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schneidsx3 04-07-2005 06:14 PM

Life after SIDS..
I lost a daughter to SIDS about four and a half yrs ago.
Today is her fifth birthday..

I had a healthy pregnancy,took my pre-natals,non-smoker,etc..

I did the put the baby on the side thing. At 5 mos old, she rolled.
I removed the wedges because I was worried about SIDS.
When a baby starts to roll, it is hard to control what side they end up on.
(unless you are there to monitor 24 hrs a day)

I've done much research on SIDS since she died. Children have died of SIDS sleeping on their front as well as their backs.
I met a lady in a SIDS group that her son died, while she was holding him.
So is sids really all that explainable?

Any parent who has be in this situation knows, it is every parents worst nightmare.

It is hard to accept when you loved and wanted your child and you read on tv how a parent kills their child.
You are left for answers..
I want answers...

My daughter was my life.. and I my heart goes out to anyone who has been there. It is the worst feeling imaginable.

I have since had a beautiful baby girl. She just turned two in March.
When I was pregnant with her, I was a nervous wreck. When she was born, the fear was even worse. One day I realized she could sense my fear and was reacting to it.From that day on I vowed to have faith that she would be okay. I prayed that God would not take her away from me.
(that may sound harsh but when you lose a child in this way, your heart does not know what to feel).
I put her on an apnea monitor and I prayed.. but watching my child strapped up to a monitor, broke my heart.
I know that may sound unreal to some, but I had to believe that she would live.. I had to have faith.
She still to this day sleeps in my bed and it is a horrible habit but when you've lost something that meant the world to you,a little bad habit seems so tiny...
(it is comforting to know that she is there)

My suggestion to soon to be parents and new parents is..
Love your child/children and cherish them.
There is noway to know what tomorrow may bring....

I am thankful that I was a picture-holic. I took many many pictures that people use to make fun of me for. Now I treasure each and every one..

I had someone in the hospital when I was registering with my daughter now,tell me that SIDS in hereditary. Do not listen to ignorance. You are going to hear that crib bumpers are bad and I recall when they were a good thing??
Blankets are bad, Footed PJ's are bad...etc etc

My husband and I have talked about the possibility of another baby in the future and it is hard for me not to question.. "what if?"
SIDS changes people and after 4+ yrs... it has not gotten any easier.

I am blessed with a beautiful little girl but there is still that void.
That desire for the baby that was taken away..

I hope this helps.
I may sound negative but is there really a way to make it sound better?
I can sugar coat everything, but it is what it is.
I am still resentful, hurt, and will never be the same person I use to be...

Thankyou for reading and may God watch over each and every baby.


ahall 04-08-2005 10:51 AM

Re: Life after SIDS..
Hi schneidsx3,

My heart just broke reading your post, there are tears just pouring out of my eyes. Im so, very, very sorry that you had to experience such a terrible loss, yet so happy for you with your new precious baby girl. A very happy birthday to a beautiful angel in heaven, who in her short time here only experienced tremendous love and peace that only a mother can give. And yes, you're right, I have heard that babies who die from sids, just die, even in someones arms. My baby is 8 months now and I've lived in continous fear of sids. She sleeps on the Angel Care monitor which sounds after 20 seconds if it doesn't pick up movement from breathing. I really like it and have a strong comfort level with it, however, deep down I know its just an aid, nothing more.

My prayers and hugs just pour out to you and your husband on this special day. May God bless you, hold you close to his heart and fill your heart with peace. Im sure your daughter touched the lifes of many around her, and you will see her again some day. Im sure shes being taken good care of until then.


schneidsx3 04-08-2005 07:41 PM

Re: Life after SIDS..

Thankyou for your post.

It has in fact been the hardest thing I've ever dealt with.

I was actually a single mom with my first child and that seemed to make everything even more worse.

The fact that you are aware of SIDS is very comforting. Alot of people brush it off until it hits close to home. Being an aware parent is all one can do..
Unfortunately, there are not enough explanation for SIDS.

The Angel monitor I have heard is very effective. My daughter slept with me and still does.. (she is two)
It was my only way of "protecting" my daughter now.
Eventually she will have to move to her own bed, I was thinking 18 yrs old?
(I might be able to sleep at night then)
hehe ;-)

If you ever need to talk or advice, let me know.

May God Bless your baby and you.

CarrieAnnsMom 04-11-2005 10:48 AM

Re: Life after SIDS..
Hi Rebecca,
I am so sorry for your loss I am a SIDS mom also. My little girl would have been 16 years old this September. You are so right when you say you will never be the same person. My daugthers death made me a much different person. I am stronger and live each day as if it could be the last. It made me a better mom to my boys and a better wife to my husband. She was a gift that taught me lessons.

