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kth911 01-05-2004 10:58 AM

Girlfriend dosn't have time for me
 
I am 17 and I've been with my girlfriend for a year. When we have breaks from school I rarely get to see her. In fact, I only saw her like 4 times last summer. Whenever I ask her about it, she says "I can't see you everyday"....I always have time for her but she never has time for me. In fact, since the break I have seen her once! It wasn't like she was busy ot anything, she was home alone! And when I got mad at her about it she says "you are mean" and she feels like she has to stay home to take care of it"(she doesn't even live there she lives on campus, so who takes care of it then?)

I love this girl so much and I know she loves me but something is just not right...

For the holidays we got a 1 month break, and I seen her once so far!!! I'm getting really frustrated, she know how I feel. I'm tired of taking a backseat in her life when she's my number one priority.

I'm used to havinf her around, and now it feels like something is missing. She dosn't seem to feel the same way. She is quite ok with seeing me once in awhile.(For certain reasons she has to come to my house, I can't go to hers)...so seeing me is completely in her hands.
When we are in school, no matter how tired I am she always wants me to stop by her dorm after school. And I always do...... when she's alone she calls me and I'm there. Now I'm alone, and she's can't see me.... :confused:

TeTr01 01-05-2004 01:36 PM

Re: Girlfriend dosn't have time for me
 
Maybe she is not ready for such an intense relationship as you are looking for - even tho it's been a year already. Maybe she is too immature to handle it?? I mean, there's no reason you 2 have to be attached at the hip... but to see each other as rarely as you do is a little odd. I really don't have much advice for you, I am with my BF all the time (but we basically live together)... we hang out with out friends together & then sometimes we do stuff appart - but not all that much.

I would say the best thing to do is explain to her EXACTLY how this is all making you feel. Tell her that you don't expect to see her EVERYDAY, but you do expect to at least spend some time with her! I mean, to only see her 4 times over the summer & 1 time so far on a school vaca, that's not very much & if she is telling you she is just home alone all the time... I dunno, that sounds really strange to me. Just ask her why exactly it is that she doens't want to spend all that much time with you.

Good luck!

always 01-05-2004 03:33 PM

Re: Girlfriend dosn't have time for me
 
well, i'm with tetro on this one...
that does seem a bit odd- i mean a year is a long time and although it's not all too good ot be one on one all of the time, it's not good to hardly see eachother... if she claims she has to keep up the house or whatever, maybe offer to go and help her...?... i would say sit her down and talk to her, calmly [not "get mad"]... and just express how you feel and try to find out what's up and try to solve it... [maybe you could say i'd like to spend a day or two a week with you during breaks...?] just keep your cool and odn't make accusations - best of luck

Leanea 01-05-2004 04:17 PM

Re: Girlfriend dosn't have time for me
 
Maybe she just wants a break from everything so she can get back to herself. It sounds like it to me. I have sometimes done that to just plain clear my mind and it actually improved the relationship. I think you should just wait and see and not take it personally because it does sound like she just needs to take a break. It might not be helping to get angry at her anyway, since she is already feeling stressed. Instead try to wait this out and see if she isn't more full of energy and has more time for you when the break is over. Good Luck!

JessieDy80 01-05-2004 05:37 PM

Re: Girlfriend dosn't have time for me
 
Or she could have another boyfriend at home.

t-dash 01-05-2004 09:38 PM

Re: Girlfriend dosn't have time for me
 
Yah doesn't sound like you should be going out with her anymore. She might just be stringing you along for her own benefit or maybe she's hoping you'll dump her so she doesn't have to dump you... that'd be the worst if she's just with you still because she feels sorry for you.

[QUOTE=JessieD]Or she could have another boyfriend at home.[/QUOTE]

TeTr01 01-06-2004 07:52 AM

Re: Girlfriend dosn't have time for me
 
But if that was the case, Leanea, why wouldn't she just tell him that's how she is feeling & not just that they don't always have to be together? It sounds to me like she doesn't really understand how he feels at all. He is saying she is not spending enough time with him... I must agree that 1 time over a vaca & 4 times over the summer is not much at all. If this was the way my BF was acting, I would become suspicious that there was a problem in the relationship & I would be hurt that he didn't seem to want to spend time with me! If they have only been together for a year now, then over the summer it was more like 6 months - if this has been going on for that long & she hasn't said anything about need more space then usual or that she needs some time to herself... then I would assume that she doesn't think there's anything wrong with how little they see each other. That is why I said maybe she isn't taking the relationship as seriously as he is & maybe she isn't ready for as intese a relationship as he is. He already stated in the original post that there are reasons why he can't go over her house, she has to come see him so it's up to her when they see each other. That makes me wonder if the problem is, do her parents not like thus guy their daughter is dating? Could it be that they are telling her she doesn't need to be around him all the time & therefore they barely see each other? I don't know b/c he didn't state the reasons for not being able to go over her house - but this house is clearly not her own & she shouldn't have to be home alone all the time maintaining it!! If he is only 17, I would be & have been under the assumption that she is around the same age - not the age to be having your own house!


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