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_Paul 02-07-2009 02:56 AM

Stress / Depression
Hi Everyone,

I am new to the boards, but reading some of the posts i am finding i can really relate.

I am struggling with stress/depression. I think it all stems from my work. About 9 months ago now i had a major panic attack at work, i just felt like i could not do the work and i could not cope. I started to hyperventilate. Anyway i was signed off work for 2 weeks with stress and put on Citalpram. It has not been the same since this first breakdown. I have had 2 more breakdown since the first, the second of which my legs gave way and i fell to the floor.

I am back at work now but still really not coping. I have been back and forth to the doctors and tried telephone councilling, but nothing helps. I went back to the doc 2 days ago and he has increased my AD's to 45mg of Mirtazapine, so i hope this helps.

I feel that since my first breakdown, it is so easy to give in, not cope and panic than prior to my breakdown. This stress has caused terrible depression. I took three days holiday last week just because i could not bear to go to work. I did nothing but stare at the wall at home. I used to have such motivation to do jobs around the house and spend time with my children, it is now a struggle for me to get out of bed. I have started drinking everyday, i was always liked my alcohol but nowadays i need it as a form of relief.

I loath going to work each day, i am depressed at home in the evening because of the thought of work the next day. When i actually get to work each day i feel physically sick. My bosses for the most have been good, and usually give me no pressure jobs, but i am finding i put pressure on myself. I feel like i can't cope with any job and that i am not good enough to do the work anymore, which is a little strange since i have been doing the same work for 11 years now. It is terrible it's ruining my life, i feel so guilty because i know my wife is being so supportive and i realise i am not doing enough around the house or with my children but i just can't get my mind from thinking negative thought. My problem is i think to much, i really wish i could stop my mind from wandering each day and just concentrate on my work. My working day seems so long because i focus on the negative all the time. This stress/depression is effects my entire life and i know i should concentrate on the now, but i keep thinking how will i cope with another 30 years of working life.

Anyway, sorry for rambling on. It just feels good to vent my feelings and share with other similar minded people.

Many thanks

Stressored 02-16-2009 02:10 PM

Re: Stress / Depression
I can't say I've had the same experience but I have found myself laying awake at night keeping myself awake with all the things I think about but unlike you, I seem to be concentrating on what I should have accomplished rather than what life will be like in the future. I've found two things of help but don't know if they will help you or not. One thing I do is make a list of what I want to accomplish the next day at night before I go to bed and read over it several times just before turning out the light. The other thing I do is add to that list, everything I can think of that I am grateful for in my life. If I read through those lists before turning out the light I find my mind has something to work on while I am asleep and I don't seem to have as much trouble keeping myself awake with what I should have done.
I hope this helps you some.

Ladyln22 02-16-2009 09:37 PM

Re: Stress / Depression
I agree that stress and depression go hand in hand, they feed on each other.
First, by allowing yourself to accept the fact that you have stress is a empowering thing, too many people deny that thay are stressed.
Most times simple tools like making lists before bed time, making small goal and seeing them though to finish all help to make us feel better and more productive.
Talking to some one who is non-threatening helps a great deal, too. There are empathic people here that can help without judging or making you feel worse.

_Paul 02-18-2009 01:44 PM

Re: Stress / Depression
Thank you both for your responses.

I seem to be getting worse instead of better. I am working at home now, my employer has allowed me to take work home to get me away from the stressful environment. It has not really worked, i broke down again today because i felt overwhelmed by the work i was trying to do. It is ruining my life, i am making steps backwards i break down so easy and feel everything is all to much.

I have the doc again tomorrow, i am going to try and push to see a specialist for my head and perhaps change my meds because the ones i am on are doing nothing.

I like the idea of making lists of what i have in life. I realise i am very lucky with what i have, but it makes no difference to my mood/anxiety. Perhaps a list may put things in perspective.


