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  • Rejecting my calls

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    Old 03-25-2017, 06:12 AM   #1
    Con95
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    Rejecting my calls

    Hi I'm 21 and my boyfriend/ father of my child is 20 and today we were all ready to go out for the day and he was in the room and I was in the lounge room with his family I simply yelled out hey ? what are you doing and he replied with waiting for you and I said I was ready that we were waiting for him and he walked out to the lounge room and I asked what was he mad at and he just goes you.

    I don't understand what I did wrong anyhow I then said I had misplaced my phone could he please ring it so he did I found it and jokingly said oo it's ? reject and he laughed and goes I do the same thing (sorry didn't want to mention names but ? Is me saying his name) my question is am I wrong in feeling unwanted, unloved or inconvenient because he rejects my calls deliberately when he just doesn't want to talk to me? did I do something wrong I didn't recognise?

    Last edited by Mo-S4; 03-25-2017 at 08:52 AM.

     
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    Old 03-25-2017, 06:44 AM   #2
    sweetpotato13
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    Re: Rejecting my calls

    You are both young parents and it sounds as if you need to work on your communication.
    I think that it would be perfectly sensible for you to say to him, "when you don't answer your phone, it makes me feel unwanted and unloved. Is that what you mean when you don't answer?" and if he says no, then ask what is going on, when he doesn't answer your phone calls. You both need to learn how to talk to one another especially if you are co-parenting.

    Last edited by sweetpotato13; 03-25-2017 at 06:44 AM.

     
    Old 03-25-2017, 09:37 AM   #3
    Thisby
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    Re: Rejecting my calls

    Yeah, it sounds like there is a communication problem. Being young parents can be stressful so you should both be giving each other some slack when it comes to little things like that.

    The first thing you wrote about, "you" is a pretty childish answer to that question. Had you been arguing? Was he pouting?

    For the 2nd part. You told a joke about rejecting his call, he laughed and said he does it to. Are you sure he wasn't joking back? Do you know he rejects your calls? You didn't actually say, you only gave his joke reply as evidence so it's hard to tell if you're jumping to conclusions.

    And even assuming he does reject your calls some time, people aren't obliged to answer every every single time. Sometimes people are busy. I'd definitely take sweetpotato13's advice and talk to him about it.

     
    Old 03-25-2017, 06:41 PM   #4
    Con95
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    Re: Rejecting my calls

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Thisby View Post
    Yeah, it sounds like there is a communication problem. Being young parents can be stressful so you should both be giving each other some slack when it comes to little things like that.

    The first thing you wrote about, "you" is a pretty childish answer to that question. Had you been arguing? Was he pouting?

    For the 2nd part. You told a joke about rejecting his call, he laughed and said he does it to. Are you sure he wasn't joking back? Do you know he rejects your calls? You didn't actually say, you only gave his joke reply as evidence so it's hard to tell if you're jumping to conclusions.

    And even assuming he does reject your calls some time, people aren't obliged to answer every every single time. Sometimes people are busy. I'd definitely take sweetpotato13's advice and talk to him about it.
    No we hadn't been arguing he just sort of flipped after I asked what he was doing, I understand his not obligated to answer my calls if he's busy or whenever but I feel as though it's a pretty common curtesy to at least message or something if he was looking after our child and he rang id answer whether or not we had been fighting or I didn't want to talk who knows what's happening, I am aware of the communication problem it's hard to find a way for him to talk anything through with me without him getting angry little or big.

     
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    Old 03-26-2017, 06:00 PM   #5
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    Re: Rejecting my calls

    Dear Con95,

    In my experience, the hardest to learn fact about relating to others is that neither person lives under the other's skin and each person perceives things in a different manner. So, the same thing means something entirely different to each person.

    I wasn't even there but I can safely say boyfriend didn't understand why you said what you said any more than you understood why he had not come out of the room. From what you reported I think your boyfriend seems discouraged that you say things in a way that he is unsure what you mean. Not knowing can make him feel embarrassed. Then making light of the whole communication didn't fix it, as here you are feeling that the communication means he might not love you. I think neither of you understand how each other thinks. That isn't something people learn right away. So, rather than take a miscommunication as an insult, understand that how you feel in an exchange doesn't define who he is or who you are.

    Males simply do not process things the same as females. Males & females usually accept and like the physical differences but are not taught or else are too impatient to learn the differences in how males & females think also really compliments the opposite sex. So we can take those normal human differences personally and get upset with what we simply didn't understand.

    Asking why something upset someone else is like asking 'why doesn't he take things exactly like I do'. The reason is - he is not you and you are not him. It is nothing personally against you. I can bet that he has no idea what you mean by some of the things you say. Just reading the words you popped off to him in the first post, I can see why he became defensive.

    The more polite and respectful thing would have been to get up and go into the other room and just kindly say "we are all ready to go, are you?". Or ask "what can I do to help get things done so we can leave?". It is impersonal and not good for a relationship to use one or two word statements or a phone to communicate from another room in the building.

