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UGHHHHH I am so frustrated with this

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Old 10-22-2007, 01:15 PM   #1
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Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: USA
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river525 HB User
UGHHHHH I am so frustrated with this

What in the world is wrong with me I posted earlier this year about starting Chantix and it helped or actually worked to help me quit for a while but then darnit I got frustrated and missed smoking so much I started up again.

The crazy part is my mom who was a smoker till her 40's, she's now in her 60's, is now on oxygen 100% of the time. The doctors told her it is not cancer or anything like that, thank God . You would think that would make me throw mine out and never look back but no not STUPID me. I'm sorry but I enjoy it so so much. And I know I need to quit because I'm coughing in the mornings, etc. so I know health wise (besides the obvious) I need to quit.

So why can't I do this??? I am so mad at myself and am going to try the Chantix again but I just hate the way it makes me feel (stomach wise). How does one quit when they don't want to quit?

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Old 10-22-2007, 03:53 PM   #2
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Join Date: Sep 2007
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wrongwayagain55 HB User
Re: UGHHHHH I am so frustrated with this

river, don't beat yourself up over this. I feel the same as you. But I lost my Mother at the early age of 60, heart attack, she smoked for 45 years. Trust me, I know how you feel. You still have your Mother.
I too loved to smoke, and still would if I could, but I breathe soo much better with the Chantix. I just hope I am strong when I quit the Chantix. We'll see about that one. but yes, how does one quit if they know they should be really dont want to. Ya know what, i'm guessing the answer to that one is you can't, and you won't until you want to bad enuf.
I don't have great willpower, and broke down a couple of days ago and smoked two packs in two days, now, mind you, i am still on the chantix, told myself i didnt want to stop taking it, because i really wanted to continue, even tho i had that setback. Hope you find your answer,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,god, how hard is this stuff to quit, especially after smoking two packs a day?

Old 10-22-2007, 04:41 PM   #3
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Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: canada
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joekerr32 HB User
Re: UGHHHHH I am so frustrated with this

first you have to change how you are seeing the situation. you say you want to quit but also dont want to quit. but thats not true.

you DO want to quit. what you don't want is:

- withdrawal symptoms
- to be unable to use smoking as a coping mechanism to deal life stresses
- to not have the psychological comfort that comes with having an addiction (its the one thing that's always there for you come hell or high water - the fact that it kills you seems to be a small price to pay for most of us haha.). you know, i've always though that if people got a hug once an hour it would probably have the same effect as a cigarette in terms of providing a sense of comfort as one goes through life.

no one wants to be a smoker. what peopel love about smoking are the things above, not the smoking itself.

so to truly be able to quit one has to wrap their head around the idea that quitting is goign to be unpleasant, they will have to deal with life's stresses differently once they are a non smoker, and they will have to be stronger and get through life without their comfort blankie (ie. smokes).

all of that is NOT easy. which is why chantix is so good. because its baby steps. the only reason you went back to smoking was because life stress got to you and you didn't know how to cope.

so what i'd suggest is that next time you quit smoking ALSO get some books on how to cope with stress. this way, when you are a non smoker again, you'll have tools and techniques at your disposal for coping with lifes issues.

you were a non smoker. you were as much a non smoker as an actual non smoker. not smoking is not smoking. the difference though between you and a non smoker was that when a non smoker encounters stress they don't look at smoking as an option for dealing with that stress. over the years they've developed other ways of dealing with it. whereas us smokers, we know, we can make all the stress go away by simply buying a pack of smokes.

Last edited by joekerr32; 10-22-2007 at 04:45 PM.

Old 10-22-2007, 06:14 PM   #4
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Join Date: Feb 2005
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river525 HB User
Re: UGHHHHH I am so frustrated with this

thanks for the support.

Wrongway......sounds like you and I have lots in common with this. Willpower stinks.......and I feel like a two faced liar when I tell my son not to ever smoke and that its bad for you and yet I still smoke. Strange thing is I never smoke in front of people (family, friends, no one) It's like I'm having an affair with my ciggs, talk about strange.

