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Is she using me?

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Old 08-05-2003, 12:39 PM   #1
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Hawaii
Posts: 2
Leo HB User
Unhappy Is she using me?

So here goes. I feel weird writing here. I've never posted asking for advice before, but I really need some

About 6 months ago I started "dating" a gorgeous girl at school who I've been crazy about for ages. I couldn't believe it when she hung out with me and actually came to a couple of concerts. We've kissed a few time (It felt amazing) but nothing more serious. I guess I'm learning to be patient.

The problem is she doesn't show any respect for me. She cuts me down in front of her firends and mine and sometimes ignores me the whole day for no reason, not like we've had a fight or anything. Whenever we go out I pay. I've got a weekend job but now I'm having to borrow money from my parents as well to keep her entertained.

She also makes me run around for her like hand in assignments, take books to the library, clothes to the cleaners, etc. When we hang out at her place watching vidoes, I'm the one who has to fix the snacks and get the drinks from the fridge. I've even washed plates and glasses that she's left in her room for days because she's too lazy to do them herself. I'm ashamed to say it, but I've even done her laundry for her while she's been chatting on the phone to friends.

Basically it's got worse. The more I do, the more she expects and I'm worried where it will lead. I feel more like a maid than a boy friend. I've talked to her about it and she more or less says, if you don't like the heat stay out of the kitchen. My friends all think I should split up with her. But that's not so easy. I'm totally IN LOVE with this girl, even though she is the way she is. There is no way I'll ever get another girl half as good looking or sexy. I'd go crazy seeing her with another guy from my school or neighbourhood. I'd be so jealous I don't know what I'd do.

What I want to know is will she change? If I show her how much I'm willing to do for her, will she realize she'll never find another guy as devoted as me and start to treat me like a real boyfriend. I kind of think she will. If I didn't I'd just give up.

Thanks for reading.

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Old 08-05-2003, 02:29 PM   #2
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: PA,USA
Posts: 688
DanaJ HB User

It's pretty obvious you're being used.
I'd also lean towards saying it might be best if you two split, but that's not my call.
Does she show any affection towards you? Any speck of care or compassion?
I know you say you care deeply about her, but what are you getting from this? There are other girls out there who will be more than happy to put effort into a relationship, and treat you as you deserve to be treated!
She needs a wake up call. Stop doing all these extra things for her. You say you talked about it, but she basically blows you off and makes a comment. That also says something.
You seem to have a really good heart, along with great intentions, however it's not mutal and nothing on her side is being reciprocated.

Odds are she won't change if you've already attempted to talk to her, adn nothing has come out of it.
You deserve so much better

Old 08-05-2003, 03:29 PM   #3
Join Date: Aug 2003
Posts: 7
Miranda26 HB User

Dont do all that for her if you dump her you will look way better that u can have a girl like that but not want her if another guy goes out with her who cares they will be the ones out of money and doing all that crap u hate to do..dont put up with her! one needs to be treated that way.
good luck..
let us know how it goes..
--she really sounds like a b*tch hey she may be pretty but c'mon is that all that matters?
it makes you look like a sucker doing all this..

[This message has been edited by Miranda26 (edited 08-05-2003).]

Old 08-05-2003, 10:10 PM   #4
Join Date: May 2001
Location: Texas
Posts: 335
toaskornottoask HB User

Hey Bud,
It definately sounds to me like this girl is more or less a *****. Now if that made you mad, I'm sorry, but it's probably true. This is somewhat of a television series case you got here, the pretty girl is rude, arrogant, and demanding, while the other girls are nice, and love you back. I know it's hard for you to even think about her being with another guy, but she is getting way too much out of you for nothing in return. You don't need to be the recessive one here, you should show some teeth when she tells you to do thigns, or break it off completely. I am sure that in given time you will find a girl that you adore euqally as much.

Good Luck

Old 08-06-2003, 06:56 AM   #5
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Hawaii
Posts: 2
Leo HB User

Gee!!! Thanks guys for all the advice. You don't even know me but you took time to read my message and really seem to care. I appreciate it

Maybe I painted too bad a picture of my GF. Maybe if you heard her side of the story you'd think differently. I don't know.

Here's an example. She's started smoking (not a lot, about 2 a day in the evening when she's out)and because I care about her I always try to persuade her to stop before she gets addicted. Anyways, this time when she lit up and I kind of grimaced, she said, "What's your problem?" Then she made me sit on the floor in front of her while she smoked and blew her smoke down into my face. She said that's what will happen everytime I nag her about smoking.

In a way I suppose I deserved it. I've nagged her too much about her smoking. It's her decision if she wants to smoke and nagging never helped anyone quit. It's up to me to find a better method.

She can be good to me sometimes and, oh man! it makes up for everything. It gives me hope.

Old 08-06-2003, 09:47 AM   #6
Senior Veteran
Join Date: May 2003
Posts: 715
TomsWife HB User

Here's an example. She's started smoking (not a lot, about 2 a day in the evening when she's out)and because I care about her I always try to persuade her to stop before she gets addicted. Anyways, this time when she lit up and I kind of grimaced, she said, "What's your problem?" Then she made me sit on the floor in front of her while she smoked and blew her smoke down into my face. She said that's what will happen everytime I nag her about smoking.

