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  • Parents, moving out...into boyfriends house.

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    Old 12-14-2003, 02:44 PM   #1
    cute chick
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    Parents, moving out...into boyfriends house.

    Okay. Heres my problem, I'm 17 years old and I cannot stand it in my house anymore. My Dad and I dont get along at all. He use to be my bestfriend, I was daddy's little girl, but things have changed. There isnt a day that goes by where he doesnt yell at me or put me down. Our relationship is gone, there is nothing left. He doesnt realize how much hurt he puts me through and how what he says brings me down and makes me feel terrible about myself. Its getting so bad that I dont feel like I can stay any longer. He's begining to treat my little sister who is only 7 the same way. He tells me that my sister is just gonna turn out like me and nobody wants that...I just dont know what to do. There is a lot more to what is going on, but I dont feel too comfortable telling it all on here. Its just really bad. I talk to my boyfriend about it all the time. I'll call him up crying and he's amazing. Both him and his mom said it'd be perfectly fine if I lived with them...but Im afraid of hurting my mom by moving out. I'd also feel bad leaving my sister too. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years now and I know I'd be okay staying with him. I guess what Im wondering is if any of you guys moved out around the age of 17, and how hard it was...just any ideas would be awesome!
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    Old 12-14-2003, 02:50 PM   #2
    Will M.
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    Re: Parents, moving out...into boyfriends house.

    Have you ever asked your dad questions like: "Why are you like this?" or "What happened to us?" Ask lots of questions, and find answers before you decide what to do.

     
    Old 12-14-2003, 03:10 PM   #3
    cute chick
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    Re: Parents, moving out...into boyfriends house.

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Will M.
    Have you ever asked your dad questions like: "Why are you like this?" or "What happened to us?" Ask lots of questions, and find answers before you decide what to do.


    Yes, I've asked my dad why he's like this with me, and he says because Im rude, self centered, lazy and he doesnt care anymore. he's even said things like "nobody would ever want you" or " i wish i could have a daughter I could actually be proud of." these things really hurt and I cant take it. He says things have changed because he doesnt like how I am. I think its that he doesnt like that I've grown into a 17 year old girl that defends herself and speaks her mind. He cant stand that. Still not sure though...
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    Old 12-14-2003, 03:20 PM   #4
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    Re: Parents, moving out...into boyfriends house.

    I put up with years of resentment from my mother when I lived with her and my Dad and brother full time. She basically seemed to hate me for no good reason. She was violent towards me and favoured my younger brother over me whenever she could. She regularly told me I wasn't welcome and that nobody else would want me. My Dad didn't do anything about it - he just said she used to be like that to him and that I had to ignore it. Well, I wasn't going to be able to do that but I did get away by going to university. I'm back home for Christmas now and those memories aren't so vivid and hurtful, but I know we couldn't live together all the time. I don't know why. Maybe you do need to move away from your Dad. That way your relationship will be less strained and tainted by the day-to-day grind of living together. I wouldn't recommend moving in with your boyfriend at the moment, though. I guess that's not very helpful information, though.

    Last edited by jhart999; 12-14-2003 at 03:26 PM.

     
    Old 12-14-2003, 08:59 PM   #5
    Greenberry
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    Re: Parents, moving out...into boyfriends house.

    I agree with the previous poster. You can't expect a teenage boy to bail you out of your unhappy life. You are 17 years old. That would make you a junior or senior in high school, right? Try to make it through this next year or two and then GO TO COLLEGE!!! When I was 17 I had been dating my then boyfriend 2 whole years, and guess what, we ended up breaking up later that year--THANK GOD!!! I know you think are a fully functioning adult, but believe me, you have a lot of maturing left to do. If you are still with this guy in 2 years, you will be in the minority of people.

    And how long has your boyfriend's mom had a drug problem? Because if she is willing to let her son's underage teenage girlfriend move into her house, she must have some kind of serious substance abuse problem. What is she thinking?

     
    Old 12-15-2003, 08:49 AM   #6
    cute chick
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    Re: Parents, moving out...into boyfriends house.

    I can understand how you guys think it'd be a wrong choice. But I honestly think some of you are being kinda rude. To say his mom has a drug problem...she knows about my problems at home and said if I ever needed a place to stay at, I could stay there. I dont see anything wrong with that. And for the other post that said my dads probaby disappointed because I wont listen to him and Im having sex....you don't know anything about my relationship, so I dont see why you'd say that. I wanna thank you guys for your input, but I think some of the things said were pretty rude.
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    Old 12-15-2003, 09:52 AM   #7
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    Re: Parents, moving out...into boyfriends house.

    I'm sorry if you think I was blunt in my last post. The whole "drug problem" comment was partially in jest...but seriously, how dare some woman you are not even related to try to come between you and your FAMILY? You may not see it, but she is butting in where she doesn't belong. It's not like your parents are beating you to death or starving you or whatever.

