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  • I can't believe I'm asking this post-op question...

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    Old 04-03-2008, 09:01 AM   #1
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    Wymom94 HB User
    I can't believe I'm asking this post-op question...

    Hi, I have a question to sheepishly ask the marrieds or partnered's out there. My husband was wondering --okay both of us were wondering-- when it will be logistically (and comfortably) okay as well as safe to resume 'time' together after my ACDF (and again after my 'bilot lumbar laminectomy'. 'Time' together has been pretty much a back-burnered thing for many months (Oct-Feb), but I've been trying to spend as much 'time' w/ my hubby as I can manage since late Feb (probably for all the wrong reasons, but a wife begins to feel pretty bad when that many months go by and her wonderful hubby has been soooo neglected, even when there's pain and 'altered mobility' in the picture). I wouldn't call the attention 'quality time' by any stretch, but it's time nonetheless. So, anyhooo, we did ask my neurosurgeon (in the same roundabout way, but w/ many a facial expression and variety to tone added in) before we actually even scheduled my upcoming surgery, but he seemed embarrassed and said seemed to just throw out a time frame (lol -'time' frame... I'm so corny). I haven't thought back to it since setting the surgery date b/c I've just been thinking about all the complication risks and then working on my relaxing and calming thoughts to steer me away from complication thoughts. But, now, my mind is moving to where dh's has also worked back to --time together post-op. Those who've had these surgeries (ACDF or bilot lumbar laminectomy), how long or short into your recovery did you feel 'able' and then 'interested' and then were actually spending time w/ the love of your life again? I will assume ability precludes actual interest where post-op is concerened (and have tried to get that message across to the hubby, too). I just can't imagine interest popping up first (imagine it will be out of my mind again as I get even closer to surgery and esp after I wake up and am starting recovery. I also want to make sure it's SAFE whenever this magical moment arrives. My surgeries are 6 weeks apart, neck first, low back 2nd. Oh, yeah, and my husband looks like Matt Damon w/ a little Mark Wahlberg thrown in (face AND body ---I'm a very, very lucky woman).
    Thanks and I'm so glad none of you can see the bright red cheeks I'm sporting at the moment.., but I figured you were the group who would 'know'.
    Meghan (blushing fiercely Meghan, but planning for every little thing)

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    Old 04-03-2008, 10:20 AM   #2
    Join Date: Jan 2005
    Location: USA
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    PNo HB User
    Re: I can't believe I'm asking this post-op question...

    LOLOLOLOL - ok this is one of those things they don't really cover in the pre-op meeting. I don't know on the lumbar situation, but on ACDF my doctor didn't give me any restrictions on this topic - it has more to do with you feeling better after the surgery and then also finding a creative way that protects your neck. For the acdf just make sure you don't bend your head over, or put yourself into a situation where your neck is getting "motion". like head banging the headboard. (sorry I had to throw that one in). Now this can be a pretty funny situation if you are wearing your collar because it doesn't exactly feel "sexy", I suggest you make it fun by being the naughty patient with the good looking doctor. I am sure you will get a few laughs out it. hehehehehe

    Last edited by PNo; 04-03-2008 at 10:20 AM.

    Old 04-04-2008, 04:22 PM   #3
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    Wymom94 HB User
    Re: I can't believe I'm asking this post-op question...

    Oh, I'm so glad you responded (was secretly afraid no one would touch my question). I was actually wondering and worried about that 'neck motion' you mentioned, in particular. Hubby and I have been trying to think it out and that's always been the stumper --stupid neck moving around.. even just by the bed moving, it gets shaken up. I will be having a collar afterall (my Dr originally was going to opt for me not, too, but at my pre-op he gave me an order to get one --a Miami J collar). Maybe just having the collar on will help the motion issue. Ahem, my hubby will be amused by your Dr/patient suggestion for making it seem a bit more sexy with the collar on. (I guess that means I'm the patient). I saw a pic of the collar (pick mine up Monday, was 'neck measured' today) and it is definitely NOT sexy and looks uncomfortable, too (but will definitely keep my neck in place post-op for recovery). I did get bold and tried to pose the post-op intimacy issue again w/ my doc at my pre-op yesterday, but the man just reddened up and asked his nurse to come in to talk w/us (and did try to work w/ our question, but was very, very general w/ his answers). Neck motion never came up. Maybe just very, very, very 'gentle' movements to keep the motion to a minimum --while wearing the collar? Again, it's not exactly "quality time", but it's something. Thanks, neckpatient!
    Now, if anyone who's had the lumbar laminectomy would chime in, I'd love to know what to plan for when that surgery comes up next month. I have even more uncertaintly on how and when to manage that one b/c it's the low back.

    Old 04-10-2008, 03:30 AM   #4
    Join Date: Apr 2008
    Location: Matawan, NJ, USA
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    tyleza HB User
    Re: I can't believe I'm asking this post-op question...

    Hi. I just had disectomy and fusion (C5/C6) 3 days ago. My boyfriend spent the night with me the first two nights. The first night, I had no "interest". The second night I felt like a woman on a mission (it had been a while).

    Without getting too graphic, I found that being on top ... both 'before' and 'during' was the most comfortable position. During the 'before', I rested my head on his stomach. I had total control of my neck.

    It sounds like you and your hubby have a loving relationship. Let him know you NEED to be in control for the first few times - it will help you get more into it. He may even like it (~wink).

    Best of luck (and fun) to you and yours.

    Old 04-10-2008, 06:32 PM   #5
    Join Date: Sep 2005
    Posts: 409
    sunshine221 HB User
    Re: I can't believe I'm asking this post-op question...

    Good topic and I don't believe its been talked about before. I agree with Neckpatient - be creative and if anything bothers your neck change positions. My husband rushed me a little post-op (I had a cervical laminectomy, not ACDF) -I was nervous at first but just found what works. Frankly I don't remember for sure it was two years ago - I do remember that while I liked being flat on my back after surgery - him totally on top didn't work - I think probably it was more of a spoon position that worked. Good luck.


    Old 04-16-2008, 04:27 PM   #6
    Join Date: Mar 2006
    Posts: 166
    lala-whatsnext HB User
    Re: I can't believe I'm asking this post-op question...

    I just read an article on this very thing, it said most neurosurgeons would allow sex after 6-8 weeks.

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