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  • Normal to call every day?

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    Old 04-06-2004, 10:48 AM   #16
    eightball61
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    Re: Normal to call every day?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by newlywedgurl
    Yes I do. But I also doubt that talking on the phone 15 times a day with someone will do much for that insecurity. It might temporarily make you feel better, but not long term. My ex used to call me constantly. It drove me CRAZY!! I would end up being mean to him! Like "What do you want? Are you inhaling? Taking a ******?! OK, well that's great that you saw a pretty doggie in the back of a truck. But stop calling me today. No more!!" (I have a problem with biting sarcasm )

    There are some people (such as my ex ^^^) that it just does not matter how much you reassure them....it's never enough. And for someone who does NOT need that much reassurance, it is sooooo easy to lose your patience with the other person. And I did. A lot. My Dh is not like that at all. He is very considerate, don't get me wrong, but he is not (usually) emotionally needy or clingy--we all have our days. And I love that about him!



    Eightball, just wanted to point out that I have NOT been married for several years! I got married in December. We have been together just less than a year (I guess around 9 months total). So I don't think it has anything to do with how long you are with someone. I was with my ex for 2 and 1/2 years! And he still called me. All. The. Time. Ugh!!
    Basically it just matters on the person then...hmmm Thanks

     
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    Old 04-06-2004, 10:57 AM   #17
    ana_24
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    Re: Normal to call every day?

    If we're talking calling each other 15 times a day, that becomes somewhat excessive in my opinion. It borders on obsession. At that point, it almost seems like you're being checked on.
    I think twice a day is fine. Once during work hours or in the evening and the second time before bed. With my boyfriend and I, it's just a cute thing we've done since date one. When he left my house after dinner (our first date which lasted for 8 hours of talking) he called minutes after leaving my house just to say he had fun and to say goodnight. Since then, in the 8 months that we've been together, we've always said goodnight. He leaves my house after coming over for the evening and will call me almost immediately after while he's on the road. There are times when he'll call me at 1 or 2 in the morning to say good night.. lol.. but I keep the cell phone in bed with me so it doesn't bother me. I just fall right back to sleep. It's almost like a habit now and I like it. To me it's an expression of love. We don't live together so this way, having him be the last person I talked to before going to bed makes me feel closer to him. Also, knowing that I can call him in the middle of the night if I've had a nightmare gives me a sense of security.

     
    Old 04-06-2004, 11:15 AM   #18
    eightball61
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    Re: Normal to call every day?

    I do understand and think that call 15 times a day would be a form of obsession. I could never see myself calling that much even when I was in middle school. Of course back then i wanted to call girls like every second...lol

    I agree that 2 times a day is good enough. I do call my GF from work and beofre I go to bed. We do see each other in between those call so we are actually speaking 3 times a day.

     
    Old 04-06-2004, 11:49 AM   #19
    Blastoff9600
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    Re: Normal to call every day?

    Ok I think alot of it depends on the person and of course what happens during the day. I do agree 15 times is way too much. But Dh and I have both been quilty of calling several times a day when he is tdy. There have been times that we have talked 3 or 4 times in a day/evening and then something has hapened with one of our sons and I call him again to let him know. Like this past Oct I had already talked to Dh twice on this one day but that afternoon our youngest son broke his leg and after I got home fromthe ER I called him to let him know what had happened. During the next 5 weeks that our son had the cast on my Dh would call about three times a day to see how things were going. Of course some of that time he wanted to talk to our son.
    I dont see it as being insecure or dependent on each other,it is just a matter of missing each other. He is gone alot also so that might play a role in our numerous phone calls and online chats. Of course our kids want to talk ot their daddy so that throws in a few extra calls for goodnights and such.
    I should say I HATE the phone as well....love my answering machine a whole lot...lol.
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    Old 04-06-2004, 12:00 PM   #20
    ana_24
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    Re: Normal to call every day?

    Blastoff, I don't blame you for being on the phone so much. Yours is a special case. If phone is all I had, I would be on it as much if not more than you. But when two people see each other ALL the time AND call each other 15 times a day, that's a bit much

     
    Old 04-06-2004, 12:04 PM   #21
    newlywedgurl
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    Re: Normal to call every day?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Blastoff9600
    Ok I think alot of it depends on the person and of course what happens during the day. I do agree 15 times is way too much. But Dh and I have both been quilty of calling several times a day when he is tdy. There have been times that we have talked 3 or 4 times in a day/evening and then something has hapened with one of our sons and I call him again to let him know. Like this past Oct I had already talked to Dh twice on this one day but that afternoon our youngest son broke his leg and after I got home fromthe ER I called him to let him know what had happened. During the next 5 weeks that our son had the cast on my Dh would call about three times a day to see how things were going. Of course some of that time he wanted to talk to our son.
    I dont see it as being insecure or dependent on each other,it is just a matter of missing each other. He is gone alot also so that might play a role in our numerous phone calls and online chats. Of course our kids want to talk ot their daddy so that throws in a few extra calls for goodnights and such.
    I should say I HATE the phone as well....love my answering machine a whole lot...lol.
    I was exaggerrating of course with the 15 times thing....sometimes it really felt like it though!

    I agree with this post, though. I only call my Dh at work if it is something that must be handled and cannot wait until he gets home. Same with him. We will IM each other if we need each other, too. But I must also add that he is not out of town at all and I see him every morning and every evening....so we have that time to catch up.

    On a day to day basis, given that no one gets into a car wreck or lands in the ER, I really can just wait until I see him at night to talk with him. We usually don't....but we don't bug each other all day either!

     
    Old 04-06-2004, 12:05 PM   #22
    eightball61
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    Re: Normal to call every day?

    So there is a difference when it comes to obsession and being missed. That is what I am getting from this. I remember when I obsessing over some girl I just met and I wanted to call her like every minute just to get to know her.

