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SIDS or Suffocation Please Read

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Old 03-01-2005, 08:12 PM   #1
Join Date: Feb 2005
Posts: 2
tkysert HB User
Question SIDS or Suffocation Please Read

My name is {removed}. I lost my son 3 years ago. They say it was SIDS. I left him for the first day at a licensed home daycare. He was there 5 hours when he died. The daycare owner put him down for a nap in a room by hisself on his stomach on a pillow. She left him for over a hour without checking on him. When she finally went to get him up he was gone. I leave everyday wishing I had never took him to her. I wish I had not gone back to college and just stayed at home. I don't beleive it was SIDS neither do his doctors they believe it was positional suffocation. I have so many question and I get no answers. I don't know why I am writing this I guess I am wanting other peoples views on this. Or maybe it is just to get it all out of my head. I know he is in heaven. But, I think the hardest thing is was holding him and knowing he was never going to wake up. And, remembering that morning before I took him. He was so healthy and happy. That morning when I was giving him his bath and getting him dressed he was cooing and laughing. He was so pretty and I miss him everyday. People say that it will get easier I don't believe that because it has been 3 years and not a day goes by I don't think about him and the decisions I made that day.

Last edited by moderator2; 03-01-2005 at 08:31 PM. Reason: {real name removed} Please use Healthboards anonymously only. Thank you.

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Old 03-02-2005, 06:58 AM   #2
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: los angeles, CA (NYC girl at heart)
Posts: 1
ClaudiaSays HB User
Re: SIDS or Suffocation Please Read

Aww hun...I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost a son 4 years ago (not to sids) but I know how hard it is. They say it gets easier as time goes by but it really doesnt...Try not to beat yourself up over it. You did what you thought was right at the time ie. going to college. What happened was completely out of your hands...Keep remembering the good times...He was lucky to have a mommy who loved him so much! If you ever want to talk let me know...
Claudia xxx

Last edited by moderator2; 03-02-2005 at 07:55 AM. Reason: please delete the quote

Old 03-03-2005, 04:30 AM   #3
Junior Member
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: NJ
Posts: 10
spetie27 HB User
Re: SIDS or Suffocation Please Read

Yes, please don't beat yourself up over it; the loss itself is more than you should have to bear without adding to it uneccessarily. My son, too, died in daycare while down for his nap. It was ruled SIDS (which I believe). The provider was excellent and checked about every 20 minutes and had monitors. It could have happened a minute after the last time she looked in on him. If you aren't going to a support group, find one! I just started and I feel so much better when I come out of there. Aside from that, I keep aiming for a time when memories of my son will bring me ONLY joy, not the pain I still feel. I hope you reach that point, too.

Old 03-06-2005, 11:48 PM   #4
Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: WI
Posts: 223
Poo2 HB User
Re: SIDS or Suffocation Please Read

First off I want to say that I am so sorry for your loss, I can't even imagine the pain you have gone through.

Second, I would NEVER second guess anybody but in my opinion, I WOULD HAVE NEVER had a pillow in with a baby. I'm guessing your son was a baby by the way you posted, Right? Because you didn't say how old he was.

My daughter is almost 3 and I still check on her and the blankets and pillow.

Also, quit beating yourself up about the decision of leaving him at that day care. I know it's easier said than done. **************{HUGS}}}}}}}}}

Last edited by Poo2; 03-06-2005 at 11:49 PM.

Old 03-06-2005, 11:53 PM   #5
Join Date: Feb 2005
Posts: 2
tkysert HB User
Re: SIDS or Suffocation Please Read

Yes, my baby was 3 months old. thank you for you advise.

