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js65 06-29-2005 12:45 PM

Need a little help please
On February 25th, 2004 my sister in law delivered a wonderful healthy baby girl, Angel Michelle. She shared mine and my daughters middle name. I was in the room when she was born and was 3rd to hold her (only after her mom and dad). I remember feeling so close to her at that moment, and vowed to have a very special "AUNT" relationship with her. We lived an hour away but I made that drive several days that first week and called on the days I couldn't go see her. Then on March 7th, 2004 (my birthday) at 6:00 am, our phone rang. I figured it was my mom calling to wake me up and sing my annual birthday wake up song, but it wasn't. It was my mother in law calling to let me know that Angel had fallen victim to what looked like SIDS. The ambulance was on it's was and could I come ASAP. And so I did. Angels mom was only 18 years old and this was her 2nd child. She was beside herself as was her husband. So I held myself together and made all of the arrangements, picked out her final resting place and what she would be laid to rest in, and so on. Then after all was said and done, I fell apart. I was so sad, and my daughter was too. We will never forget Angel Michelle, and always thank God for those 11 days with her. Each year at my birthday dinner We have a moment of silence in remembrance of her. Now, less than a year and a half later my sister in law called to tell me she was expecting again. She is 16 weeks and having a boy. She sounded so happy. But I couldn't return the joy. She made several statements about how she would finally get to have her baby again and she always wanted a boy and a girl. Like she had forgotten all about our precious Angel. I know for some people, life moves on, but I'm not sure I can ever be happy about this new little one. I pray each day it will be okay and remain healthy, but I can't find excitement inside for this. So I'm asking for advise on how to overcome the anguish caused by our first tragedy so I can see the joy in this new life. I've already told my husband that I WILL NOT be there when this baby is born. Any help would be appreciated.

jriegel 06-29-2005 01:54 PM

Re: Need a little help please
it sounds like you want to guard your heart from any more loss and pain. i don't want to say anything that would come off sounding cheeky or cliche. i've never lost a baby, or known anyone who lost a child to SIDS but the pain of any loss is awful. there's a song i really love about a miscarriage (so it's different, but similar) and i'll share the lyrics. i hope they help. honestly, there's not much help anyone can offer unless you are willing to admit that one day you will have to move on from reliving and refeeling this pain, and taking joy in the life to come. it ultimately is up to you. i hope more women will be able to share their experiences in coping and moving forward with you.

"Glory baby, you slipped away as fast as we could say 'Baby', baby
You were growing, what happened dear, you disappeared on us Baby, baby

Heaven will hold you before we do, Heaven will keep you safe, until we're Home with you, until we're Home with you

But we miss you every day, miss you in every way, can't wait for the day when we will hold you, we will hold you

And you'll kiss our tears away, when we're Home to stay, can't way for the day when we will see you, we will see you

Oh Baby, let sweet Jesus hold you, till mom and dad can hold you oh... You'll just have Heaven before we do.

Sweet little babies, it's hard to understand it cause we're hurting, we are hurting
But there healing, and we know we're stronger people through the growing, and then knowing,

All things work together for our good, God works His purposes just like He said He would... But we miss you every day, miss you in every way, can't wait for the day when we will hold you, we will hold you....

Heaven is your home, and it's all you'll ever know...

i don't mean to be intrusive but i'd be interested in knowing, since this tragedy was at about two months of age, if it occured shortly after this baby girl received any vaccinations or immunizations?

it may be difficult but if there is a connection, i STRONGLY encourage you to read the article "Death By Lethal Vaccine Injection"

Loud 06-29-2005 02:32 PM

Re: Need a little help please
Hi there. Please be happy for your sister in law. Try and put yourself in her shoes. She has not forgotten Angel by having another child. Life DOES go on, like it or not. If you decided to have another child, would you want your family's response to the news to be sad? Losing a child is the hardest thing a parent can face. Conversely, being pregnant and expecting a child is such a blessing. Be happy for her: thrilled for her! She is getting the chance to love another child; to watch him be a MOTHER again. How wonderful is that?! I know what a horrible tragedy losing a child is: please don't make the grief worse than it already is...just be happy for your sister in law...Take care now..Debbie

huntertrace 07-09-2005 11:32 AM

Re: Need a little help please
Hi im Jenna. Im 16. I lost my three month old son to sids in feb, 2004.Try and be happy for her no matter how hard it is. you know that she will need you. im sure she hasnt forgotten her angel, just the feeling of holding another baby, your baby after losing one to sids is a good feeling. But not to scare you or her. but i lost my son to sids and i have been doing alot of research and i found some sites that have done extensive research. They think that the chemicals put in mattresses to make them flame resistant are dangerous. In new zealand they have done an 8 yr study with wrapping mattresses in a special material so that the gases cant get to the baby and over 120,000 babys have used the mattress covers and not one baby has died of sids that was sleeping on the matress cover. Just a thought.

daddysgirl86 07-27-2005 03:49 PM

Re: Need a little help please
hi js65. my best friend in the whole world was 18 when she gave birth to my beautiful "nephew" Shawn Anthony. i was there when she had the baby and i stayed with her for the first 2 weeks to help take care of him....she had a c-sec so she needed all the help she could get. i was soooo happy to be there with/for her and i really didnt want to leave, but i had to. less than 2 months later she called me at midnight saying that he had died, he took his last breath while laying in her arms and there was nothing they could do even though they tried. she is trying to have another one now. she keeps herself busy and it seems as though she has forgotten but i know she hasn't. she cries for him when noone is looking. it will be a year ago that Shawn died on August 8th. i tell you all this to let you know...your darling niece may be gone but NEVER EVER forgotten. your sister thinks about angel everyday even though you may not know it, even now as she is going to bring another life in to the world. be happy for her that she is having another baby, you will be once he/she is there. good luck to your sister and to you. be happy but never forget.

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