    From your other posts it seems to me that now that you have a child in the picture you aren't sure if you even want to settle down with the father. Is that true?

    It really needs to be figured out between the two of you whether you two are going to commit to parenting together or apart, that is if you want the co-parenting to work. You need to get to know who he is as a person (no one speaks exactly the way we expect or prefer).

    If you don't take time to make that decision there will be no closeness in the relationship. It cannot thrive based on the ups and downs of female emotions...a male can never understand what or how we feel. It has nothing to do with whether or not he loves you. It's up to us to take learn to speak directly of what we need or want and never assume the other person knows.

    Love,
    __________________
    ~ YaYa ~

    Last edited by yayagirl; 03-26-2017 at 06:02 PM.

     
    Old 03-26-2017, 07:15 PM   #6
    Con95
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    Re: Rejecting my calls

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by YaYagirl View Post
    Dear Con95,

    In my experience, the hardest to learn fact about relating to others is that neither person lives under the other's skin and each person perceives things in a different manner. So, the same thing means something entirely different to each person.

    I wasn't even there but I can safely say boyfriend didn't understand why you said what you said any more than you understood why he had not come out of the room. From what you reported I think your boyfriend seems discouraged that you say things in a way that he is unsure what you mean. Not knowing can make him feel embarrassed. Then making light of the whole communication didn't fix it, as here you are feeling that the communication means he might not love you. I think neither of you understand how each other thinks. That isn't something people learn right away. So, rather than take a miscommunication as an insult, understand that how you feel in an exchange doesn't define who he is or who you are.

    Males simply do not process things the same as females. Males & females usually accept and like the physical differences but are not taught or else are too impatient to learn the differences in how males & females think also really compliments the opposite sex. So we can take those normal human differences personally and get upset with what we simply didn't understand.

    Asking why something upset someone else is like asking 'why doesn't he take things exactly like I do'. The reason is - he is not you and you are not him. It is nothing personally against you. I can bet that he has no idea what you mean by some of the things you say. Just reading the words you popped off to him in the first post, I can see why he became defensive.

    The more polite and respectful thing would have been to get up and go into the other room and just kindly say "we are all ready to go, are you?". Or ask "what can I do to help get things done so we can leave?". It is impersonal and not good for a relationship to use one or two word statements or a phone to communicate from another room in the building.

    From your other posts it seems to me that now that you have a child in the picture you aren't sure if you even want to settle down with the father. Is that true?

    It really needs to be figured out between the two of you whether you two are going to commit to parenting together or apart, that is if you want the co-parenting to work. You need to get to know who he is as a person (no one speaks exactly the way we expect or prefer).

    If you don't take time to make that decision there will be no closeness in the relationship. It cannot thrive based on the ups and downs of female emotions...a male can never understand what or how we feel. It has nothing to do with whether or not he loves you. It's up to us to take learn to speak directly of what we need or want and never assume the other person knows.

    Love,
    I don't believe everyone perceives things the same just as no one looks the same so I totally agree with what you're saying however I don't believe men and women are like Venus and mars we're all human
    Absolutely agree that walking in the room would have been better although at the time wasn't an option, the "what are you doing" comment sounds bad if read but I can assure you it was more casual then it seems and I asked him why that made him mad trying to get an insight to why what I had said made him feel the way it did. I have all intentions to have a future and extend our family with my boyfriend but there's some things that need working on like in most relationships, a lot of the time I write on here as a way to try and see our issues from a different perspective one that I might not otherwise think of, thank you for your response I really appreciate you taking the time to reply

     
    Old 03-28-2017, 10:12 AM   #7
    yayagirl
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    Re: Rejecting my calls

    Dear Con,

    I agree that men and women are not like Venus and Mars.
    Of course we are all human. However, men are not females and they do perceive things differently - most men attracted to females perceive mainly VIA testosterone and females attracted to males usually perceive through estrogen. The hormones have distinctly separate effects on personality.

    I don't know any woman that knows everything about how to relate to a man effectively, including myself. But while something you said was taken as an offense by your man, then you took offense that he was offended. I can safely assure you that way to relate is not at all effective.

    It really doesn't matter what we think when another person took offense. We have to learn to listen and be apologetic rather than to be offended that the other did not understand our intent. One way to break the cycle is to just say 'I'm sorry, I didn't mean anything against you'.

    Then let it go.
    He will get over it.

    Misunderstandings happen in every relationship, and that will never stop happening. It happens in the closest and best of relationships. A misunderstanding has nothing to do with being 'unloved'.

    However, we do need to learn what pushes the other person's button, and change how we communicate. That is, we have to care enough to do it. We can only take charge of our own side of it.

    Love and hugs
    __________________
    ~ YaYa ~

    Last edited by yayagirl; 03-28-2017 at 02:19 PM.

     
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