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  • "Have A Laugh!"- Belles' Hospital Jokes!" -Join In!"

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    Old 07-05-2002, 08:26 PM   #1
    nanna02
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    Post "Have A Laugh!"- Belles' Hospital Jokes!" -Join In!"

    Hi Everyone !
    I have 2 pages of posts titled " Spinal Cord Disorders " under the same Topic - bell0050,- a lot of gloomy medical stuff ...some funny.. but decided it's time to have a laugh !! ..
    There are some Funny things that happened to me on that post too, so read them if you like.?..

    But I decided that I'd like others to Join in here and tell us THEIR Jokes of Hospital experiences too!Cheer others up eh?..
    So I'll start off .. then you follow if you can think of Something real good !!

    My first operation .. Dec. 2000.. I was first trip up out of bed .. Nurse said she'd give me a shower.. "have you been to the loo yet ?" she asked .. " No , I'm not very good at going .. too tense , " I replied.
    Oh well , "I'll give you a suppository" she said and took me into the ward loo on my shower /type wheelchair. I was in my nightie , a towel thrown round my shoulders , that was all .
    She did the deed , then wheeled me out into the room , of 3 other women,;
    What she'd forgotten tho was she hadn't put the basin part of the commode into the wheelchair and my BARE BUM was hanging out the bottom, exposed to all and sundry !!.. but she wheeled me across the corridor to the showers so quickly I never got the chance to say anything.. !
    She then showered me , bundled me back in the chair again.. that's when she realized " too late - Oh no basin!'".. wheels me back to my room..

    .... and straight ahead, against a wall in a chair, looking straight AT ME , was a male visitor of another patient !!
    I yelled " CLOSE YOUR EYES!!......" and hoped like hell he did !!....
    BUT .. what I haven't said yet was ..
    ..
    I was absolutely TERRIFIED that that suppository she'd given me wouldn't work while she was pushing me around in the wheelchair !! I imagined the lovely TRAIL I would've left behind!!!... Oh thank God it didn't happen !..
    So .. Needless to say .. I'll be making SURE that this operation I'm having on 25th , the Shower wheel chair has the plastic basin well and truly in place !! http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/redface.gif !!!

    Well , have you recovered from laughing yet??(at my expense!!)
    It's YOUR turn to tell us of YOUR funny hospital Experiences !!.. Come ON .. I'm waiting !! !

    DavyD, Purple, AllisonM, Beebauser, Sparrow,Oliver, So many - All those other wonderful friends I've made on here ... come on ..
    Love to hear from you All?!!
    Belle NZ.. xxxx




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    [This message has been edited by belle0050 (edited 07-06-2002).]
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    Old 07-06-2002, 12:37 AM   #2
    purplefluffything
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    Dear Belle,
    I could'nt stop lauging at your situation you had at hospital, And the panick yo must have been in let alone embarresment from the chap looking at your bare botti,lol

    Sorry Belle I cannot think of anything funny, while i was in hospital I WAS 37YRS and on my ward of four including me, There was a 92 year old woman with hip operation another woman near to her last days and was not with it And another lady of 82 yrs who thought she was cut above the rest and did not join in .

    The only funny thing was that the 92yr old was almost deaf and at 10.pm she would get ready to watch a late film, she would have the telly up really high really p*** everyone off but then fall asleep, None of us could get out of bed and would have to wait for one of the night nurses to switch it off and tell us off, why this other lady was a sleep oblivios.

    Well Belle thanks for your laugh, I HAD SUCH A TUMMY ACH THINKING WHAT IT MUST HAVE BEEN LIKE.

    Hope to see some more funnies like yours.

    Love Purple xxxx

     
    Old 07-06-2002, 05:01 AM   #3
    nanna02
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    HI there Purple and Berenice !
    It was cool to see 2 replies already !! We all need a laugh eh ?..
    Glad you liked mine .. and I can imagine the old ladies in a room with you , younger .. Oh .. you'd have to have patience of a Saint !!!.. LOL!

    AND Bereniece .. The HAIRDRYER!! LOL!!
    YES, I've used it for similar things.. a wee trick I learnt when desperate !!

    I sometimes would sneeze or cough, and the way the messages don't get through to my brain with the spinal cord squashed ,I wouldn't know I wanted to go to the loo, many a time I would find a wee dribble in my knickers !! http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/redface.gif
    It's ok to change into fresh ones when home, BUT when your husband is yelling at you to "Come on !I'm going out the Door!" .. Well .. That's the time for instant action needed .. and the Dryer came to the RESCUE !!!... NO one was any the wiser !!! !!

    Women can be very ingenious at times in emergencies , eh?! can't we ?? http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/t_up.gif
    Well , thanks for starting the Jokes off ..
    Look forward to many more !!.. Belle NZ xxx

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    Old 07-06-2002, 04:28 PM   #4
    DavyD
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    Hi Belle,Purple and Berenice...

