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  • Am I A Bad Person? (stealing girls, betraying best friend etc :P)

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    Old 07-10-2001, 05:28 PM   #1
    JwhyS
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    Post Am I A Bad Person? (stealing girls, betraying best friend etc :P)

    I've started this post a million times or like three times or something, but anyway, I'm a 17 year old male and I like to think that I'm a nice guy. I really love girls and not only in the way that most guys love girls. I love them as friends and a good majority of my friends are females...well at least they start out that way and sometimes that is the problem....

    My best friend Christian has been my best friend for 8 years, since 3rd grade. We are VERY close, we're like beavis and butthead. Anyway, right before last summer, he met Maggy. He was OBSESSED with her. He thought she was so perfect for him and they started "talking". Then he introduced us with the purpose of me talking to her about him and putting in a good word etc. However, we started talking... a lot.. After only a week or so we were hanging out and talking on the phone much much more than her and Christian and we would talk on the phone until 4 in the morning sometimes. We'd look forward to getting off of work because we knew we would see each other until midnight, then talk on the phone until at least 3 in the morning. Anyway, i loved her so much as a friend and the thought of her being more than a friend didn't really cross my mind because I was aware of my best friend's obsession with her. However, he started becoming very uncomfortable and jealous with this and we assured him we were just friends, because that was what we were. However, one night we told each other that we liked each other (midway through summer vacation) but did not pursue due to Christian. Oh yeah, she had recently gotten out of a year long relationship with a guy named Aaron and wasn't quite ready for another bf and she told him that in november after school started and that crushed him. He never really talked to her again. Then I started dating this girl named Emily in January or so. We dated for three weeks and then started going out. The day we started going out we fooled around quite a bit (mistake) and I told Maggy because I tell her everything. She then paused like she was in shock (i could tell even though we were on the phone) and then hung up. I drove straight to her house to find out she was crying and i gave her a huge hug and we realized that we were meant to be together. We were so perfect for each other. So then we went out and she broke up with me a week later for another guy and I still haven't gotten over her completely. This summer we haven't talked at all since her and her bf of 4-5 months hang out 24-7. I questioned my morals after dating the girl my best friend liked for so long. Anyway, first time is understandable but the second time....

    Then recently Christian met Brittany. He had a few gf's since Maggy but he said that this was the first time he felt this way about a girl since Maggy. BTW, me and Christian remained best friends despite what he called the "Maggy situation", probably because he had another gf at the time he found out. Anyway, now the same thing is happening with me and Brittany except worse. She tells him that we are only friends even though I sneak out to see her, talk to her constantly and hang out with her all the time. Plus, we admit to each other that we like each other and we have fooled around, but not too badly at all. Just a little 'hands under the clothes' kinda things and kissing and all that good stuff. She can't stand him anymore, but she leads him on. But I'm not one to talk since I don't want to tell him what's going on. He has expressed severe discomfort with me and brittany hanging out, with good reason and we, like the a-holes we are, assure him that they're is nothing to worry about.

    I don't know what to do... I didn't mean for it to happen this way, people just find love in the weirdest of places sometimes and its not something that you can make go away or prevent, it just happens. Now I'm really questioning my morals because we continue to lie to him and we continue to sneak around behind his back. Just the other day, I dropped him off in the middle of us hanging out with some BS excuse just so i could go see Brittany and he just sat at home doing nothing.

    I know, this is bad. I just don't know what to do. I know people will tell me that i should tell him, but i hope you all realize how much easier it is to say that then to do it. Put yourself in my situation, could you really lose your best friend that easily? I can't. I know I may not be acting like a very good best friend right now, but I don't know what to do. I don't mean to hurt him and I know that if I tell him, it'll hurt him. I don't know what to do.... the thing that worries me most is that at times I don't even feel that bad, but most of the time i do... All help is appreciated, thanks
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    Old 07-11-2001, 09:28 AM   #2
    EddieDean
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    I don't think this situation makes you a bad guy. I think it makes you a pretty typical 17 year old....at that point, you're always so excited about making out with someone that you lose track of what's really important.
    Truthfully, and I'm sure this isn't the answer you want to hear, I think you need to dump this girl and be a true friend to Christian. It's obvious that he's got his heart in the right place...he forgave you after "The Maggie Incident," which obviously meant a great deal to him. He's gotten over things (thankfully, love is often short lived at 17) and is willing to still be friends with you. Trust me when I say that you are in a period of your life where girlfriends will come and go. 10 years from now, you won't give a thought to Maggie or Brittany or any of those girls, but you probably WILL remember your best friend who always stuck by you during the hard times. If you play your cards right, he may be WITH you 10 years down the road to joke around about the old times with. I can almost guarentee that these girls will not.
    Think about Brittany...does she sound like a quality person to even be friends with, let alone have a relationship with? You say she leads Christian on, even though she "hates him." How do you know she's not doing the same to you? The fact that she would go behind his back in the first place, and with his best friend nonetheless, should show you that she's got a lot to learn about life. Doesn't sound to me like a very nice person.
    Trust me, I'm only 22 and I'm sure I have plenty to learn yet. I'm just saying...it's really easy to let the opposite sex rule your life when you're that age, without seeing people for what they really are or what they hope to gain from a relationship. I realize you may not take my advice on this, but in a short time I think you will realize that this Brittany is not all you think she is, and really wish you hadn't burned bridges with a great guy like Christian. Hope that helps!

     
    Old 07-12-2001, 12:38 PM   #3
    Smile4uhun
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    Like the other guy said your not a bad guy, at your age hormones are raging! However, it doesn't dismiss that you seem to have the "grass is greener on the other side" symdrome. Everytime you see your best friend with a girl, you seem to fall for her...This is playing with fire...you ARE betraying your best friend, you shouldn't especially over another girl. If you are truly friends you wouldn't do this. He already forgave you once, do you want to risk loosing his friendship over a girl whom you may only date for a short period of time?

    Also I wonder how much of if it's because he is so head over heals and is saying all this great stuff about these girls, which in return makes them attractive to you. Don't grab on someone's left overs hun! Find your own and hold onto your friendship. Take it from me, I am a 32 year old female, guys and girls come and go, but your friends will always be by your side! Good Luck!
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