    When being in a family or deep love I can understand one calling do to that they miss one another. In a way its not like they are obsessing if they are allready together.

    I can't rememeber the last time I felt that way though I think it was when I was in middle school, but that is the time when first loves happen. Like in my current relationship I understand I have to give her room and freedom. As much as I hate to due it she need to live a life also. I rather spend every minute with her because how do I know when I may die!!!

     
    Old 04-06-2004, 12:16 PM   #23
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    Re: Normal to call every day?

    Quote:
    I understand I have to give her room and freedom. As much as I hate to due it she need to live a life also. I rather spend every minute with her because how do I know when I may die!!!
    If you don't let her leash out a bit, SHE might kill you! LOL

     
    Old 04-06-2004, 12:26 PM   #24
    eightball61
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    Re: Normal to call every day?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by newlywedgurl
    If you don't let her leash out a bit, SHE might kill you! LOL

    Oh she has the freedom...I just hate giving it lol

    Anyways, we are both alike buy not hanging out with large groups of people or going out in public alot. For some reason we don't like the society if that makes any sense. We just prefer to spend time together. I do give her the option to go out with friends at anytime but she rathers be with me. I am staring though to try to part away to give room. Like tonight I am going straight home for once...its going to be tuff but I can handle it.

     
    Old 04-06-2004, 12:32 PM   #25
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    Re: Normal to call every day?

    Quote:
    Oh she has the freedom...I just hate giving it lol
    Geeeeez........Eightball!!!! It's NOT yours to give!!! Your girl CHOOSES to be with you and spend time with you. We've GOT to try to get you to look at this a different way! It's not up to you how much freedom she gets!!

     
    Old 04-06-2004, 01:08 PM   #26
    eightball61
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    Re: Normal to call every day?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by newlywedgurl
    Geeeeez........Eightball!!!! It's NOT yours to give!!! Your girl CHOOSES to be with you and spend time with you. We've GOT to try to get you to look at this a different way! It's not up to you how much freedom she gets!!
    I don't have her on a leash Man I could never do that....


    She chooses to see me all the time and of course I choose to see her. We have no limits, another she can do whatever. There is plenty of freedom in our relationship.

     
    Old 04-06-2004, 01:38 PM   #27
    newlywedgurl
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    Re: Normal to call every day?

    I was just saying that "freedom" in a relationship is not something that you decide to give the other person. They have their own ideas about what relationships entail and how much "freedom" relationships should offer. YOUR place is to decide whether or not you agree with or can accept their own definitions, limits, and boundaries. If not, you have to move on. Some people are more accomodating than others. Some people see nothing wrong with going to bars, etc. several times a week even if "seriously" involved. Our ideas about how relationships work are all different. Not that one s wrong and another is right. But one can be wrong FOR US and another more in line with what we expect from someone. It is a compatablility issue, not really a freedom issue. That's all I was saying.

     
    Old 04-06-2004, 01:50 PM   #28
    eightball61
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    Re: Normal to call every day?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by newlywedgurl
    I was just saying that "freedom" in a relationship is not something that you decide to give the other person. They have their own ideas about what relationships entail and how much "freedom" relationships should offer. YOUR place is to decide whether or not you agree with or can accept their own definitions, limits, and boundaries. If not, you have to move on. Some people are more accomodating than others. Some people see nothing wrong with going to bars, etc. several times a week even if "seriously" involved. Our ideas about how relationships work are all different. Not that one s wrong and another is right. But one can be wrong FOR US and another more in line with what we expect from someone. It is a compatablility issue, not really a freedom issue. That's all I was saying.

    Sorry I worded it the wrong way but I do give her the freedom she needs. I do understands your thought and thank you concerns

     
    Old 04-06-2004, 02:56 PM   #29
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    Re: Normal to call every day?

    It's Normal but do you know if he is a phone person?

    When I first started dating my boyfriend of 5 years, he would call me for a date, make quick plans, and then hang up.
    After dating for a few weeks. I was going away for a 4 day vacation with my son which I already had plans before meeting him. I called him to say good bye and have a happy holiday, he was very quick with me on the phone, said good bye, & have a good trip. I was put off by his phone manner and had thoughts that since I was going away he had thoughts of dumping me.
    Just this feeling...10 minutes later he called me back and apololized for being short with me and went on to say he is not a Phone Person. wished me a good trip and said good night. I called him once from my 4 day trip to wish him a happy holiday and that I missed him...(something told me we were connecting) WELL, he told me he missed me too and couldn't wait to see me when I got back....The very night I got back from my trip, he showed up at my house with Flowers and a BIG Smile....

    I live with him now and I can tell you....He is not a PHONE PERSON, he rather be with people then talk on the phone...He is short with everyone on the phone, stutters too, the only person he can really talk to on the phone is ME and his Parents....

     
    Old 04-06-2004, 06:15 PM   #30
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    Re: Normal to call every day?

    I talk to my boyfriend several times a day. Mostly he calls me because we had a big issue about phone calls a month or two ago. He had to go back home to be with his family for a while and would never stick to calling me. Sometimes he'd call really late at night which I found to be very inconsiderate since I had school in the morning, and I found that I was the one calling him a good portion of the time the first month that we were apart. He's since gotten much better about being fair and really showing that he wants to talkt to me as much as I want to talk to him. Right now he is currently 800 miles away (get to see him in 1 week!!!) so the phone is all we have and it's nice to talk to him a lot, but it definitely does not make up for being together in person. I would have to say that there is definitely nothing wrong with talking everyday (though my case is quite different), but even when he was here with me he'd still call me during my breaks just to say hi and that he loves me (things like that just make me melt ). It does depend on the people in the relationship though, as maybe people have said before me that's just a given.

     
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