day life, online dating, speed dating, etc. there's always competition and there's always been competition so women are selective - and whatever absurd things she finds attractive, there's always another guy who is more of it than you.
    With that response I can now understand a bit more about your personality. And if that is how you choose to portray yourself no wonder you're having a hard time with women. That was extremely rude. We are all looking past your topic heading of "obsessing over a woman", that is scary in itself however we attempted to give you some advice as asked. You seem as if you have it figured out already, the world of the opposite sex is against you. I guess the problem lies in them and you just always find the wrong ones. Good luck with that!

     
    The Following User Says Thank You to Mg2121 For This Useful Post:
    pendulum (02-24-2016)
    Old 02-24-2016, 02:40 AM   #22
    yayagirl
    Senior Veteran
    (female)
     
    yayagirl's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Jun 2010
    Location: USA
    Posts: 2,473
    yayagirl HB Useryayagirl HB Useryayagirl HB Useryayagirl HB Useryayagirl HB Useryayagirl HB Useryayagirl HB Useryayagirl HB Useryayagirl HB Useryayagirl HB Useryayagirl HB User
    Re: Obsessing over a woman

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by GroceryStoreGuy View Post
    Blech. Everybody on here is apparently an expert on who I am.

    Maybe it's because there is competition for any given girl, and chances are usually good she's taken or interested in someone else. Or maybe it's because it's NOT a "numbers game" after all, and there's more to it like chance, and any b.s. reason you could think of that a girl wouldn't be into you.

    But, no, it's my attitude.
    /sarcasm
    Dear G-Guy,

    From the title of your thread and your description of what has been going on, it seems that you obsessed about a woman, she didn't show an interest in you, and so then your mind created a string of downers that may not have a single thing to do with why she was not interested in you.

    Maybe her choice has nothing whatsoever to do with you at all, but you took it personally, and did let it bring you down. Didn't you share that yourself?

    That you call it BS that she was not interested in you reveals an attitude that every lady not giving you a chance has no right to her own feelings, wishes and choices for her own life.

    Maybe the ladies you took an interest in have their own private reasons that they did not open up to you and they feel it is none of your business.

    Such as -

    Maybe she has a deformity you cannot see that she is ashamed of.

    Maybe she already had a crush on someone else she hoped would show an interest in her and she is waiting for that guy.

    Maybe she has an STD and doesn't want anyone to know.

    Maybe she is already married.

    Maybe she found you interesting but chose to turn away because she believes in not mixing her private life with her work life (which I happen to believe is key in the work place).

    Maybe you are just not her type.

    Maybe she went through a bad break-up and you remind her of her ex.

    Maybe she is attracted to a different body type or you remind her of her brother.

    Maybe she thinks if you really knew her you would be turned off.

    Maybe she is afraid of close relationships.

    Maybe she is afraid you wouldn't like her if you knew what she is really like.

    Maybe she has some wounds from being dumped/cheated on, and she is not ready to try a new relationship.

    Maybe she is afraid that you only think about yourself and what you want.

    Do you really know who she really is?

    Only going by things you wrote, she seems to be a female body to you. Which is not attractive to any woman that takes her life seriously. Females that respect themselves can see when a guy is lonely and horny. Unless she is a loose and desperate woman she is not going find that attractive or a reason to get to know you.

    My idea is that you quit looking for a girlfriend altogether and learn to let relationships grow naturally. And, see where it goes rather than to try to make it happen.

    Stop trying to "find" a woman...we are not objects to be found, like a pretty stone you find on a path and pick up. We have our own interests and aspirations, hang-ups, fears, and insecurities. We are about who we are, not about who you are.

    Be the normal bloke that I suspect you are, and get to know people, what they want, who they are. If it's right and a lady opens up to you and a relationship grows out of that, then she might decide you are worthwhile.

    First you have to act like 'the one', by not trying to get close to anyone that doesn't even know you, or is clearly not interested. Obsessing about someone that turns away from you isn't attractive. Going about your own life and having your own interests will attract the right woman.

    I don't believe you really want a woman that is wrong for you. You want a lady that wants you for who you are, right? Then focus on getting your life together, save money, build a career, show you have confidence and look out for yourself and your own family & friends. Then a wise woman will see you have a lot to offer, and even if she may have sights on someone else, she might have a friend that she would want to introduce to you.

