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  • Would you stay with a woman who you're not attracted to? (honest opinions please)

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    Old 06-06-2018, 07:45 PM   #1
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    jenjohn HB User
    Would you stay with a woman who you're not attracted to? (honest opinions please)

    This is about my boyfriend and I.

    We have a pretty great relationship. We get along, hardly ever fight, like the same things etc. he kisses me all the time and tells me he loves me.

    The issue is that my boyfriend doesn't want to have sex with me. Ever. We've been together for 10 months, live together (there was no pressure involved and was his idea) and we've never had sex. Only oral sex, for him. (and some touching for me)

    I don't know if this relationship could be sustainable long term because of this. The last thing I want to do is settle into a more permanent situation if he's not truly wanting this. I'm fat. I was fat when we met so it's not like I just gained 50 pounds after we started dating. He also doesn't have a 'thing' for fatties.

    I've brought up the issue before and he talks around it. this got me worrying at that point.

    I honestly do think its because he's not physically attracted to me. I know he's emotionally and mentally attracted to me and maybe that's what's keeping him in this relationship. But I don't want it to be like that. If I cannot provide all of what he needs, it pains me to say this but he should find someone who does. I don't want the relationship to end but its not worth it if hes not happy sexually, because I'm not either. we've made future plans but I have this issue in the back of my hand.

    Oh, and he does watch porn. I honestly dont think he would cheat on me. He's a sweet guy and has been cheated on before. I know he doesnt want to hurt me, which is why maybe he's not telling me that he isnt attracted to me. I'm so lost. He was single for a while before we got together.

    I don't know even know what to think anymore tbh.

    Last edited by Administrator; 06-06-2018 at 08:03 PM.

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    Old 06-07-2018, 06:11 AM   #2
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    Re: Would you stay with a woman who you're not attracted to? (honest opinions please)

    I feel in the same situation. My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years and it seems in the past year and a bit he has lost interest in me physically. Does the same thing as your boyfriend, little play kisses. But doesn’t want anything else. He changes the subject when I try to address it, and avoids it at all costs. But he is really invested in the relationship, comes over all the time, plans dates, and text almost every hour of the day. I had to make a decision to love the whole package. I was with someone for 5 years that found me attractive and we have a great sex life, but there were so many other things missing. I think if you truly love him and want to make it work you can. It might take time for him to get back into sex, or maybe you can be creative and try new things. Role playing, dressing up for him. Play some fun and sexy question games to get him in the mood, also he might want to think about changing his diet, or losing weight. If he doesn’t have a healthy lifestyle maybe his hormones are out of sorts? It could just be a phase he is going through. Give him some time to make it work.

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    Old 06-08-2018, 05:05 AM   #3
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    Re: Would you stay with a woman who you're not attracted to? (honest opinions please)

    It sounds to me that he really likes you and your personality. He just isn't into you sexually which he admitted. It may be enough for him but it may not be for you. Sex is important but not the most important part of a relationship. Many men are sexually turned on by overweight women so why should you settle? It depends on your feelings for each other. It could be that he doesn't want to lose you as a partner. You need to get to the bottom of it and ask him what he wants in the future and you too. To answer the question, at first being I would have to be sexually attracted before I went out with the woman. After being married for 10 years or so it would not be as important. Everyone is different and your boyfriend wanted to be with you knowing he wasn't attracted to you so it may not be important to him.

    Last edited by 52ken; 06-08-2018 at 05:13 AM.

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    Old 06-08-2018, 08:12 AM   #4
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    Re: Would you stay with a woman who you're not attracted to? (honest opinions please)

    Dear jenjohn,

    I think if you want him in your life you must stop taking how he is personally. He may be just built that way, physically & emotionally. it's absolutely great that your relationship is built on so much love and respect. Sex can be fun, but a long term relationship should not in my opinion be built on it. For many of us sex desire wanes as we age, and our appearance changes, not for the better. Some get bald, we all get wrinkled. Hormones and sexual desire almost always diminishes and changes. It's just a fact of life that has nothing to do with you as a person. We just cannot take that personally and still be happy.

    Your man may have a low sex drive due to low hormones and it may just be the way he is. He may have values different than yours. He might consider sex a thing for marriage and making babies. He might just be very responsible and not want to take a chance of getting you pregnant. He might just not be that in to you but loves and enjoys as a you as a person.

    The way I see it is if you don't love and like him as he is, you should move on. But be careful. because a high sex drive doesn't mean we are loved and accepted. And, think about aging, when desire normally decreases. Sex should not be the main criteria of a relationship, in my view. You need to consider what you value most in a man and what you want for yourself. I think this is all about you, not about him.

    All that said, it is extremely possible that he may want you only as a roommate. He might not think of you as a future mate at all. He might not ever want to be married or have children. Plenty of people male or female don't. After you consider and find possible living arrangements elsewhere you need to have a serious talk and ask if he wants to marry you someday.

    Keep in mind that none of this has anything whatsoever to do with your fat. I was skinny when I met my husband and I am overweight now. It literally doesn't matter to him. We have aged a lot but he is just attracted to something in my looks. I feel the same way about him. A person that loves you is not put off by your looks.

    Body fat is not who you are and is not the issue here; this guy made that clear. If he doesn't act in love with you besides the no sex, then he probably isn't. At least not now. You need to be really honest with yourself about what you want and expect for yourself. It may be that you are roommates and he won't care if you date someone else. If you ask him if he cares if you date someone, you might get the info you need from his response. It could make him wake up, but also could end the relationship between you. So if you like the status quo and you can accept what you do have you might not want to rock the boat. There's no reason to think he is the one unless he asks you to be. You have decisions to make for yourself, hon.

    You have a lot to figure out about your self.
    ~ YaYa ~

    Last edited by yayagirl; 06-08-2018 at 08:19 AM.

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