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amanda70 06-14-2007 06:18 AM

Only made it 11 days
Hi all,

Well, I felt I was doing so well and then on day 12 got really depressed (don't even know why really) and went out and bought a pack. It felt like I was posessed and just couldn't stop myself, it felt that if I didn't smoke I would just cry all day non stop and how would I look after the children when they come home from school, how would I do anything? What is with that? How can you feel so positive as though this is it and then suddenly crash the next day? That was yesterday and I have smoked less than I used to but already feel awful health wise from smoking. My chest feels so heavy, I have a sore throat, I stink of the smoke! Yuk! I feel like I let everyone down, most of all myself and I just so want to quit again but I feel so scared that I just can't do it. Gosh smoking is hell! Sorry to be so grim and thank you to everyone who supported me. Well done to everyone who is doing well with their quit. Don't be like me, just don't give in to the demon! Stay strong and hopefully I can join you again soon.


StenoLady1 06-14-2007 06:36 AM

Re: Only made it 11 days
Don't give up, Amanda! You went out and bought a pack of smokes. You had ONE bad day. Why are you giving up all of your hard work? No one is perfect. Did having a smoke make you feel better? Did it fix your sadness, your feelings of grim, of depression? If it didn't, put the pack back in the garbage and get BACK ON TRACK. You'd made it 11 days! You had one slip-up. Not the end of the world in the least.

You have joined us. You wouldn't have come to these boards and wrote what you did if you weren't in the non-smoking gang. Think about your motivation for your quit. Was it your kids, money, health? Think about how far you'd come with 11 days. You had a small relapse. It happens. Some say without relapse, there can be no success. You've smoked now and feel awful physically. Now would be the perfect time to realize you can do this!

Don't wait!!! You can do it :)

amanda70 06-14-2007 06:52 AM

Re: Only made it 11 days
Thanks for the encouragement Steno, I have been back smoking now for unfortunately 2 days and I kind of feel as though my strength has gone a bit now. Don't know if that makes sense or not. I want to say I'll start afresh tomorrow but am scared that my resolve isn't there . Also, I was quit while DH was still smoking and able to do that for the first time ever - was so proud of myself!(have tried to quit SO many times). Now I am not sure if I can still do that and he's just gone out and bought a carton of smokes so doesn't look like he'll be joining me anytime soon. Still, I have to quit for me and it is my choice as I so want to do this, just feeling kind of nervous now....

anewme 06-14-2007 07:06 AM

Re: Only made it 11 days
Don't give up Amanda. its the nicotine demon. You are strong you can do it. I know you said that you have tried many times, but you will continue to try and you will succeed!.
Today is a month smokefree for me. I have saved $100.00, woohooo. And my daughter don't have to leave the room every time I light up. I felt so bad smoking around my kids. it wasn't good for them either.
Just try to think about the kids and the money, what could you do with a $100.00 a month from now? And your health? Maybe oxygen in a few years? thats what I was afraid of. Please continue to try. I know you can do it!! Take care, anewme

marian100 06-14-2007 07:13 AM

Re: Only made it 11 days
I have stopped smoking several times. This time is the last, I hope. I have only smoked 2 1/2 months since Jan 2006. I get the urge to smoke when those emotions get going. Exercise is a good thing for that. I also tell myself I would just have to go through stopping smoking again. So might as well not start up again. You will feel strong enough to do it. Just don't wait to long. Godbless:angel:

amanda70 06-14-2007 07:18 AM

Re: Only made it 11 days
Thanks anewme - by the way I love your name, it is so positive and refreshing! I am very scared of the oxygen thing too, my mum has COPD, she is not on oxygen yet but I think she may be close to it. It is so heartbreaking to see her coughing and puffing because she can't breathe. It is really depressing because she is only 66, I am very close to her and I don't think she will be with me for too much longer. And - guess what - she is still smoking. She too has tried to quit so many times, we have tried together and I sometimes hate myself because I think if I had quit years ago maybe she would have too. Cigarettes are pure evil. I want to be here for my children, I don't want them to see me as I now see my mum and feel so scared as I do for her. I smoke outside, not around the children, but they are only young (6 and 8) and they often come outside while I smoke to talk to me. I am setting such a bad example for them and yes, they do passive smoke when they are around me outside. I really want to try again, I might tomorrow as it is obviously very much on my mind or I wouldn't be here now. Thanks so much for your support - this site is great! I often find that it is quiet when I come here because I am in Australia and most people are asleep when I am here but nights like tonight when there are some people to correspond with are fantastic. Thank you again and congratulations a hundred times over on your quit. You are a new you! Well done!

amanda70 06-14-2007 07:22 AM

Re: Only made it 11 days
You are a champion Marian! I have read a number of your posts and really admire the way you never give up on giving up. You are doing so well and I love that about you. Thanks for the support. I feel a bit of a fraud being here right now while I am back smoking but really hope to be back here very soon with cleaner lungs!

StenoLady1 06-14-2007 08:10 AM

Re: Only made it 11 days
You are not a fraud, Amanda, by coming here to talk about your quit. 11 days is huge. So many can't get through the first 72 hours, but you did, even with your mother and husband still smoking.

How had you been combating the blues over the past week or with previous quit attempts? Write down all the things that helped to put a smile on your face or helped you remember why quitting was so important to you. Is it your kids? Is it the money you're saving? Is it the way you smell? How about how lovely foods taste when your mouth isn't an ashtray?

Depression/blues from quitting is absolutely normal. Prepare for it and have a plan of action for getting a small smile on your face for when those blues hit. Pull out a picture of your kids. Treat yourself to something nice. Take a deep breath and smile knowing that air is getting to parts of your lungs that it just couldn't when you were a smoker.

I've had some really rough days, too. I'm sure we all have. There's a video out there on the net that shows a mom in her 50s dying of lung cancer. It's about 10, 15 minutes long. Her son shot various footage over the course of the six months it took her to die, ending with her funeral. I cried my eyes out, as did my hubby. I keep that video now on my computer to remind me on those tough days I do not want to go that way -- and that I have a choice in the matter! If we continue to smoke, there's a third greater probability we will die that way. I must say seeing stuff like that doesn't necessarily help with the depression/blues, but, man, it sure gives me resolve.

Find what your resolve comes from, as well as what puts a smile on your face. Do whatever you have to do to keep those things handy for the next few months. You can do it. The really hard part you've already gotten through!

marian100 06-14-2007 08:43 PM

Re: Only made it 11 days
Thanks for the compliment amanda. You can and will beat this thing. Get a positive mindset. I know of one person who kept telling herself she was not a smoker. She didn't like smoking. All the while she was smoking. Eventually her mind came to believe it. And she stopped. I do not like to use the word quit. I am not a quitter. I am a winner. And so are you. Just see it in your mind. I have faith in you. Godbless:angel:

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