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To quit or not to quit: my best friend the cancer stick!

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Old 11-26-2012, 07:32 PM   #1
Join Date: Nov 2012
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np565 HB User
To quit or not to quit: my best friend the cancer stick!

I've smoked since I was 15 and I'm now 30. Throughout my life, my smokes have been my most reliable friend, always there when you need em, and in the worst case, just around the corner at the gas station.

I'm here just like everyone else that shows up.. I am thinking about quitting smoking. Giving up my best friend, my companion, my lifelong safety blanket.

The problem is, I really do rely on smoking. I love that when everyone else complains they are gaining weight, I can still put on the clothes I wore when I was 15. Who needs food when you have a cigarette in your hand? I love the comfort of that white filter snuggled between my fingers when I'm just cruising down the highway listening to a good jam and the way that smoke rolls off my lips when I'm singing along with it. I love how when my coworkers are being b#$%es that I get to look forward to my lunch break when that pack of smokes is waiting for me to join her and take that edge off. I love when it's an absolutely perfect summer day and I get to kick my feet up on a lawn chair and just smoke and relax. Who doesn't love just the picture of that in their mind? My husband is gone quite a bit for work and I do replace him with a cigarette; attention speaking. I devout the time I would generally spend with him to smoking when he's gone, I love cigarettes for the boredom fix they give me.

I know. We sound like the perfect pair, Marlboro Lights and me. Here's the thing though.. Just like most perfect pairs.. There is no such thing as perfect. My best friend is trying to poison me over time and I'm allowing it!

I attempted to quit several times with no success. I've always hated the idea of smoking as far as health is concerned. I hate the smell of smoke. I have asthma, so I wish I could know what it feels like to breathe air with lungs not affected by tar like I used to... I don't remember what that was like. I am a running and work out fanatic but lately the smoking has really started to slow me down. On top of it all, there are enough bad things that can happen to a person to end their life too early, why cause cancer instead of avoid it?

Anyway, the answer is: To quit. I did 4- going on 5 days ago. Completely cold turkey. I came down with a horrible flu and couldn't stomach the idea of going outside to smoke so I didn't. Two days of flu and non-smoking and I decided I could just as well quit. It hasn't been a pretty breakup. I get a mild fever every night, I can't sleep, those cravings.. ooohh she really had her nicotine drenched claws into me. But then again I've brought my best friend everywhere with me still. Her little pack of sweetness goes for rides in the car, in my purse, on my coffee table, outside on the porch.. Just so I don't feel so alone. Or at least that's what I'm telling Miss Marlboro. The truth is, I think I like the feeling of those smokes I depended on for so long being right there within a seconds reach, but I just don't need to reach for them. I've found my independence. I'm ready to live a full life without that crutch.

Maybe it's because I know we aren't really over. I promised her I'd smoke a pack the week I turn 90, lung cancer free. Just because, at that point, what would it really matter anyway?!

The following 4 users give hugs of support to: np565
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Old 11-29-2012, 09:44 AM   #2
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Posts: 105
manybikes HB Usermanybikes HB User
Re: To quit or not to quit: my best friend the cancer stick!

I'm into day 4 right now....grrrr!
Actually not as hard as I thought (so far) then again I have quit before and know what it's all about.
I know what you mean, I actually enjoyed smoking ... but not all the time.
I don't know what defines a heavy or light smoker but I rarely went over 10 cigs a day, averaged around 8.
I have however smoked as many years as your entire age! kinda scarey when you think about it.
For some reason I started enjoying it less, I started smoking less everyday because it didn't feel quite right. When I got down to 4-5 smokes a day I figured I may as well just stop.
Will I quit for good this time? can't answer that this point it's one day at a time.
I have passed the 48/76 hour wall... the worst is over...the rest is mind games.

Hang in there NP656...I know why you wrote what you did. The addicition to nicotine is a short lived withdrawal, giving up an old friend is a different matter. It is however a friend who would love to kill you given the chance.

Keep us posted

Last edited by manybikes; 11-29-2012 at 09:46 AM.

The following user gives a hug of support to manybikes:
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Old 11-29-2012, 10:00 AM   #3
Join Date: Nov 2012
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np565 HB User
Re: To quit or not to quit: my best friend the cancer stick!

manybikes, stay at it! I'm feeling so much better today. I have no real itch to smoke at all anymore. There are those moments where I think I should be sharing my time with a cig, those moments were so hard right away.. But today I just blow it off with a smile.

I'm so glad it's finally getting easier for me and I know very soon it's going to be getting easier for you too! Just get through the next couple days hour by hour and you'll be set!

Old 11-29-2012, 10:48 AM   #4
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 105
manybikes HB Usermanybikes HB User
Re: To quit or not to quit: my best friend the cancer stick!

thanks NP565 !

The brain loves to play tricks! Glad to hear that you are still standing strong and winning! I will do the same.
I'm digging in..the first 24 hrs were tough...getting easier now.


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