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So Confused... Not sure what to feel

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Old 02-13-2004, 10:46 AM   #1
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CazzerKat217 HB User
So Confused... Not sure what to feel

Ok, so about a month ago I find out my dad has pancreatic cancer. I'm still in high school, a senior, so its getting to me. Something lately (I'm guessing it has to do with the cancer and just life being confusing) has been off and i have been kind of cranky. It seems like me and my friend can't get along anymore. I drive her and another friend to school. Yesterday, I was cranky but in an okay mood. I found out a concert I wanted to go to is coming when I am going to be out of town, so I can't really go to the concert. So I told my friend (we'll call her N) about how the concert was while I was going to be gone. N says "I thought u wanted me to go with u" I go "Ya, I do, but I'm going to be out of town... GEEZ calm your butt down (I say this even when the person is calm- it's just my thing)" and my other friend (M) goes "I think you need to be telling yourself that"... So i basically freaked out and ran ahead and went to where we sat and sat down almost in tears... I just don't understand why she is starting to act like I'm being irrational, even when I'm not talking to her! Yes, I will admit, I can be a drama queen, and I am now but it's not like im walking aroudn going "I don't have to do that because my dad has cancer"... I'm acting like myself I'm just a little more sensitive. We had a similar spat Tuesday when I was supposed to help her with something before school but we had to stop by N's locker real quick and M made a comment like "Oh well then just (bad word here lol) my thing them" just because we ewre making a two second stop. And this morning M told another friend that I have "more than a foot up my butt" and something else I can't remember. Does anyone have any ideas as to why she's acting like this? I do nothing to her except drive her to school and pretty much wherever she needs a ride and I don't ask a penny of gas money nor does she offer it. I guess I feel used and hoped she would have some sympathy but it doesn't seem like she does. Sorry if I went off on sidebars... just need your input. Thanks

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Old 02-13-2004, 01:17 PM   #2
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nelzun HB User
Re: So Confused... Not sure what to feel

Maybe she's jealous of N because she feels like she's losing you? To me she sounds like one of my friends. You know the controling type that are only happy when they are recieving all your favors. Maybe she's jealous that you are spending more energy in N and that she's losing the control she had of you. Obviously if you feel used, then maybe she's not the better friend. Just my opinion though, but I've had lots of experience with controling, jealous people and this is my take on it.

Also, were her and N close friends before? I don't think it's because of the cancer, but maybe people around you including N are being more sensitive to you and paying you more attention. So maybe she's uncomfortable with all the compassion you're getting?

Old 02-13-2004, 01:30 PM   #3
Join Date: Nov 2003
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DottyG HB User
Re: So Confused... Not sure what to feel

Does anyone have any ideas as to why she's acting like this?
My guess is that this is someone that knows that your father has cancer and doesn't know how to react to you. This person is lashing out at you because they don't know what to say or do. As it is, they're lashing out and making things worse. But, it's not that unusual. People have a hard time sympathizing and empathizing with others. As a result, it occasionally comes out in a hateful way when they don't mean it to.

That's my take on it, anyway.

Old 02-13-2004, 01:35 PM   #4
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DottyG HB User
Re: So Confused... Not sure what to feel

An additional thought. You need sympathy and comfort right now. And, what you need to do is let this person know that.

You need to sit down, in a nonconfrontational way, and say, "Hey, you know, I'm a bit hurt by some things that you're saying right now. I need you to be there for me right now, since I'm going through something very stressful. Can we talk about some ways that we can help each other through this? You need to understand that my moods are a bit erratic at the moment. And, I'm sorry for that. But, maybe there's a way that we can compromise and help each other? I can teach you how to be there for me right now, and you can teach me how to get through this situation in a way that we stay friends."

But, you can't blame or get angry (I seem to be saying that a lot today!) You need to calmly explain to her that this is something that's hurting you and you need her help with it.

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