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in love with my best friend?

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Old 04-24-2003, 11:00 PM   #1
Join Date: Sep 2002
Posts: 83
dark4112 HB User
Post in love with my best friend?

ok i have a slight problem. first, im a guy, to clear up any confusion from past posts. this girl that ive been friends since september.. ive been best friends with her basically since i met her. she is the coolest girl i have ever met, we tell each other everything, and i knew it was only a matter of time before i would develop feelings for her.

well, about two weeks ago, i decided to tell her everything that i felt about her. she said she was confused, and finally she told me what she felt. to sum it up, she has liked me for a long time.

the problem is, recently, she broke up with a guy who she only went out with for a few weeks. this guy was my best friend, and him and her were good friends before the break-up. now, they don't ever talk.

she basically told me that she doesn't want the same thing to happen to us.. which i completely understand. the thing is, she is always giving me mixed signals.

she tells me that we should just be friends, but then she says some things that suggest she wants to date or whatever.
for example, we were on the phone, and she says 'do you think its alright for best friends to date?'. i said 'well.. what do you think? i think its alright.' she said 'im not sure...' 5 minutes later, she says 'hey, lets go to a movie on friday!'.

now maybe i took this the wrong way, but it seems like she is constantly changing her mind.. but i am not. i think i am in love with her, if love is possible at an early age (im a freshman in high school).

i don't think there is much that will make me feel any better, but can i get any advice about how to carry on? i just cant stop thinking about her and im confused.

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Old 04-25-2003, 04:32 AM   #2
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: United States
Posts: 55
losers HB User
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Sounds like she is just confused as you are. Sit down face to face and decided what you both want, that way you can see her expressions and and same to her. But my advice is to wait a while longer to see if things progress.

Old 04-25-2003, 11:06 AM   #3
Senior Veteran
Join Date: Sep 2001
Location: Edmonton, AB, Canada
Posts: 2,459
wrin HB User

I'm with losers. Give her some time to figure herself out. You're not going to gain anything by rushing into something she's not ready for, anyway.

Old 04-25-2003, 04:00 PM   #4
Join Date: Sep 2002
Posts: 83
dark4112 HB User

alright, thanks for the advice!

Old 04-25-2003, 11:42 PM   #5
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Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: WI, USA
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evangelgirl77 HB User

I would say don't date each other until both of you have nothing but good feelings about it. If both or one of you is feeling kinda iffy, then I would wait. Yes, you may be in love, but you haven't dated yet and you are a freshman. Give it time. I am just now starting to feel like I am in really truly in love after dating my boyfriend for 2 1/2 years. The longer you wait to date, the better. You'll be more mature. Good luck with the whole situation!!

Old 04-28-2003, 03:39 PM   #6
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: AL
Posts: 512
siren24 HB User

It's definitely confusing to cross that line!!! I'm 22 and newlywed to a guy who was my best friend for 3 years. He liked me a LOOOOONG time before I could make up my mind to give him a chance. I totally played him because I didn't know exactly what I wanted, and I'm sure I nearly drove him crazy. I didn't want to be with him, but I would get so jealous and didn't want him to be with anyone else, either. To make a long story short, I finally realized that I'd loved him all that time, we got married 4 months later, and couldn't be happier. He's still my best friend, and I couldn't live without him. My advice? Give her time and be there for her. Women get confused! I know, I've been there.

Old 04-28-2003, 05:08 PM   #7
Join Date: Sep 2002
Posts: 83
dark4112 HB User

ok now that is some amazing advice. makes sense too; she always tells me how confused she is. but just some new info: we are getting closer now. lots of reasons. anyway, thanks everyone!

Old 04-29-2003, 07:48 AM   #8
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: sicklerville
Posts: 64
moreen33 HB User

I do the same thing with my best guy friend...we have been there for eachother for five long years, and the first time we hung out when I was a freshman in high school we kissed. After that, we just became close friends, never thinking of being more. Than last year happened...and our talks went into "us" and about us becoming more than just friends. It came to the point where he and I were down the shore with our friends and we wanted to go for a walk to talk, so we did, things got awkward and I def ran away from him, literally! I was afraid he was gonna kiss me and I got nervous! Then a couple months later he wrote me this amazing e-mail saying he can't imagine anyone other than me being the mother of his children, blah blah blah, that I still have to this day. The reason that I never persued him in a relationship was because I was uncertain if I liked him like that. He had a wonderful personality but I wasnt physically attracted to him, and back then I thought both looks and personality were a must. Long, long, long story short...we wound up professing our "liking" of eachother one night late on the phone, but never took action. Now, he's got a girlfriend, of which I dont like (not jealousy, I just dont think she's right for him, I knew her before he did, so I know what shes like), and things went sour between me and him. We don't even talk anymore, because I got mad that he totally blew me off as not only more than a friend, but as a friend. Five+ years of friendship down the drain. And it's been since january since we stopped talking and everyday I miss him more. All I can tell u is that sooner or later she will take the plunge and be with u, u just ave to give her a shot. I messed up big time, but I'm sure she';s smarter in the relationship factor than I am!

Old 04-30-2003, 06:03 PM   #9
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Location: madison, wi usa
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Karla HB User

Just take it nice and slow. Losing your best friend can be really devestating. My husband and I Met our Sr. year of H.S in Sept. we instantly became best friends and inseperable. We did everything together. We were very afraid of dating eachother and losing that friendship. We decided after promising to stay friends forever no matter what that we would chance it. Three months latter my husband proposed to me and asked me to marry him. I said yes. We got married one year, one month and one day after we met. Many thought it was to fast to soon. We have been married 18 years and still are in love with eachother.

You need to at least explore the possiblity with your friend but do it on her terms when she is ready. Take it nice and slow. Enjoy your time together. You will never know if it could or couldn't have worked if you don't try. I think about how I almost turned my husband down out of fear of loosing him and instead I gained my husband and an even deeper relationship with my best friend.

Old 04-30-2003, 06:42 PM   #10
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: AL
Posts: 512
siren24 HB User

Well said Karla! That was the decision I had to make. I wanted to keep my husband as my best friend for the rest of my life, but I realized the only way I could do that was to marry him! I knew everything would change if either of us dated or married anyone else. We never even dated. Just went from 3 years of friendship to engagement to married in about 4 months. And I don't ever regret it for one second. Like I said before, he is still by best friend, and we have an incredible solid, unique relationship. Friendship is absolutely the most necessary ingrediant for marriage. I have been married since September and I know we'll still be going strong in 18 years!
To the original poster: My husband said he had so much sympathy for you when I read him your post. He said it sounded EXACTLY like our situation and we had a good laugh over those days. Best of luck to you and be patient! I'm a firm believer that if it's meant to be, it will happen.

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