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  • I am so MEAN!

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    Old 01-13-2003, 07:59 AM   #1
    Kaitie
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    Unhappy I am so MEAN!

    Hi Everyone.

    I am so ashamed of myself - I am MEAN to everyone - especially my boyfriend.

    For the past three days (ESPECIALLY FRIDAY) I did nothing but yell at my boyfriend for reason's he didn't deserve. I yelled at my sister - I yelled at my mom.

    I am so hurtful. I say something HORRIBLE, like "You don't know about half the stuff you talk about - you just make it up to sound smart - which you aren't" (I said this to my boyfriend for some reason). And then a couple hours later - I say "Oh, sorry about that" but see, the damage has ALREADY been done - and I worry that it's going to take a lot more than "Sorry" to fix all the crappy things I've said over my life time.

    How can you fix something like that (which isn't even the half of it - just picture a couple days along the same line...)

    Basically I have these nasty temper tantrums - and everyone else suffers - then I want to take all back like it was no big deal.

    How could I be so mean? I'm totally hurting the ones I love...and it's not on purpose, I just can't help it for some reason.

    Meanie
    Kaitie

     
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    Old 01-13-2003, 02:03 PM   #2
    NewMe
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    Hi Kaitie,
    Im in the same boat, youve described me to a T. Yet I think I may be a bit worse, Im very vulgar and very very mean. And I know at the time that its wrong yet its almost like I cant hold it in. Of course, Im now talking 9!!!!!years into it.............SORRY means nothing in my life lol.
    Hope to have helped in the fact that your not alone in this one.

     
    Old 01-14-2003, 04:21 PM   #3
    Gail
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    Katie,

    I used to be just like that. I would even throw things at times because of my anger. I never hurt anyone and I am thankful for that. I was on meds for four years for depression and in therapy for two and still nothing helped. Since '98 I have been on a mood stabilizer and I think that has made a world of difference!!!!!!!!!! One night before I started on this med, I even got angry enough to take a bottle of pills. That put me in a psych hospital for six months. I credit the mood stabilizers for me still being alive.

    Gail

     
    Old 01-15-2003, 12:02 PM   #4
    Kaitie
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    Thank you for posting...I'm glad I found someone who can relate. I too have done irrational things to MYSELF when I get super upset. I often SI when I get super upset or else super angry.

    Do you feel really DRAINED sometimes after an upsetting day? I mean, sometimes I wake up an feel as If I've spent the night RUNNING the boston marathon or something - I'm that drained...

    Kaitie

     
    Old 02-10-2003, 01:16 PM   #5
    AmbrMF
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    I've been really really mean lately too. The abuse has been toward my boyfriend. He's soo good to me. And I yell at him everyday.
    One time we were at Taco Bell and he was playing around and threw a un-opened packet at me. And someone saw, and I just flipped!! I threw my burritto all over his nacho's so he couldnt eat then I made him take me home. And when we got in the car, I turned the radio up really really loud and he turned it down and I started screaming at him to stop. So he tryed to grab my hand and he said sorry, but I was soo mad and I didnt even know why. Sometimes I tell him to get off me cuz he's smothering me. and I can see the hurt on his face. One day, I said something soo mean to him that he got up to leave and I grabbed him and turned him around and he was crying and THEN I started laughing.
    Afterwards, I started crying he forgave me, but I wish I could stop.
    How do you guys stop freaking out?
    And yes, I feel soo drained afterwards.

     
    Old 02-12-2003, 11:52 AM   #6
    Kaitie
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    Oh my goodness - sadly, that sounds exactly like what I do. I am constantly telling my boyfriend he is 'crushing me' or smothering me or doesn't want me to have any fun...or rules my life or whatever - which really isn't all that true.

    I also tell him he's fat and oily and that I can't stand touching him - yet I don't want to lose him, and I don't mean what I say -

    So why do I say it...
    Oh, and I tried counting to ten, but it doesn't work....

    Kaitie

     
    Old 04-13-2003, 10:17 PM   #7
    Harry
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    I had a friend that lived in upper NY state and because of the mostly cloudy wheather there it affected his moods -- that would change for the better with sunshine.

    Also, try taking a Vitamin B complex. If your moods are affected by lack of certain B vitamins ----it'll only take a few days to find out. B-6 is very important!!!