Joekerr32.....Wow! Not sure if your a therapist or not but want to move to TN and help me get through this! I've printed off your comments and will read them over and over and over again. Stress for me is beyond stress right now and matter of fact I just started seeing a therapist to help me with that so hopefully with seeing him and starting again with Chantix I can get through this once and for all. so frustrating. I almost wish I was an addicted to something else rather than a smoking. They at least have inpatient facilities to get help. Why don't they have facilities for us smokers?????? I swear I'd sign up in a heartbeat for 30 days of help.

Old 10-23-2007, 05:01 AM   #5
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Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: USA
Posts: 1,647
StenoLady1 HB UserStenoLady1 HB User
Re: UGHHHHH I am so frustrated with this

Hi, River

Man, listen to Joe. He's spot on.

I didn't want to quit. I needed to quit, knew I should quit, but I really thought I loved smoking. I'd been smoking 20+ years, up to two packs per day for about the last eight years.

I did use Chantix. With previous attempts trying cold turkey or NRT, I missed smoking at around the six- to eight-week mark. I put a lot of emphasis on this quit. I figured Chantix was my last resort here. I knew going in that right around the two-month mark, I was going to really miss smoking. Like Joe talks about, when you're prepared, you can much better handle the stressors and learn to cope.

Being prepared made all the difference in the world. I now look at those previous attempts as lessons to help me when I did finally quit. You should, too. You know you end up "missing" smoking. Address that. Know going in you're going to feel that way and have a plan to deal with it. Plan a vacation at that time or something else to take your mind off those feelings. Or plan nothing and just use that time to really fight! I think it also helps to know what kind of smoker you are. Are you a boredom smoker, i.e., do you smoke just to keep your hands occupied? Or does stress do it to you? I think I was a boredom smoker, so, man, I had to keep my hands and mind busy for about the first 90 days. It helped me to plan a vacation during those 90 days and then be happy on vacation!

I just celebrated five months quit yesterday, and I can honestly say at this point there was very little that I actually "liked" about smoking. That's an addict talking. I definitely like the way I smell now better, the way food tastes, the amount in my bank account, not coughing up brown gunk, not getting sick, not stressing after a meal looking and wanting a smoke, my house not being brown, my clothes and teeth not being brown, being in the "in" crowd.

You can do it. You've done it before

Old 10-23-2007, 06:03 AM   #6
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 3,260
Re: UGHHHHH I am so frustrated with this

Hi River.......First you need to lighten up on yourself. We have all quit numerous times. I have quit at least 6 times and always went back sometimes 2 weeks later and sometimes a year. I am at 12 weeks now and doing good for the first time. I feel different this time. No interest in smoking. That's a first for me. I swore IF a Dr. ever told me to quit I would. WRONG! The more Dr.s would tell me to quit the harder it was for me. It had to be my decision. I have tried every aid there is and ahve had better luck cold turkey. This time my husband, my daughter and myself all saw a hypnotist. Not the ones that do seminars for $50 but private sessions. We were there , each of us, for an hour for an interview and thenan hour for hypnosis. Hubby and daughter wmoked 3 times more than I did and had an easier time. I had a rough time for the first month. It's hard. But you can do it. Best of luck.


Old 10-23-2007, 06:16 PM   #7
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joekerr32 HB User
Re: UGHHHHH I am so frustrated with this

river, heres something else to chew on also.

you know, back in the day there use to be slaves. these slaves where treated horribly. and you know something, if you are a slave long enough you learn whats called 'learned helplessness'. what this means is that if the slave owner came to you the next day and said 'go on. get out of here.' that you wouldn't leave. you wouldn't know what to do, where to go, etc.

you were a slave and being a slave was all you knew. how can you be freed when you see your imprisonment as who you are!

you can read more about learned helplessness here:
oops, link doesn't work. just go to ****pedia nad type in learned helplessness.

but anyway, the point im trying to make here is that instead of calling smoking an addiction, i almost think we'd be better off calling it a state of 'learned helplessness', because that is what it is.

we have learned to be helpless with regards to smoking. and thats why so many people cant quit - how can you have 'will power' over something you are 'helpless to control'. but thats the trick, you aren't helpless, you've only been taught that you are. we believe that we cannot cope without cigarettes - that life will be endless days of suffering.

