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    Old 04-20-2004, 07:10 AM   #31
    Honeychild
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    Re: Please Help Me Save My Marriage

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by GirlHarley
    Here is another story to back up both Honeychild & Madskillzgal two different views as I see both your sides and agree with both of you.

    I have had the pleasure of seeing both sides of the green grass.

    I was married for 5 years to know that there was a grass greener. My ex was a good husband but bored the crap out of me. He did not abuse me, he was a sweet guy and still is.
    BUT, when we got married he changed, people say you should see the person for who they are before marrying them. Well, for me I did see a wonderful guy, he was always there For ME, I was a spoiled girl by him, I did know wrong by him, but when we married that full of life guy disappeard and became a boring couch patotoe. When I asked him to do things he would snap at me to stop changing him. I had to make all the social plans, if I wanted to try different things in life (as he did before we were married) he didn't want to join me. He did not stop me from being me but I felt he was stopping US from being a couple. I was also young and somehow smart enough to know I was bored, he wasn't going to change, but I was changing. OH, I had also known him for 3yrs before even dating him, dated him for another 3 years and married him for 5 years. Divorced at 28 with a child.

    That was 14 yrs ago. In those 14 yrs...I dated alot, dated some young hot guys, some older guys, and had some serious relationships. Some ended bad,some just ended because they did nothing for me, and some ended because I did nothing for them. I don't have any regrets except to say I did things my way. I had alone time, boring times, great times, sad times, and even scary times. I had doubts that I would never meet someone for me.
    I came to accept my life as a single mother / a choice I decided to make for myself. NO more losers for me, I'll settle to be by myself on my terms.
    That GRASS did become Greener for me.

    My bestfriend, has been married for 20 years. I have watched her make all the effort into her marriage. Her husband doesn't put any effort into their marriage. She has not intentions of divorcing him, she will stay in her marriage and work on it all by herself. SHE knows the grass isn't greener on the other side, thanks to watching my life and always being there for me.
    I love her for not judging me with decisions that I have made in my life and she loves me for not judging her for her decisions that she has made.

    Being divorced and single I get to see both sides of the grass, I get to see wonderful marriages last, the efforts that make a marriage work. and I get to see single woman who want those marriages and can learn from the married couples. Married couples can see/view what single life is like through divorced singles and know that or make a choice if they want that for themselves. There is a happy medium to both sides to this.

    Don't judge a single divorced happy woman for her choices. If she is happy that is all that matters regardless on how many partners she chooses or says she wants. She is entilted because she is SINGLE not married.
    And single divorced woman or man should not judge why husbands & wifes stay in marriages they choose to make it work because that is what they do want and are commited to making it work.

    We have choices. We can have the grass green on both sides.
    We, ALL want to be happy and fullfilled in life. If marriage makes that happen for you great!
    For the ones that want to be single YES, you can still be happy and fullfilled in life...To me, the grass is always green on either side because I have had the pleasure of seeing both sides. I admire those marriages who have weathered the storm to keep the sparks flaming and working together to honor their vows of commitment. It takes two to make a marriage work.
    For being single, I too admire men and woman who are at peace with themselves because this takes only one person to achieve and that is yourself.

    What an excellent post!!!! Thank you for sharing your life experiences!!!

     
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    Old 04-20-2004, 07:28 AM   #32
    MadSkillzGal
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    Re: Please Help Me Save My Marriage

    I'd just add one final thought to that.....no one gets married in the anticipation of being single again in the future. Most of us are responsible enough to undertake those vows seriously and try our utmost to honor them.

    However, having said that, people change. I changed, he changed. Therefore the original basis on which I took those marriage vows had changed. I'm not gonna beat myself up about it. Shiznit happens.

     
    Old 04-20-2004, 07:50 AM   #33
    Honeychild
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    Re: Please Help Me Save My Marriage

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by MadSkillzGal
    I'd just add one final thought to that.....no one gets married in the anticipation of being single again in the future. Most of us are responsible enough to undertake those vows seriously and try our utmost to honor them.

    However, having said that, people change. I changed, he changed. Therefore the original basis on which I took those marriage vows had changed. I'm not gonna beat myself up about it. Shiznit happens.
    Its great if you can live up to those marriage vows, but if you are totally unhappy in a marriage and there is no hope, then it's time to move on.
    Sounds like you made the right decision MSG,as you are happier now, than when you were in the marriage.
    I think that when the minuses outweigh the pluses in a marriage, THEN it's time to seriously consider moving on, not just for your own sanity and happiness, but for your health too!
    Life is about moving towards that which makes us the happiest and most content, whatever that direction is.

    Best to you, MSG!

     
    Old 04-20-2004, 08:01 AM   #34
    MadSkillzGal
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    Re: Please Help Me Save My Marriage

    Thanks but I'm not unusual. I believe, without a shadow of a doubt, that MOST women are just like me. Quite ordinary, quite honest and quite nice people who just were in situations which escalated out of their control. By being so openly vocal about my failings and decisions, hopefully I can break down walls which are still in this day age regarding women being 'irresponsible' and 'gutless' to walk away from marriages. It takes guts TO walk away from years and years of emotional and financial investment.

     
    Old 04-20-2004, 08:08 AM   #35
    Honeychild
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    Re: Please Help Me Save My Marriage

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by MadSkillzGal
    Thanks but I'm not unusual. I believe, without a shadow of a doubt, that MOST women are just like me. Quite ordinary, quite honest and quite nice people who just were in situations which escalated out of their control. By being so openly vocal about my failings and decisions, hopefully I can break down walls which are still in this day age regarding women being 'irresponsible' and 'gutless' to walk away from marriages. It takes guts TO walk away from years and years of emotional and financial investment.
    Yep, I am sure it does.

    Takes lots of courage, faith and confidence in one's self to follow through on such a life altering decision. You kind of are going out on a limb, without being able to see into the future, and what it's going to be like. Takes lots of courage and fortitude.

    Luckily you are one of those women who made the right choice for yourself, and the grass is greener than it was within the marriage.

     
    Old 04-20-2004, 11:13 AM   #36
    GirlHarley
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    Re: Please Help Me Save My Marriage

    LittleLostSoul - I thought that was a beautiful post. I did not think it was preachy or offended. I am Happy for you that you are at a happy place in your life. I think your screen name should say..LittleHappySoul

    for your post speaks Volumes of what everyone is searching for but don't have the direction to seek. I for one didn't for many years, kept making the same mistakes over and over, blaming others for my own shortcomings or diffcult attitude because I didn't have a clue. When I finally did my soul searching, addressed my own issues and behavoirs, like you said starting treating myself better I was learning not only to treat others better but I was getting Exactly what I was putting out!

    I have recieved the respect of my family & friends because I now respect myself and respect others.

    Thanks...

     
    Old 04-20-2004, 11:14 AM   #37
    Salinas1
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    Re: Please Help Me Save My Marriage

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by LittleLostSoul
    I hope that did not sound "preachy." I don't mean it that way! And I hope no one is offended.

    Tata!
    Please do not take this with any disrespect. As a matter of fact, I have great respect for what you said. But, it is indeed a very, very sad place we have come that causes one to be apologetic over the slightest of expressions of belief. I understand why you would be considerate to say this. I am saddened that we are in a stage of human development that you might even feel the need.

    While I am not exactly a kindred of your specific religious affiliation, I for one am the opposite of offended by your comments. Thanks for offering them

     
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