Stressored 02-20-2009 09:47 AM

Re: Stress / Depression
Here are some things you might consider for your grateful list. I got them off a ******* video.
I'm grateful that my immune system detoxes me so easily every night while I sleep
I'm grateful that my body knows how to keep me healthy and happy
I'm grateful that I'm full of energy and confidence
I'm grateful that I find every challenge easy and enjoyable
I'm grateful that I'm in control and I love feeling abundance in every way
I'm grateful that I love and accept myself just the way I am
I'm grateful that I'm loved and supported by all around me
I'm grateful that I'm a good person and I deserve my health, happiness and my wealthy future.
I'm grateful that my body is feeling stronger and healthier every day
I'm grateful that my back is stronger and straighter and more flexible every day
I'm grateful that every day I can eat what I want when I want and I digest it with ease
I'm grateful that every day my throat is healthy and helps me communicate and eat whatever I want every day
I'm grateful that I'm perfectly healthy in body, mind and spirit
I'm grateful that I have all the energy I need to accomplish my daily goals
I'm grateful that my body is healed, revitalized and filled with energy every day
I'm grateful that I'm in control of my health and wellness
I'm grateful that I am healthy in all aspects of my being
I'm grateful that I'm always able to maintain my ideal body weight no matter what I eat
I'm grateful that my mind is at peace and I love who I am
I'm grateful that I love and care for my body and it returns it to me 100 times
I'm grateful that I have a healthy heart and a strong set of lungs
I'm grateful that I believe in myself because I'm good at what I do
I'm grateful that I'm always in the right place at the right time
I'm grateful that I manifest money easily and I deserve what I desire
I'm grateful that I have abundant energy and vitality and well being every day
I'm grateful that money flows easily to me
I'm grateful that I love the freedom and joy that money brings into my life
I'm grateful that I'm good enough to ask for what I want because I deserve it
I'm grateful that I'm in harmony with wealth and abundance
I'm grateful that I deserve the very best because I am worthy
I'm grateful that I trust my intuition which guides me effortlessly every day to make the right decision
I'm grateful that my sleep is relaxed and refreshing every night
I'm grateful that I awake every morning feeling energized and happy and loving
I'm grateful for my ability to forgive and let go
I'm grateful for my brilliant self, growing beyond belief
I love myself unconditionally and I'm grateful for my strength, courage and determination to succeed.

gemma11 02-22-2009 02:13 PM

Re: Stress / Depression
Hi Paul,
I totally understand how your feeling. I have just been off work for one week but am dreading going back. I'm finding it really hard to be around the kids it is like I don't know how to communicate with them at the moment. I'm finding it really hard to concentrate as well and am using alcohol as a crutch.
I hope things get better for you soon.

_Paul 02-23-2009 06:57 AM

Re: Stress / Depression
HI Gemma,
thanks for your response. I am sorry you are off work also. Have you been signed off with depression/ stress also. I don't envy you, i am really frightened about returning to my office.

If you want to talk more feel free to send me a message


gemma11 02-25-2009 02:29 PM

Re: Stress / Depression
Hi Paul,
I had been off work because I work in a school I had half term. I went to the doctors today she was great she has perscribed escitalopram so I will have to see if that helps hopefully it will. You shouldnt give yourself a hard time what your feeling is real and your doing your best. You will get through it, I know it doesn't seem like it right now. I had a major break down last January it was really bad I had to have 11 weeks off work, it happens we are not super humans. I hope you are feeling a little better. Remember the only way is up. Take Care Michelle

gemma11 02-25-2009 02:34 PM

Re: Stress / Depression
I also kept a diary, it sounds crazy but try and write a few positives even if its something silly like you ate lunch. Everything becomes a struggle when your depressed. I think your doing so well trying to work. Be kind to yourself.

_Paul 02-26-2009 11:57 AM

Re: Stress / Depression

Thanks for your kind words. I am fairly calm at the moment, but i think the sedatives help. But i can't stop thinking about my return to work. I still have 2 weeks off and i am already fretting about it. I know i should think for today, but i keep thinking what if i can't cope at work at all. I will have to give up my job or get sacked, and that means i would loose my home. The endless worries and stress. Alot hangs in the balance of me getting better.

I just hope the mental health specialist can help, and maybe alter my meds, because the ones i am on don't seem to work.

Take care

Bye for now

Colinette 03-09-2009 05:36 PM

Re: Stress / Depression
I too am seeing the effects of stress at work in the form of depression.