    Get involved with building up your own life, and then at the right time you will be interesting to the right woman. If all you have to offer is your own desire, well, a thinking woman will see that like too big of a project.

    Don't glom onto any female because you like her looks and she seems available. When you don't get to know a female as a person so you can find out if she really is interested in you it is an insult to any self-respecting lady. No self-respecting lady wants to feel like a body and any body will do.

    Rein in your personal desires and learn to just be a friendly and caring guy, which I think probably you really are.

    Show an interest in females just as people, and quit trying to catch one. If we have self-respect we don't want to be a bird in a cage, or a body to hold onto.

    Hey, another thought that might help you learn & understand an important fact about females (which is that we are not like you males). Get a puppy (make sure you learn about different breeds).

    Learn what the puppy is really like and what IT needs and how to be there for it. Dogs seem human almost but they have a totally different psyche than humans: how humans normally communicate means something completely different to dogs. It's the same thing with human males & females.

    I have two dogs raised from being puppies, and I think raising a puppy is about the best training for human relationships there is. Bonus: it's a non-threatening way to get to know other people.

    Your posts reveal you don't understand we females, and BTW, most males don't, so don't feel like the lone ranger.

    I suspect you are a very normal male.
    __________________
    ~ YaYa ~

    Last edited by yayagirl; 02-24-2016 at 10:37 AM.

     
    The Following User Says Thank You to yayagirl For This Useful Post:
    rosequartz (02-24-2016)
    Old 02-24-2016, 06:51 AM   #23
    rosequartz
    Senior Veteran
    (female)
     
    rosequartz's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Jul 2005
    Location: Chicago,IL
    Posts: 11,286
    rosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB User
    Re: Obsessing over a woman

    I hope you take the time to read what yayagirl wrote.....it is SPOT ON.
    One thing I'd like to add, please stop playing the victim.....it's not attractive at all!

     
    The Following User Says Thank You to rosequartz For This Useful Post:
    yayagirl (02-24-2016)
    Old 02-24-2016, 10:07 AM   #24
    GroceryStoreGuy
    Junior Member
    (male)
     
    Join Date: Jul 2015
    Posts: 39
    GroceryStoreGuy HB User
    Re: Obsessing over a woman

    You're all talking like I haven't done any of these you've suggested.

    The reason I am so angry is because I HAVE and it doesn't matter how much I like myself, or how NON negative I am, or how "myself" I am, or how much I improve myself or whatever. People just don't care, even in a social setting, like at a party, I will try to strike up conversations with people- even my friends and they won't listen when I speak. I'll get one word answers before they start talking to the next closest person.

    And it's always been like that. Even as a very little kid, I would always ask different friends if they wanted to hang out and I would usually get "I have to see if I'm doing anything with my OTHER friends first."

    Cool.

    I've been "doing me" my whole life, taking interests in things and pursuing them and it never happens/ed.
    So you'll have to forgive me when I don't see how doing what I've been doing (with no results) is going to produce results.

    I've been trying everything everyone's been saying but if there's ANYTHING I need to do, it's figure out WHY I've always been Plan B or not all.

    Maybe who I am is just too boring for people. Whatever

    Last edited by GroceryStoreGuy; 02-24-2016 at 10:40 AM.

     
    The following 2 users give hugs of support to: GroceryStoreGuy
    Larry88 (02-25-2016),yayagirl (02-24-2016)
    Old 02-24-2016, 10:29 AM   #25
    yayagirl
    Senior Veteran
    (female)
     
    yayagirl's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Jun 2010
    Location: USA
    Posts: 2,473
    yayagirl HB Useryayagirl HB Useryayagirl HB Useryayagirl HB Useryayagirl HB Useryayagirl HB Useryayagirl HB Useryayagirl HB Useryayagirl HB Useryayagirl HB Useryayagirl HB User
    Re: Obsessing over a woman

    Dear Guy,

    I don't blame you for feeling angry, disappointed, confused.
    Who wouldn't?

    I only know of one male that genuinely believes he understands women, and being a woman I know he is wrong. He only knows how to manipulate some ladies.

