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  • Too Old? Too Punk? Advice.

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    Old 07-25-2003, 09:19 PM   #1
    ImaCuteMonkey86
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    Question Too Old? Too Punk? Advice.

    Ok. I have been signed up on here before. Under True Love Waits. And it won't let me back on under that screen name. Anyhow. If any of you remember me. I had a great relationship going with a guy named Tyler (or so you knew him as) and it was terrific. Well. On his graduation night, he broke up with me. Not a single reason, and still has given no reason.
    Well. After that relationship. Things have kind of changed with me and my perspective of guys. No longer do I think that there really is that one special love out there, no longer do I think I'll ever find love, no longer do I really believe in love.
    Anyhow. Well. A couple of my best friends brother's friends live at her house, and me and one of them became really good friends. The problem is. He's 21, and I'm well, 1 year under the age of being a legal adult. So this presents a problem. Not that I'm in love with him, or having a sexual relationship with him, heck, we don't even have a physical relationship. But the mental relationship we have is amazing. He knows how I feel. He has had one extremely messed up life, dabbling in drugs, alcohol, and he smokes. Now, he's not addicted to any but the smoking, and he's trying to quit. He says he's never had a friend that he felt this sort of closeness with before. One that actually thought he could be a better person than he was. And now he's trying to get completely clean. He's gone from 20 cigarette's a day to 2. I just wonder if I should continue this mental relationship, with the age difference and all. He admits to being interested in me, and I have to admit, sometimes I think it would be nice to believe in love and possibly fall in love with him, but I want to keep my heart guarded for now. Anyhow. He is totally punk. Rings everywhere, Mohawk, Green Tips, and, most people look at him and think "FREAK" but, I know what's inside him and how he thinks and all. He has told me how he is in love with how I think, the closeness we have, and how he is so glad to have a friend like me. That he is attracted to me in a different way than any one else he's been attracted to. Not only does he think I'm beautiful on the outside, that he also thinks I am on the inside. And that he likes how we can have such a good relationship without it being all about the sex and such, and that it's never been like that before. That he thinks of me as a great person, not a sex object like he has honestly thought of other girls as. So. I wonder if I should continue my friendship, which I definitely want to, and it end up leading to more possible (which wouldn't be for a couple years, and I think i would like to happen) or give it up and hurt him. Any advice?

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    Old 07-25-2003, 09:32 PM   #2
    the_beautiful_mistake
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    Punks kick <deleted>, go for it.. lmao...

    seriously though, i would jsut keep it as friends for awhile, he seems cool and all, but it seems like he is putting on a act.... I don't know just keep your guard up. The whole he looked at other girls sexual, but your different seems liek the biggest line.. well later g' luck..

    [This message has been edited by tntmod5 (edited 07-26-2003).]

     
    Old 07-25-2003, 09:41 PM   #3
    ImaCuteMonkey86
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    I know what your saying about the 'line in the book' and all. But the thing is, for the 3 months we've been close friends, he hasn't made a single move on me, when he easily could have. Not a single physical touch. But, I know to keep my quard up, and he worries about his feelings because of the age difference, and so I don't think he is out to sleep with me. But I may be wrong. Keep the replies comin

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    Old 07-25-2003, 09:50 PM   #4
    the_beautiful_mistake
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    the age for sexual activity is 16, also if condoled by parents everything should be okay. Some guys are like that (the whole waiting thing) think about if you give it up to him and then he just wnats to be friends again or something.. I don't know, im dumb :-p

     
    Old 07-25-2003, 09:55 PM   #5
    ImaCuteMonkey86
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    oh, i think maybe i came across the wrong way. i don't plan on sleeping with him. I intend on remaining a virgin till I am married. So there's nothing to worry about with that. And he knows that too. I'm just wondering if it's a good idea to continue this odd friendship we have, with the age difference, the fact that he's a punk guy and i'm a ...welll...i'm not anything. i dress how i feel that day. if i feel happy i usually go punk, if i feel like ****. i go preppy...lol. Anyhow. yeah. so. it's like a totally messed up odd couple. and i like it

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    Old 07-25-2003, 10:33 PM   #6
    50000TearsIveCried
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    TBM...y must u always get here before me?! lol, well this time I wont answer, cause im not about to get u mad, u seem like a cool guy, nice advice though. But, I think she should.... just kidding :-D

    [This message has been edited by 50000TearsIveCried (edited 07-26-2003).]

