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Putting our priorities straight! Family/Health than Money! It's a bad time of year!

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Old 12-20-2006, 10:41 AM   #1
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Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 126
AngelOfLight82 HB User
Unhappy Putting our priorities straight! Family/Health than Money! It's a bad time of year!

I have had a rough couple of weeks. My step-father in law went into ICU & they thought he had a blood clot in his lungs after having a lap band procedure. We though we were gonna’ lose him, but he was fortunate enough to recover & go home after a few days in ICU.

My husbands uncle’s common law wife of 13 years had pneumonia for a week or so & went to the hospital a couple of days ago so that they could drain fluid off of her lungs, but unfortunately while doing so they punctured a hole in her lung & she died. She died on Monday & she was in her early 50’s & left behind a daughter who has breast cancer which went into remission, but then metastasised to her liver & possible spine-brain. She (my husband’s aunt who passed) was caring for her daughter (28 year old with the cancer) & also her 3 year old granddaughter & 10 year old grandson. Our hearts & souls go out to this family. They have had a rough couple of years.

What really pisses me-off about my husband’s side of the family is that no one communicates. We (my husband & I) did not know his step dad was going into surgery for a lap band procedure. “ALL” surgeries have risks. “NO ONE” is exempt from these complications that surgery can bring on. We found out after the fact when he was in ICU due to a complication from the lap band surgery. This just pisses me off…because “MY” step father would have told his kids/family that he was having surgery. And we didn’t even know how bad my husband’s aunt really was. I heard she had pneumonia, but I didn’t know it was as bad as it was & she had to be admitted into the hospital. I never got a chance to visit her. Had I known she was in the hospital…I would have visited her or called to see how she was doing. She will be deeply missed, but never forgotten.

My sister’s husband’s father with MS just passed last week as well. I didn’t know him, but my heart goes out to my brother in law because he lost his mom 2 years ago in a fatal car accident & now his father is dead as well.

I just recently started a new job a month ago only to let it go on Monday. That’s how life is…unpredictable!!! The second week working I was out for 4 ½ days with my 3 year old daughter due to the stomach flu & she couldn’t keep anything down. The doctor was going to admit her into the hospital for dehydration if it continued to get worse. Luckily she pulled through & got better on the 5th day of having the flu. She had battled the flu off & on since Halloween. I then got sick 3 days after returning to work & had to call out a day because I had the stomach flu myself. My health isn’t the greatest right now especially with all of these ugly MS symptoms I’m having. I get fatigued & dizzy a lot lately & it makes it so hard to work especially working in a shoe dept. in a department store going up & down stairs in the stock room. Talk about making me even more fatigued & dizzy. My symptoms have gotten worse since going back to work. I’m sure stress isn’t helping any either.