    You aren't the only teenager to have "problems at home." A lot of kids have much worse problems than yours. Your dad may not be a great communicator, but maybe, if we could talk to him, we would find out there is another side to this story. Let me get this straight, you're a polite, hard-working, A-student who keeps her room clean and helps out around the house, comes home early or on time every night, dresses decently and doesn't have any attitude problems at all? And your dad just starts attacking you one day for no reason? It doesn't add up. Can you think of any possible reason why your father might think you are self-centered and whatever else he says about you?

    My parents were very hard on me too. They said all the same the things to me, and they were mostly true. Perhaps if you listened a little more, and tried to see their side of things, you might not be so angry at them. I know words can cause hurt feelings, but words can also open the door to a better relationship with your parents.

     
    Old 12-15-2003, 11:00 AM   #8
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    Re: Parents, moving out...into boyfriends house.

    I have to agree with Greenberry. My guardian was toughest on me even though she was also raising my borther andher own daughter. It was not easy because I knew I had to toe the line with her if I expected to even be able to be in after school activities. I could rattle on and on about how I had to behave properly while my brother and cousin prety much got free rein to do as they wished.
    So we have to consider was are only hearing your side and most people tend to paint themselves as innocent victims. Heck I know I did when I was teen complaining to my friends' cool parents. But not a one of those parents offered to let me live with them. They knew there was more to the story and they also knew it was not their problem to fix. They gave me the best advice and that was to simply toe the line until I could LEGALLY move out be it either to college or on my own. I did the college deal for a while.

    I dont know about your country but the States have laws in which minors(those under the age of 18)can not legally live on their own unless they are emanapitated(sp) that is declared a legal adult even though they arent of age or they get married. So you might want to check your laws before you try moving out. Because your parents could very easily have you brought back to their home by the police and then press charges against your bf's mom. I am sure you dont want that. So think long and hard onif it would truly be worth it or not.

    Also moving in with a bf at such a young age isnt the brightest thing to do. If you move out your best bet is to do it on your own so that arent dependant on someone else for your needs. If you think you are mature enough to handle moving out then by all means do it in which you live on your own. Get a job,find an apartment and do it alone. Dont depend on others with something like this.
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    Old 12-15-2003, 04:51 PM   #9
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    Re: Parents, moving out...into boyfriends house.

    to everyone who is talking about "when they were teenagers"....the last time i checked this was a TEEN forum...as in its for teenagers...not those who used to be teenagers...

    and to cute chick...if you are a senior i would just try and wait it out since theres only a semester left but im also 17 and i can understand how parents can be although i cant say i can relate to what your dad puts you through...he has no right at all to say those things to you...even if you do have sex, go to parties, sneak out...or whatever (not saying you do these things cuz i have no idea) but thats what almost ALL teens do...and they still should love you and he still has no right to talk to you that way

    if i were you i would maybe do some research online about emotionaly abusive parents and the damage it can cause and show it to your dad...and if things get worse i would call child services and see if there's something they can do about it...especially since hes starting to treat your 7 year old sister the same way!!

    but whatever you decide to do...GOOD LUCK!!! and i hope everything turns out good for you and your sis!

     
    Old 12-15-2003, 06:53 PM   #10
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    Re: Parents, moving out...into boyfriends house.

    K, I'd like to say that I havent said completly everything...and Greenberry...you said Im not getting beat up and stuff...which is true. But if you've read all my posts, I said theres also stuff which I dont feel comfortable adding...such as there has been about 6 times where my dad has abused me, hitting me, throwing me on stairs and hitting me, and other times. I agree, maybe moving in with my boyfriend isnt the best idea, but I know his mom would treat me great and be totally supportive. And also, you might think that I must do many things wrong, but honestly I am a good kid for being 17. My sexual life I dont need to discuss, but its not bad at all. I never go to parties, I just hang out with my friends, I've been drunk once, I dont do drugs, and I help out my family around the house all the time with cleaning and stuff. My attitude is only bad when Im getting treated like crap. You can blame it on me all you want...I just wanted to know if anyone else has felt or delt with this kinda thing.
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    Old 12-15-2003, 08:57 PM   #11
    t-dash
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    Re: Parents, moving out...into boyfriends house.

    I don't think you should turn to this forum for help on a decision as big as turning your back on your family to save yourself (it might be a good idea it might not). You have no idea what sort of people frequent here, be they the ignorant, or the informed type, their ideas are probably based on their own personal opinions and experiences and could hurt your specific situation more than help since its probably different than theirs. Their advice should not be counted as qualified constructive guidance (unless someone here happens to be a trained professional in a field like social worker, but I doubt it). I strongly recommend you forget everything you've read in this thread and seek some REAL qualified help on this issue. An example:

    Talk to a school councilor you'd be surprised at what they can do to help and its confidential, they do assist with problems at home, not just school related stuff, I've paid a few visits to mine on minor issues but I've had troubled friends get allot of help so don't be shy to ask for it. Try writing out what you want to tell them first so you don't miss details from being nervous.

