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my 8 year old is stressed

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Old 08-08-2008, 06:17 PM   #1
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: garden city, ny, usa
Posts: 2
joce1971 HB User
my 8 year old is stressed

My 8 year old is stressed and I do not know what to do. To give a brief background.... My child is a young 8 year old. He is small, has 'failure to thrive' and had a problem with his kidneys since birth. He is an extremely bright child and is a 'good' boy. You can take him anywhere. He is always polite and mannerly. Sometimes I think he tried to please everyone and forgets about himself.

The Problem...
My husband has a child from a pervious marriage. He is a nice child but has no direction. Dropped out of school, smokes, drinks and has no job. He likes the fact that he gets to sleep all day and that his mother is okay with that. Because of this my husband is EXTREMELY hard and critical of our son. They are two completely different people wit different parents. There is not a day that goes by that he does not yell at our child and makes him cry. He makes my child feel bad about himself. He went through a small period of of bedwetting and now stutters. Sometimes terribly. He says that I am too soft. I say that he is too hard. My child is a soft person. He likes to read and build stuff.

To sum it up. I do not know what to do. We are in therapy and try to work with his doctors suggestion. However my husband does not feel that he is wrong all the time and sometimes refuses to bend. He sometimes is a bit 'gruff' and speaks with a harsh tone naturally. He will say things like 'he will listen'. However, he has always going out of his way to make sure that he has everything he needs (especially medically, speech, ot, pt, therapy, etc..) My child is now somewhat scared of his father and stutters. We have just began therapy but I still feel terrible. Does anyone have any other suggestions that we could benefit from to help us through this trying time.

Thank you!

Last edited by joce1971; 08-08-2008 at 06:21 PM. Reason: missed something

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Old 08-11-2008, 06:24 PM   #2
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: California
Posts: 651
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Re: my 8 year old is stressed

First, I am so sorry about what you are going through. I feel that it is your husband who needs to go to therapy alone and try to figure out why he is treating your son so harshly.
The way his older son is has nothing to do with your younger son. They have different personalities and different mothers.
I grew up with a parent like that and know what it is like. I was afraid of my mother until I was at least 20 years old. Can you talk to your son's teacher or principal or somebody else in the school and ask for advice? Does the school know about this problem? Maybe your husband would be more willing to listen if advice came from a third person and not you.
If your husband's treatment of your son causes stuttering and then your husband provides speech therapy, it is like a catch 22. Maybe he wouldn't need speech therapy if he was treated differently.

Last edited by negot; 08-11-2008 at 06:29 PM.

Old 08-12-2008, 06:34 AM   #3
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: garden city, ny, usa
Posts: 2
joce1971 HB User
Re: my 8 year old is stressed

Thank you so much for the advice. So far I have spoken with everyone around us (teachers, doctors family, etc...) Thankfully my husband knows there is a problem and therapy by himself is a good idea. We both grew up with extremely difficult childhoods and it seems as if 'he was never taught how to parent because of the way he was treated by his'.

All we want is what is best for our children and I am lucky that we see the problem. That is a step in the right direction.

Thanks again...

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