    What I see positive about you is that you don't seem to want to manipulate. I can appreciate that you want to be able to be direct and get a positive response. Maybe you just need to be friendly longer than you think you should have to be, and make sure that you don't get personal before you are more sure that a lady really likes you as a man, not just as a person.

    I want to add that anyone that behaves the way you described is not your friend.
    Keep the work place for work, and change where and how you socialize.

    ie, there is no more open and friendly place than at a dog park. You spark conversations about the dogs and then be on your way. Not saying you will meet a lady at a dog park. I am saying it is a great place to relax, just enjoy your dog, or at times have genuinely cordial conversations.

    Join an art class, hiking group, or whatever, and just be one of a group, focused on nature and not yourself or other people. Learn to just enjoy the experience and let it be whatever it is and no more.

    I was one of the most awkward girls you could imagine. Wrote about this to someone else here on healthboards...maybe the relationship board, I forget. Was in my thirties before I had a good relationship with a man, (who I married). and that only happened after I (and he) stopped trying to make something happen. We were acquaintances for two years then friends for two more years before we realized we wanted to be with each other.

    Waiting for that can be hard to do, I know. I think we need to learn to enjoy the moments and stop trying to wring something out of ourselves or others. and to stop trying to interact with anyone that clearly is not interested in communicating with you. They are not worth your interest.

    Wishing you all of the best!
    __________________
    ~ YaYa ~

    Last edited by yayagirl; 02-24-2016 at 10:54 AM.

     
    Old 02-24-2016, 10:36 AM   #26
    GroceryStoreGuy
    Junior Member
    (male)
     
    Join Date: Jul 2015
    Posts: 39
    GroceryStoreGuy HB User
    Re: Obsessing over a woman

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by YaYagirl View Post
    Dear Guy,

    I don't blame you for feeling angry, disappointed, confused.
    Who wouldn't?

    I only know of one male that genuinely believes he understands women, and being a woman I know he is wrong. He only knows how to manipulate some ladies.

    What I see positive about you is that you don't seem to want to manipulate. I can appreciate that you want to be able to be direct and get a positive response. Maybe you just need to be friendly longer than you think you should have to be, and make sure that you don't get personal before you are more sure that a lady really likes you as a man, not just as a person.

    Waiting for that can be hard to do, I know.
    Wishing you all of the best!
    This, I do appreciate. However, I think BOTH genders are just as equally confused about the other.

     
    The following user gives a hug of support to GroceryStoreGuy:
    Larry88 (02-25-2016)
    Old 02-24-2016, 10:58 AM   #27
    yayagirl
    Senior Veteran
    (female)
     
    yayagirl's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Jun 2010
    Location: USA
    Posts: 2,473
    yayagirl HB Useryayagirl HB Useryayagirl HB Useryayagirl HB Useryayagirl HB Useryayagirl HB Useryayagirl HB Useryayagirl HB Useryayagirl HB Useryayagirl HB Useryayagirl HB User
    Re: Obsessing over a woman

    I agree with you.

    Females often feel just as awkward about males as males with females.
    It's a wonder when any get together and if any intimate relationships last. It is just as difficult for females when we expect things to be a certain way and they aren't.

    Try to enjoy yourself and your own life. and stay away from rude people. Nothing wrong with just getting up and leaving, and going to do something fun by yourself. At times we think we have to have someone to do everything with, but I go to a movie or eat out by myself if I want and I have a mate.
    __________________
    ~ YaYa ~

    Last edited by yayagirl; 02-24-2016 at 11:04 AM.

     
    Closed Thread




    Thread Tools Search this Thread
    Search this Thread:

    Advanced Search

    Posting Rules
    You may not post new threads
    You may not post replies
    You may not post attachments
    You may not edit your posts

    BB code is On
    Smilies are On
    [IMG] code is Off
    HTML code is Off
    Trackbacks are Off
    Pingbacks are Off
    Refbacks are Off




    Sign Up Today!

    Ask our community of thousands of members your health questions, and learn from others experiences. Join the conversation!

    I want my free account

    All times are GMT -7. The time now is 08:00 PM.





    © 2020 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved.
    Do not copy or redistribute in any form!