End Quote

I dont know how old you are but I think you should hit the ground running and not look back. She sounds like/is a conrol freak. What will happen if in the future you "nag" i.e. her about another situation? What will your punishment be then? She just doesnt sound stable. Also, -- and I dont want to hurt you--- it sounds to me like you may have some self esteem problems going on. What person male or female would alow some one to blow smoke in thier face???
Maybe after you get some more replys, have he look at this thread.
Good luck and God Bless...
P.S. You said that she is nice to you sometimes. She should be nice to you ALWAYS..
Never be afraid to try something new.
Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark.
A large group of professionals built the Titanic

Old 08-06-2003, 12:17 PM   #7
Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: East Peoria, IL
Posts: 240
kbunch HB User

It's obvious she is using you and isn't worth your time. You could find someone that will show you respect.
With much love, you are not alone

Old 08-06-2003, 08:29 PM   #8
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Posts: 124
CrazyBoutLinkinPark HB User
Red face

I'm not saying that you should break up with her, because ultimately, that's your decision.... but... when she made you sit on the floor while she breathed smoke down your nose ummm.... that isn't really being respectful of you. If I were in that situation, even if I didn't like what you said, I would appreciate you telling me that because it shows that you care about her... and I'm sure that I'm not the only girl who would think that.

I don't know, if you've already talked to her about it, I don't think she'll change if she hasn't already. I really hope that you aren't offended with what I'm about to say, but I haven't "heard" you say anything positive about her personality. It seems like you're in love with her looks and the attention it brings... but I'm not there, so I don't know if that's how u feel or not.

In my experience with guys and I'm sure it's the same for girls, that all of the guys/girls that know that they're hott are usually a pain in the you know where. In the end, it's your decision, but in all honesty, she really doesn't seem worth you time.

Good luck!

Old 08-06-2003, 09:26 PM   #9
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Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: USA
Posts: 121
mudpixie HB User

She made you sit on the floor while she blew SMOKE into your face. Ugh. NOBODY deserves that. You may have been nagging, but you were trying to help her because you care, and she threw it in your face. And why, WHY, WHY would you want to be close to a girl with such a cruel heart and manipulative personality. I mean, don't be offended cuz I obviously don't know her, but that's what she's doing- she's manipulating you. Relationships should work both ways, she obviously only thinks of herself and what she wants, and you deserve someone who will respect you and care about you.

Please, for your sake, let her GO for a while. If you honestly can't put away your feelings for her, and are DETERMINED to be with her, play hard to get. She expects you to lay down so she can walk all over you- my advice is to still be polite to her, acknowledge her presence, but treat her like a complete stranger- and then go talk to some other girls. If you do that, you may find you like your new approach and forget her. If she already pays a considerable amount of attention to you, this will probably drive her insane.

Just my 2 cents. Good luck and keep us posted.

Old 08-06-2003, 10:17 PM   #10
Join Date: May 2001
Location: Texas
Posts: 335
toaskornottoask HB User

Damn dude, she IS a *****. She is acting like an abusive parent to you. It appears she has full control over you and oyu aren't tyring to get around it. She is no good for you, you can do way better, you deserve way better...

Old 08-12-2003, 10:49 PM   #11
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: United States
Posts: 60
just_missing_u HB User

Hey yeah shes useing u! i mean if shes so sexy and yer not getting to touch her or anything than whats the point.. I DO MY B/FS dishes rather than him doin mine. it's not right for u do hafta do her laundry and stuff.. i mean it's nice of u but i mean Hello thats for her to do. Me n my b/f make food TOGETHER! it seems like u should split and show her how good u actually are to her! she'll miss u!!!!

Old 08-13-2003, 12:26 PM   #12
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Victoria, BC, Canada
Posts: 9
megs HB User

HAHAHAHA.. she has you whipped! aw you poor guy.. i think this girl needs to take her head outta her *** and face realaty. I know what it feels like to love someone thta much trust me but I think you should dump her and you'll feel proud of yourself or shell dump you for sure. Theres no love there if she really loved you back as much as you love her she wouldnt make you do all that stupid stuff! She had you wrapped around her little finger. There are more fish in the sea and believe me i think you should skid this one


Old 08-13-2003, 06:49 PM   #13
Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: Billings, Mt, U.S.
Posts: 140
armageddon69 HB User

U are totaly being used. You dont deserve any of that stuff she does to you. My advice, DUMP HER. you will get over it soon enough. In time youll find a girl who is hot and treats you right. Good luck

Old 08-13-2003, 09:02 PM   #14
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Join Date: Aug 2002
Posts: 215
kweli HB User

I really dont know what to say. if you are truly in love with this person it surely is hard to just break up. you are obviously doing it because you are willing to tolerate it since she is so special to you. but maybe just try stopping some of the things she wants you to do and see the reaction and go with it from there and talk to her about it.

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