    I wish you well---Harry

     
    Old 07-15-2003, 01:35 AM   #8
    cuteviolette
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    I know exactly what some of you are feeling. I don't know why I've been so mean to my fiance. He is so perfect but he smothers me. Recently because of health issues, I had to quit my job. He has been paying my rent, buying me food, make up, clothes etc. All my friends and family tell me how great he is.

    However, he sometimes gets on my nerves so bad that I just tell him how I feel not realizing I hurt him. I tell him he is smothering me and need to breathe, he thinks a couple of hours is what i need! Everything about him sometimes bugs me, even his laugh or the way he talks! I just sometimes look at him and find myself not attracted to him. Other times he looks gorgeous, I am not sure if this is normal.

    We are planning on getting married in April 2003 and I sometimes wonder if he's the one, Is this normal? We share the same interests, he's funny and treats me like a queen, but smothers me sooo much!! He is kind of like the girl in the relationship, he is very emotional and wants to be with me 24/7, he thinks he will lose me if I go out with my friends and that just bugs, because I don't go out without him and I've never cheated on him. Can anyone please help me too? Thanks!

     
    Old 07-21-2003, 03:10 AM   #9
    jc001
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    katie, you just described me ... I behave exactly the same way and by looking at the things you said, I realized how much of a temper problem I have :-((( I will usually go to extremes and people won't speak to me in months. Needless to say, I have very few friends as I've permanently damaged many relationships.

    In my case, there needs to be an argument and if there isn't any, I'll start it up on absurd and stupid things. Its really annoying because before the argument heats up, I ALWAYS say to myself I'll leave when things start getting out of hand, but never happens. Once I start going something automatically takes over and I loose all notion of what I say.

    The only thing I've found that keeps me in control is to hit / break / kick any non-living thing besides me, but usually that never seems to be the case as when the time for taking action comes I've lost control already.


     
    Old 07-23-2003, 04:41 AM   #10
    Moxie75
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    There is no excuse for abuse to anyone and this is abuse. Get help ASAP before everyone leaves you. No one wants to be around nasty people trust me I know first hand. My mom is just like this and I cannot stand to be around her..Lisa

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    ON THE WAY TO CAPE MAY!!!!!

     
    Old 07-27-2003, 09:25 AM   #11
    ericaseeu
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    Unfortunately, I can relate to all of you ladies..... My BF annoys me till I get to my snapping point. After i've reached my snapping point, theres no turning back. I'm not physically abusive but can be mentally and emotionally abusive. It has a lot to do w/my childhood, the way I treat my bf. My father was a "dead beat dad" and was never around, when he did show up he would break my heart. I can not take direction from a male figure. I REBEL against him, the weird part is I've just recently started acting like this with him. We've dated for 3 years, and for the past 2 years I've turn into a real class act B****! anyone have any insight? I want to go for counseling, no insurance :-(

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    Old 07-30-2003, 05:41 PM   #12
    tatewin
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    ericaseeu,

    Events in our childhoods may help explain some of our current behaviors, but it does not excuse them. When we become adults, how we behave is strictly our "choice." We can either choose to continue behaving "off the cuff" and not work on changing our patterns, or, we can choose to stop and think instead of just reacting, and try to make some healthy changes. Please don't let lack of insurance stop you if you feel like you want to start working on yourself. Most communities have community-funded programs that offer services on a sliding scale depending on your ability to pay. If that is even too much (as it is for many of us), check into local self-help groups like Al-anon, or Coda groups - they are all great sources of support and insight and ideas, they help lots of people make healthy and helpful changes - and they are totally FREE! There are lots of great on-line support groups for just about any topic/concern under the sun, too. As I've read through these posts in this thread, I wondered about something called borderline personality disorder (bpd) - it tends to run in my family and lots of the behaviors that everyone is describing here sound very similar to those that are common to folks with bpd. Just a thought.

    best to all,
    tatewin

     
    Old 09-05-2003, 07:22 PM   #13
    rainonwindow
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    I can understand getting irritable if someone isn't giving you enought personal space. I get easily overstimulated mentally and need time to myself to recoup. Fatigue and overstimulation will make me irritable. I certainly wouldn't want a relationship where my partner was like human glue - yuck!

     
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