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Old 06-24-2003, 08:03 PM   #1
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Clackamas, OR, USA
Posts: 50
badlilangel HB User
Post Need Advice

I've been thinking about this for a long time... I don't really know what to do!

I've been with my boyfriend Travis for 2 and 1/2 years, we are best friends too. He works a lot and goes to college part time; I am starting college next fall full time (he's 19, and I am going to be 18 in less than 2 months). We get along great, we've only broken up once, and it lasted less than an hour, we were both crying uncontrollably at the thought of being without the other person. He's the type of guy I can see myself with for the rest of my life (please don't tell me I am "so young" or whatnot, I feel that I am quite mature and so is he). We don't have any plans for marriage or anything like that, we just really care about each other and it's deeper than just "love", it's like... "true love". Soulmate stuff. Anyways...

The dilemma is that, while I feel he is "the one" for me, he loves me very much but says he can't know I am "the one" until he has been with someone else, to compare... I am his first girlfriend, his first kiss, first everything! I've only been with 1 other guy when I was 14, I was "in love" but that's about it. I understand how he views the relationship like cars, where you need to "test drive" other cars in order to know which one to buy... do you see what I mean?

So here's the real problem- we love each other and care too much to break up, take a break from each other, see other people, etc. The one time we almost broke up, I couldn't even FUNCTION, or breathe, it was like I was just... dead. He is my world! We can't stand the thought of the other person dating someone else, but I understand why he feels that he will never know for sure if I am right for him without seeing other people. He has said he is "95% sure but always has doubts" and if we were to, say, get married, he would likely doubt it forever. How can he be convinced without one or both of us getting broken hearted?

Please, don't say that we should just break up, we've been good friends for 3 years and in love for 2 1/2, I can't bear the thought of breaking up with him but maybe "if you love something you should let it go" but even if I DID, I don't think either of us would want to touch someone else. I don't know what to do !

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Old 06-25-2003, 12:07 AM   #2
Join Date: May 2001
Location: Texas
Posts: 335
toaskornottoask HB User

Wow, it sounds like you have quite the dilemma. I htink it's great that you have been fortunate enough to have found such a great guy and feel the way you do about him, some people never get to have relationships like that. The answer to this problem is basically going to head 1 of two ways, either taking a 'break' from each other to 'test drive other cars', or forgetting about anyone else and realizing that what you have already is great. You two obviously love each other very much if he feels the same way about you that you do about him. If you two both love each other this much, and you both can't seem to function without each other, is that not sign enough for you two that things are meant to be how they are? Who says you have to try going with someone else for comparison if you love what you have already? My point is that if you two have what seems like a perfect relationship, why put something else in the way for comparison and possibly cause some 'turbulence'? Saying what I have is not going to make the doubt get out of your boyfriends head, but you need to think logically about it. And if things are such as you say, then even if you two DO decide to 'play the field' for a little bit, things should work out for the better for you both.

Old 06-25-2003, 01:12 AM   #3
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Join Date: Jun 2003
Posts: 13
Fragile HB User

How many people do you know that were just "95% sure" about the person they married? Probably the same number you know that got divorced.

Old 06-25-2003, 09:25 PM   #4
Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: SC, USA
Posts: 197
wondertwin44 HB User

Him telling you that he loves you so much, but wants to try out other people sounds fishy to me. In my opinion, if he loves you the way he says he does, he shouldn't need anyone else. Sure, some people feel they need to test the waters, but if you're in love, it shouldn't matter. Truthfully, I think that's all crap and his excuse to sleep with someone else.

Game over. I had to accept the fact that in life some women are simply better and no amount of shoes or lack of pastry or making of pies will change that. I will never be the woman with the perfect hair who can wear white and not spill on it and chair committees and write thank you notes. And I can't feel bad about that.
Carrie, ~SATC~
Game over. I had to accept the fact that in life some women are simply better and no amount of shoes or lack of pastry or making of pies will change that. I will never be the woman with the perfect hair who can wear white and not spill on it and chair committees and write thank you notes. And I can't feel bad about that.
Carrie, ~SATC~

Old 06-26-2003, 12:07 AM   #5
Join Date: May 2001
Location: Texas
Posts: 335
toaskornottoask HB User

Fragile makes a good point, but as I said earlier, if you two are truly in love as you said, that hsould be enough, no need to try it with other people.

Old 06-26-2003, 02:28 PM   #6
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: PA,USA
Posts: 688
DanaJ HB User

You're both very young so it's understandable, to a degree, about where he is coming from.
That's one of the downsides about getting too serious with the first person you happen to fall in love with. You know you have love for this person, but you've never known anything else. You don't really have anything to compare to. To me, that is a huge factor in assessing parts of a relationship. Could be just my humble opinion though.
I also get a sense that you two are not on the same level. You seem like he is your world, you can't live wihtout him, you can't stand the thought of not being with him. He however, is suggesting test riding for himself. You're not on the same page, and that is causing a big dilemma.
Are you the kind of person who feels the need to constantly have someone, be with someone etc?
Anyway, it really seems like you should let him explore and see for himself. Sure, you stand the chance of losing him, but you also stand the chance of strengthening your relationship, and having him and you appreciate each other more than ever. The old saying goes something like,"If you love somoene and let them go, if they come back to you then you know it was meant to be..." I screwed it up, but that's the overall jist.
If he's really set on test riding, then I suppose you have no choice. You can either know about it, and test ride yourself, or worse case scenario is him doing it behind your back. Not saying he would, just saying that's usually how things go.
You guys are really young, and you have a lot of living to do, not to mention a lot of life learning! Don't be so quick to rush things.

Old 06-26-2003, 10:20 PM   #7
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: CT
Posts: 5
SexyLexy321 HB User

this sounds just like cory and topanga on boy meets world!! ok hun...i know u dont wanna hear this, but if u've only bin with him how are u sure that u only can love maybe u just think tha u are because you dont know anything else!1 anywayz....cory and topanga broke up 4 a little bit but then got back got good in the end right???

Old 06-29-2003, 02:38 PM   #8
Junior Member
Join Date: Apr 2003
Posts: 16
moose420 HB User

hey im a guy and i just went through this with my girlfriend. she was confused if she wanted to se other people or stay with me. she says she loves me forever and etc, etc. but she still says she is confused. we both cried for literally a week about our conversation and came to a conclusion that neither of us can see ourselves loving anyone else remotely close to how much we love eachother. after this week we been doing a lot of things together. i took her to an amusement park play mini golf and had diner all in the same night. plus we did other things as well throughout the weeks. so basically she found me again and are now deeper in love since the cryfull convo and realized how much we meant to eachother and going strong from now on. so advise to u is have a serious convo with the person and weigh your options because it will be in the back of ur head forever. let it out. worse comes to worse break up let 'em come to senses and if it is true love ull be together again. but make sure u have the convo cuz i hated thinking about breaking up

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