I haven't had any anxiety attacks at work, but I can tell that my stress is bringing out the worst in me. I am depressed at work and at home. I have been praying a lot about what I should do. I'm not seeing any light at the end of the tunnel at work (at least, I'm not seeing any evidence that things are going to change) so I think that finding another job might be the best solution for me.

Have either of you considered that? Would that help at all, or is that not the issue?

Take care -- stress can be toxic on your system. We have to find ways to let go and give ourselves permission to take care of ourselves.

yodle 03-15-2009 11:32 AM

Re: Stress / Depression

Thanks for your kind words. I am fairly calm at the moment, but i think the sedatives help. But i can't stop thinking about my return to work. I still have 2 weeks off and i am already fretting about it. I know i should think for today, but i keep thinking what if i can't cope at work at all. I will have to give up my job or get sacked, and that means i would loose my home. The endless worries and stress. Alot hangs in the balance of me getting better.

I just hope the mental health specialist can help, and maybe alter my meds, because the ones i am on don't seem to work.

Take care

Bye for now
Hi Paul,

Have you ever tried meditation? It won't change your work etc and sometimes it's not practical for you to change jobs anyway, but meditation may help you cope a little better and de-stress. I would look in to learning how to meditate. I learn't meditation as a form of alternative medicine, combined with good diet etc, and it really does have a calming affect on you mind and body. So even you can try and meditate twice a day for 20-30 minutes if you can you will be giving yourself the time to think about nothing. That's important!. The basic idea while meditating is to not think about tomorrow, yesterday, next week etc...If you have never experienced it see if you can find some places that teach meditation. I am sure you will benefit from it. It just takes practice and many people like me find it hard, but the more you do it the easier it becomes. Let me know how you go if you decide to try it. Stress really takes it toll on your mental and physical well-being and it make work better for you than drugs, alcohol etc. Well in the long term it definately will :-)

yodle 03-15-2009 11:40 AM

Re: Stress / Depression
Hi Stressored,

I really liked your "I'm Grateful" list. I think I'll print it out and put it on the fridge :-)
Apart from the meditation I mentioned these sort of positive visualizations or chant's help as well. So Paul if you can keep repeating those "I'm grateful" lines that can be good also. I stress about everything and although I haven't meditated for a while, it's a good thing to know. I learn't how because I went to the Gawler Foundation here in Australia as a support person for my Sister and Meditation was a very important part of healing. For that program was to assist healing the body but both body and mind are connected and it helps both.

jranaudo 04-21-2009 07:06 PM

Re: Stress / Depression

I have almost exactly the same problems. I had been taking paxil for sometime which was helping me but I went off it because I was feeling pretty good and wanted to see if I could live without paxil. Well, it's been about 2 months I am horrible. I have exactly the same issues you do. I have a competitive, stressful workplace but my boss is not giving me any direct pressure yet I am constantly battling these feeling of worry, anxiety and fear. I do this to myself. I have been working in my field for 14 years and have never been fired or even close to it. It starts with something simple like someone asking me a question which I get wrong. I start worrying that I am not good enough and everyone must know this. The worry turns into bouts of anxiety and fear. I start thinking if I cannot perform what will my wife think of me. She will leave me. What about my kids? I can I take care of them? What if I get fired...what if.....on it goes on. I literally feel like I am scared for my life for no reason. I cannot concentrate on working and get agitated and it effect my relationship with my wife and kids. I yell alot and I feel horrible for doing so. This makes it even worse.

Every so often I come back down to earth (so to speak) and realize how great I have it. Nobody has said anything negative about me at work so why worry. Everything becomes so clear. I sometimes worry about working long hours..I ask myself, should'nt I be working 15 hours a day? but I'll never be with my kids..what then...I then today I come home from work and say to myself..I see other fathers coming home from work and they have the time so why worry.

I feel for you. As of right now I am not feeling very well but hopefully it will be better tomorrow.

dazzler143 05-31-2010 11:46 PM

Re: Stress / Depression
I get stressed and depressed whenever I take pills. I think mine is hormonal induced. :)

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