and while smoking served a purpose in most of our lives, helped us cope with a stressful period, its usefulness is long since passed. we DO NOT need it anymore. we only think we do as a result of years in the state of 'learned helplessness'.

quiting smoking means TAKING BACK YOUR LIFE. it truly is about FREEDOM.

and that freedom feels really really scary. just like the slave who is told 'go on get out of here' is afraid and doesn't want to leave. but you know something, if you do leave, you will find your place in the world again.

there is a life out there for you as a non smoker! and its 1000% better than the one you are living now!

tomorrow is going to be my first day without smokes (day 8 of chantix). and im telling you - I AM GOING TO SUCCEED because i am utterly sick and tired of being a slave.

Last edited by joekerr32; 10-23-2007 at 06:19 PM.

Old 10-24-2007, 06:56 AM   #8
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Seattle
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UCanQuit HB User
Re: UGHHHHH I am so frustrated with this

Originally Posted by river525 View Post
What in the world is wrong with me I posted earlier this year about starting Chantix and it helped or actually worked to help me quit for a while but then darnit I got frustrated and missed smoking so much I started up again.

I think you have answered your own question. You said that you missed smoking and that's why you went back to it.

A lot of people believe that can't quit smoking because cigarettes are so addicting. The truth is, a lot of people can't quit smoking, because they still believe in the cigarette.

While Chantix may have helped you quit for a while. It did nothing to help change how you see the cigarette and that is the quitter's biggest obstacle.

Smokers see the reasons all around them everyday as to why they should quit, but let's look at it a different way. Why do you continue to smoke? What pleasure do you think that you are getting out of it? What exactly do you think that your missing by not smoking?

Do you think that smoking relieves stress? It does not. It actually creates stress. The whole business of smoking is relieving an anxiety that the previous cigarette created.

Smoking doesn't do anything that you think that it might. It can only do one thing. Relieve nicotine withdrawal. That's it. It is a one trick dog.

People don't get to smoke. They HAVE to smoke. There is no pleasure in smoking.

Allen Carr has a quote that I think sums up smoking.

He said " Smoking is like banging your head against the wall, just so you can feel the relief when you stop doing it."

See, even when you quit smoking. Your subconscious still remembered smoking. These are places, events and scenarios that remind your subconscious that you smoked during them. They are called association triggers and all quitters experience them. As you live life without smoking though, your memory adjusts to not smoking during those same times and events.

Brainwashing also plays a huge part. Probably the biggest part in quitting smoking. If you feel that you miss smoking, there is always going to be a feeling of deprivation.

You are not depriving yourself of anything! ou are freeing yourself from a useless nasty addiction!!

When you smoke, what do you feel? Probably not much of anything. That is the cruel trick. The only thing a smoker feels is some relief, but relief from what? It is a relief from the anxieties they were feeling because their nicotine serum level got too low. It is a false sense of accomplishment, because what that cigarette did was bring you back to a calmness. It brought you back to an inner peace. It brought you back to a place where non smokers are constantly at.

Cigarettes cause smokers to take two steps back, but they only focus on the one step forward they take from relieving nicotine withdrawal

BUT here is the other cruel trick. Within a short period of time, as the nicotine metabolizes and the adrenaline starts pumping through your bloodstream, you are going to start feeling anxieties again. You are going to start feeling antsy, a bit edgy. You a going to start feeling that old familiar crave for the cigarette and your subconscious is going to remind you to smoke a cigarette to get rid of that slightly uncomfortable feeling. So what happens? You smoke a cigarette and start the whole viscious cycle over.

That is the reality of smoking. Is that what you miss?

See when I have tried to quit smoking before. It felt horrible for me. All my past quits were absolutely the worst feeling ever. It wasn't until I educated myself about nicotine addiction and was able to strip away all the undue credit that i gave cigarettes, that I was able too quit and not feel deprived about it.

Don't believe in the cigarette. They no nothing for you. They only do TO you.

You are not depriving yourself if you quit smoking. smoking causes deprivation.

It deprives you of your choices. It deprives you of your freedom. It deprives you of your money. It deprives you of your health and if you continue, it may very well deprive you of your life.

By quitting smoking, you are freeing yourself from having to pay money to slowly commit suicide.


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