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    Old 09-25-2013, 03:04 PM   #1
    PoppyMeadow
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    Aggressive Husband After Stroke

    Hi all,

    Makes me so sad to write this. My husband had a stroke a month ago and it was due to an Meningeal infection in his brain and since it has happened my life has been all about him. He had the stroke on the right side of brain and has been recovering remarkably well in regards to mobility and function. The area where I am struggling is his personality. He gets so angry with me and has mood swings that result in him screaming at me calling me awful, awful things. He has now started doing this in public and any thing can set him off. He was not like this before and I feel so alone. I am so scared and hoping someone has a similar story where there partner/parent/friend got better and that this won't last. He was also on steroids for the inflammation in his brain which he is coming off now so that may play a part. I know that I should not take this personally but the person I love is saying the most hurtful things to me and my life is all about him and I don't know what to say or how to behave to help him. I feel for him and know he is going though so much but I am a bit scared of him and it pains me that I am feeling this way.

    Any support/advice would be so appreciated. x

     
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    Old 09-25-2013, 03:58 PM   #2
    SoundsFamiliar
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    Cool Re: Aggressive Husband After Stroke

    I know it can be really difficult, but sometime when you've some free time to sit and contemplate things, I think you might do well to think of things and the relationship from his perspective.

    For now, you're saying "my life has been all about him". Unless he's totally gone, he's undoubtedly noticed this and your self-sacrifice now may be eating away at his conscience, so he's lashing out (at you, at the world) at what he perceives to be the unfairness of it all.

    The only solution I can think of for the two of you is for you back off a bit so you can 'carve out' some regular "me" time. So you'll get back some of your earlier life, and he'll come to feel less guilty.

    sf

    editted to add: You ought not be shy about remarking on his personality change to his doctor as it may be a side effect of his medication, or perhaps a withdrawal symptom (symptoms that are worth keeping an eye on).

    Last edited by SoundsFamiliar; 09-25-2013 at 04:00 PM.

     
    Old 09-26-2013, 01:31 AM   #3
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    Re: Aggressive Husband After Stroke

    Thanks for the message. I am praying he comes back soon and that all this is partly the steriods/meds that he is on. This must be so, so hard for him. He sees himself reacting to things in a way he would not of in the past but he can't control it. I really believe since the stroke is so recent that maybe his brain is still settling.

    Have you had a similar experience to mine?

     
    Old 09-26-2013, 09:17 AM   #4
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    Cool Re: Aggressive Husband After Stroke

    Only brief episodes with my father (as his caregiver and neighbour in our apt. bldg) along his route of deteriorating from "Parkinson's plus" (the 'plus' being a slow but steady mental failing). He clearly found it upsetting to have been losing his capability to be fully independant and he was in his high seventies when this was happening.

    He'd normally been an extremely cheerful fellow except for brief fits of being annoyed but this deterioration, loss of capability and needing to rely on others was rough for him to ride out. He'd become prone to have a quick temper and lash out (mostly from frustration and fear, I expect), but for him at his age and with a progressive condition of that character as he further deteriorated his cheerful mood returned and in his own way he accepted the new state of affairs.

    sf

    editted to add: Trophic methyl-B12 (with folic acid) tablets under the tongue (sub-lingual) were of good help for my mom recovering some of her lost memories when she deteriorated from vascular (mini-stroke) dementia. Seems a harmless supplement which might or might not have good effect on a recovering stroke victim (I was giving her 3/day, 1 mg tablets).

    Last edited by SoundsFamiliar; 09-26-2013 at 10:00 AM.

     
    Old 09-26-2013, 11:34 AM   #5
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    Re: Aggressive Husband After Stroke

    I am a stroke survivor and I have experienced aggressive personality. I believe mine was 99% med related and 1% angry and scared from the stroke. Or just exhausted and not feeling good. At first I did not realize it until my family pointed it out. Then I didn't like myself. I immediately told the dr and they changed my meds. Unfortunately, our caregivers and loved ones have to deal with the part of us that we sometimes can't control nor like either. Gently remind us of our nasty behavior!

     
    Old 09-30-2013, 01:48 AM   #6
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    Re: Aggressive Husband After Stroke

    Sounds familiar... Stroke can change ones personality.
    Meds can be part of the swing ... But most of it is com

     
    Old 09-30-2013, 02:09 AM   #7
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    Re: Aggressive Husband After Stroke

    Sounds familiar... Stroke can change ones personality.
    Meds can be part of the swing ... But most of it is coming
    from the stoke trauma. You may want to meet with your
    doctor and care givers for advice. I had a stroke and went
    Through much of what your describing about your husband.
    Healing and time take care of some of this. A strong family
    Support Function can work wonders also with aggressive
    behavior. Be firm and supportive for him... He is will see the
    support and love your giving him and readjust is behavior
    over time. if he is depressed ask you doctors about prescribing
    an anti depressant.... They really help. Depression is one
    of the bad side affects from a stroke... If you think he is..
    Get him treated for this ASAP!! depression will trump
    the recovery process...

    Best of luck.. And stay strong!!

     
    Old 09-30-2013, 04:15 PM   #8
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    Re: Aggressive Husband After Stroke

    Js54, you are right! It is the brain trauma that causes "most" of the personality changes but it hard for me to realize or admit it. I always seem to blame it on my meds.

    Thanks for your post.....it always helps to here from others.

    Sincerely,
    Iwamura

     
    Old 10-01-2013, 05:45 AM   #9
    PoppyMeadow
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    Re: Aggressive Husband After Stroke

    Hi all,

    Thank you so much for your support and advice. The last few days have been very telling. He is off the meds and a great deal of his anger and aggression has subsided, which is really good. He seems more of his old self and I am aware of the depression and so is he so we will watch that but I don't think it is such an issue right now. He does still have burst of anger and quickly apologises so he is aware. It scares me to think what all the meds were doing to him. I feel like the med cloud is lifting and now he is quite scared with his reality. He is doing well but I can't imagine what he is thinking. He was really young to have a stroke and I think the feels a bit of anger towards that. We are scheduled to see a Neuropsychologist at some stage so hopefully that will help him. He is not staying in same bed as me and we have not kissed or hugged properly since stroke even though I have tried. I suppose I need to give him time.

     
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    Old 10-09-2013, 08:39 AM   #10
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    Re: Aggressive Husband After Stroke

    I'm sorry your relationship is strained and not what it used to be.
    I am a stroke survivor and can tell you at least for me it did take time to get back the Intimacy and even after a year it is better but not back to like it was before.
    It makes me sad but we still very much love each other and there are many things that we do still enjoy doing together; in fact even more maybe as we try to compensate.
    I wish you and your family the best of luck on the recovery journey.

     
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