     
    Old 07-06-2002, 04:55 PM   #5
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    Hi "Again" Belle, Purple and Berenice,

    Don't know what happened there, reply just sent itself.Shades of "Outerlimits"

    Anyway, some time ago I was in hospital for a tonsilectomy, I was working with the Fire Brigade attached to the Salvage Corps at that time.

    None of my work mates knew I was in Hospital, as I didn't want them all comming up at visiting time, the were a very boisterous group "Blue Watch" apptly named for their choice of descriptive expletives.

    It was a mixed ward you see.

    I was awake that morning for prep, duly got the jag, then off to theatre.Out of It!!!

    This is when it all got a bit bizzare...

    The next thing I remember was being wheeled in my bed with George at the head of the bed,and William at the bottom, mates from Blue Watch and in firefighter uniform, you know, hats, boots. axe etc. (Remember I am still out of it, in and out within seconds, so it's like a dream) they were wheeling me from one ward, out into the stairwell, and over into another ward.As we were in the stairwell
    (Spiral Staircase, 5 floors, wards off it at each level either side)I looked up and saw all of my watch pushing beds everywhere with water gushing from the top floor all the way down the stairwell, like Niagra Falls. When amid all of this a Smart Alex (Person From my watch) Shouted over the balcony.. " Anything to get out of work Davy, you just lie back there, we'll manage without you) in the loudest voice possible.

    Burst water tank in the roofspace (Attic)!!!!!!

    I don't know if you will get a laugh out of this, but is was so weird and funny all at the same time for me.

    Love to ALL

    Davy




    [This message has been edited by DavyD (edited 07-06-2002).]

     
    Old 07-07-2002, 03:21 AM   #6
    nanna02
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    Oh my God , DavyD !
    You would've thought you were Dreaming in one of those strange Dreams that don't Stop.. like in the movies ?! http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/dizzy.gif
    Yet you'd been so careful to not tell them Davy, and look how it turned OUT?!!! They Found YOU!!!..
    you'd never live that one down for ages, I'll bet !
    I just had a thought.. you wouldn't have been able to shout back at them to give them any cheek either ?!!! LOL!

    As a matter of fact , that just reminded me ..

    A few years ago, my husband was made redundant from the Freezing Works, after being there 10 years; (he was a pelter, used a big knife.) It closed down.

    Eventually , he got a job at our local Hospital (where I go for my ops).. as a Hospital Orderly .. He loved the job , and they liked him too for his sense of humour..
    One day he was called to collect a patient from the operating theatre Recovery Room.. he trundled him out to another room and then he heard a voice .. " What are YOU doing here, Growl" ?!!!! My husband bent over the top of the bed and looked down at the patient; With a big grin, he replied-
    " I've just done your operation Jim !!"
    He was one of his mates off the Freezing works Chain!!..
    Can you just imagine the look of horror on the poor guys' face waking up and being confronted by a guy all dressed in hospital gown and cap whom he last remembered wielding a big knife cutting up sheep !! LOL!!
    Another time , not long after starting the job , my husband was told to take an amputated arm to dispose of it .. " Make sure you put it down the correct chute ! " he was told .. " someone else put one down the wrong chute and it ended up amongst the dirty Laundry !! (Don't fancy being the one sorting the laundry the next day?!).. !!..

    Good one DavyD !! Cheers Belle NZ.. xxx


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    Old 07-07-2002, 12:49 PM   #7
    SweetMarie
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    hey Guys, these were great stories, wish I had one to share I have never had an enjoyable hospital scene, maybe next time. thanks for the laugh
    marie

     
    Old 07-07-2002, 05:05 PM   #8
    nanna02
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    Oh Sweet Marie, Hi!
    Thanks for even taking the time to have a look and your kind comment.
    Like you , I have'nt had a lot of funny things happened in hospital either.. a lot have been funny things happened at home or out, too;
    I've been home completely alone all day till my husband gets home, 24/7 for the last 2 1/2 years ; hardly able to walk ,now on 2 crutches,2 failed operations, and waiting on my 3rd spinal op for the same thing on 25th July , so I know there's not a lot to laugh about at times;
    But I try to see the funny side when I can!.. I'm very lonely at home all day on my own , and this message board is my outlet to the world !.. and I decided there is so much sadness on all the posts .. so many people in some VERY sad situations , that maybe they could come on and find a wee joke or story to cheer them up.? or share with other friends who may be sick?
    When I was REALLY bad 2 years ago when I almost lost my eyesight for 4 months thru medication (Temporarily, thank God) I found that I laughed the most I have EVER laughed in my life ! and it kept both me and my husband going!
    AND all my visitors , who did come then, they all went out the back door , still laughing !!.. http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/gabby.gif

    So these are some of the jokes I will share with you on here .. I have written some of them on my other post ("Spinal Cord Disorders," belle0050, )like , about getting stuck in the wheelchair going up our steep walkway, but for those who haven't seen them, I may repeat them on here shortly.
    Just to start with, again,-

    Here's my wee favourite poem for those who haven't seen it yet...