Another major issue I’m having is child care. It always seems that low income families or families who struggle have a hard time making ends meet when they have to fork out a ton for child care so that they can work. I told myself that when & if I go back to a day job that I would put my youngest (3 year-old daughter) in daycare/preschool. She wants to go to school so bad. She gets to see her brother going to school & riding the bus & wants the same. I’m real picky about day cares. I can tell you some horror stories of daycares my son had gone to. Two of these daycares I ended up working for a few months each. One of which I could not believe what was going on behind closed doors. The daycare manager & some employees were selling drugs as well as getting high on the job. When I witness this first hand & had enough proof, I quit & called DHR on them. To think my son had been going there for a few years before I started working there & I never even knew this took place. I was pregnant with my daughter at the time, so I told myself I would never put my daughter or son in any kind of child care program/etc. I resorted to having my husband’s grandmother who happens to live next door to us care for my daughter when I went back to work. At the time I was concerned about money & the cost of child care so I waited until my son was old enough to start school (kindergarten). My daughter was a year when I went back to work. I was more worried about money at the time rather than anything. You see, my husband’s grandmother is an alcoholic, but never say it to her face because she’ll have it out with you. She drinks an 18 pack of beer of “Miller Lite” a day & resorts to hard liquor at night (Gin & Tonic or Bloody Mary’s). Before I started the new job I told my husband that I didn’t want her to watch our kids & how unsafe it is for them. But again…money being an issue & the tight spot we are in financially I decided I’ll let her watch my children until I can afford to make a few paychecks & find a daycare/preschool that wasn’t an arm & a leg. It also had to be a “VERY GOOD” daycare/preschool as well. She has agreed to watch the kids & has been very understanding about our financial situation & hasn’t asked for money (I used to pay her $100 a week for watching my kids, but felt like I was funding her addictions). I need to find a way to work everything out, because money is important, but my children are even more important. If I continue having her watch my children I risk the losing my children. All it takes is a phone call & I’m not willing to risk losing them. I had a falling out with her over some issues the other night, but it’s like talking to a brick wall. She so drunk that you’ll never win. Why is it that people who are so unhappy with their own lives that have to create unhappiness to those around them? For example, when I confronted her about running her mouth to my husband about petty little things I would say about my husband (like I’m running late for work. I asked him (husband) to get her (daughter) ready, but he didn’t have the time to brush her teeth or her hair & now I’m 30 minutes late for work myself) that he already has heard come out of my mouth himself, she has got to get on the phone & call him like its some juicy secret/gossip that he doesn’t know about & that I do nothing but talk trash about him. So after 4 years of putting up with abuse from her & her putting me down for my weight gain (after having my daughter), me not liking to cook, garden, & do the things she says I’m supposed to do for my husband just like she did for hers, etc, etc. What ever…like she’s a perfect role model. I’m sorry in a marriage it’s not 50-50%, it’s 100% each & it’s a partnership. For 4 years I turned my cheek & would come home crying to my husband about how hatful she is & that he needs to talk to her, that its his grandmother & that if he loves me as he says he does he’ll put his foot down & stand-up for me. After all…I’m his wife! I was taught to respect my elders & not mouth off even if I know that they are in the wrong. So one night my husband calls me arguing that I said some things to her (about him, etc) that she in turn called him to run her mouth about it. Now when a drunk tells a story it’s distorted 10 times than it should be. So after talking to him on the phone I got mad & told him I had enough of this & I knew this day was coming. I walked over to her house & in a semi-angry voice (not yelling) asked her “what the **** was going on???” She then started to scream & yell & would even hear me. She told me to get out of her house. She even said how she loves her grandson & that I DON’T & why I am even married to him. I argued with her about that & said that wasn’t true…that I do love him. She went on & on saying that all I do is say negative things about him. For 4 years she has been trying to destroy our marriage, & it doesn’t help that my husband gives them the ticket to treat me & talk about me. If he would get past his issues (lack of confidence, etc) & just tell them to knock it off…stop hurting my wife, because in doing so you’re hurting me. Do you really want to see our marriage end up in a divorce?...Do you really want to see me hurt?...etc, etc. My husband has got to get some backbone & just put his foot down. If he wants to save this family from falling apart he needs to do this. Sorry for going on & on, but the point is now I can’t work because I have not child care. I wish the business worked out or we can save it, but I think it’s beyond salvation. Too many bills…not enough income! I’ll keep my head up & keep praying, maybe something will turn around.

Money being a major issue right now (the holidays don’t help, especially with 2 young children who still believe in Santa) for my family has been difficult. We can’t predict one day from the next. With our small business failing we have resorted to working day jobs to bridge the gap, but it seems so hard when you owe everyone & their mother & have to borrow money just to pay a light bill or rent. Just recently we went on food stamps to put food on our table because our credit cards are maxed out from buying food. We risk losing everything we have, but in the end…you family & health are the most important thing. Life was never meant or intended to be lived where the world & life is revolved around money, but sadly it is. I’d rather be poor & content with life knowing I cared for my family & health than putting my family last just to make a dollar. Don’t get me wrong, you need money to survive, but it’s crazy how some have screwed-up priorities.

I wish everyone a Merry Christmas & Happy New Years. Be with you r family, because in the end…that’s all you’ll have! XOXO

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Old 12-20-2006, 10:56 AM   #2
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 6,006
Sannah HB UserSannah HB User
Re: Putting our priorities straight! Family/Health than Money! It's a bad time of year!

Angeloflight, sounds like you have a lot of stressors going on. About your husband's grandmother, I wouldn't ever tell her anything again. The woman cannot be trusted to not run back and tell your husband what you said so don't tell her anything anymore. Sorry to hear about your daycare situation. In a few years your youngest will be in school and then you can work without too much daycare. Can you find a job again in daycare and take your daughter with you? How about delivering newspapers in the morning? How about a job opposite of your husband's so that you do not need daycare? Driving a school bus?

Old 12-20-2006, 01:11 PM   #3
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 3,260
Re: Putting our priorities straight! Family/Health than Money! It's a bad time of year!

angelof light---so sorry you are going through all this. first step might be to stay clear of all the toxic people around you. as sannah said don't even talk to the grandmother. she is creating more stress in your life and you have alot. sannah gave you some good ideas about working around the family schedule. i'm not sure about your area but in mine there are alot of jobs that have a daycare on the premises. so you can bring them with you and though you're in a different area they're still in the same bldg. Wishing you the best.


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