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Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS) Message Board

my little ones b-day comming up

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Old 09-22-2006, 10:56 AM   #1
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: fairfield bay AR. us
Posts: 2
tmla HB User
Unhappy my little ones b-day comming up

i lost my little Emaley to Sids 6mo.s ago at 4mo.s of age and come nov. 21 we would have been celebrating her first b-day and i am really scared for that day to come now. can anyone give me some advice on how to make it through that day without crying and making myself more crazy and mornful on that day? Emaley was my 3rd child so i have 2 boys, age 10 and 6, who i am sure are going to have a hard time making it through that day also so any advice you can give me to help us would be greatly appreciated.

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Old 09-24-2006, 05:37 PM   #2
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Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Western Australia
Posts: 11
aschmidty HB User
Re: my little ones b-day comming up

Why hold back the tears. I can't imagine a harder loss to grieve for, if there's anything worth crying over, this would be it. And especially if your other kids feel strongly about it, it would be good for them to be able to express it on her birthday and be allowed to feel their feelings - and you yours too.

Something practical: study into how memory works and post-traumatic stress syndrome shows that you physiologically experience remembered memories as though they were happening for real, every time you remember them in your mind. But if you talk about those memories, or write them down, the act of translating those memories into language changes the way they are stored in your mind, and can help remove the physiological and strong emotional pain associated with the memories. You'll never forget what happened, but talking about it might ease the loss over time.

My prayers will be with you all. Ariel.

Old 09-25-2006, 06:09 AM   #3
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: ohio
Posts: 4
tylerjames417 HB User
Re: my little ones b-day comming up

I am so sorry for your loss.I too lost My only boy 2 months ago. I have two older daughters. I haven't had to go through his birthday yet but I have a nephew that was born 10 days after my son and it is still hard to look at him. My advice is to go to the cemetary or wherever hes is resting at and sing happy birthday to him take out ballons and a cupcake and just celebrate his day.

Old 09-25-2006, 09:47 AM   #4
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Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 161
jen_thomson HB User
Re: my little ones b-day comming up

tmla- there really isn't a way to predict how you'll react on Emaley's birthday. I can't even remember Lauren's first. I remember the second, and I didn't cry then...It's been hit and miss for the past 14 years! Since your other little ones are old enough to miss their little sister, maybe you could ask them what they'd like to do. Lauren's big brother has done everything from painting her pictures, baking brownies, visiting her grave, to writing her a poem. I understand you want to be strong for your family and not fall apart, and you might pull that off...but please don't be ashamed if you don't make it without crying. I'm so sorry for your loss- you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. *hug*

Old 11-10-2006, 07:22 PM   #5
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Texas
Posts: 5
FBFW_Noise HB User
Re: my little ones b-day comming up

My heart goes out to you. My birthday is November 21st as well...

I'm sure your little one was beautiful. My prayers will be with you. I'll be sure to say happy birthday to Emaley when our birthday rolls around.
"All this turmoil... all this hate. All this love, all this pain. It's all For Better, For Worse."

Old 11-13-2006, 11:23 AM   #6
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Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 19
kymwho HB User
Re: my little ones b-day comming up

My heart is breaking reading your post. I can't imagine what you are going through. I will pray for you and your family for strength and guidence. **HUGS** Kim

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