    I wish I was a Glow Worm,
    A Glow Worms' never glum,
    'Cos how can you be Grumpy
    When the sun shines out your Bum?!

    If anyone else has a funny poem or story they'd like to add , please do .. we'd love to see it ! http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/t_up.gif

    Cheer Us all Up!..
    Take Care .. Love Belle NZ xxx


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    Old 07-08-2002, 03:11 PM   #9
    Shari1965
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    Ciao Bello Belle, your "Hospital" article has given my whole family a wonderful and surprising laugh, I am so thankful you have such a wonderful sense of humor as you do, take care,we all needed that! Love,Shari xoxoxoxoox
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    Old 07-08-2002, 05:26 PM   #10
    nanna02
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    Hello there Shari1965!
    It was so nice to hear from you and I'm So Glad that your whole family are enjoying these funny little moments!! There's more to come I'm Sure !!..

    How's that lovely weather over there? No snow here today.. but up the mountains I would say there will be plenty lying around!.. So best inside !..
    Keep watching for more funny moments Shari1965! Cheers!
    Belle NZ... xxx

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    Old 07-09-2002, 05:09 AM   #11
    JohnBaldwin
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    Great Idea

    I loved the laugh

    Thanx all
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    Old 07-09-2002, 05:26 AM   #12
    nanna02
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    Hi there John!
    We're GLAD you liked the laugh!..
    but..
    How about YOU joining us and share a wee wee joke with us too?

    We'd LOVE http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/heart.gif to hear something from you?.. ANYTHING funny you can think of that may've happened to YOU?..
    It doesn't have to be in the Hospital .. maybe something when you were OUT, or even something that happened to a friend ?..
    THE MORE, THE MERRIER!!! Thanks..

    Love Belle NZ and Friends !! xxxxx

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    Old 07-12-2002, 07:53 AM   #13
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    Belle,

    I jumped over from the back board to read these. Too funny. I've never been on this board before, but I see a lot of familiar faces.

    I have a recent story to share about my husband. I 'm sure he won't mind, he's not easily embarrassed.

    My husband developed a red swollen spot on his behind. It grew and grew and became very sore. He decided to go to the doctor. The doctor diagnosed the spot as a piloniteal (sp?) cyst in his rectal cleft. He looked at the doctor and said "I like your words better. I've been telling everyone that I have a boil in my butt crack."

    I'll keep thinking of additions to this post. My memory is not too good, so we'll see.

    Missy

     
    Old 07-12-2002, 09:17 AM   #14
    nanna02
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    Hi Misstoogood!! (I love that name !!)
    Well, that was a good one Missy!!.

    Please tell your husband I hope his Rectal Cleft is feeling much better!!

    Poor man!..It sounded so SORE!? Glad he can take a joke!..
    Talking about being the BUTT of a joke, Missy,
    (pardon the Pun!)....

    I went to the Doc today.. Have a sore bone in my hip/butt area.. ( it was a HUGE medical name I never heard of , nor could I pronounce!)..
    " Drop your daks, let me look!" she said.
    I drop my trousers.. she studied my bum quickly.. "Where is your hip?".. she asked seriously .. looking for the bone ..

    "It's under there SOMEWHERE!" I replied .. "under all the FAT !..
    "I've gained so much, not being able to move hardly !!
    Now, I'm a Turtle !!.. my husband called me a Turtle Yesterday .. I move SO SLOW! He can't stand it!".. ... LOL!
    She managed to find the hip bone ..but it was the ......... bone ..... that was so sore ..Not the HIP.!

    Well, so much for BUTTS, Missy !!.. they can cause us some probs. eh?
    ...And I must get off MINE and Get to BED!!
    It's 4.14 am in the morning here !! This is CRAZY!
    Hey , thanks for sharing that one .. Come back again, do another , won't you?..
    Love to Everyone !!.. Belle NZ xxx

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    Old 07-14-2002, 06:24 AM   #15
    nanna02
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    Hi All!
    Hey, hasn't anyone else got a joke to share with us?..
    I've been so busy getting things together before my op on 25th I haven't had a chance to do more jokes yet;
    I've only got a few days left on the Computer.. If no one replies shortly I feel I may as well stop this Topic..

    I planned to do more REAL TRUE jokes this weekend but my walking has gone so downhill, it takes me longer to walk around to do ANYTHING, so not as much time to get on here !

    Hope to hear from someone?.. It's getting a bit lonely on this page !!
    Love to hear from You?.. Belle NZ xxx

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