     
    Old 07-25-2003, 11:06 PM   #7
    ImaCuteMonkey86
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    hey, 50000 i wanna here what you have to say.

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    Old 07-25-2003, 11:34 PM   #8
    the_beautiful_mistake
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    yea me too 50000... lol :-p I agree i mean if its the fact of the age or the fact that you two are different... I mean if thats it then go for it. Whoa its to late for me to be up.

     
    Old 07-26-2003, 12:42 PM   #9
    50000TearsIveCried
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    Alright hun, here's what I think, you say you're not in love with him, so my first thought is, don't get involved in a relationship with him and put yourself at risk for giving up your virginity (at leats not yet). You say your mental relationship is amazing, that's great, but friends have a great mental relationship also, so why not keep it at that for at least a year until you're legal. Give him time, see if he truly is trustworthy. I want to see this guy go straight for a year. As in no drug taking, alcohol abuse, or more than a couple cigarettes a day. If this guy can not touch you for a year until you're legal and ready to pursue a relationship, and doesn't give you that whole "friends with benefits" line, (and of course you still have feelings for him) then he has definitely proved he's trust worthy and you two should go out. The one thing that's making me uneasy is he's saying, "I don't think of you as a sex object like I have in other relationships." The fact he has done that before is not a good sign, but if he really has changed, that shouldn't be the case. Now, for the whole punk thing. If the guy likes you enough, your image shouldn't be a problem in the relationship. Good luck, keep me posted.

     
    Old 07-26-2003, 01:42 PM   #10
    ImaCuteMonkey86
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    Just to clear this up. There's no way I would sleep with him, at least, not till I'm 18, and even after I'm legal, it won't be for a really long time. I'm not willing to give myself up to anyone unless it's extremely serious and I'd rather wait till i have a wedding ring on my finger. Anyhow. I think I went a little harsh on the whole 'looking at them like sex objects' I didn't quite mean it that way, and he didn't quite say it that way, more like, there relationships always ended up revolving around sex, (his and the girls fault) and he wanted more than that. And that after awhile, he couldn't look at the girl the same way, because she becamea sex object. and he actually doesn't like that. he wants a 'relationship' and not necessarily with me. he just wants something good for him and the girl both. am i making sense?


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    Old 07-26-2003, 07:35 PM   #11
    50000TearsIveCried
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    Oh yeah, I knew u did not want to have sex with him, i'm just saying you'd be more at risk if you and him date because he'd still be used to having it in relationships, therefor wanting to pressure u. I get what you mean, if he's being genuine, then that's awsome, maybe he really does want someone who's a good girl and a good influence. If this is all some plot of his to get in your pants, then not cool. But, maybe u'll take my advice and give it a year...we'll see i guess. GOOD LUCK!

     
    Old 07-30-2003, 11:48 AM   #12
    devastated
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    As far as the age difference goes, I don't see it as a big deal at all. It may be a bigger deal right now, as your are not legally considered an "adult", but the older you get, the less the age difference matters, you know? Like, when your 22, he'll be 25, not a big deal. Heck, I'm 28, and my boyfriend is 21, we have been together for 1 1/2 years, and have never had a problem with the age difference. It was a bit wierd at first, him being under the drinking age and all, but whatever. My dad was 6 years older than my mom, they married when she was 18 and he was 24, and their marriage was great and lasted till he passed away, so no, I really don't think 3 years is a big deal.

    As for the punk thing, as long as it doesn't matter to you guys, who cares what others think. Of course, him being a punk probably (or at least is should) means that he is very into the music, and going to shows, etc., so I would think if you weren't into the music, you guys might have a little bit of a conflict there. I (being into punk) personally wouldn't want to date someone who was not into the same music as me, because the music is very important to me and such a big part of my life, but if it's not a big deal to you two, that's cool. Dress means very little to me. Course, I have ended up with 2 "mohawked" ex-husbands, and quite a few ex-boyfriends with hawks, all who "dressed the part" of being a punk, in addition to me also sporting the mohawk for a long time, so I guess the style does appeal to me at least some. Anyways, if you really like him, and he really likes you, I wouldn't let the age or appearance come in between that. Good luck

     
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