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I'm 36 Years Old, Never Had a Girlfriend Due To Shyness

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Old 04-21-2013, 09:53 PM   #1
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 1
Jonathan48 HB User
I'm 36 Years Old, Never Had a Girlfriend Due To Shyness

Hi. First of all, please don't make fun of me, i can't imagine how that could possibly be helpful.
I'm also still a virgin........i've never even kissed a girl before.
Shyness is the biggest reason, i think.
Except my shyness is much better & my social anxiety is only mild now.
Is this a mental disorder i have? Is it just my personality, or the way i look?
I'm a part time model (in addition to being a grad student and working in the social work field), so i don't think looks is the issue (or is it? i've attached a couple pics of me below).
But other guys who have struggled with SA or shyness have girlfriends. (?)
My personality, generally: I'm a dork (and happy with it), i'm incredibly shy around girls (but confident in other areas), i'm a radical progressive, i'm a bohemian, and just generally a weird person i guess.
My sex drive is actually really strong, i just have no idea how to express it.
How do guys get girls to like them?
How does a shy guy flirt?
If this isn't shyness, how does a guy attract a girl?
Has anyone else been in my situation, where you struggled with shyness & never been in a relationship & been a virgin into your 30s.........but you finally found a girlfriend / boyfriend??
(and no, i'm not joking.........if only).
Please help. I love you.

Last edited by moderator2; 04-22-2013 at 05:02 AM.

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Old 05-03-2013, 12:22 PM   #2
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Europe
Posts: 6
Xboxer HB User
Re: I'm 36 Years Old, Never Had a Girlfriend Due To Shyness

I know how you feel mate. Throughout my teens I was almost terrified of women due my shyness. Around friends I was outgoing and fine, but when women came into the scene I went silent, terrified to embarrass myself.
I know I wanted to get closer to them (and maybe they felt the same way) but in the end so many chances slipped away - or even worse, my mates got in there instead!
The only advice I could offer would be to get out of your comfort zone a little bit, and go to a dance class, or martial arts class, or art class. Somewhere you're likely to run into the same sort of people as yourself on a regular basis. That way you have a higher chance of finding someone single who shares your passions.
If you strike out the first time, then don't worry - at the very least you'll have learnt something from the class!
And don't worry about being a virgin mate, losing my virginity was all I could think of doing for the first 21 years of my life (but my shyness always got in the way) but then when I finally had sex for the first time it was disappointing because it was a passionless one-nighter. Once I met my wife however, I found that sex became more meaningful if you love the person.
So don't give up, but get out of your comfort zone a little.
I hope that helps in some way.

Old 08-13-2013, 08:31 AM   #3
Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: NY
Posts: 126
LittleTeaBlosso HB User
Re: I'm 36 Years Old, Never Had a Girlfriend Due To Shyness

You actually sound like a very cool guy! Do you have any male friends who would be willing to help you go out and talk to girls? do you you worry about rejection? If so you have to remember that you only live once and even if you do get rejected a few times will that really matter a year from now or even a few weeks from now? I'm a single 29 year old, some ppl think its odd but I'm happy being single. Are you looking to spend time with someone or are you doing it just so others won't look down on you? I wish you luck!

Old 10-27-2013, 07:33 PM   #4
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Dallas, Tx. USA
Posts: 5
Lowroller HB User
Re: I'm 36 Years Old, Never Had a Girlfriend Due To Shyness

Hi Johnathan48,
I think I can safely say I know how you feel. I too am incredibly shy around women I'm attracted to. I'm 46 and still single. Though I'm no longer a virgin, I might as well be. I don't think shyness is a mental illness. It's more of a state of mind. It takes a certain fearless mentality to flirt with someone (and a lot of self-confidence too). Basically, when you flirt you are trying to entice and you need to be able to handle rejection because everyone is not attracted to everyone. If that were the case, then there would be nothing to fear. Just start by saying 'Hello' and introducing yourself. If you get a name, your in. Then, just be yourself and 'be' with your new friend for a while. Establish a rapport. Fools rush in but only fools fall in love. You don't have to believe in love at first site but I'm sure you can tell when you're infatuated with someone. Lay it on the line. Tell her about it. The reward is worth the risk. You will probably regret it if you don't take a chance and you never know: you might be just her type.

Old 11-06-2013, 07:45 PM   #5
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: MD
Posts: 7
Sophie504 HB User
Re: I'm 36 Years Old, Never Had a Girlfriend Due To Shyness

This is my first post on this board and I don't know why I chose this one to be the one I read first, but I read it and it really resonates with me. First, I can't believe anyone would make fun of anyone for being shy. It's like kicking a puppy! Anyway, I think the older we get, and are still single, we have this perception that others think we are odd. I know that the later I got into my 20s and then into my 30s, I used to worry what others would think of my never having had a relationship.

Secondly, I think we become so comfortable with not leaving our comfort zone that we are just too anxious about putting ourselves out there. I too feel pretty confident in most other aspects of my life, except for dating. and let's face it: dating is awkward and what 30something wants to voluntarily feel awkward?

A few years ago I finally had my first, and only, to date relationship. It wasn't meant to be, romantically speaking, but we are still friends. Having had that relationship though, I learned what I wanted and didn't want in a relationship. It made me feel more confident and realize that I was worthy of loving and being loved.

I can't say that I have all the answers, but once you take that first step in getting someone to take notice of you, and getting the confidence to ask them out, it gets easier! Good luck to you!

Old 11-14-2013, 06:43 AM   #6
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 6
luckycarson HB User
Re: I'm 36 Years Old, Never Had a Girlfriend Due To Shyness

Hello Johnathan48, you sound like a great guy. Maybe you're just trying to hard and want to be perfect around women instead of just being yourself. Let me tell you that most of the women I know are far more self-insecure and self-aware than any man I've ever met. I was also extremely nervous when I met my girl, but it turns out that she was far more.. Girls just want to feel good around someone, have a nice conversation and a laugh. I think you should stop thinking about making a girl like you and focus on meeting them. From my experience nice girls never judge shy guys. First step is the most difficult, once you introduce yourself it's great. Maybe you should start with a line "hi I want to meet you, I'm extremely shy" and see how it goes. I'm not joking, maybe accepting your weekness is the best way, you wouldn't need to pretend that you're superconfident.

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relationship issues, sex, shy, social anxiety disorder, virgin

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