    There are other people you could probably turn to for advice, but don't turn to an online forum of strangers where you can't even see the face thatís telling you what to do. That includes me, itís my unqualified opinion that your issue is too serious for this forum, weather you agree with me or not is up to you.

    t-dash.
    You sound like a good person so tread carefully.


    Quote:
    Originally Posted by cute chick
    K, I'd like to say that I havent said completly everything...and Greenberry...you said Im not getting beat up and stuff...which is true. But if you've read all my posts, I said theres also stuff which I dont feel comfortable adding...such as there has been about 6 times where my dad has abused me, hitting me, throwing me on stairs and hitting me, and other times. I agree, maybe moving in with my boyfriend isnt the best idea, but I know his mom would treat me great and be totally supportive. And also, you might think that I must do many things wrong, but honestly I am a good kid for being 17. My sexual life I dont need to discuss, but its not bad at all. I never go to parties, I just hang out with my friends, I've been drunk once, I dont do drugs, and I help out my family around the house all the time with cleaning and stuff. My attitude is only bad when Im getting treated like crap. You can blame it on me all you want...I just wanted to know if anyone else has felt or delt with this kinda thing.

    Last edited by t-dash; 12-16-2003 at 11:31 AM. Reason: change 'so like a good person...' to 'sound like a good person...', type-o =)

     
    Old 12-15-2003, 08:59 PM   #12
    Blastoff9600
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    Re: Parents, moving out...into boyfriends house.

    [QUOTE=scarletmist00]to everyone who is talking about "when they were teenagers"....the last time i checked this was a TEEN forum...as in its for teenagers...not those who used to be teenagers...QUOTE]

    Scarlet,these are PUBLIC forums no matter the title of each board. Adults can make replies on here just as easily as teens. The nice thing is we adults have the ability of hindsight and can give more rounded advice when it comes to moving out before one is truly ready or of age. If you go look at other boards like the Men's sexaul health you will find women post on there. Just like Men poston the women's health and sexual health boards. Nonpregnatn people post ont he pregnancy board. Just because it has a certain title doesnt mean they others are not allowed to post. So us use to be teenagers can post here whether you like it or not.


    Cute chick,if there is actual physical abuse then you need to report it to either the police or a child protection service. This way it can be investigated and if it found to be true both your and your sister will get the help and protection you need.
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    Old 12-16-2003, 10:07 AM   #13
    Greenberry
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    Re: Parents, moving out...into boyfriends house.

    Well said, Blastoff and t-dash! I was going to suggest counselling in one of my previous posts but didn't get around it.

    And cute chick, if you read my post closer, I have been EXACTLY where you are! My parents were somewhat harsh with me too, even though I thought I was a pretty good kid. I, like all teenagers, was self-centered. That's just part of being a teenager. Hopefully you will grow out of it eventually. If not, you will have a VERY TOUGH life.

    Teenagers always think they are so complex and mysterious and that no one else has ever been in their shoes. Let me assure you EVERY ADULT ON THIS PLANET WAS ONCE A TEENAGER, and most of us remember what it's like. So don't be offended if an adult tries to add their experiences to help you out. We've all been there!!

     
    Old 12-17-2003, 06:10 AM   #14
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    Re: Parents, moving out...into boyfriends house.

    Perhaps it has something to do with the everyday things younger folks are exposed to every day. I used to love watching MTV, but 10 or 15 years ago--things changed. Music is depressing--the videos are depressing. Parents are portryed on TV shows being stupid and incapable of ever have making it as far in life as they did.
    Another problem is no discipline in schools or at home--teachers cannot control the class so kids get bored and undereducated. Parents get crucified for spanking their kids---time out is the politically correct thing to do.
    Teens today seem to be under the impression there is nothing left to see or do or even learn in the world.
    With all this negative exposure--what do you expect to feel? Some say they hate kids-get involved with one----join big brothers or sisters. Volunteer to help community groups.
    Get your friends together and plan a trip to the park or organize a ball game.
    The world is full of negative and depressing realities---maybe put your energiesinto changing your surroundings for the better.
    I know most young folks hate school--but college or university can be a blast---the best time you will ever have if you let it. Work hard now so you don't have to work so hard later.
    Finally sit down and talk to your parents--they get so tied up in their problems--just stand back and watch just how hectic and busy their life has become--maybe cut them some slack--show patience when speaking to them.
    I am a father of a 14 year old boy. He has changed into a depressing moody angry boy----and I find myself beginning to avoid him for that reason. I am trying to change this. He must remember--I was a teen once to--just seems like yesterday to me. I had the odd joint I had the odd drink--maybe more. I just wish he would realize that I have been exactly where he is right now--with the same pressure and the same problems.
    Lighten up folks---your parents are getting older and won't be around forever. Maybe with a little effort on both sides you can brighten your life up just a bit. Insisting that you stay depressed and angry is the easy way out and nothing comes easy anymore.
    Sorry about the rant--but I am a little down too and trying to do something about it.

    I posted this on another thread but thought it fit here too.

     
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