Old 03-07-2005, 06:14 AM   #6
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Indiana
Posts: 19
CarrieAnnsMom HB User
Arrow Re: SIDS or Suffocation Please Read

Dear tkysert,

I am so sorry for your loss. I also lost a baby, my little girl Carrie Ann, she was 5 months old and died of SIDS. I have been very involved with the SIDS community since her death 15 years ago. I have met many Mothers like you who's babies were also "officially" diagnosed as SIDS but it was more likely positional suffocation. Which ever was the actual cause does not make it any easier to live with. You are being hard on yourself for making decisions that for you and your son were right at that moment... (going to college sounds like a pretty good choice in the scheme of bettering yourself for your sons sake)
I don't know if you attended any sort of support group but as mentioned in a previous post it can be most helpful especially when trying to negotigate grief and anger.

Know one can really know how you feel but you....
but please know there are others out here that care.... and as you said in your post sometimes just writing it out can help relieve some stress. Also it has only been 3 years since your loss and everyone heals differently and even when you "heal" you never "get over" it...

Be good to yourself !

Carrie Ann's Mom
Jacqueline Wright

I check this site frequently so please feel free to contact me.

Old 03-13-2005, 08:56 PM   #7
Join Date: Jan 2005
Posts: 88
jaymz HB User
Re: SIDS or Suffocation Please Read

hello, no it never gets easier, my daughter died 21 years ago of sids, i swear that she must of suffocated or the crib or blanket killed her, but they did an autopsy and it showed she just went to sleep to be with Jesus, a day never goes by that i dont think of her, she is in heaven i believe because something bad was going to happen to her so the Lord took her before that dreadful thing could happen and i thank Him for keeping my baby safe hang in there and talk to your lil boy every night i know he is listening to his mommy and he is there for you just like my lil girl is here for me keep your head up ok , remember, God said cry when one is born and rejoice when one passeson to His kingdom and you know ALL BABIES GO TO HEAVEN peace to you and your family jaymz.....

Old 03-17-2005, 09:49 PM   #8
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Northeast Pa
Posts: 1
Restlesspirit HB User
Re: SIDS or Suffocation Please Read

I am so sorry that your son died. I too lost a son to Sids in 1980. He was 3 mos old. Even though his death certificate states cause of death due to Sudden Infant Death Syndrome, it still doesn't explain what went wrong. I have 3 other older children who I put on their bellys, as I was afraid if they were on their backs they may choke if they spit up formula during their sleep. Today babies who on their backs could also die of Sids. I don't think they really know (the drs) Tony was born 4 wks early, male, died during the winter months (Feb), all the statistics. The doctor told me the only way he can explain it is everything stopped working at the same time (syndrome)in his body. The only comfort that gave me is believing because of that, maybe he didn't suffer. He couldn't have. He didn't cry, he was in the same position, far away from the bumper pad, blanket still well below his shoulders but when I went to check him that morning, thinking how wonderful it was that he slept through the night 2 nights in a row, it just looked like he was in the process of turning his head, as he was face down. While rubbing his back and saying 'morning Tony, I realized he wasn't breathing. All I remember is screaming for my husband and him putting me and my 3 other children aged 8, 5 and 18months on our bed, while he cried and called 911. My 8 yr old and 5 yr old were crying, and my 1 1/2 yr old just looked puzzled. I was in total shock...I knew nothing about sids, I never heard of it. When the ambulance came I had hopes that they could revive him, miraculously. They were in his room crying. There is a saying someone told me years ago that I'll never forget....Lose a parent and you lose your past...but...Lose a child and you lose your future. I also remember his last smile while I was bathing him, at 2 in the afternoon. I remember rocking him in my rocker watching the movie Towering Inferno, that Sunday night. He felt so comfortable in my arms that I waited until the movie was over to lay him down in the crib. I remember gently kissing his cheek as I covered him. I thank God for the beautiful memories. I still keep his picture with the pictures of my other kids in the living room. I regret that I didn't have more time with him but I know I had no control of what happened to him and that God has his reasons. I believe I will get to hold my 3 month old son when I die, and that gets me through each day. Even though 25 years have gone by, the memories are still crystal clear. Time does not heal all only helps lessen the ache. I hope your pain eases soon and I hope you find peace in anyway you can. Love to you and yours, Trish

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