The one thing I did want to point out to new parents reading these posts. Is bed sharing... I know that it is so tempting to keep our babies close but what research is finding is that many babies who co-sleep with adults or older children are accidently sufficated. In the state I live in we have a program called "Beds for Babies" to promote babies sleeping in there own crib. It has reduce deaths of babies co-sleeping by almost fifty percent. This is also promted by the American Pediatrics Association.

Again so sorry about your loss.

Carrie Ann's Mom

schneidsx3 04-11-2005 06:45 PM

Re: Life after SIDS..
I definitely agree with co-sleeping. My situation was I couldn't sleep without her next to me.

It is a hard habit to break so I don't recommend it and yes it is risky..

But after everything I did to prevent it with my first born and what I went through, I couldn't see it any other way.

ahall 04-12-2005 03:24 PM

Re: Life after SIDS..
Hi schneidsx3,

When my 11 year old daughter was born, I too was a single mother and so terrified of SIDS she slept in with me until she was almost 3. I used to sleep with my hand on her back / belly so I could feel her breathing and if she sniffed, I woke up. I was terrified. I threw out the baby book on whats good or bad for kids and just did what was natural for us, and while I do agree with Carrieannesmom that it can be dangerous, I felt confident doing it and it worked out really well. I kept pillows away, firm mattress, not much to smother on!!! When Chelsea turned 3, I had her pick out her new bed and covers, etc, (Barney) and she loved her new room. I did have to invest in a small TV and Video player, but it was so worth it, and she adjusted to her new room perfectly.

schneidsx3 04-13-2005 08:34 PM

Re: Life after SIDS..

I did the same thing.
No pillows/blankets... it was just me and her.

It is definitely risky and not something I would recommend.
but I hate repeating myself... I felt "better" about it..
after everything.

balivion 04-28-2005 10:06 AM

Re: Life after SIDS..
I have three kids, my last two both had SEVERE sleep apnea, I am a single mother, and am only 25 years old. My oldest one, the one who has never had a breathing problem in his life slept with me on a continuous basis until he was 5, and still to this day ends up in my bed in the middle of the night about 50% of the time and he is 8 years old. My other two, who were both on apnea monitors and pulseoxometers for the majority of their first year of life, have both slept in cribs. My baby slept with me until he was about 4 months old, and then I put him in his own crib. Both of the younger two however when they slept in their cribs, until they were over a year old... slept in their cribs next to my bed.
It is weird though, because the one that slept with me, sleeps on a pillow, with his head normal (as in above the blanket). He was breastfed, and I would fall asleep all the time nursing him, but he would always crawl back up to the pillow and go to sleep.
My daughter who slept in her own bed, from day one, and was bottle fed, sleeps with a pillow over her head, she hugs a blanket, and covers her entire body head to toe with a blanket.
My baby, who was both bottle and breast fed, slept with me when he was itty bitty, but then when I put him in his own crib, he started sleeping on his tummy, and now that he can move around, he stacks his blankets on him, covers his head, and leaves his feet sticking out of the blanket. I explained the differences in the way my kids sleep, because people are so decided in their opinions about co-sleeping, but as you can tell by the way my three kids sleep, I feel that my oldest son, had it safer, I was there to make sure his head was never covered, I woke up if he yawned, and I could hear, and feel everything he did from day one. My other two I couldnt even though they were in my room, they were not in my bed, and it took a lot more for them to wake me up.
Also, I found out, that my youngest and my middle child had more of a possibility of dying from SIDS when I found out they had sleep apnea. What causes sleep apnea is an under development of a gland by your pituitary gland, if it is not tonsils and adnoids. or so the specialists have told me. Wich fails to function corectly when a baby is either too hot or too cold.
Although I have never actually lost a child to SIDs, I can empathize with people who have, because I have seen my daughter flat line on 4 different occasions from sleep apnea. I still have my daughter, and could not immagine life with out her, but my heart goes out to anyone who has lost a child to SIDS, because there is nothing you can do to prevent it, aside from sit up staring at your child for their entire life, to ensure that they do not stop breathing. Even if you do that there is no gaurantee that you can prevent it.

T&M's mom 05-07-2005 04:25 PM

Re: Life after SIDS..
No SIDS is not hereditary but can happen twice in the same family. I lost my son in 89 and my daughter in 92. I stopped going to the support group because of the way the new parents looked at me when we all introduced ourselfs. I am their worst nightmare that it can happen again. I do not want to scare anyone by saying this but both my kids were healthy happy and loved. I have 4 other children besides the 2 I lost to SIDS, I know exactly how you all feel about them sleeping with you. My youngest is 8 and the oldest is 17 I still find myself checking him. And my 8 yr old I will find in our bed at least once a week. If there is anyone on here that has lost 2 children to SIDS I would love to talk to you.

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